he deb is mine this i know but i long for certainty so call me hold me tell me tell me so i know 991209 ... andrea He came at Her slowly, there was fear in Her eyes. He seemed to be deaf to Her whimpers and cries. He took Her roughly. She didn’t talk. and when He was through, She lay there in shock. He needed to pay, this much She knew. He had done this to Her, maybe others, too. He wounded Her deep. Her scars you can’t see. He said He was sorry, but She can’t let it be. He didn’t know then the pain He had caused Her. He would never know about the fear He had fathered. He left Her there, She was hurt and battered. He couldn’t comprehend that Her life He had shattered. He wasn’t sent to jail, but, Her anger, it died. He was still in Her thoughts, so She had to decide. if He would control Her life, or if She’d forgive and forget. forgiven Him, She has. but forgotten Him, not yet. copyright 1999 991231 ... ikon he can have me till the grave if he just stops frowning all the time. Yeah, I'd love him sex feet down if he would just hold me while we sleep. 000116 ... Q dear ikon, with a name like the both of you've obviously abundances of self esteem. excellentissimo! you, my dear ikon, have either a serious problem or no problem. in either case, the solution is obvious and at hand. there's a serious problem if he doesn't want to or you don't want to risk asking him to. solution: get outta' that place yesterday already. there's no problem if he'd if you'd just ask him to and you've no problem asking but just haven't gotten 'round to doing it. solution: just ask it. a bad relationship is a basically non-communicative one, and for that reason not very likely to become good. the sooner it's ended, the better for all concerned. a little verbal communication never hurts a good relationship, and lots of communication in many different ways is required constantly to keep a good one good. sincerely, the advice monster p.s. this wasn't learned out of a book - although reading books to each other helps big time - or alone. 000116 ... ikon Q: He inspires me to imagine, he inspires me to write. he really loves me. but i sometimes pretends he doesn't. as a writer, you might understand. 000116 ... someone i'm too young to know anything i'm too old to believe that it will be a fairy tale of kisses and swoons and sighs and gazes and sweet lust he's nervous, fidgets around me as i try to put up a barricade of words to shield me from his stares i want to cry but not in his arms i don't know where i want to back out but i feel like a stupid girl who is once again reduced to what she always is,will be it's funny that he should scare me he, with his 'you're so beautiful' and 'you made dreams come true' i'm drowning in his arms 000222 ... girl has opened my eyes. before we met, i was young and foolish. i believed in trust, goodness, loyalty, promises, and peace. i know now that there are no such things. my world has been expanded by pain, paranoia, betrayal, insanity, and insomnia. i am alive now. 000326 ... calliope alive now? because of him? how strange. how sweet. simple. 000329 ... Romiette ) i think he killed me, my soul, its been destoryed, by the betrayal of his heart it hurts more than anything i've ever felt before why does love hurt so much? 000521 ... 4550ormore is the way 000527 ... lilt works his fingers over the keyboard works his mind over the bareness works his way to final bliss works not for what he has works not for what I'm worth maybe doesn't care 000615 ... attila the hun too serious needs to back off 000808 ... zavyman It pains me to see people this way, believing that relationships have to hurt. There are sweet people out there. I come from the opposite side. I how I would be if I got into a relationship, I just have not had the chance. I don't know what it is, maybe just the fact that I treat girls with respect. They may see me more as a friend than a boyfriend, I guess. I can see where 'someone' and 'girl' are coming from. The culture has it all backwards when it comes to dating. I just hold out knowing that eventually I will be noticed, just that that day has not come yet. But believe me: there are nice guys out there, but you just have to look. They unfortunatly do not have the will to look for you. 000808 ... Seth There aren't any nice guys. We're all macho assholes, just waiting for a weak little girls to pounce upon. It pains me to be classified as a "he". I think of creating things, until I get a hard on. Then I don't care about anything or anyone until I've satisfied myself. It scares me. How do I control this urge? How do I stop hurting people? A cry for help. I'm learning though. Unfortunately, I have no teacher but myself. The women are too afraid to teach me, and the men are happy with being predators. Or maybe the men are too afraid to teach me, and the women are happy with being prey. Confusing, indeed. The journey continues. 