daxle I'll never get enough sleep 990517
megan i might sleep
last night left me weary
ricmariem i've got work to do
i don't know if i can talk to you
but i'm hoping i can find time
and tell you what's in my inside
i'm hoping it will be..tonight
miniver Tell me that I'll be great.
And tell me that it will mean something, after all. Anything.

I have decided to aspire.
marjorie tonight we declare our victory over the day
tonight our stars come out and ride the sky
the waxing
the waning
tonight we crown our king, the moon.
smilinstrange is the first night I've spent with people I met here even though I've been here since october 000520
deb i long to have you here
as morning steadily creeps
upon me
i need to have the safety
that you harbor within yourself-
tonight i need a good cry
upon that strong shoulder,
those arms surrounding me,
telling me it'd safe to breathe again-
i can hear you,
wishing me dreams of sweetness
and good rest,
when i truely need only
your presence here
to accomplish that-
quickly, love, hurry back to me~
i need you to be here with me
so my heart can
rest easy
once again.
twiggie so many things went wrong...
i've been a bitch all day to everyone, and i don't care anymore.
i refuse to apologize for it, i'm not mean unless you deserve it.
i'm tired, irritated, and everytime someone opens their mouth to talk to me i want to strangle them.
i'm sick of people who only want to be friends with me when it's convenient, or when they want to use my house.
i'm sick of people in general, and i'd like to tell someone about everything...but right now i'm so tired.
i'd hate any advice anyone would try to give to me.
and i just don't feel like explaining everything.
i think it's time for sleep.
unhinged i didn't eat dinner
i waited around for two and a half hours for a phone call that i already knew the topic of
'you know babe i'm really sorry but...'
you're always full of excuses aren't you?
'that was a really cool letter'
you know what
i'm not going to be reduced to groupie status in your mind
i could have been a friend to you
i loved you more than i have ever loved anyone
but all i ever got from you was
at least he was up front with me in saying all he wanted was sex
you on the other hand don't even want that
you just want someone that will fluff your ego
you put up a really good facade you know
i was completely and utterly fooled for a year and a half
and i feel stupid
i hate when people make me feel stupid
firefly effect After you take me home I put off going to sleep, because that will only bring tomorrow. And we both know that tomorrow is just one more day closer to THE DAY, even though we try not to mention it that much. And besides, tomorrow morning only brings a wake-up shower, chores, responsibilities and reality--all of which seem to erase the night we just spent together. And that, is why I am living for today, right now, and here always.... 010806
Aimee we will crucify the insincere tonight 010807
echo like all the other nights, i'll lay in bed, hugging my big stuffed bear wishing it was u, thinking damn i messed up, curle up into a little ball with my dog at my feet, tomorrows anotehr day, the faster i fall aslepp the sooner it will come, the sooner i can fix things 010824
distorted tendencies I wish I had your warm body next to mine. Every night. 010919
the eye "believe in me
'cause i believe in you"
CheapVodka You left today
And I cut my skin
I feel unwanted
So what if
Maybe I took my life tonight
Before I even knew
What I was looking for
Who's gonna stop me,
If you're not here?
Self control? What's that?
What if tonight
When your security is absent...
I slip?
So I write this for you
Just in case my breath stops
While you're away
I didn't mean to do it
It was an accident
And perhaps sometimes accidents are meant to be
Like me knowing you
As the tears drip down my face
And roll right off my nose
If I do steal my life tonight...
I'm sorry
I love you
I failed
Erin I will love you more than I ever have before

Its only an anticipation to tomorrow when I'll have to say goodbye.......

