before andrew@benicetobears.com sometimes i wonder what's better, before or after, and i invariably just end up falling asleep and not coming to a decision. 980819 ... kristin@newdream.net definitely before because after you have nothing to look forward to. 980819 ... amy you know nothing before. 980907 ... Rainer Krauss but you know everything afterwards, and you cannot change anything anymore because everything already happened and there ain't no chance to change your decisions or to keep people from doing certain things 990205 ... adam you i was something, and after you i'll be something too. 990214 ... marjorie before you think it over... STOP. And think about whether or not you really want an answer. If you do not, be careful not to let your mind wnader.. After all, we wouldn't want you to suddenly figure something out that you had no desire to know in the first place.. Am I making any sense here? 991231 ... BoofPixie before was insomnia. after is clarity. i see it all now after they've gone to bed. 000310 ... MollyCule before what? before it rains? before you've come out? before you decide exactly what you want to do today? before you shower and wipe away the grime? before everyone starts to notice that you're relatively not the same? before you're forced to get a job and play along? when? 000515 ... Tank You may know me, my name is unrequited. Forever and her sister epoch, eternity, have found me staring out windows barred, through slamming screen doors and hiding tears behind a barrage of smiles... She claims me again, my faithful Love and I find myself twisting in an endless pool that whirls my heart and visions of beauty through green glasses in rooms full of strangers. Talk is small when passed sideways to others. Oral corners slip sentences to someone and eyes stare into the distance that is you. It's been a year now. A year of solitary longings for a man that Loves me from a distance. A year of meditations upon a Love that would be so perfect. A year of me wanting you. A year of Silence. Frustrations push me into saying goodbyes. Not really heartfelt these sorrowful words, but I am tired of lonely nights and the cradling of empty spaces filled with an imaginary scent that spells you. The spell to release me from the illusion of this experience of the unfulfilled evades me so. Once I could have brought you to me, but it seems my power is lost into the void that exists between us. Lovers twirl like satellites in space. But none of them are you, none of them are you... I am Tiamat and I await the touch of your first step upon me. No longer tempestous, my seas calm, my atmosphere is drinkable now, pollution lost into the abyss that was them. I am Autumn and the land is ripe, come lay beside me and let us plan what Beauty and Truth we may help prosper. I am tired of my name, let us baptise this flesh and commence a ceremony of naming. Just come to me. I await you... 000930 ... miniver I've lived in a rainforest; I have lived down by the ocean and down by the bay; I've lived on the prairies, on an island, on a mountain; in towns, in cities, and in a logging camp; in a mansion, in a trailer, in many houses well remembered, and, finally, here in my own apartment. I have been irreversably spoiled. I have had (and do have) as near a perfect family as this universe will allow -- all of them loving, and loved, and smart, and talented, and healthy, and very much together relationship-wise. My parents met when my mother was 29 and my dad 39, both once previously divorced; they married and have remained married since, now 21 years, and are still quite 'in love'. I tell them very often how remarkable they are, and how gratefully perplexed I am at what I view as a familial defiance of the Principle of Uniformity. I look and sound strikingly similar to my mom. I am a year and a half younger than my sister, who inherited most of my dad's characteristics, and 2 and a half years older than my brother, who received, I'd say, the more even splice of the genes. And I have been smart, and I have been talented, and I have even occasioned to be special every so often, or come very close. Nothing really obviously bad -- no great disasterous event -- has ever really come close to me. (And, yet, if you're a similarly 'aware' sort of person, I assume you realize what such a thing this might mean or might not mean, at all, to the utilitarian value of human experience. Whether or not you realize you realize.) Yes. Well, I never was a happy sort of kid, you know, but I know that I have had it great -- and knew it all along. Within my life, I have already had so many time-enshrouded, scrambled little lives, that I can hardly remember them as being mine. But, they are all in there, somewhere. 