000830 ... psycho insomniac We made love last night beneath he stars. The moon's Cycloptic eye unblinking staring us down uncovering our bodies of the darkness like naked roots we tangled ourselves thighs and elbows heavy fruit shiny as winter chestnuts. Body of the man I love--Seth... bitten mouth, tangerine lips rose petal surprise of tongue, I could wander the continent of your golden valleys without ceasing and delight each day in discovering a new dawn rising from he depths of your mysterious being. 000915 ... Meara He is really starting to tick me off. He figured out that something was wrong. I had no intention of telling anyone (except my best friend), but he kept asking and asking until I finally told him everything. He acted like he really cared, but I haven't heard from him since. Some friend. 001116 ... someone very sad he is ruining us. he is jealous and he hates me and he wants you to have no one because he has no one. and i want to smack him. and more than anything give him a piece of my mind. i want him to hurt. to cry to feel the pain he makes. i want someone to break his heart. i want him to know what he's doing. he is ruining us. i am losing you. my best friend. my boyfriend. losing my love and my smile. i want him to hurt. he needs to feel this emptiness inside. 010128 ... keeper is out of my reach....but i want him....more than anything.....to love....to hold....to be held by....to play with....to laugh with.....to kiss 010324 ... keeper he tells me that he misses me, does he miss me or my body, he says to spend time together, im afraid to say yes although i want to, he says he misses the good ol' times all of them, im ashamed of them 010403 ... Chrity go to: i_have_words 010408 ... psychobabe the first day i met him, i knew we were ment to be. The was we were together, no one could tell is was just us. Our relationship was great, there were no tears, no pain and definatly no fears. He treated me like a angel, careing for my every need. But then the day he left me, was so hard to deal with. He was sent away to jail, those damn pigs and their governmental system. He did no wrong, but he was gone. away from me. I felt everything stop for a while, but then things became extremely fucked up. When he was out, we had broken up, which was probably for the best. But then he wanted to see me again, and i also wanted to see him back. He said he was sorry, and if he could do it all over again he would, but time is ireplaceable, and so were our feelings. We sat together waiting for it all to last, but now once again he is leaveing me. Once again he is leaveing, for something he didnt do. My good friend says that "things happen for a reason" and of course they do. I would believe her over anything. She said "things may be hard right now, but I believe in the end, everything will work out for the best." and i'm hopeing.... 010410 ... ladybird is strong and gentle but he can fuck real hard his hands are brown and his eyes are so deep you could so easily drown bites his bottom lip when he plays guitar would do anything for a friend has his heart in the right place knows where to touch me and can smile like nobody's business and i can't stop laughing when i'm with him forget the rest of the world there are good men out there i promise: i found one. 010512 ... alegra makes me see myself in ways that i never expected to... and when i'm talking to him my words and his mix in a beautiful alchemy, the potent mixture sometimes sustaining communication even through long silences. in other words, he makes my tummy feel funny. in a good way. 010516 ... not all there he left her long ago. he did not want to leave. she never called him back; he thinks she did not greive. he wants to say to her the things he use to say. to be together once again, that'll be the day. now she sees him in the mall and hugs him right away he sees lost love in her eyes, there's so much he wants to say. he wants her to know how much it hurt to leave her far behind. that if he never saw her again, he might as well go blind. he's the one that left, he wants to make it right he might just be fooling himself because he knows what she's like. though she gives him little hints, reminders of the past he'll never get the courage to come right out and ask if she thinks same way he does if she still loves him, too Bri, i know it's been a couple years, but i still really miss you. 010516 ... erin eternities are going by until u think of me ,pick up the phone and call ,god damnit! *I always do this if he doesnt call or does its a test of if he loves me...i am pathetic* 010529 ... nocturnal he is one of the coolest people I know he makes me laugh every time I talk to him he is the only person that, once I think of him, brings a smile to my face less than a second later he is so far away. (yet another drunken blather, the honesty is brutal) 010617 ... lmp makes me feel safe and protected. he makes me believe that maybe we can still find love out there. he scares me because i know that i'm losing control and he could break my heart in an instant without knowing or meaning to. he says he loves me, but i can't let myself believe it. i keep putting up walls, testing him, making things difficult. i don't want to lose him, i just can't let him hurt me. but he promises that no matter what he won't stop when i say when, and eventually he'll wear me down. i hope he's right. 