typhoid running: (spring)

yes, the suns out and shining
and the hills are turning green
and the creek is filling full with water
its warm again.

theres mud and stone and weed.
i hear things moving in the trees
above my head, i think its..
no just the wind.

i dont care where im going
i dont care why
just get where im going
even if it takes for ever time

yar i dont care, heres garbageandbikers.
Sol is like walking but faster. 010418
m_e not is torture. 010522
m_e it's the journey, not the destination. 010522
burden I like to enjoy the journey, though. I'm not fat, or even excessively weak... there's just something within me that equates running with vomit and diseased rats. I'm more of the football/rugby/wrestling type.

"SPECIAL BULLETIN: The previous sentence was false. It is safe to return to your homes. I repeat, the last sentence of the main post was false, not true, incorrect."
yummychuckle i don't like running.
unless I'm running from a pack of wild kittens who want to rip me to shreds.
but i'll be running every morning this summer.
it will give me some time to think and listen to music and get in shape and feel healthy.
running is supposed to be a good thing.
but i am so vain that I don't like running because of the way my leg slightly jiggles when i run.
firefly effect running brings clarity to my jigsaw mind 010805
blue-dyed gel product there are some things I'd rather not do in public. so rather than shed a tear and open up to receptive eyes, I chose to run off into the distance, alone and shaking. 010906
blue-dyed gel product there are some things I'd rather not do in public. so rather than shed a tear and open up to receptive eyes, I chose to run off into the distance, alone and shaking. 010906
filzkugel why run when you can walk? 021012
quark i almost feel like somebody understands me and that there isn't anything left to say, and maybe i shouldn't be here at all. 021114
*silent screams Shatter my world - pollute my dreams - bring all my fears to life - haunt me in my sleep - wake me from my dreams - my life falls apart as i start to scream - u keep getting closer - u'll never give the end u'll have won...yet i just keep running... 021207
trank I breathe funny when I run. But it's lovely. Especially at night. 030115
blown cherry What am I worth?
I have to be fought for
bc back and forth
back and forth
bc until I come to pieces again 030608
blown cherry unless there is nothing of any worth 030608
High Energy Drink Running is the best thing she ever discovered. They say to dance like no one's watching. She runs like no one's watching. People don't like running cos they feel too awkward, believe it or not!
Every sport she'd tried, but her parents would just keep moving. Couldn't stick to anything. Now she knows a bit of Karate, and a bit of Table Tennis, and a bit of this and a bit of that. And all she wants to do now is just to run. She loves getting out of breath. She loves her tee sticking to her back with sweat. She loves the pain in her legs. She loves running. And running is not jogging.
imposter on empty?
. . .
mon running_on_empty i am always running_into_myself

but that's nothing new
i'm boring
bluten you never told me
what you were running from
and why you couldn't stop.
whitechocolatewalrus running into the wind
leave it all behind
think of nothing new
of nothing old
think only of this
the sun on your face,
the wind at your back.
think of how you will feel
how others won't care
how you love to sweat
and love to ache
think of nothing at all
except running and running
and running
maybe one day i will run so far
that i disappear
littlemiss bossywossy i love to run. 040103
slothisily i hate to run 040130
Nukemall your going to flood the apartment if you don't turn the phooking tap off! 040131
pete i feel like you are running
and your running is hurting me..
ofsuch i've given up running.
yesterday i ran ten miles.

and then i realized that everything i've done since i was five years old has been bullshit.

my mind, my attitude, my body, my family... its all bullshit.

at the same time i despise that i haven't run at all today. makes me feel worse. but i won't do it. i won't push myself to no end.
minnesota_chris wow, what a powerful, transforming conclusion. Have you found a thing that isn't bullshit? Or are you just feeling down? 040507
kookaburra i love running, its amazing...
i ran three miles today, even though i am a sprinter, yay!!
but anyways...running is a release for me, and after i finish it puts me into my introspective moods. ive heard that this mood makes me look sad, but really when im at my most happiest(hmm, that grammar sounds bad, o well) this was also when you most look at me like you're trying to figure me out...kinda freaks me, but its kinda flattering too...
andyg there's no reason to run, we have plenty of time. 041012
run i hate it and love it. i suffer every minute of it, a pain i know all too well, and everytime i run, i swear this is the last time, but like some out of control drug addiction, i come back to that which makes me deep and stable to know end.