I hate goodbyes more than anything in the whole friggin world
psychobabe fuck, tonight i have to work at 4:30 and i get done at 8

*not that long but eh work is work*

after that i have to go to my dads who lives in one of the smallest towns i know! and deal with his hypocritical bullshit after our arguement we had. IT was about people who were gay and how he thinks its TOTALLY wrong. He says "its not normal"
"I dont agree with the lifestyle"
I just came back at him with saying i'm your daughter what if in 10 years i turn out to be a lesbian? how will you think of me then?
MY parents say they would accept me but wouldnt agree with my lifestyle. Not a surprise, they never really have anyways..
CheapVodka true true psychobabe

it's sad how our parents like to preach about their beliefs but when it comes down to our say then what we say isn't correct at all. we can't win
psychobabe bah fuck em 011111
ever dumbening fresh pasta
petrale sole--flour egg-wash flour season
"Scratch" (see it if you can)
blown cherry I kissed someone I hadn't kissed in four years :)
I'd forgotten what it was like.
Syrope tonight i let you see what i promised myself i wouldnt...more of my can you miss me? i love being with you but can i be with you really?? i think maybe i should stop analyzing things so much... 020320
yummyC i am alone for who knows how long
and I love the absence of tension.
i slink back in this chair
my legs and arms flopped
bad posture
lazy smile
half closed lids
and nobody is home to yell at me
for sitting this way
or even sitting
and i dont have to hide in my room.
its so nice to be alone tonight.
i hope mark never comes home.

i hate that guy. walkin on eggshells, ALWAYS.
reitoei sleep. then wake
wake and listen to the hum of my computer. see the faint green glow of led's from the powerstrip and speakers. a bit of moonlight filtering through the shades. and ill lie in my bed and wonder whats outside the window. how many other people lie awake as i do. and maybe ill grab my laptop and blather
silentbob tonight i am going to a weezer concert. here i am, at ISU in a computer lab waiting for my sister to get done working on an art project. after that me, her and tanya are heading on over to the perkins or something to eat before the show.

then.... AM_RADIO and WEEZER

maladroit comes out may14
devalis could decide the rest of my life. 020819
pralines&cream was truly "enlightening." 020820
Sailor Jupiter One of the only Smashin Pumpkins songs I can stand. 020820
dB nuff 021202
morphine. tonight things dont feel so tremendously, achingly, unbelievably stupid.

but i will still say it.
IWishICouldGoWithDavid Tonight you talked about our connection again and said words like "sincere" and "concentrate." I consider all my thoughts from today and think of how you always erase my doubts when they creep too close; how I know that once I start loving you I'm afraid I'll never stop; how I want to believe in you and know that the safest thing for me to do is just place my faith at your feet disregarding your humaness and concentrating on what you epitimize. But then I just think, "How ironic." 021215
scuzz Save tonight, and come the break of dawn... Come tomorrow; tomorrow I'll be gone. 030512
onlyme i'll be lying in darkness for eternity. 030512
/anon I'll be critcizing myself for all the bad decisions I made and I will roll around in my bed wanting to die. I will worry neelessly about things that dont matter becuz nothing does and I will wollow in self pitty becuz I am pathetic 030513
Piso Mojado i feel like more 030513
skye could i be lost forever? 031107
misstree sure. there's still some marshland prarie around here, and if i'm down for a drive, i have a friend who knows the appropriate swampland... usually i don't get people asking to be lost forever... usually it just kinda happens... any preferred method of disposal? *rubs hands together* 031107
shutter-bug i sleep and dream a thousand dreams.
i'll slowly drift away into a blank stare then as my eyes slowly close i sink into a world produced by my own mind. tonight i enter my own world my dream world. never have i been this excited about sleeping
ambermoon the moon is high in the sky as so my heart.
when we are alone i will tell you ilove you.
you will hold me in your arms and i will cry.
ill think of thing that i really should not.
when i finaly fall asleep ill dream of you.
Jessa I'm anticipating 040305
hetaira i want to roam. alone.
later i will meet you in that field we spoke of years ago. we will finally break the wishbone. what do you wish?
sahba it wasnt right not right at all it was just so fucked up trying to be nice just fucking it all up the cafe closed late ran out of fuel got enough fuel to get to a friends place parents thinking this was all some fucked some scheme of mine so they want to come pick me up even though its 2 am after a long arguement on the phone my dad comes all the way from across town to pick up because he was worried about what people will think sometimes just thinking about it just makes me want to rip my head apart on the way my we run into some drunk's and i had to interven to prevent a fight perfect timing god has with things on the worst possible night all the crap just piles down on you and all the discontent just turned fresh you tell yourself that your living not just existing this world only to be realized by such worthless incidents that no you dont your just alive in flesh and blood your mind your senses there all numb and gone and thats left is a scarred mind trying consistently to tell you, you have a meanimg for all this its not just some fucked up situation you landed up in unwantingly life just feels like a stereotypical cycle you have no choice but to adher to for the sake of your own sanity just to live meaninglessly on and on while the people you love and care for never understanding how much you care for them where the truth only hurts always hurted and always will hurt you till the day you die moments of hapiness left behind in a world forgotten in a dark realm of unwantedness and pain 040710
lou_la_belle this is the type of night
to spend walking about
thinking eternity
is at our disposal