010621 ... black-dyed gel product SHIT - IT + HE = SHE That was something I learned in the second grade. I guess society was trying say even to children that women are shit without men. Society is fucked up sometimes. PS - I was just stating something I remembered from childhood. Please don't interpret this as some kind of hatred of mine against women because that is not how I feel. 010621 ... psychobabe He makes me feel alive. He makes me feel happy. He makes me...me:) I love him for obvious reasons when we met things were to great. Friends can be a great thing and that is how we met. The internet is a great thing too. Long distance *30 min.* can be a hard thing, or even if it was 2 hours, its all hard to not see the one you love. To hear their voice call your name from the darkness which is below. I say i love him cuz i do. People say "YOU CANT SAY THAT! YOUR TO YOUNG TO KNOW! YOU HAVENT EXPIERIENCED IT ENOUGHT!" what a bunch of hypocritical bullshit Its not what people tell you, but what you feel inside. You cant have someone say you feel something when you dont! its how you see it, how you think of it, and if you can say it to them straight. love is such a thrown around word...people say it to get stuff, but then when you meet the one you love, it makes total sence I say i love him cuz i do. I say i need him cuz he loves me. I say i want him cuz he wants me back. I say all this from within because...its real what i feel for you matt is real and i hope, that i keep you for a long time. I konw the way you feel for me, and you love me greatly, i want to say i love you back, and i will until i find a word that justifies the way i feel for you @;---- @;---- @;---- @;---- @;---- 010710 ... kingsuperspecial man, I felt all that once ... love! and then one day I realized it was really gone, and all my pretending it was a temporary problem wasn't going to change. I felt like someone had just taken my brain out and took a shit on it. that girl broke my heart. 010710 ... psychobabe hurt me.. loved me.. made me feel special.. but left me.. for the brief moment.. i stayed and listened.. why i stayed? i dont konw why.. i love him.. but how do i know he loves me back? i want him.. i need him.. i love him greatly!! so why do i feel so empty right now?? why must i cry about this?? why must i hurt myself over this?? all it is.. is emptiness :( 010716 ... yummychuckle is nothing but a facade 010929 ... Inanna He tried to kill Everyone the only one He really killed Was his own soul to be eaten By the hungry So old not dead He left a will Mistaken fo a new power Fear is his god This never said Now fear devours What ws left Of his head He says he's not ever afraid His soul is bought He wil be paid He thinks he's god Controlling life The illusion will be over Soon he is ripe With crazy hate and it consumes An internal Debate too late To try to help He will not wait Does not know he is dead the only perspective Is from inside his head Still only instinctive Thought he was beyond guilt Lotus flower is wilt His aura is pure black The eggshell is cracked The key of Solomon Unlocks the pale blue door to see beyond nevermore 011106 ... Toxic_Kisses ...read the card I sent him but never wrote me back *sad sigh* Why'd he do that? 011222 ... Dis That photo there? That's not really him, that's not how he is. If you look only at that, you won't understand. You have to see him as I see him, if you really want to see his extraordinary beauty. There's something about his living presence that no photo can capture; something about the way he lives and breathes, the way light dances off his skin, the way his expressions flash like fire. That photo isn't him, it's at best an odd echo. At his last exhalation, when it's all over but the weeping, perhaps then a photo will suffice. But now? Not a chance. 