sinking deb sometimes i have this feeling when my heart is jumped into the air within my ribs and is suspended there, not breating, waiting waiting waiting for just the right moment to plummet once more finally tearing itself from my flesh and running away some days i want to believe it is my own hand that twists the knife within my soul for i cannot see it as you you, my angel, my bright one, would never do me harm no, it must be i~ i'd rather writhe my hands in self-hatred than to hurt you heart settles softly with a single beat back into her nest for she realizes finally through all her paranoia, nothing's amiss 991212 ... Brown i fell through the couch today and landed in a garbage pile of dismembered baby dolls, there was a penny gum ball machine on the corner so i took out a lone to put them all back together 001205 ... like rain. i fall into you so easily... moments where even when it is most important, flesh means nothing. 010427 ... the bird on the door i am as the years go by so i trick myself like everybody else if only i could remember anything at all 010930 ... sylvia plath i told doreen i would not go to the show or the luncheon or the film premiere, but that i would not go to coney island either, i would stay in bed. after doreen left, i wondered why i couldn't go the whole way doing what i should any more. then i wondered why i couldn't go the whole way doing what i shouldn't, the way doreen did, and this made me even sadder and more tired. 020911 ... anyone i am 030512 ... the bird on the door as the years go by (so i trick myself, like everybody else) 030512 ... ethereal I'm sinking like... That family of four, in their minivan driving to soccer practice. Mom lost control and now they're falling into the depths of the lake. Sinking and I'm sinking like... The house in the middle of the flood. Stranded, and the sandbags and pumps can't save the memories. Sinking and I'm sinking like... The middle child whose mother beats and leaves to die. The same child whose brothers are properly taken care of. Why is he treated so differently than them and has to hurt. Sinking and I'm sinking like... I'm sinking like... A soul who no longer feels cold, and has the luxury of crying. I'm frozen. My heart does not move. I do not feel. No longer will I breathe here in my ocean of pain. There's cement in my shoes and I'm sinking... I am sinking. 040410 ... Borealis if you will not be set free from your shoes, your house, your pain if you cannot leave then I will teach you breathe water I love you too much to see you drown 040410 what's it to you? who go blather from