but i'm alone
and all my friends have gone

so tonight i'll sit and watch
all the fun and life
swirling about around me.
the solitary shadow
against the blackened sky
trying to enjoy this gift
all the while,
trying not to think of you.

i admit,
i'm not good
at being me
Borealis they're not all gone love. 040717
pete love_poems 040718
insert name here everything looks different in the dark.
my ceiling has marks i've never seen before. everything looks blue and black. there's a puddle of shadow at the foot of my bed. my vcr is glowing.
everything sounds different in the dark. my sheets rustle. a car is going by four blocks away. i can almost hear the numbers change on my electronic alarm clock.
suicidalchinadoll a sun salute at 3 am
to beckon him forwards
quicken its movement and warming and beginning..
the nights are too long..
and in the coldness, I wait to see the colours of the earth burst forth in greeting.

a perpetual shavasana..
ever reaching into the earth, and becoming closer entwined with the beating that is far away..but buried inside.
pete two jobs, one person, one night, good fun.. almost missed my bus, but one step closer to promotion from the pit to the line 041227
Master X This night shall be his last, and tomorrow morning, his first.

"Every exit is an entrance somewhere else," he wrote elsewhere, perhaps quoting another.

Tonight, then, shall be no exception. And what an exceptional night it shall be!
sahba when i look at at what lou_la_belle wrote after my blathe so long ago and realise i have spent many nights after that night its clear life has changed 070605
sahba many nights similiar to lou_la_belle's * 070605
ever dumbening Too much to consider. Where are we supposed to get the time, the wisdom, the patience? Too many nuts and bolts, with only shoddy plans, xeroxed too many generations away from the master. It doesn't matter who you ask, they've either got it completely figured out, or they're completely lost (and both are lying either way). You can pay people: to wipe your ass, to let you wipe theirs, to think and feel for you, to help you think and feel. In the end, though, you're the only one stuck with you. And so you sit. And you stand. And you walk, and fuck, and cry (when it's allowed), and you buy and sell and steal when no one is looking. Don't forget to fret over stuff that "Won't mean a thing in a hundred years."

ever dumbening rush lyrics post hoc addendum Should've had these lyrics at the top:

One day I fly through a crack in the sky
And the next it's falling in on me
. great blathe, E.D., even without the post hoc addendum 071204
krupt tonight i sit here as i do everynight but think in a different state of mind. i usually blathe soething completely irrelevant to the word, or otherwise something with deep meaning in my soul. many times it is happy, more times it has been depressing, but again tonight i think in a different state of mind. i have never felt this way before... i am not confused, nor do i have any idea what is going on. i am not happy, nor am i contimplating tracing my healing scars. i am not upset, nor am i ok. i sit here for the first time completely blank, yet with so much to say. i feel the weight of the world on my being, and i feel my inner self trying to escape. in the words of sartre, "suddenly a new object has appeared and taken the world from me". i dont know what to do about the project, shall i take flight and follow my instinct with possibility of ruining the best friendship i have ever known? or do i keep on confusing her and act uninterested... yet again i state that remain blank. 080124
p tonight, the social comes face to face with a sledgehammer. the sledgehammer will win. my brain will cheer and zone off into fantastical lands of little people and purple skies. 080125
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