within jennifer I got off work early and I went to the theatre to drop in on Jerry and Kathy and the Fantasticks auditions. It was fun, and while the various persons were reading lines onstage, I sat alone in the light booth (glorified balcony) and balanced my checkbook. When Gary arrived (quarter to eight), he startled me, and I looked up quickly. He wrapped both his arms around me and gave me this huge hug... odd, since I have never known him to display such affection. It was because I was crying. And I now know why. I feel so... so... leery of saying things as they are, not as I want them to sound. andrea. I want this to work. I am stepping out here into the glaring light of truth. I don't want to hide behind the blue curtain anymore. I don't want to hide behind 50-cent words and cute phrases that skirt the major issues at hand here. I really want this to work. I have been thinking about you since that last night at Village Inn, and I don't want to think about anyone else. Please, God, please don't let me sound like the lonely, pathetic child that I often get seen as. I'm not that child anymore. I am a unique individual that has not been able to think about herself for the past two months. And I love that I have become something that caring. All I want to be is a flashlight... if nothing else, than maybe I can guide you to a better place. 000229 ... startfires * 010314 ... Sol inside contained held holding comforting restraining. warm soft whole, content? 010418 ... unique butterfly i can't even begin to describe what that word means to me. 010525 ... Syrope within me there are places that no one will ever touch again. there are thoughts that i refuse to express to anyone, not even myself. there are dark corners, locked doors, dank and gusty drafts, twisted pieces of cold metal. i can't find anything inside me that would make him want me, make him care. i have so little to offer... 020611 ... phil I have learned very little in my life, but I do know one thing, if you just keep it up for long enough eventually little sparks will start to light up behind your eyes. 020611 ... jenni-refer winter 020611 ... jane there is such a difference between within and without one i feel inside me and one makes me feel like i have nothing 020615 ... Invisible })i({ everytime i try to look within...i never find an answer...all i evre seem to find is confusion , that never stops. itz like a maze with no way out... 020712 ... Invisible })i({ Butterfly everytime i try to look within...i never find an answer...all i evre seem to find is confusion , that never stops. itz like a maze with no way out... 020712 ... Invisible })i({ Butterfly everytime i try to look within...i never find an answer...all i evre seem to find is confusion , that never stops. itz like a maze with no way out...ugh 020712 ... Invisible })i({ Butterfly everytime i try to look within...i never find an answer...all i evre seem to find is confusion , that never stops. itz like a maze with no way out...ugh... 020712 ... tori inside deep down, i thank god everyday people don't know what i think of them. what i think of myself. i laugh when things arent funny, cry when i should be happy. within my brain there must be worms. my within is INFECTED. 031115 ... somerandomguy a monk goes to a new york hotdog vender and buys a hotdog. the vender says "ok that'll be 3 bucks". the monk hangs the vender a 5. the vender says thanks and goes back to his work. the monk says "where's my change?" the vender looks at him and says "change comes from within". i saw that joke on ebaumsworld (yeah, we all love that site). at first i laughed, then grew silent, and then numb, as i realized the message. the words "change comes from within" still echo in my head from the first time i read the "joke". its a lesson to live by. change comes from within... 041228 ... oscar meyer buddha walks up to a hotdog vendor. the vendor says, "what would you like?" buddha says, "make me one with everything." 041228 ... MTK how to win the war within...when the forces are so strong--on both sides? I think I might just tear myself apart, I might miss the best part of this whole thing fighting against myself. It doesn't make any sense--how I want to achieve and corrupt at the same time. Is it some kind of sick joke? Fuck you for scripting me to think I'm bad. Now I have to spend all this energy sorting out what could have been accepted as natural, what could have NOT even been an issue, but now I have to figure out how to live with myself when there's nothing even wrong! You bastards! Damn your religious bullshit! 060428 ... Emtyness alive within myself locked away 060428 what's it to you? who go blather from