something dallas to play withbr to dream withbr to be withbr to see withbr 980826 ... amy simple is among us. 980906 ... blind is always in the way. 980914 ... steve wicked this way comes. Wooo! I'm a cliche! 981021 ... brandi no, nothing 990204 ... jenny something about that french boy on his blue and white circa-1991 rollerblades just won't leave me alone 990208 ... josh mediochre to satisfy my teacher 990415 ... Josh strange on the bottom of my shoe 990415 ... OTK are we reaching? are we searching? if not, then what? does it matter what? is this a rhetorical question? is a woman as good as she claims? is a man as big as his? if you know, you won't have to keep using these silly indefinite pronouns. if you knew you might want to keep using them. 990723 ... nullspace anything 990907 ... vincent m artman psychoerotic passions dripping through a needlepoint orbiting bricks celebrating sony negative nirvana 991109 ... camille tangible 000104 ... me in my stomach tingles when i think of you. 000330 ... flux capacitance we are trembling to pull another 5 dollars out of our pockets for something anything 000415 ... rabbit of the morning was it something i said? i know it's nothing i did. something's up. somthun. 000415 ... WoNDERGIRL There is just something about you and the way you look so increadibly deeply into my eyes that makes me feel as if I'll just melt into a thousand million broken pieces lying there waiting for your heart to soak them up inside of you--or something... 000521 ... gonut There sure are an awful lot of things around. Some of those things are good and some are bad. And some really are and some aren't even. There. How do we know? Well... we don't. That's the problem... 000812 ... amy i think i have something to say and i don't know what it is and wouldn't know how to say it but the more time i spend alone the closer i come. 000910 ... Fly I look at the curent in this slowly moving stream. I smile with amazment..... it feels like a dream. Im speachless as i stair into the something. Something is everywhere. You just have to stair. Look under the rock, But beware... Its power will fill your vains, your heart will pound with feeling... your mind will fill with everything. bask in the now.. some way some how. I look at the movement of this race. I stand in place. with a still smile on my face. The something is all around us. In the grass, the sky, the weak and the strong The rock , the feather, the noise and the song. Its with you where ever you go. The sun, the rain, the clouds and the snow. The something hits you on the back when your not looking. When your at school, sleeping, walking or cooking. Its in the air that you breath and the tears that you cry. From the love and sorrow, to the living and the people who die. The only way to start.... is to find the something... look deep in your heart. Open it up....let the light be free. It will change everything. And the something, you will see. I look at the stones that are placed in my hand. I wish everyone would understand. I close my eyes and listen to the curent of the stream. Everyone will see, when they wake from there dream. But for now... I’ll look at the movement of this race. and stand in place. with a still smile on my face. 001126 ... rollins I don't step on roaches when they crawl across my floor If I saw your body burning in the street I'd put you out with gasoline When the garbage piles up past my knees and the rats are running free I'll say we're even - you'll know it's the end of something Touch our fear Don't be afraid When the tears from your eyes that you cried have dried And there's nothing left to say When you see that the time we spent together meant nothing And you couldn't make me stay Remember me and my eyes and how they saw you Remember me and my voice and what I said It's over and now there's nothing - it's the end of something Touch our fear Don't be afraid When the laughter dies away and I finally see that the joke was on me When the cold wind blows through my clothes and there's nowhere warm for me to go When my flesh pulls tight across my bones And I'm thinking I'd be better off stoned I'll know - it's the end of something 010106 ... . . 010106 ... Tasha I'm suppost to be doing something right now but I can't pull myelf away from this computer... 010115 ... Chrity go to: i_have_words 010408 ... Sol as am i it is terrifying isnt it (and its damnably cold in here.) 010418 ... kx21 What are the differences between Nothing and Something? 010829 ... dB matter as compared to no matter. Tell me what doesn't matter, and I will tell you how wonder you are. 010829 ... god everything doesn't matter 010829 ... indust it was something he said...oh, nothing 011129 ... bzzmel to be without to be in doubt 011207 ... Marianna cold, mindless, and disturbing. 020414 ... Marianna again... I thought I was in love Turns out I'm not I thought I felt something Turns out I did not. 020414 ... youinquired being left up to nothing only breeds the brethren of something and only when the everything is dried up they furrow petals into the lake of anything. 