dallas more than a feeling. less than a dream. something in the middle, and it's always worth it. 980826
jade a state of being. the quality of the experience is question of conciousness. 980903
Rob what do you do when you feel you've never really lived? how do you tell if you're alive? 981021
[marissa] you stretch your toes and scream
you bleed and
taste the iron rusted
of your purple crayon veins.
you let the wind
blow your face to oblivion
like the motorcycle chick
who keeps spitting on herself.
because it
all blows back.
and that's how you know:
you are alive.
valis ours is a world of comparisons. people feel most alive when theyve got an alternative to weigh it against. 991208
erran you know your alive when you get really cold. you know? that feeling when your legs freeze up, and you can't take one more step. when you walk into a warm room they start thawing out and the pain hits you. the tingling and burning sensation. thats being alive. 991229
ikon damn you. for making me feel this way. you made me feel alive once. now, I feel you slipping away. and I feel like I'm dying. damn you. 000121
... life is random. so random. 000122
zippy_the_tooth_pick alive when i'm with you
dead when i'm not
dragon it's not so much a state of being as a state of doing or of wanting, of hoping or of praying, of killing or giving birth, of destroying or creating, of sinning and forgiving, of speaking and of silence.

it doesn't exactly lend itself to an easy definition. i mean...

what is alive?

is it the physiology--heart beating, muscles contracting, lungs expanding?

is it the psychology--the things we do or think, and why?


is it the emotions--the mind-drowning despair, the flaming anger, the soul-wrenching hate--and the heart-lifting hope, the light of peace, and the complete creation of love?


dropout mmmmm...South American soccer player... 000124
sean so much more than just breathing. 000130
girl i have to hurt myself to be reminded that i am. 000326
gigaphairy not that you'd notice 000717
eruth be jeffrey organized chaos da da da. da da da. da da da
then a crash at the rapping rap rap tapping at my door
went there before, collective mind is oh so nice, and she will make a cherry pie charming billy

a philly cheese steak
actually in philadelphia
i went there once
an independant record store and a pepsi
godspeed you black emperor

maps from a thousand years ago
led me to his treasure
and chunk ate it
so did Mikey if you were there
why use nike when you can have reebok
then you know what happens to little girls oh thank heaven for them

more like squirrels
always running away
i better not attach my god appointed name to this one or my email address more importantly becuase someone might fire a bomb at me
you have broken my heart
but women you have given me a new start
a breath i want to breathe
oh eruth be why do you have to be so 17

always in the tabloids thats where the devil likes to play
he sleeps with Marylin and Manson and the rest of you non right wing tight asshole conservatives from milwakke or minnesota or china
or any other place considering the next pro wrestling politician
oh alive
ode to alive
commit a sonnet
because you can
then pass it off on your little sister she is more sweet or naive or likely to marry hitler if he offered enough money

my face?
yeah right
i am too uptight
so all of you want to be me...what the hell is that?
why am i famous?
if you actually tried on these shiny wooden clogs from kurt from the netherlands then you would vomit
i am gonna go smoke a cigarette
i am gonna smoke a cigarette
i sure wish it was that mary j. iguana
one of the left handed ones
yeah that would be nice

so here is my synoptic text broken down into segments for those of you with practical minds who need explanations for your verse of mind
life is not what ever is, by force of selecting one thing and abndoning another you mesh with your opposite, and yes you arise to the top of a pile of dead aborted "could of beens'"
standing alone on what ifs
life not what is but what was not
or the collective soul that is you is not
or alive
is the act inbtween the decision to choose one or the other way of thinking, at least in a binary world where if this is true than that must also be true or equally untrue
so if you believe in alive then I believe in dying and we are both in transition admist
everything we chose not to be and therefore gave it existence
aborted birth

as i ponder on the true existance of a trippy dark side of mind
i recall voices of bitter anguish to one who claims to know it all
you naive bastards!
how dare you tell me i need to live by the bible!
fuck that!
fuck that bull shit!
you have never exposed yourself to the darkness i wished for
you have not a clue
to hell with the baptists
i am going to disneyworld
there i will find peace
the happiest place on earth
mabye i will run into an old friend
i am going to chug a lug lug mug thug i used to be
assimilated like poetry
beat neat meat for breakfast?
satan who are you to tell me anything
enjoy your stay in hell for that is what you deserve
but me to
how dare i slander a celestial being
i am satans pride
i am satans jealousy
why is it that we cannot compare ourselves to satan?
i mean he is an angel
one to be respected
what is evil
without god he is far greater than we ever could imagine
i speak as i sit right below the angels
i speak as i sit right bee-low the angels
i am not scared of the devil he is the almost invisible tiny but shiny bug that i step on each day
do not give me that line of crap
a state of conciuos?
bradley nowell overdosed anyway
hows that for a role model you sponges?


if that was the regirgitation of too many beers wait till you see me on herione or crack, sometimes I pretend to use drugs so that people will think I am high then they uderstand why I do not think the way they do, otherwise they send me to my room, I spent most of my childhood in my room thinking about what I did
I guess that makes me an autobiographical being seeing as how my self reflective nature forces me to now judge the world by what I did,

but have i really grown or have i merely grown accoustomed to the way that "things" are?

i dont think that i will ever know.
ever know what?
if am am still alive or just dreaming.

