pushing burden picturetardeditorialligatorgasmegmarmaladedicationiontarionicthyosaurusefultimatenderoticonoclastapleadenvelopermanencellartisanatomyopicicilymphomanahandlesbiangstellargonautopianimalbumbilicalmightypewriteruditelegramnestypicaltitudevilluminebulaxativelvetiqutteleviseducatesticleveragenomeaningfulcerminegativerminsomniacclimatizedificelebratenurepulsivendettarnishapelyricalcoholigarcheddarsenalmostolideologynecologistovetopulencesspoolfactoryan. 010520 ... Norm Get out of my way. Sissy 010830 ... acidshank i kept pushing. but i have to go slow or ill fuck up. atleast when the slow is over, the pushing will be fast as we want. hahaha. oh how i can dream. will it even ever happen? 041125 ... s you keep pushing because you don't know how else you could live because you want to know what it is like to live through it because you know you are going to die and you don't want to die not knowing. I almost died when I was 18. I remember this one instant where I was crouched over in pain and cold and knowing for certain that I was not ready to die with the one loud thought in my head, "there is too much still that I have to do". I didn't die. I lived on half automaton for years determined to do the things I had to do. The emotion eventually sank in and I panicked. I am guessing I am not making the most sense. I am sorry. When you die you realise that you love life. That there is nothing more amazing than the blood in your veins. The wonder of it lasts for a few years. And then you start to take it for granted again. Forgetting what it was like. I'm so sorry. I broke this year. It was quite a long time in between. I blame him. and my family, and my friends and most of all the state of the world. I miss love. They say it is a drug and this is so true. After death but but before love I was ok. How did I come to be so alive? So vulnerable? How did I come to care about anything other than my own reflection? How did i become so fragmented? fragments half of them not me at least. at least. I'm bored and tired and I don't want to be here. 071031 what's it to you? who go blather from