020426 ... FOX WILLIAM MULDER "Shake and shake the ketchup bottle. None'll come, and then a lot'll." 020803 ... southernlady Sometimes I think of something but in an instant that thought just flies out in the air. I can't catch it. I retrace my steps hoping to recapture the thought, but it eludes me. Then i talk to myself and try to find the humor in it all. But losing your mind is no laughing matter unless you are the one doing the losing, then nothing matters 020915 ... kmontso makes me think that there is still hope for me... ? 021002 ... me I was walkiong along when I saw something small and white fluttering along the street... 021205 ... . a_butterfly_moment 021205 ... girlnamedlover something in the way she moves attracts me like no other lover something in the way she woos me I dont want to leave her now you know I believe her now somewhere in her smile she knows that I dont need no other lover something in her style that shows me dont want to leave her now you know I believe her now youre asking me will my love grow I dont know, I dont know you stick around now it may show I dont know, I dont know something in the way she knows and all I have to do is think of her something in the things she shows me dont want to leave her now you know I believe her now 021206 ... jane my favorite beatles song george wrote it 021206 ... delial "I took my morning walk, I took my evening walk, I ate something, I thought about something, I wrote something, I napped and dreamt something too, and with all that something, I still have nothing because so much of sum’things has always been and always will be you. I miss you." you're asking me will my love grow I don't know you stick around now, it may show I don't know 030117 ... oldephebe sometimes when i sing, in a coffehouse or church or intimate setting i feel something like a glowing light some finger of flame thin as a spiders web and it tethers me to the soul of those listening and i intuit what i think it is their soul wants me to say? no not quite i feel like it's no longer me just singing and playing - it's all these souls ringed in fire or this kindred empathic thread and we become united and the song something pure something not just me - there's this ache of something that is unknown but that wants to Be - and then it finally is but it's not just me and my vibrato that caused it to come out and take sonic shape 030706 ... oldephebe okay it's something like i'm singing for those still haunted by the ghosts of loves' first spring - some communal collective - Hummm - thing -some indefinable interstitial architecture - this nexus emanating from the plexus - i can never recreat those nights or the songs and my voice never seems to sound as emotive or clear afterwards - and you the brims of my eyes are (okay it's more than just the mere actuation or frenzy of axons and dendrites and maybe i'm trying to enoble or elevate something everyone experiences but okay so then i feel this congealed crush of notes and my mouth sings lyrics that aren't in the verse and my hands play chords and motifs that aren't in the score so ummm i guess that qualifies as something c'mon kids did you really expect brevity from that elusive idiosyncrasy that is -shut up- okay so... brevity from me now that would be something .. 030706 ... Jodie strange is in the air 030708 ... ferret something anything i need a break from nothing caught in the wake need a break 030708 ... ferret something anything i need a break from nothing caught in the wake need a break 030708 ... oldephebe caught in an elliptical temporal loop 030715 ... nomme i once heard in a street the sound of horses hoofs someone calling someone else from afar a bird singing of the day and the stories of children who pass on their way to school. something crossed my path like a beetle of good fortune it bestowed mythologies of hope. something speechlessly eloquent. i often look for the fallen pennies the misplaced dimes the careless quarters of our everyday journeys shared thoughts the currency of exchange the street the scene this stage our setting and rising tonight our hours are full topped to the brim overflowing with moonlit dissonance 030715 ... Me I am so confused 031105 ... blah blah blah is everything is infity 040207 ... Hi hehe, am i supposed to be here? 040318 ... ethereal there might be something there that wasn't there before. *does twirly tea pot dance 040318 ... Death of a Rose must give 040319 ... me nothing to any one 040416 ... pete is something from nothing, or nothing from something? or is something the same as nothing and we forever seek to have neither? to be free from limitations and catergorizations and bias and stereotypes that come with having something and nothing coexisting? 