020313 ... adelaide me. closed off from the world. frightened. muffled. insecure. he. one i never thought would care. bold. hilarious. amazing. a two-way crush. a two-way crush drowned out by his thoughts of another. a one-way crush. a one-way crush with a two-way close friendship. he drove my car. i laughed at his jokes. he watched movies in my basement. i listened as he played guitar in his room. a one-way crush. a one-way love? he gained interest. again. but was it the right kind? was it pure? was it real? not real enough to last. not real enough to sustain me. not real enough to take away the pain. awkward. different. changes. i cared too much. he blocked me out. i longed for his return. he found a better girl. i longed for the friendship. the nights in my basement. the afternoons in his room. he found a new interest. a new hobby. a new pasttime. i see him still. my gaze he avoids. i recieve the occasional forced wave. i see the disinterest in his eyes. i feel the pain in my heart. did he ever really care? were we ever really friends? does he ever think back to november? and does he miss it? does he ever come across a picture of me a picture he cant get his gaze off of for a minute or two while it all comes back ? could it ever be the same again if i stopped being stupid if he stopped being stupid if we tried to be close friends again ? its been weeks. its been months. i try to move on. but i cant replace a person like him. there is no other person like him. he has no idea how wonderful he is. 020822 ... bLuE iCe i love you, and i believed him. never thought that hed break my heart. now i sit, try to move on, but hes still there. still tied into my world. he swore he changed. so i gave him another chance. he broke my heart again. now i have someone great, and hes still a part of my world. he tore me apart. i thought id never make it out alive. when i finally left, the scars were so deep, i almost died without him. but now im alive. and i realise, he never loved me at all. --well not for me anyways. 030316 ... angelita found me once. it's sort of funny because I suppose I wasn't even looking. neither was he, come to think of it - so, did we find one another? it isn't love, not really, it's more than that and different in a multitude of ways. understands me more than a thousand closer friends. led me here. 030830 ... Priscilla is the only one that could ruin me. 031106 ... thespacebetween its amazing how strong a woman can be untill she meets him you know the one at first its so great and you think he really wants you then he says hes not ready and you crumble on the floor just like that maybe its just me but its been two weeks and all i can think about is the way he used to hold me? why does this hurt so much. he is no one he will never amount to anything i know im too good for him but still i cant breath without him. god how can he do this to me? 031130 ... buttercup oh god i am glad i am not the only one although at times it feels like it i talked to him tonight and now i am so heartsick that i cannot breathe i miss you 031217 ... bissa doesn't want me. I'm not a "hot"girl. I have a fiance. but God, he's so amazing. Funny and sweet and he doesn't even know I'm alive. I would leave my life for him. maybe just for one night with him. Sometimes it seems like he knows what I'm thinking. When he holds eye contact for just a little too long and he smiles. I wish I could just touch him. 031219 ... RoXXXie i wonder what he is thinking right now. i wonder where he is at. yesterday i told him it was his, it was ours and now he is no where to be found he had professed undying love and devotion to me repeatedly and now i sit and wonder where he is at. i knew i shouldn't have been so trusting all they do is build you up and knock you down so they can get on top and have their way with you and when they're done they discard you like a napkin, like you never even existed to them you were just a hole that's right a hole and now you sit, alone, carrying his child, and wondering what he is thinking right now and hoping he is thinking of you, but not wanting to admit that's what you hope, because, ah, you just want him so bad and it drives you so mad that you even want him, but you know you do, you can't stop thinking about him you're a beautiful girl other's will say you will find one more worthy but no, you think, no he's the one i want i want him and he wants me and one day, yes, one day he realize it, but by then, it will be too late. you'll stomp on his heart with a smile and hand it back to him wrapped up in the same kinda napkin he made you feel like, the same damn discarded dairy queen napkin that should've caught his seed, but it didn't, because you did, and in 9 months, there will be a baby...and you'll still be wondering where hs is. 040107 ... schmerin dear you, it just never made sense, you and i. we werent right. we were so different. but our differences complemented each others. you were left, i was right. i couldnt keep still and you could practically meditate for days. we werent right, but somehow we fit like puzzle pieces. 