why do it do it? i cannot imagine not doing it. it has showed me more depth about myself than i am fully prepared to accept. it has made me too wise for my own good, too aware of life and death. it has taken me physically close to death and back to the sweetest breath of air. it has made me free. taught me limits, and ways to overcome them. what limits are for real, and what limits are there out of inexperience. it has dumped an insane amount of knowledge and experience on my shoulders, and it is a load so big and so heavy i will spend the rest of my life putting it to use. i feel like Atlas, with the weight of the heavens on his shoulders, but instead of the heavens, I have myself on my shoulders. running makes me hurt, and twist in incredible pain, it has taught my mind to seperate from my body, and realize that the mind and body are two very different things. it has made me FREE.
me i have the urge to run! to run through the woods, down back county roads with the lights of the town shining small in the background, over the hills, through the valleys, across rivers, through cities of ignorant pedestrians. to run 100 miles at a stunning pace, to run with the creatures of the forest and the demons of the mind! it's 9:35 pm tho, and my parents are still in the room. ah well...such is life. 041230
*confused* for the last time I AM NOT A RUNNER! dammit, listen to me! i am not a runner, i don't have the FOCUS, the almost OCD strict training. i hate running.

i'm on a division one track team.

i took three weeks off for an injury. no training of any kind. i came back and ran a 75 mile week. no problem there. even a 10 miles run at 630 pace. no problem there.
i took a two week break. came back and ran 8x1000 at 310-315. the next day i ran a 1500m at 419.6.
i took a five day break. i came back and trained a bit for two days. then the night before a track meet, i went to a dance, and went to bed at 2am. i got up the morning of the meet at 6am so surf until 11am. no breakfast. sum: i got 4 hours of sleep, ate no breakfast, and surfed for 5 hours the day of the meet. i ran a 438 mile.

what does this all mean? i dont mean to brag, i am just awfully confused. no one else on the team can do that. i don't want to quit. i have this itch that i can be good. very good.

but i cant run anymore! i dont have the commitment, i have other interests to pursue. oh what to do what to do...i need ot know how far i can go, but i need ot pursue these other interests. i need an answer....
laced I stumbled blind among the stones and thorn-trees
Like one for whom the hangman’s rope was spun
pSyche They say that running from your problems isn't the thing to do.

I tend to disagree.

I'd run away from it all if I could.
Oh I so wish that I could
I'd run out the door
and find my way back into your embrace
which they so jealously stole from me
then we'd never look back
just keep running
'til the earth beneath our feet runs out
and we are forced to fly
nom i'd love to go running 051206
flowerock "When you run make sure you run. To something and not away from "

sometimes it's a chore and sometimes it's hard to stop. I think the solution will be somewhere in between the two.


am I running to or from? maybe I'm
running_through it, in_it
flowerock running_returning
running_to_focus, running_to_defocus.
run_in_reverse (run_rewind)
running_and_laughing I can't stop smiling. each foot bounce off the ground is a leap towards tomorrow, and tomorrow is a beautiful day. I stopped when my knees said "enough!" I don't know how far I run, maybe a mile, maybe two? maybe less, maybe more... I guess I'm not very serious about it, but I don;t want to be serious, I wanto be capable and filled with joy, relieved of stress, able to digest. what_I_really_need is consistency.

running up these hills is wonderful, the views and the flowers, the excited dogs. I run_to_smell_the_roses at the top of the hill, there's a nice view of the Bay_Bridge which has wavy changing lights at night. the flowers_are_worth_the_effort
flowerock converstations_with_god 140707
flowerock conversations_with_god

learning to pay attention, stillearning.
flowerock things_learned_from_running

it's usually difficult to start, even if you feel ready and happy to. The first hill, first few blocks, ouch, but after that I sometimes forget that I am running at all and then find it hard to stop until my body makes me.

life is like that too.


well the first days are the hardest days, don't you worry any more...

what I want to want to know, is are you kind?
flowerock my body is starting to feel like it's always done this. If I am consistent then I feel the progress, small and slow as it seems to come. I never regret running, I never feel like it's a chore. sometimes it's hard to start but once I do it's hard to stop... until my legs or ankles tell me I have to... then I feel a second wind later and want to go again. I'm not there yet though. when I do too much I end up having to rest too long then it feels like I'm starting all over...
the past two days were good. I'll rest from it till my next days off again I think.
what's it to you?
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