040416 ... Smurf They're both just words, you're putting to much effort into this 040430 ... skinny (nothing)0.o???? 040521 ... illusionary_reality i was looking for it...that something special. but someone took it away... will you get it back for me? it was something really special you know. like the first winter snowflake, but gentler. like morning dew, but sweeter. it was something i could call mine. will you get it back for me? 040608 ... naive artist I had something to say, but I've completely forgotten it now. 040619 ... bum bum olivia "say something." "what?" "anything." what would have happened if i'd said something? i can't do that with the new one - mostly because he always IS saying someting. i love it. no awkward gaps in conversation that we have to manufacture questions and dirty comments to fill. i don't need to titillate him to have a decent conversation. something was the only thing that i wanted, and hey i think i've got it. 040813 ... Frank go to something sure ok good idea hrm NO! lets not go through that again shall we? 041013 ... nighean_siofra it was something not even really offered freely and i took it without a second thought you don't understand how much i needed something... 041014 ... someone something 041021 ... love & hate please.... 041022 ... lauren the opposite of nothing 041222 ... BitterSweetDream I feel something, You won't get out of my head - WHY? You've changed, you're not the same. I dont think I can cope with that. You're the person I fell for, and I dont know if I want you anymore, if you're going to be new, and unfamiliar. 050207 ... kim i just need i need to i think i just want i wish i had if i could just 050309 ... Adriane is missing 050621 ... Jess Is a great Beatles song which I never understood! I always thought that if you were in love with someone you'd know why, they'd tick all the boxes! But now I know that when somebody asks you what it is you like about someone, its not the boxes they tick its the undefinable something that they have! 050726 ... HidingOnTheWall theres always something in me that just doesnt click. Something inside of me that goes to fast for the rest too keep up. Or something that cant keep up with the rest of me. Theres always something i should have done. should have said. should have thought. should have changed. Something i will always look back at with regret. always some screw up that will haunt me. Why cant i just not care? Theres always something. 060115 ... Ishutan something 060323 ... the voice something can be everything to some, and nothing to others. 060403 ... marjorie i'm writing a pindaric ode entitled 'tea with baba yaga' i mean, it's a friday. and what else am i going to do. the cross and the hive. they're after me are they after you?! 060414 ... anne-girl the opposite of nothing 060521 ... HamStar simple is what I want 060720 ... Ishutan tells me this is all part of bigger things than my just dreams. 070112 ... Christ without the cross We are all doig the same thing. And by the amount of comments about it on blathe, i think that a lot of people don't want to. We are all lying and cvering up and hiding from ourselves. We are all hurting others to hide the hurt in ourselves. And we all want to stop but we all can't seem to stop trying,stop looking at all the things that we need to let go of. We are afraid that we are alone in this but look around. We are all saying the same thing. "We're tired of the way things are." Change them. 070205 ... z i, for one, am not doing those things. 070205 ... Christ without the cross was that a comment from your ego or just random words that you thought that you should say because it would inspire others? Do you feel like you were personally attacked or are you letting the world know that you are not included? You don't lie? You don't cover up? You don't manipulate or decieve people out of fear? You don't try desperately to be accepted by others? If that is true then good. And if you are expressing that to inspire somebody then thank you, your words are noted. But if you are just giving the world another pompous utterance from an egotistic mind then thank you for your contribution to this gigantic trash heep of society. Standing on that heep must make you feel taller. I don't believe this has anything to do with you. Maybe I am just frustrated. Thanx for you comment 070205 ... xxooxxz no. i was simply saying that i am not defined by such things. you used such inclusive language, that i felt like opting out of your grandiose generalizing. i am not you. no disrespect intended, just another view. 070205 ... Christ without the cross My words were not intended for you. (God, why do i even respond to this, well, I guess it won't kill me.) I was reading blathes and i found a lot of people who had similar feelings. I generalized not because i wanted to include the whole human race just simply to those in which it applied. Grandiose huh. Well I will be sure to include a clause saying "To those who apply" so that i won't be labeled that in the future. No hard feelings. i don't want you to be me. You seem like you are in a good place right now. And that's always a good thing. 