Zoe the feeling you get right after kissing the one you love and then dancing in the rain all night long untill two in the morning, then calling your best friend and staying on the phone with her untill the sun rises, talking the whole time. 000721
unique butterfly am i alive? does the world really care? deep feelings aren't real. this isn't fair. its too much. 001115
vortex What is it to be alive?
I am enthusiastic and consciencious in everything I do
Yet I rarely leave anything for myself
I dream of the simple life
Yet half of me thrives on this constant striving
The stress that I know is twisting knots in my stomach
I try not to feel anymore
I have to be professional, be stable and reliable for everyone else
I do such a good job
But where does that leave me?
And am really alive to myself?
monadh I have never felt more alive
than when faced with my own mortality
Chrity go to:
waxdot I came downstairs to wash my plate, and pet my dog. My dog had a fungus growing on his head. We saw branches on it too. But it turned out to be a twig. And the sun was shining on my dog, and I went to the window, and I saw a spider who was trapped between two walls of glass. She was trapped and couldn't get out. She actually still trapped in that glass, and I can't get her out. She thinks she's escaping, but she's fucking trapped, damnit. She's trapped, and I can't do anything about it, unless I fucking break the window. 010414
like rain. it's the way your fingertips sink into my skin when you rub your hands across my back. 010510
Jolly Green Giant once when i was stoned i made up a poem about being alive, its so crazy how i just said it, there was no thought process behind it. You dont need to get stoned to be alive though, it's just artificial 010608
Fire&Roses My eyes are closed. I can barely stand. My thoughts have fogged over and faded in to the burning that is taking over. If you let go I will sink to the ground, but there in your arms I am alive. 010724
jacksprat its funny but even though things seem to be getting worse and worse my life in chains, the economy all fucked up and america losing it's innocence. and yet for some reason i feel at peace, and so totally alive.
maybe i'm just tired.
misaligned bury me alive
in freshly
fall in down love
morgan here, i'm alive
everything, all the time.
ClairE Yeah, but how many people actually do something about it? 020212
blown cherry I feel more alive when I'm in emotional turmoil than at any other time. The heights of ecstasy, the depths of pain. Every breath is a sharp intake of oxygen into my lungs and every heartbeat is pounding, trying to burst its way out of my chest.

If I'm just cruising, I'm not really me anymore, though I suppose I need the break sometimes, it can be a lot to handle.

Soemtimes I think being alive is going to kill me.
jon_dog it is Canadian march, when winter just won't stop, when feeling alive is a test of will, everything so blah, but soon, soon, soon, spring will bloom, and with the westerly winds hieghtened emotion, higher highs, lower lows and love, i hope. 020325
purple punk Playing golf in a field behind McDonald's at 2 am...
Going to my first show & rave...
Travis holding me, calling me "Sweet Angel", sounding so sad...

Little things make me feel alive
foreveryoung to be alive, to truly be alive, is to hang on to the very things we discover when we are first alive.

When we are born, life is new to us. We discover, we learn. Life is a marvel. We are Happy, complete, basic, and most of all, full of imagination.

As time passes, we forget or become desensitized to the joys that are inherent to living: a sunny afternoon, a flower picked from the yard, ice cream melting on your fingers, fast shoes, laughter...we turn into drones. our life turns into existence.

Recapture the essence of youth. Rediscover life as it really is.

Live until you die.
hellen Would not be good if it were not evanescent.
Like a cat: squeeze it too hard and it slips away, don't think about it and it will rub your legs and sit on your windowsill, singing innocent untouchable songs.
Eowithien something i am not. something that my heart (not the physical one) wishes it is. something that could be the human race but so many people can not give birth to their hearts and let them free. 030219
starvin tummy i hate living. no im not inlove with death nor looking ofr it but i hate the way my life functions. 030312
ferret alive but not living 030420
phil I lived boring and hated. I was torn apart, lost and confused. No one ever learns.

With all this rubbish going on, it's impossible to get someone.

...but everything makes me happy.
sam i don't like this place
there is no reason to be here
to exist
it is too difficult to make friends
simply not worth it
there must be an easier place
an escape
where people smile
and laugh in their eyes
eyes laughing
that's where i want to go
chizill no longer alive.


my therapist told me that home is happiness. i told her she must have never been to my house. she said, not the physical state of home... YOURE home inside of you.