001003 ... Barrett Before you slip into unconsciousness I'd, like to have another kiss... 001107 ... not god my favorite doors cover band, "crystal shit" 001107 ... chanaka i talked to you i was sane 001107 ... Barrett "...oh, I don't know. Play some video games, buy some Def Leppard T-shirts." "Don't forget your Motley Crue T-shirts, you know all proceeds go to get their lead singer out of jail." 001107 ... startfires exxon credit card 001107 ... startfires i ran over my neighbor 001107 ... silentbob you;re kidding! i must be, the bahamas are islands. 001109 ... Barrett Before it gets so cold, the rain turns to snow, there's just a couple things I like to know... 001109 ... misstree the potential, the unspoken word, the eternal fork in the path. the moment of Choice. innnocence about to descend. 010115 ... unhinged saturday night i was almost over it; not confused 010115 ... Chrity go to: i_have_words 010408 ... freakizh before you there was this naive girl who was starving of kisses after you there is this hollow woman who is trying to live counterclock 010801 ... god 1983 011019 ... Effingham Fish You've sunk my battleship! 020113 ... kirstie before ani difranco... there was a different mindset 020220 ... bird association after 020221 ... god after helen reddy, there was twisted sister 020221 ... jessica fletcher before i knew one, i was safe. after i knew two, i am safe. both. 020520 ... Syrope before this goes any further, i want to thank you. you have been so patient, and today when you told me you were going to be out of town, it didn't matter, because i glowed with pleasure in the fact that you told me so far in advance. that our next encounter was on your mind as much as mine, and you were as disappointed as i was...i don't know how i can know someone forever, but only see how valuable their friendship is to me at a point when there's not much time for us to be together. 020611 ... angie I fear that my surprise will not work before you leave... I just don't have the motivation... If you ask me what it is, after reading this I will tell you. It would have been so great... but I am just not good enuf to stick with it. I am bored. Wish I had u here to keep me company before I go to work. Can I hear you sing? 030103 ... sleepwalk before any of this mattered. long ago, before memory had its boxes filled. but no, it's too frightened to ever get up and leave. i can't weigh the positives and negatives of its being here, though. here i am, before i have what i need. before something takes me by surprise. before i heard you say those words, before i let any of them scream in my ears and vibrate my pulse, shocking the certainties of days before. before i forget that it just keeps moving on. 030105 ... god before the beginning 030529 ... starmouse before tonight i thought i might have been mistaken. 031025 ... a you point your finger you should know that I'm the man. If I'm the man than you're the man and he's the man as well so you can point that fuckin' finger up your ass. 031130 ... Vanessa all better than 040801 ... One __since__the__time__without__beginning... 040801 ... nighean_siofra before this ends i'd like to say all the things i never could before things like hey thanks for nothing screw you and go blow yourself things like i love you i want you and don't leave me... before this ends i'll pause look back and cry the tears i never could before 040816 ... laurah before. it always has some hidden meaning... "We used to hang our laundry out to dry, before." before is gone, has lived and faded but won't ever really die. 050410 ... no reason there wasn't anything worth staying for 051013 ... narcisstic_grapes there was a me. there was a you. and i believed in illusion. there was no question of going another way, because i needed you, and you liked the novelty. it was my fingers dancing across ungodly strings that allured you. the music was all that mattered. i chose to leave when i realised that, and you lost that music. my fingers no longer played. yours did, and your passion grew. from loving my melody, you found your own, and that is what continues to make you whole. 060321 ... jordie before what? Before the after? Or before the next fleeting second? wait. what? I can't even remember where I am now. 060519 ... craftygurl before i met him my life was a wreck now he's opened my eyes to the beauty of love and life..... i hope for us theres never an after 070323 ... lunatic jesus That was then, this is now. Then has a very long memory. Sometimes then nails you to a tree, and even though I promised then that we could be then again, the scars serve as a daily reconsideration. Sometimes you just can't go back. 100105 what's it to you? who go blather from