070205 ... z see: messianic_complexes 070205 ... Christ without the cross LOL!!!! Seriously? i was waiting for someone to tell me that. Yeah i read that page before and I also commented on it. I think so too. I've been tryin to curve it. But I do have this annoying urge to change the world and "save" people. Right on assertion. 070205 ... d A SONGALONGADONGABONGA TO ALLABALLABALLABALL THOSEDFIBIGUYAKANANANANA GAAGGAGA IF YOU WANT PUUMISH U WANT U KOMOONINGIGI U ASSASSSUUUU JINGAHANGIDI AMANIMONOLOMITH HAMMAMADAMAKARAMITH TUYUMUDUMULUMUNUTH DIMINIMINIMITH! 070601 ... LoverOfLight It was killing boredom to him, cruising through this online social site, looking at what women were within a twenty five mile radius of his pathetic new zip code. Why did he decide to stop in this fucked up city, this fucked up state? He was tired, yeah. Like others, he'd read this was a major city, an up and coming metropolis teeming with new business ventures and money coming in from all over the country. That was the spin. And there she was... a face with a crooked smirk, plump cheeks and devil eyes. Perfect. And anyone who shared a taste for The Revolting Cocks couldn't be all that bad, the ballsy poem about stamina wasn't half bad either. Click- peck- 'coffee'- send. Visual aid added. It was killing boredome to her, cruising through this online social site, looking at what men were withing a twenty five miles radius of her pathetic new zip code. Why did she come with some man to this fucked up city, this fucked up state? She was tired, yeah. Like others, she fell for the lure of a booming metropolis where triers like her could grab a piece of real estate and breed it out. That was the spin and it sounded good, better than good. She received a little message in her inbox and a link to a man with a woman's name but anyone who shared a taste for The Revolting Cocks couldn't be all that bad and he wrote like some genius guru. 'Coffee'... sure- sometime- peck- send. One marker of rogues with something to hide- and we all have something to hide- is in the details. He always made small talk, threw out empty compliments, proposed meet ups and then flaked. She stated only Sundays and weeknights and always conveniently forgot to include a phone number. Months later when he failed to show for a lunch across town, she deleted him from her site page and forgot about him. Who's got time for motherfuckers, after all? She'd been living with one for seven too many years, she should know. That and she was pre occupied with some other motherfucker across town who had been rolling out poetry and showing her parts of the city weren't so fucked up. Yet. Forward a year and a half and she's clearing out that ridiculous online social site page, she's moved onto another site of more serious web interaction, so serious in fact, she's thinking of leaving the country. But wait, there's a familiar face and a message... 'try coffee again'? Sure, whatever, she gives a cell phone number, it's no big deal anymore since no one actually talks. They text. Again, she forgets about him; if he makes an effort that could be cool and if not, she's not concerned. Not like he seems her type but for hellraising and anyways, she's got her best friend and best friend's husband for that, hellraising is something they all do well together. Three is not a crowd when they step out, it's all good. There's nothing like live music to raise the spirits and forget where you are when you lay down to sleep at night, if you can sleep. She doesn't sleep much due to insomnia and she's got insomnia due to not liking to sleep alone. Alone is different than on your own, by the way. On your own is empowering and cool to wake up to but lonely to lay down to, at least for her. Since leaving her man's house, she's set up right in her own but it's an empty and restless nest for a natural born co habitator. The music helps, the friends help, the booze helps and when she receives his text to say he's coming to where she is in a half hour, she's pretty sure a new face to add to their crowd will help too. Again, she's not thinking he'll really show up and she's busy texting her back east lover. One marker of rogues is that they know their own kind, yes they do! From her spot on the bar, sitting next to her friends, she sees him come through the door, watches him move like he's not looking yet, not until he comes within whites-of-their-eyes distance and then... whoa. He looks up and sees her looking at him with that crooked smirk. They each raise their chins to each other, not backing off their gazes. Might as well be prehistoric fucking reptiles. Obviously they have chemistry even if he's shorter and softer than she thought; who knows what scrutiny he's passing over her? He is looking at her like she's a target though. Or something to snack on. They have to shout out greetings in the place and he's nervous to stand by her, just keeps looking over and smiling. The friends give a thumbs up and she thinks he's 'sweet'. Only a rogue would think another one is 'sweet'. Everyday he