I'm going crazy. I just cut myself in my room with my mother's favorite kitchen knife. "It cuts through leather". haha. Good times.

They ask me if I'm okay.

oh man, thats the best.

I'm fine! *hehe*


I'm so sick.

I just want to go home.
me i'm alive when blood runs IN my veins like red emotion 030624
electric i feel the most alive
when i am tempting death
physical like driving fast in the car
chasing the sun and squinting at the horizon

or emotional death
like flirting to the point of no return
playing with fire
risking the love and trust i have built

for one moment of fire in my veins
SillyConfusedS to be alive is to feel correct? and wat does it mean when u feel too much? suffering and hate is all i ever felt..tho there have been moments when things werent as bad..but still...can i possibly feel too much? and if so...does tha mean i am REALLY alive? 030626
dontkno where am i 030714
scorpion heart jell-o. its aliiiive! 031116
Fireapple red Like zombies? 040220
stork daddy as i will be for the rest of my life, i'm a courtin miss maybe 040220
americantune awake & smiling, eager for the day ahead, breathing rapidly and swimming towards the light 040702
Borealis what light 040702
americantune the stereotypical alive light, where the sun shines on green grassy hills that have sprung from a beautiful dawn... 040724
Syrope today it almost hit me...
i was finally able to conjure what i think was a lost memory of your tongue slipping past my lips, and it made me stub the toe of my shoe on the sidewalk.

i'm not going to know what to do with myself in your arms. i've never been so terrified.

it's been so long since i felt this alive...
Borealis there was a beautiful dawn this morning....

but I didn't see the sun rise.
funny how much things can change in 22 days
fading flower simple moments, simple breaths
I feel one with everything around me
so rarely
Looking deep in your eyes
Clasping your hand
Waking up to a beautiful Kentucky sunrise
Finally reaching your destination

When I used to have a reflection...
I am no more
mic driving with the windows down in springtime and breathing the newness of the season 050112
Tara alive is feeling more than this numb sensation more than a shadow on the wall alive is simply feeling 051027
LegionB4U yes...we are 051027
scarlet sister sometimes painfully so. 051030
oren A favorite_word of Dr_Frankenstein. 051030
Heavy Insights We are alive until they make AIDS an airborne virus! This life is a hallucination detracting from the fact we are already in our tombs as we sleep at night. The hell dwellers believe in being 'alive' most strongly but the hallucination of a body passes on death then their consciousness is fucked by devils. 060419
Vulgar I'm feeling nothing
But all alone
Just missing someone
I don't even know
But until I find them
I'll wait patiently
Just feeling nothing
Inside of me

And where are you baby
Where can you be
Why aren't you here
Loving me
'Cause I won't to kiss you
And make you feel right
I want to lay with you
all through the night

And I want to feel passion
I want to feel pain
I want to weep at the sound of your name
Come make me laugh
Come make me cry
Just make me feel

And so I wait
For that glorious day
When the one I dream of
Comes my way
But until I find them
I'll wait patiently
Just feeling nothing
Inside of me

And where are you baby
Where can you be
Why aren't you here
Loving me
'Cause I want to kiss you
and make you feel right
I want to lay with you
All through the night

And I want to feel passion...
Sardine Only when duality exists in harmony. 061116
Laura I want to find myself alive. 070318
Lady Lightness oh my friend, but you are- even when your brain says you're not enough, even when your emotions tug you down- still your heart beats, still your skin feels, still your breath moves in and out in and out, still you are solid form in space, still you are in one moment then the next always moving forward through time, still the spark of life is housed in your body, still you are, alive alive alive 070318
is how is it that I go from here to there in such a short time?

sometimes it feels like nothing could bring me down. then I feel the cloud creeping but fight it. fight it. fight it. and then it takes over. this is chemical. I know. What makes it hard is that no one will accept that this is more than my own doing.


will yourself to be happy

in the face of a severe shortage of endorphins.

I can't make them at will. They are like a cake. They take ingredients and method and time. I don't have a large supply.

I love life.

I love when I am not like now. This is hard. This world is broken. No one will accept that until they see it. Fathers and brothers with pornography on their walls. Friends who dehumanise your ethnic relatives. Because they don't know. And what if they did? Boys who tell you it is bad to want more than sex. bitch.


I love the grass and trees. They have souls like no human being. we are not as we imagine we are. We are so far gone. It is so ingrained you cannot even see it anymore. It is everywhere. It is the air you breathe. YOu believe it because it is all you know.

Not you. maybe you. I don't know. I don't know you. So I don't know. I'm sorry. I hope you know what I mean.
pSyche ...
It's nice to not feel alone.
thank you is.
Light electric wires flowing breathing respiring eating wasting away 080709
what's it to you?
who go