shattered last still stings these shattered nerves 000613 ... birdmad pigs we get what pigs deserve 000613 ... sapphire_ me. but i'm piecing together i suppose. slowly. like crystals forming a glass cathedral... i'm not even sure what the purpose is 010420 ... MaraJade like fragile things falling off a high shelf. like a dream that becomes broken, we too can be shattered...so be careful with each other. you never know whos heart youll shatter in a careless act. 010528 ... birdmad every time i think i've swept them all away every time i start to believe that i have cleaned away the wreckage i cut myself on another broken piece 010528 ... EECP To truly be shattered is to have nothing left but dust. Shattered in such a way that no ammount of time or focus will correct the hell you survive. I am currently living in a animated state of death where my life exists in moments of horrid pain which I show to no one. I EECP's strong front. I am desperately clawing for safety. It does not exist. There is no safe ground. I will be either all or nothing, but I can not show anyone. People don't understand. They apply thier crooked logic of bullshit and ignorance. WHY CAN'T YOU FUCKING PEOPLE SEE WHAT NEEDS TO BE SEEN?!? Shake your fear and reveal what is obviously in front of your face. I am alone.....except for one. She doubts herself and does not achive what she can. Stop serving everyone else. This isn't your purpose. Your not you service to others.. Fuck! I wish someone would shatter my skull and cease my pathedic (insert appropriate word for a life not worth saving). I am alone, I am scared, and I don't want to hurt anymore. 020808 ... EECP I continue to exist with no definite end in sight. The days and nights run together and my life becomes a soup of fiction and reality. What is real and what is not? I have one conclusion, pain. Pain is real. Aching, actually.....the type of ache where every moment you think it will kill you and every moment you are amazed that it doesn't. So then you turn to outward sources. "Kill me please." Is the statement you feel slipping between your lips. Then you realize that they won't; and you wait to see if they realize that you weren't kidding. It is so sneaky. It lets you feel it but it is so hard to know why you are feeling it. Fuck! I am down, but I'm not sure why. When you know you could figure it out but you just don't want to deal with it. There is no end in sight. I am EECP's fucked apathetic emotional construct. I want to cry so that I could feel an emotion that is true and amazingly potent. Instead I am left with this....fucking.....ninja emotion. ShIt!!! Oh how I long for the relief of a good breakdown. I have all of the tools, but what good are the tools if you are using them to survive a moment that will not lead you out of the forest. Fuck it....I give up. 020914 ... mick jagger shi-do-be. 041124 ... heathcliff When the only prayer of a lifetime is god help me to live till life gets better. But there were no poems of love, and no movement of the waves to call, life was nothing more than misery from end to end, thats how we lived and thats how we'll die, hiding a lifetime that was nothing more. By the way, if you don't kill yourself you may just be entitled to paradise. 060218 ... *SuPeR^ChIcK* my life - now with a little help from GOD, I am slowly picking up the pieces and rebuilding a new life. Different from the one before, as this time I will have an identity. 060218 ... hsg now_what 100202 ... CheapVodka It seems so clear right now, so why am I so confused? Is this it? Has everything come to fruition just to leave me feeling empty? How interesting. I should have seen this coming, and I didn't. Pride has gotten in the way of my clarity and I have opened myself up to an unusual combo of passion and cold-bloodedness. Slowly sinking in like it's stuck in quicksand and nothing can escape it's pull? Just Don't Move I can feel myself getting off track here. My mind wanders to the sound of my own voice in my head spewing thought that can never get out on it's own. Is this a break? My big break? I shall see my name in flashing lights. The very lights I see when I slip down into the dark. Only to look up and see that dazzle.. of those lights. Medicate me. 140304 ... unhinged i couldn't show you who i am cause i don't really know who i am and neither do you 140525 what's it to you? who go blather from