040209 ... sara he didnt come over. and he walked away with my smashed heart dangling out of his back pocket. 040322 ... nika i kissed his precious cheek good bye. i wanted to hold onto him forever, so he couldnt leave over and over and renew the old wounds he first made, when he left for the first time. He was everything to me, my sun, my moon. my stars dotting to night to make it beautiful. he was my soul. my soul, ones soul doesnt leave the body usually unless the body dies, when he left me, my body died and he took my soul with him. i want to be around him. i'd do anything to feel his weight on me again. i'd do anything to feel his strong hand holding onto my delicate little hand, safe in its grasp. to see his smile, which lights up the sky brighter than the sun ever could. and his eyes, his beautiful hazel eyes, they speak the world to me, they twinkle when he laughs, i love it when he laughs. his black soft hair, is amazing, its jet black and with his beautiful eyes his face paints a picture of the clearest night sky with the two prettiest stars of all. 040322 ... sara he is a boy. that can hurt me. 040323 ... nemo billy_mckinney 040323 ... her royal highness the quirk feeling like an outcast while the two of you talk about sweet tea 040407 ... i am He is not allowd to cry.He is not allowed to fear.He is not allowed to love.He is not allowed to laugh.He is only allowed to hate.Anger is the only emotion he is permitted to feel. Deprived of his thoughts he wanders this world alone and misunderstood.Whats wrong with him?Nothing.He is only what he was made to be.A means to an end.To fight war.To build.To repair.To be obedient.To make the ultamate sacrafice without even asking why.The perfect sucker. Men are like mules.Thay work their hole lives for nothing.A poor,spitefull creature.Helpless to fix it's circumstances it lives a lowly life.It deserves more but is taught to accept less.Whenever it reaches a hill it cannot climb it is beaten untill it can.And once it outlives its usefullness it is shot.And yet somehow we still disreguard mules as stubborn. A woman says "be a man". Talk about reteric. 040409 ... minnesota_chris that last paragraph is true for women as well, unfortunately! 040409 ... minnesota_chris ooh, it becomes poetic even... women working their hole lives for nothing... 040410 ... x i'd prefer to talk about rhetoric, if you don't mind 040410 ... i am In correcting the word you have lived up to it's meaning.Congratulations! 040410 ... x twisted x "I've been thinking about what you said. You're right. Something inside of me is frozen. It's not that I don't feel things, I... I do. I feel love, I feel pain, I feel passion. I feel all of these things inside of me, swirling around, sometimes so, so powerfully that it frightens me. Especially when it comes to men. I don't know what I'm afraid will happen if I let my feelings out. I... I suppose that I'm afraid I'll seem silly or weak, or ... or that maybe he won't hear me. Or worse yet, that he'll hear me and won't respond, and I'll just be left there standing. You're not afraid of that, are you? You know how to reach out, to risk looking like a fool, for the sake that someone will respond in kind. If only I could be that brave." 040411 ... Shaun You can be brave.You can be anything. Push hard to find it. 040415 ... acidshank he is what i have wanted for many a long time now. so hot.so hot. i jsut want to run my hands all over his body, his jaw. aaaaa. exasperated 041123 ... stilldreaming he is amazing. He is everything I want. He is worth waiting for. He is worth giving up everything for. He is sexy. He is smooth. He is perfect to me. He is perfect for me. He is a dream... and when I wake up he is also my reality, laying beside me. Keeping me warm. He is the one I compleatly trust and love. 041123 ... he haw hum JOHN COOK had a little grey mare; he, haw, hum! Her back stood up, and her bones they were bare; he, haw, hum! John Cook was riding up Shuter's bank; he, haw, hum! And there his nag did kick and prank; he, haw, hum! John Cook was riding up Shuter's hill; he haw, hum! His mare fell down, and she made her will; he, haw, hum! The bridle and saddle were laid on the shelf; he, haw, hum! If you want any more you may sing it yourself; he, haw, hum ! 041124 ... 