mad madame mim C'est vrai... Le terrible épouvantail ! 991228
walking at night heals the mind 011007
volatile Klart som korvspad!
Så tycker jag oxå att livet förhåller sig...
jon stick
in the rain
my baby back home
these boots are made for
Kate Grandma told me that she prayed for me during my race, and that she had a horrible dream last night.

It took place when my brother and I were little, 4 and 5, and she took us to a huge office building, and then lost us, and spent a long time walking about and trying to find us, which she never did. She told this in great detail and with great emotion.

But as I was thinking back, I can't remember what she was like when she could walk. After two strokes, she uses a walker and is very hunched over, but in a grandmotherly sort of way. I remember how she would babysit us, and use our washing machine and dryer in the basement and then play with us downstairs while she waited. And then I remember her having to use a cane. Whenever I see old pictures of her when she walked, I can't seem to connect this image of her and my mental present image.

But whatever you look like, Grandma, I love you. And I'm so glad you live next door so that I can talk to you and you can always have cookies and pop, even though they are bad for my running, and you always fluff up the coshions of "my chair" right before I come over. Thanks for the times that you've found me a quilt and talked to me when I was sick, and for always liking whatever new dress or new haircut I get.
sylvia plath walking has never fazed me. i just set out in the right direction, counting the blocks under my breath 020903
daxle emus were made for it 020903
Nathan88 down the hallway and telling people...i dunno? hahaha classic...hmmm... 021206
morphine. ive got a way

youve got me now.
angie i should have stopped walking...
i should have turned around

i felt the impulse to walk outside today
bundle up with my hat big puffy coat a scarf and some mittens
walk and walk and walk
i would walk to see u...
if u want to see me
i know u are having a bad day...

i did too.

maybe i'll just go eat by myself...
don't really feel like talking...
i feel like walking...
not important walking with phone in hand
you are bitter
I slip off my purple flip-flops
you blame me
the pavement is warm and rough
you want a break, a real one this time
the bits of mica flicker in the sun
you say date other people
tiny ants scramble away
you tell me I need to mature
a stick breaks under my heel
you think experience is good
the pavement is hotter in the sun
you ask why I was resentful
rock hurts a few toes
you tell me it made you apathetic
the ground begins to slant
you ignore the things I said
down down down
you ask when I will speak
the trees rustle with the wind
you do not like it when I do
a hill has passed, sloping down again
you won't be calling
the phone goes dead
you won't be calling
tears well in my eyes
you won't be caring
close your pretty little eyes i hate walking. i'd rather be carried.

no, no walking for me.
oldephebe i'd like to walk away from this life..from this spavined body and begin anew..pour my soul into another body..another time and begin again..that's horrible i know..what with me being such a devoted parent..but i am coming perilouslu close to the grave beneath the ocean's floor..and how many times can you ressurect a broken life..be a man be a man that's what they all say..with if you live every second with heartbreak in your throat..rotting out the entrails..winowing away the walls of your stomach..how long can i keep faking it in front of my son, in front of my family, in front of colleagues..or even the really nice woman at the check out counter in pathmark..i want to say..if you knew what desolation eats at me..what dark and iredeemable thoughts run screaming in my head..you would not smile..you would cringe..you would contort your face in revulsion..i have good days..this is one of my bad days..father defalco please forgive me..i've smashed the credence table..i've spattered the walls of the shrine/sanctuay with my apostacy..do not bend your patient, tolerant..avuncular eyes upon me..not now, not today..yea let me worry the air with all my words

no beguiling you or anyone with the vital energies of my revelatory epiphanies hurled out of the dark..no sweet thunder of propulsive torrent of language..my soul is a habitation of horror..my own horror at how i am shaped..and how to reconcile my self to this world..didn't hemingway..in the voice of one of his surrogates..utter the Lord's prayer in blasphemous despair..because he had experienced a god who was mute...no longer revelant in the modern age...in an age that had seen incarnate evil be allowed to flourish..and so then God for hism was essentially dead..God is not dead..but surely this tomb that He keeps trying to pour himself into is an an already abandoned delapidated ruin..pale shadow of a man called out of his pallor, his slow death rattle to be more than his constituent parts..how do i say that the grownd is crumbling beneath this feet..every step the bridge breaks away and i can nver go back..too tired to build another bridge..to wish for a swift and absolute annihilation..
wow..sorry didn't mean to bring the room down..it's cool..i'm just taking a dip in the fetid self-indulgant waters of whiney why me..boo-hyphen hoo
treasure of Light for the Child of Blight..and this time super size it please
estarocks walking is useful 040614
estarocks walking is useful. i know 'cause i've tried it. easier than rolling in my wheelchair. 040614
estarocks yup, still useful. 040721
hsg cycling is better by far 040721
immortal algorithmic psychogeography , thoreau liked to walk. 040805
what's it to you?
who go