calls her, just about everyday he wants to see her, feed her, walk her, pick her brains. He's a genius and she's pushing to keep up which he's thrilled by and he's pushing too, giving his story and extracting hers. They hold hands a lot, even walk with their arms around each other's waists but they're sparring, he is playing the soft game and she's playing the jaded one. She doesn't think she wants this to go anywhere other than excellent company but he's working every angle, closing in and making her want to squirm away. "Please don't become the drooly sappy man", she thinks. That's always a death knell. A man won't get anywhere with her unless he can make her feel like he's more man than she feels she is, has had to be. Easy as that and that's not so easy. He's already ahead of her though, gauging her reaction to each ploy. He's a closer and he's decided he's going to sell her something. When two adults agree to a weekend together, out of town, that means they have an understanding. The understanding is they are going to go to bed. Going to bed is understood to mean they will have sex, with each other. This is heavy because she's not feeling this guy in that way, they've not even kissed except casually in parting. She did agree though and that means some part of her knows what it's doing, she's learned to trust her guts that much. She tells herself it'll be fine when they get there, she'll be able to do it and she might even like it. Hell- why did she agree to it if she has to ask question herself like this, it makes her queasy to think of being only casually touched but she's already agreed. He says for her to bring a dress that will look good on the hotel room floor; he just scored right there. Now she knows why she agreed. They have a quiet drive through the desert and up into mountains, real mountains with trees and cool air. Checking into the motel cottage is tremulous but they push on to go to dinner, they're both on the same page but far out of practice. Being rogues, they push on. Bloody steaks and Champagne are going to make it all right. They even decide to sit next to each other on the banquet instead of across the table like all previous times. It's starting to feel natural now as they rub shoulders, he kisses the top of her head and holds her hand in his while staring her down. He's going to take her down and she sees it, he sees what's in her face too. Her face doesn't lie, ever. Still, he sees her fear and pushes her on, he knows it's going to thrill her, he knows what she is. Like him. Once back in the cottage, he lights a fire, turns on the TV and pats the bed for her to come sit so they can ease off the fabulous dinner. He doesn't grab at her or lay out and ask her what she's waiting for. He waits. They laugh, talk, kick off their boots and relax as two truly tired adults are entitled. He goes to the shower and is quickly back. She goes to the shower and walks out in a silk chemise into a dimmed room with only music playing and the overhead fan turned on. He's smiling at her and then reaches out to grab and pull her onto the bed. This is it, she thinks. This is it, this dude is going to fuck me because I agreed to come out here and I've got to go through with it. He knows how to hold her though, more than that, he knows how to push her, put her out of control and into his. He takes her beyond the initial awkwardness and fear, brings her out of herself. She has some new faith now in the Infernal Universe. They see each other every day now but don't sleep together again for weeks. Not until he takes her out of state with him to a new life and a nightly hotel do they sleep together. He's met his match, he says. She thinks to herself that she's made a good one, not the best ever but she wants to learn this man, is intrigued by how she responds to him and she's helpless to the intensity with which she responds to him. He told her, "some burn with greater intensity than others" and he didn't lie. He talks like he's never had decent sex in all his life and is enthralled but she's only in 3rd gear, she will learn him and they'll go far together. In fact, they manifest in each other some powerful aggression but with no fear, no anger behind it. The physical has been given free reign and they are an incredible human machine when tangled up, panting and howling out. He says he wants to have her all the time and she wants that he will be willing all the time. She hopes he will be able all the time, older men have not been her expertise. And how does a fire burn out? Like a fire, of course. It sparks, burns, blazes, roars, embers and then ashes out into dust. Nothing like a man's jealous friends to tell him he's been taken over by Pussy to kill a good thing. They forget how the newness of relationships consume as the couple acclimate to one another and all the brain's chemicals sync up and out together, in spit and sweat and cum. It's human nature to go through the stages and we're supposed to embrace it, let it work it's purpose and