90623 He . . .and . . . It's all there. It's all here. ^ up there. I just needed to get that out. Even though no one will understand. I just needed to say something. Anything. I need to scream. I can never forget what HE did . . . how sHE has to suffer for it. It's okay though, because she is a stupid incompetant, arrogant, weak fool. I wish . . .I'm sorry. I'm sorry that this is such a big part of my life. I wish it weren't, but it is. And it restrains me . . .from doing certain things. It makes me hesitant. I trust . . .but I can't trust fully again. Look what that did to me. Understand . . .that it isn't that i cannot trust, it is merely that i am afraid. not because i don't trust, but rather because it hurts sometimes. The memories come back by being triggered. All that needs to be done to ameliorate this is a little bit of healing and time. In time I shall trust fully again. BUt in the meantime I shall sway with myself. I do not wish to trouble others with my insignificant babble. I'm weak. Afraid. And dying inside everynight because of something I could not even control. I guess I will just come out and say it. SInce no one even knows what this site is or who i am. HE was an asshole. He took advantage of a little girl who did nothing but trust in the good of people. I never thought that that could be such a bad thing. I don't think she even knew what was going on. It was kind of not even happening. That's why she questions if it actually happened or not. If she is just crazy and fabricating it. But at other times, the visions she sees are too real for them to be a mere dream. It's gonna eat away at me. at her. She saw some things that little children . . .just shouldn't. sHE was hurt. That's why she lies there all alone waiting to die. 050222 ... concha has been told all, if i'm correct. a part of my wants to ask, but my bare feet shake in no shoes, so i think i'll just keep perching on the fence. 050410 ... obnubilate is but a man, and nothing more. is mortal, and cannot save me. 051204 ... stiffanny If only I could say, “I’m sorry for your pain,” But the words would simply say: “It’s your fault for playing this game.” Trapped in your world, you don’t belong, Just thought you’d enter mine and string us all along. You came along; you broke her heart, and replaced her with someone new, It wasn’t too long before you had someone else in view. Disregard our feelings, our hurt and our pain, All for a little pleasure, something for you to gain. It’s just too easy for you to wreck us all, Our friendships, our memories, destroyed in the fall. You don’t seem to care, the sacrifices make no impact, As long as your selfish reign remains intact. So again it’s disintegrating and falling apart, More shattered pieces of a broken heart. No friendships, no love, no trust and no care, Take a look around, now there’s no one there. Bring on your downfall, I hope she gets crushed too, The pain, the suffering, experienced by both of you. If only I could say, “I’m sorry for your pain,” But you’re a selfish bastard and it’s your fault for playing this game. If only I could say, “I’m sorry for your pain,” But the words would simply say: “It’s your fault for playing this game.” You said you’d be there for me, and guide me til the end, But you threw it all away, don’t call yourself a friend. Now he’s throwing you away, now it’s your turn to feel, The pain, the shame, the suffering… you stagger… you kneel. I hope the realisation hits you, I hope it makes a dent I hope you know you can’t recover all this wasted time you’ve spent. No one really trusts you, I don’t really care, No one really loves you, I’d have to say that’s fair. You always knew betrayal, you used it to shatter me, Now you know what I felt, I’ll stand here and let it be. So enjoy the pain sensation, numb it with a knife Use it to scar yourself, a reminder that remains for life. Attempt to make it go away… scream, shout and run, Why not make it easier, look I’ve handed you a gun. Shoot us all, don’t you see, there’s nothing left for you and me, I’m breaking off…. I’m tearing free. If only I could say, “I’m sorry for your pain,” But you’re the one who dealt the cards, so finish the fucking game. 060415 ... 33444 is trying too hard to figure out what she means, but he is getting nowhere. absolutely nowhere. He knows this is the last bang, before his dissappearence, but he just can't find the ammo he needs to finally leave. He has promised himself he will find her in all this hay. he will try his best, because knows his worst is going to be there right after. HE , the one trying to figure out exactly what she is, niether human, nor an angel, will never find her perhaps, and the night is growing old now. So he will depart into the darkness, the cold brutal darkness. It is his will that still keeps him standing, and searching too, for her. 060916 ... self lies to me. sometimes i'll lie about nothing just for revenge. it's stupid, i know, but he thinks i can't tell. Don't you think i know you by now? 071231 ... Analyst of Written Laughs To be avoided. Identical to "Hee" but maybe be mistaken for pronoun. 081205 ... . . 121218 ... gili may be mistaken for the one. there is only one. he was the only one. 220419 what's it to you? who go blather from