out dallas I am! 991110 ... me? Hour by hour Day by day Love leaks out And goes away 991111 ... jennifer I don't know, Melody. I just feel, I don't know. You know when you get that burning feeling in the back of your throat, almost like guilt, but you don't know what it is you did wrong, and it just gnaws at you. Like glass in your belly. And nothing you do will make it go away. And when you're awake, you don't want to eat or sleep or move. And when you are asleep, you can't dream. It, everything just becomes nothing. And you hurt for no reason. (she pauses, not really giving anyone a chance to respond) Well, that is what my life is like, all the time. It's like I'm trapped in some surreal crystal ball... I'm stuck, and I can see everyone outside living their life and having a great time, but inside it's all fuzzy and nothing is clear anymore. And I know that I screwed everything up. I just feel guilty for messing up so many lives to better my own, but that was in vain. I feel guilty for thinking what I think, and feeling how I feel, and doing what I do. I just can't take hold of the things that are right in front of me, and I keep reaching for the things that are too far away. But, I think that I do what I do for reason, but I don't want to give up, and just resign to the fact that fate has something for me. And I messed up on life to many... my own. But I know I did it for a reason. I mean, I know that my life isn't the worst one in the world, but to me, when there is no way out, and I'm flailing for an answer, for a, a life preserver, and I grab on to the others who are drowning in this shit, too, I just end up dragging them down with me. Let me explain. When I was about 13, I had some friends over for a party... probably a birthday party or something. And we were doing a truth or dare type-thing, and I was asked what my deepest darkest secret was. I figured that I was among friends, and so I told them that, um... I (hard for her to say) viewed the female body as a work of art. Um, a beautiful representation of nature. And I know that appreciation and lust are two different things, but there is more to it than that. Anyway, they all seemed cool with it or whatever, and so I figured that it wouldn't leave the room. Well, the next day at school, in my fourth period gym class, no one would go near me in the locker room. (Sarah gasps, Jennifer nods) Turns out that all of my "friends" had told their friends and so on, and in a matter of one short day, almost the entire school knew about me and my secret. I was crushed. And that was in about 8th grade, and you know how kind junior high kids can be. And I had to live with that for about two years, until I got to the high school. In high school, I met this guy at a birthday party, and he was really nice to me. He was no one in particular, no one at school knew him, but he was sweet to me, and I saw this as an opportunity to get my life back. I told everyone I was going out with him, and such, and they bought it. Well, I guess that in my blind attempt at redemption, I went a little too far with the "crush". I stalked the poor boy. It worked though. No one at school ever mentioned the secret again. But I felt so bad for ruining the boy's life. But I was jus so scared that everyone would find out... 991205 ... marjorie of range... too hard to see, and too far away to reach, just like you are to me. 991219 ... Tess {someone}: Oh, Amy! whatcha gonna do when your time runs out?? and she said... Amy: Oh {someone}! I'm a-gonna scream! I'm gonna kick, I'm gonna Sho-out! i have nothing original today... 000112 ... gaudior to be separate from outside and alone a frightening word 000112 ... sean how true, drew. 000126 ... BoofPixie outside. kiss the boys and make them cry. nyaaaah! 000126 ... Ren A whisper a kiss was it the wind across my face? out with the tear the wipe way and say oh Im fine and you? 000126 ... Acuhymen 20 years later she was still fascinated. Her little secret had settled with her, and nobody laughed anymore, nobody shied away in the gym anymore. nobody cared (those who knew). But everyone didnt know. She would go to gallaries. And stare. Sit and draw and stare. And there would be a dull pounding in just the corner of her self where she hardly noticed the vibrations. She set down her sketch pad on the marble bench standing to peer at some nook. Where the nook was, she found her finger tracing its crevice. So they threw her out. 000225 ... anastacia i'm not wrong i'm not defective i'm right and i'm good good for it 000318 ... Brad A term we jazz musicans use to describe something a little off the beaten path... the music of Ornette Coleman, for example. 000319 ... Barrett ...of beer. Your turn. 001110 ... maxwell thorne Have you ever confided in a close friend? I told her my stories, all but one. I couldn't tell her the one secret. "Only one other person knows," I told myself, "and he was in on it." Silence, as though she was waiting for more. I knew that she had to know. She had every right. She's my best friend. I inhaled, and mouthed out the words in preparation. After what seemed like a small lifetime, it came, loud and clear, unmistakably so, and yet she asked for clarification. "What?" She said wide-eyed, she obviously had never even thought of me like that. I cleared my throat, and began again: "I'm Bisexual." Silence this time. Soon enough, however, we had put it behind us, and were once again talking about anything and everything, going on and on, with no inhibitations. We had shared all of our deepest secrets. Or had we? Why can I tell her everything, except the one thing I need to tell her? I love her. 010204 ... dB Out. Out. Nobody gets out. Havnen't you learned that yet? 010318 ... Aimee Life is a game, and no one wins, cause no one gets out alive 010318 ... Chrity go to: i_have_words 010408 ... god LET'S SPLIT Everything about, about to go out, me out, you out, yes and everything is out about, out... out, out, out, out, out, out, Let's split! I'm telling you this is it! Everything is down, and hound, hound, hound back down, down, down even everything is down abound and down, down, down, down, down, down, down Let's split! Tellin' you this is it! Nobody is right tonight, night, height, right, tight, it isn't right Me out, you out And everything is out out, out, out, out, out, out Let's split! 010524 ... god stay in!!! 010527 ... di luce I can't take this jealously and pain and horrible emptiness anymore!!! I wish it would all just go away. I want this hurt to go away. But the one thing that would remedy my pain is completely and utterly out of my reach. I've never failed like this before. Never. It's awful! 030225 ... god outside of society 030624 ... immortal No, he was safe. 030725 ... immortal No, he was safe. 030725 ... anotherblatherer he was out 030817 ... see: skidoo 030917 ... waffles out... mmmmm.... the oppisite of in... 040420 ... New Zealand girl death get all my blood out of me now, all out please... 040801 ... chiselmouth I've got to get out of this place. I will murder everyone around me if that is what it takes. I have to get away. I hate everyone in this place. 050806 ... black hunter Move, bitch, get OUT of the way. 060802 ... outpatient me 061029 what's it to you? who go blather from