cut Shar Matt has these scars on his wrist. They were nasty, and some of the wounds weren't completely healed. The sociology teacher looks at them inquisitively, and asks if there are problems. "No," he says. Matt sits back in his chair and stiffles a giggle, for last night he had a beer bracelet on at a club, and in a brilliant fit of drunkeness, decided to remove it by holding a lighter to it. He soon had a bracelet engulfed in fire and still has the wounds to prove it. 000506 ... claudia why does one cut themself? not to show around thier scars. not to get pity. not to get recognised as a fuckup. if one cuts themself, they do it for themself. they do it because they feel like it. or to watch themselves bleed. or because they like the pain. or because they hate themselves and want to suffer. but no one cuts themselves to get attention. because feelings expressed on wounds don't deserved to be advertised. and blood isn't red because it catches the eye. if one has cuts, they should be appreciated, not exploited as means to be noticed. because a cutter cuts in private. and the wounds should stay that way. if one flaunts them, they're by no means a sufferer. they're a fake. pins and needles and razors weren't created for show. they're real. which is more than i can say for some people. 000727 ... snaggle in a way, the outside now resembles the inside. i wear long-sleeved shirts. 000926 ... Raina do you know how much money is made off of the tramatic surgical proceedure that is stealing skin from baby boys? no wonder some men are so concerned with sex. and you don't want to know what they do with the skin. Trust. My son will not be circumcised. 000927 ... MollyCule I never did it to make people look. It was always more to make people stop looking. There's only so many times that you can smile wanly and say,"yeah, I'm fine, thanks" to the people you see every day, who can always tell that things aren't fine. And you start to think, this time maybe I won't stop, the feeling of your own flesh peeling away from a razor is somewhat addicting and after a while it doesn't seem to matter how you feel, because this is what you're doing, this is how you deal with things, this is your life in a nutshell. You will, always and forever, be the wierd girl who cuts herself. Regardless of whether you never do it again after today, you'll still be scarred at 85. And now it's too late to fix any of that. So what are a few more? 001016 ... unhinged i knew it was molly before i even got to the bottom. i wear bracelets and watches and long-sleeved shirts. i only cut my left wrist because i am right handed and if my violin professor ever saw my scars he would probably lecture me about it in front of the whole studio like he did about me smoking. i show people my scars when i want to talk about them. i cut in private but always have the need to make my life public just to see if there is one person out there that cares. i don't think there is. there never will be. it's just me and my blade. music to cut by tonight,tonight the single by the smashing pumpkins so real, by jeff buckley 001202 ... god what's troubling you? 001202 ... unhinged i see i've been neglecting you god the need to cut is something i've never been able to put completely into words...it just doesn't sound right. but you of all, i think already knows. 001224 ... cazzi cut cut cut fucking cut that is all that life is worth anymore i feel stupid for thinking like this, but nothing has a point anymore and life isn't worth it...so this is my survival and so many people feel the same that i wish it was more widely understood, especially by adults, my arms are a mess, and i wish i didn't get looks like i do. 001227 ... unhinged i like it...ever since i started it i have. i like to see the scars and caress the scabs. it focuses my mind on the result instead of the cause. i can only think about that for so long before i'm afraid i will go crazy. 001227 ... Amaha the microscopic cuts which adorn my skin are you they can't see them but those who open thier eyes can they can see you, they can see you cover me I'm pressure sensitve ouch!, you pushed too hard now look what you've done I'm bleeding, you 001230 ... Thyartshallshant I cut because ...it relives my real pain. The pain i have on the inside. Seeing the blood and feeling the blade, makes everything seem so real. I figure a few scares are better than one dead Thy. 001230 ... cazzi true enough. 001231 ... unhinged right right right thy....that's what i meant to say. but i didn't did i? 001231 ... cazzi it's me again. i haven't cut myself for 3 weeks, god knows why, i've needed to. anyway, i just sat on the bathroom floor with a razor blade in my had, and i didn't do it? how does that work? cos like you said, it's survival, and i will end up dead. soon. 010101 ... Thyartshallshant I havent done it in months, all my blades are dull and wont cut skn anymore. And god knows its been hard on me. 010101 ... broken unhinged you have some beautiful things to say. 010312 ... twiggie i hadn't in so long, i made myself stop. almost a year. but then i did it again. it's been 2 months...but if i hadn't then i could've said "it's been a year". i want to stop because it worries people who care about me. it doesn't worry me personally, but if someone cares about me enough to worry... then they are worth stopping for. i'm trying. 