deb sometimes i have this feeling
when my heart is jumped into the air
within my ribs and is
suspended there,
not breating,


for just the right moment to plummet once more
tearing itself
from my flesh
and running away

some days i want to believe
it is my own hand that
twists the knife
within my soul
for i cannot see it as you

you, my angel, my bright one,
would never do me harm

no, it must be i~
i'd rather writhe my hands
in self-hatred
than to hurt you

heart settles softly with a single
back into her nest
for she realizes
through all her paranoia,
nothing's amiss
Brown i fell through the couch today and landed in a garbage pile of dismembered baby dolls, there was a penny gum ball machine on the corner so i took out a lone to put them all back together 001205
like rain. i fall into you so easily... moments where even when it is most important, flesh means nothing. 010427
the bird on the door i am

as the years go by

so i trick myself
like everybody else

if only i could

anything at all
distorted tendencies In your silence. 011001
sylvia plath i told doreen i would not go to the show or the luncheon or the film premiere, but that i would not go to coney island either, i would stay in bed. after doreen left, i wondered why i couldn't go the whole way doing what i should any more. then i wondered why i couldn't go the whole way doing what i shouldn't, the way doreen did, and this made me even sadder and more tired. 020911
anyone i am 030512
the bird on the door as the years go by

(so i trick myself, like everybody else)
ethereal I'm sinking like...

That family of four, in their minivan driving to soccer practice. Mom lost control and now they're falling into the depths of the lake. Sinking and I'm sinking like...

The house in the middle of the flood. Stranded, and the sandbags and pumps can't save the memories. Sinking and I'm sinking like...

The middle child whose mother beats and leaves to die. The same child whose brothers are properly taken care of. Why is he treated so differently than them and has to hurt. Sinking and I'm sinking like...

I'm sinking like...

A soul who no longer feels cold, and has the luxury of crying.

I'm frozen. My heart does not move. I do not feel. No longer will I breathe here in my ocean of pain. There's cement in my shoes and I'm sinking...

I am sinking.
Borealis if you will not be set free from your shoes, your house, your pain
if you cannot leave

then I will teach you breathe water
I love you too much to see you drown
what's it to you?
who go