then use our wits to make the most of it. But a man's pride is something else. Man fights to use up nature and to best it, control it, show it how expendable it is. Man is pretty fucking foolish, yes. That's how we get so many songs of regret and retrospective pinning. She knows this of nature and is no longer threatened, she's learned to welcome the loss of control as it passes into contentment but this man hasn't lost enough yet to give in, give up to win. He's about to lose for both of them. What could he say to her after he'd overthought himself? He was miserable without her and angry for sending her away from him. He was angry that he was drinking like an idiot, not knowing where he was going again in life but he knew he couldn't bring her back how he had wanted it. There was no way to make it as he had wanted it but there was a newness around him he could work into and spark off without hurting too badly. The best way to get over one is to get under another and that's what he did. It was the right thing to do for distraction, for pleasure to forge a new path. He wouldn't have to deal with any failure or fix anything, he could go on anew as if no disappointment has befallen him and he knew she would go on without him as she had existed before him. He would remind her she was incredible and beautiful and deserved much, maybe that would help. Her confusion and reaching out hurt him and also angered him because he didn't want to bother with guilt alongside feeling good with his new direction. To admit what he'd done would be cruel and he had no reason to be cruel so he kept silent to most of her questions. He promised he would call and speak to her directly and that he was still hers but he was lying and it felt like shit. Why should he have to lie and and be so bothered? He was a man after all and fuck it if he shouldn't be able to do what he wanted in this life, woman or no woman. It didn't work though, he still called, still sent messages, if only to ease his conscience by hoping she'd report she'd found someone as he had. He wanted her to hurry up and be happy again so he wouldn't be so miserable when he was supposed to be so happy himself. One marker of rogues is they all have something to hide and he was hiding one woman from another, hiding the broken hearted so it wouldn't break another; he knew he'd fucked up and needed to hold onto what he had now. As for her, she had the gut feelings but held out for confirmation. She kept giving him the benefit of the doubt to act a real man and come out directly with his story. She never did get the whole of it, just enough to know it wasn't about her any longer. There were kind people around her but she was torn to turn to them with her sorry story. She wanted to be held in safe arms but was more afraid to be seen crying or beaten down. Trust is tremulous and as much as she wanted to feel comforted, the wound in her was too ugly for another to look on. Few men want what another has hurt, it takes an exceptional constitution for that so she consciously tried to dilute the experience, hoped it would pass from her quickly and not show on her face every day. To have a 'poker face' is a gift but not one of hers, unfortunately. And here she is in this fucked up city, this fucked up state, wrenched from the inside-out, walking around as if inside-out with no defense, no safety, no dignity from scrutiny or ridicule. 081029 ... tourist My God! How Strangely Beautiful The Eloquence of This Human Tragedy 081029 ... jio jio 100215 ... thy *cheers* wonderfully written! more please LoverOfLight! 110826 ... thy how_it_feels_to_be_something_on 110826 ... In_Bloom Little bits of hot, stinging, bitter and shame work their way to my surface now and then. Times are I'm careful and meticulous and other times I just gouge them free, let them splatter across the Blue. I keep experimenting and waiting to see if forgiveness can come. 111029 ... heartfeltsuperego maybe just forget... (does anyone else entertain the idea that forgiveness smacks of religious dogma?) 111029 ... perfectly_chaotic There are many somethings which I simply cannot forget. Every once in awhile I have decided there are some somethings I wanted to forget. I even went as far as mentally telling myself "Oh, you're going to forget about this one you are..." Needless to say, I still remember those numerous somethings or I would not even recall trying to forget them. Now I am learning to know them. For better or worse, I cannot be sure which, they are a part of the path I have taken to get where I am today as well as part of the path which shall lead me to who I am tomorrow. Can I forgive myself for my somethings? Can I forgive myself for my attempts at forgetting? Can I forgive myself for my attempts at forgetting attempted forgetting? Of course. It makes no sense not to. No matter how many times the thought reverberates within my mind, the one which says otherwise, I can forgive myself for my somethings. 111029 what's it to you? who go blather from