010312 ... cazzi i know exactly what you mean...if it was down to me, just me in my own little world, i wouldn't be bothered at all about doing it, but seeing the hurt and pain it caused people around me, having people i loved break down in tears because of what i was doing, made me stop and think...why? why is it hurting them when it's not hurting me? they do care...i didn't think that they did, but people care, and they can't see someone hurting themselves like that, and when it was another of my friends doing it, i saw why, and that gave me another incentive to stop. it's been 4 months now, i'm trying not to count because if you count then you are more depressed when you break....the longest i went before was 3 months, but i'm doing my best to make this one forever. 010312 ... florescent light I asked him his thoughts. He showed me his wounds. 010318 ... dB Like the man said: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words cause permanent psychological damage." Often teh wounds in the mind are worse than the scars people bear. 010318 ... Chrity Look, I get a lot of crap from people for being a Christian; for being so faithful. Sometimes, I admit, I even think that I may be wrong. But then I remember the all the things that God has done for me. He made me, He loves me. He loves me enough that he died a shameful and horrible death as a sacrifice for every sin that I would commit in my life. And then there are days when even that seems totally unreal and distant. But that’s not all. There’s this girl I know who has been through a lot in the last couple years. She became a Christian in 7th grade when her parents joined this church. Some of her friends went there, and when she moved to another city and school district, that was the only time she really had to hang out with them, so she got involved. Mostly to be with her friends, though. She didn’t really understand that other stuff. In 11th grade, her church started a new program for teens to be involved with the kids in the church. It was called TIM Team (“TIM” standing for Teens In Mission), and she and her friends got to go to Camp Wapo, the Bible camp their church was affiliated with, for free! They arrived at the camp on the Friday before the last week of July, 1999. They put their stuff away and started getting to know the people from other churches whom they would be spending the week with. Some of these people, although she didn’t know it yet, would change her life forever. One of the counselors who worked with them that week, Mike Campbell, led Devotions one night. Everyone could tell that he was down about something, he had been all week. Although Mike didn’t really tell us directly what had been bothering him; by the end of our meeting, he had many of us in tears. Before the week was over he told us something else, something this girl would never forget; he said that Satan was trying to interfere with something there that week, that God must have something really great planned for someone there. Camp ended, and this girl got a new job, started her senior year in high school, and went on with life. Everything was fine until the middle of October that year. This girl was sitting at home when she came to the realization that she hated herself. She felt like she didn’t deserve anything that she had in her life. She didn’t feel like she deserved to have God love her. Then she started hating everything and everyone around her, for loving her as worthless and stupid as she was. Then she hated herself for hating everything and everyone. She wanted to hurt herself, to inflict physical pain in order to relieve the emotional pain. She tried to think about something else, she tried to keep busy so that maybe this feeling would go away. But it didn’t go away. She went into the bathroom with a scissor and she cut herself. Slowly, deliberately; not deep enough to do any real damage. It relieved the pain – but only to replace it with shame… and the pain always came back. She knew that what she was doing was crazy; but she had no control over it, no understanding of it. She went on like this, not living, just existing, and always hiding behind the mask of her former self – or at least trying to. She stopped really talking to people, stopped caring about the things she had always cared about; until she noticed scars and cuts like hers on someone she knew. On several people she knew. She wasn’t the only one going through this. Now she wanted to know more about it. She read up on it, she remembered that for some strange reason God loved her, that Jesus died for her, regardless of how worthless she thought she was. Knowing this had been the only thing that kept her alive. She started talking to the people around her again, talking to those who were going through what she had gone through. She realized that if God loves her, and He is perfect, then she must be worthy of his love. She had always loved him; but now, finally, she started loving herself again, too. She shared this love with the people around her, and slowly she stopped cutting, stopped scratching, and slowly, her scars healed, and her shame faded with them. This girl is me. I am asking you to give God a chance - if you haven’t already – and I am asking you to not be ashamed of what you find. (you can email me if you want to, I love email. Spam sucks though. My address is hami0144@tc.umn.edu) 010408 ... 13lue it's not fair that if your upset or depressed they expect you to cut i'm not saying that when i'm depressed which is most of the time i won't cut but it's sad when people except you to and sadly i can't prove anyone wrong 010409 ... unhinged i gave god a chance and he gave me a chance back lucifer_sam it's all the assholes in the world that have to get between me and god. 010409 ... trazlo yea, i did that, the cutting thing. relaxing, i guess- or something something drawing me to it then he said yea, me too and i got