after nameless something happens, you cant help not to think about it. after my cat died, i didnt want to think about it so everytime i thought about it-i fourced myself to think about something else like having sex with a guy i really liked and it did work but about a year AFTERwords, i remembered and fourced myself to think about the cat, you know just to check how sad i am about it and i couldnt stop crying almost all night 991218 ... valis after she left i sat and looked up. i have a habit of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, so i just watched her go. she came back in the room, still putting her boots on. her eyes didn't tell me a thing, or if they did it was in some language mine didn't speak. we kissed like virgins in a high school play, quick. something passed. her number's in the book, unopened. 991223 ... nameless i have that habit too. its so depressing, it usually happens with people i cant help but trying to impress, even without noticing it. its like a curse, no one else i know says stupid things like me. even what im writing now could be stupid and its not my fault, if i keep saying stupid things does it mean im stupid? i dont think it does because my thoughts are different from my words but i cant say my thoughts because they are personal and might hurt, people keep judge everything so if i'll say everything thats on my mind i'll be like a victim 991231 ... ryanthered Dont worry about it!!!! 001004 ... Barrett a few beers I find myself strangely optimistic. 001126 ... misstree Afterwards I open my eyes, the waves of ecstasy receding into the void, and look up into the face of a stranger. His eyes twinkle with adoration, so i casually don a pleased mask for his benefit, a penny to a pauper. Let the newest number in this endless procession have their hopes and illusions entwined in this moment, in me, if it brings a little joy. A final smile and a deftly dodged kiss bring me through the threshold, pausing to regard the empty street. The pause is the knife to coldly notch the bedpost. I've been here before, in different cities, different times, and the empty street afterwards knows me better than any lover ever will. (be nice. don't steal.) 010115 ... misstree where the willows find out what they are to weep for. the result of the past, fixed like carved marble, austere and mocking. where wings turn to ash. 010115 ... god jesus. 010116 ... the repeater where the willows find out what they are to weep for. the result of the past, fixed like carved marble, austere and mocking. where wings turn to ash. 010116 ... rollins after the seas have dried out and the trains have come to a screeching halt after the hounds of the abyss have ceased to howl and the prisons have closed the doors and after the pigs have no one to arrest but themselves after the drugs no longer have an affect when it's all over, all i'll remember is you 010117 ... Trent After All My eyes aren't really windows to the world after all My ears aren't really receptors of truth after all My thoughts aren't really me after all My perception isn't really free or reality after all My life is only an instantaneous spark after all My pain is just an illusion of being after all These words will fade and crumble after all After all life leaves universes quiet After all dividing cellular magic dies After all, it will fall It's pleasure to concentrate Pain to ignore After all, what does it matter It's only matter After all Copyright 2001 010308 ... mikey "after all we're flesh and blood" 010308 ... chanaka after this escapade, i have learned to never talk to anyone while i have a migrane. bad things always result. words of wisdom learned too late 010308 ... Alexander Beetle I didn't even know her. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. It's a joke, see. 010501 ... black-dyed gel product After the weed kicked in, I ran down the street, trying to get home before 12. Then an old grammar school acquaintance happening to see me running and gave me a ride home. All I could think about was the sky and the face of the girl I loved in the stars. 010610 ... sykoze later than before, but before later... hehehe 010718 ... drunkeemonkee after i died, i looked around and everything was as before..and i said...when does the after begin? 030602 ... me anno domni 040208 ... x twisted x i never see the after because i never let it get started. 040705 ... tr after we talked, I knew why I had fallen in love with you before 050129 ... Snook After what? Damn it, I missed it again. 050930 ... me i havent loved anyone like you since you... did that make sense? i usually dont toss around the word love. actually i've never said it to anyone before. ever. that word has never followed the word I or preceeded the word you. ever. nto to my parents, girlfriend. so i take that back. but i still havent liked anyone like you since you. you were the first and last. dammit. why couldnt you just light up my life and then leave? why did you have to make things to complicated? this better be fucking worth it. i'm going for this. 100%. i'm taking you back, and i'm putting everyhtin on the line, knowing i will probbaly end up hurt, but i cant live like this, wndering waht might have been...a few weeks of hurt is nothing compared to a lifetime of wonder. this better be fucking worth it. 051103 ... denial after crystal after steve after kenn after pete after christian after lee after nathan always back to me 060730 ... soulesswanderer after all we've been through, i still just dont know. 061028 ... what why would you do this to me now before? 090809 what's it to you? who go blather from