learn dallas I need to see the difference between me and you. I know it's there. And I know it should be there. But I don't know what it's for. And I don't know what I would do if I did know. I need to realize the potential, the spark that might travel from here to there. 000117 ... oodles I guess the main reason I went away to school as opposed to going to a local college is so that I could "find myself." I love to learn--about British Literature, about being in a sorority, about myself. I've only been here a semester and I've already found out so many things about myself that I never knew. But the most important thing I'm learning isn't who I am, it's who I want to be and who I am going to be. 000204 ... luz practice and fail, learning to love its gay mutant play etching lines on your face and its here etching lines on your face in its mirror sketching lies on its surface unawares 010523 ... The Heart of the Fire "Are you willing to suffer to learn?" I answer aye. She cuts into the heel of my palm at the part known as the moon's quarter with her knife and places the cord over the wound. "Know that all learning comes in the form of an opening. While the learning may feel like a wound or a suffering, know that every time you open, you deepen, and all that is hurt is healed again by the love of the Goddess. 020817 ... Qazual Great Story: There were these two bulls sitting on top of a hill. Looking down, they see a herd of cows. So the younger bull says to the older one 'Lets run down there and try to fuck one of those cows'. The older one smirked and replied,'Lets walk down there and maybe we can fuck them all' 020918 ... zaxary it may be that my brain is too full, and thats why i type so slowly. 030403 ... crimson None of us can ever quite Understand the other Tolerence of me, It requires might But I'm trying to learn To love myself To radiate my own light Otherwise who else will [love me]? 030815 ... char Hey, Baby. Wow. Just... "Come here." Remember that time when I told you how bad I wanted to hold you ? Tuck your hair behind your ear and put my forehead to yours... and let you feel, if even for a moment, that nothing else matters. It all does, though. I know. And I'd say 'I'm sorry', but I'm not. Yeah, I wish I could've been there. But I wasn't and there's nothing I can do about what happened (why didn't you ever tell me ?). But I'm here now... or at least I will be. Whenever you're ready. I'm not saying I'm going to make everything all better, because no one can fix any of that. But those scars, Eva, they've made you so beautiful. You're such a beautiful person. Aside from those captivating eyes that speak to me, they'll hypnotize me... and those legs "for days" that carry you... those lips that I crave... your cute nose (Eskimo kisses, babe. Hah)... that flawless skin that would be more than sensational to my fingertips... Come on, I've basically been blind to all that for the past two years. What else have I really 'seen' other than your mind ? Your personality is what I've fallen for. And it's those scars that have molded that personality. A 'mold' can't be made without pushing, pressing, even hurting, right ? No dent can be made without pressure. And every impression made on your personality, though painful to reminisce about, has molded your personality into something so beautiful I can't even explain how amazing it is to me. God. Eva, I'm so fucking in love with you. You. You're perfect. For me, maybe. Hopefully. If I'm lucky. But I mean... perfect. Not for anyone else, but for yourself. Those 'scars' that I've been going on about, they could've been so detrimental to your persona, but look at what it's made you... Someone so... I can't even... begin to list all the adjectives that could fit how perfect you are. I honestly could sit for hours and try to think of a single thing that I don't like about you, and I'd come up with nothing. Not a single fucking thing, Eva. Everything you've ever done, said and been for me is even better than any dream I could ever conjure having. Everything about you satisfies me. I wish more than anything you had the same effect on yourself. You're as good as it gets in my eyes. I might not be your parents, but look at mine. I've ranted to you over and again about all the bullshit expectations they've held over my head my whole life, and how they've only brought every one of my accomplishments down, but it was you that showed me how to be satisfied with myself. And it definitely wasn't through them. Nineteen years did they break me, and in only a year you helped me fix it. Look at how amazing you are to just one person. You've changed my life for the better. I'll never forget this. Never. Not in a million different lifetimes. You taught me that the only person I can ever let down is myself, when I'd only lived in fear of disappointing everyone else. Yeah, parents are irrationally influential. And so you're not meeting their expectations, but look: they're failing to meet yours as well. The difference is: they're as satisfied as possible with their engagement with you, and you're unfortunately not. When you realize that they can't be who you want them to be for you, maybe then you can be who you want to be for yourself. Learn from what they've lacked. 'They' being your parents, or anyone else that you feel has been disappointed by you. Never once have you let me down. Don't ever forget, baby, 'if you fall, I'll catch you'. And if I miss the drop, look for my arms to help pick you back up. You're a strong girl, though, and I know you don't need me for any of that. But if ever you think otherwise, just know you have me for that. Eva. I love you so much. And you have me, forever, in a way that no one else will. You are my everything. 040519 ... char Are you willing to suffer to learn?" I answer aye. She cuts into the heel of my palm at the part known as the moon's quarter with her knife and places the cord over the wound. "Know that all learning comes in the form of an opening. While the learning may feel like a wound or a suffering, know that every time you open, you deepen, and all that is hurt is healed again by the love of the Goddess. 040519 what's it to you? who go blather from