Quintessensual fear

we see the bright sun rising
but feel the black night falling
and find no match for candling
but hear the babies crying
and the gray big wolves howling
but discern no green morning
and touch only know nothing

Copr. 1999
mareberry i once held you so close, our dreams came together as one. but then i saw where we were headed, i knew it wasn't right.
i'm sorry i lied.
i'm sorry you cried.
but the fear overcame me and shattered my being into thousands of pieces left at your feet. and now there is nothing anymore, nothing i can do to change things. nothing i can do to erase the fear that tore our hearts apart.
andrea no matter which road you take
i will stand at your side
don't be afraid

copyright 2000
hahaha Fear is the mind killer 000106
Drew Run, running from my home.
He's hurt me long enough. I won't
be his toy anymore.
I've escaped, but yet, I look back...

"please don't do it no let me go"

i collapse in my forest, totally alone. no longer will i live in his confusion, but where else can i go?
bane while playing the animal game, you must always ask whether or not a rational person would fear this animal. if so you have narrowed the choices down to a hippo, ferret, or camel. 000124
bane if you looked up the word "sexoriffic" in the dictionary, you would surely find a picture of Bea Arthur. and if you looked up the word "deviant", you would most definitely find a picture of me. 000124
girl another word for love 000326
noone i don't have anything to say or anything to write.
my mind has left me in a hole, with no water and no food.
i am condemed.
i am possesed.
i have been kicked out of the garden of edan and you want to follow me.
don't you see my demons.
can't you hear the screams.
i will keep pushing, until one day you leave.
fucked i am afraid of my future because when i look at myself and my lifestyle i realize that i have no future. no matter what i do, my future will turn out to be a nightmare. I'm damned if i do and damned if i don't. It fucking sucks. 000418
Free Love knows no fear. 000418
Katie Rose I'm afraid. I'm afraid of being alone. I've been hurt too many times to trust our future one hundred percent. I want to. I try. I believe in you, and I believe in us, but I'm so afraid. 000614
Tank "the devil is karmic", she said to me. oh how those words ring around my head now. it always manages to resurrect itself and i am left floating on a sea of goodbyes... 000723
dont touch me the more cynical i become
the less afraid i am

i secrete it in layers like chitinous armour, segmented, articulated

startle me and i will roll into a ball and just not let you in

i was an angel
i was a raven

now i'm an insect
a devil
maybe just a roach
skittering away from the sudden turning on of the light, hoping that you will not see me if i do not move
stephen nothing. 001029
paragraph Sometimes, I wish the overwhelming weight of my own insecurity could be lifted, if just for a short while, and other times that I am content to wallow in my own self pity. either way, my insecurities still permeate, and I am still too weak to lift them from my weary shoulders. 001117
Wayne There is nothing to fear but beer itself. 001118
deb feeds upon itself,
until it becomes
a starving withered bird,
nothing left to consume
but its own sickened heart
lovers lament i will fall from this high
maybe to drown in the waters below
maybe to survive; die slow
with this starving entity inside of me
crashing around through the halls of my mind
quickening my pulse, freezing
my blood
must be one of those kind
those adrenaline steamrolling rushes
pounding down everything
just daring yourself to do it

deb plant those feet
in the freezing soil
beneath you,
and when the spring thaw sets you free
you shall see
what you would have missed
had you put yourself
in flight

dance with the snowflakes until then,
dear one,
and smile,
for that which you posess
far exceeds the price you wish to pay

you cannot buy happiness
with death
unhinged driving in the car with kt at high speeds in bad weather

i'm scared of a lot of things...i live with fear every day. but it's not of dying. sometimes i wish that i was dead. the biggest fear i have is being a disappointment to my father. i think the only reason i'm staying in college right now is my father would be disappointed if i wasn't. ggggaaaahhhh
john from michigan but lost in L.A. afraid once again, what a fimiliar place. All the people the same, they remember my name and my usual drink. They remember the bucket behind the bar is mine it's mine and only mine. It's my bucket of tears from fear of falling for the person as before. Not falling again but not ever getting there agian. It's not like letting go of a balloon on a clear sunnyday. It has emotions and is weighed down by confusion. I just wish my love would face who they are and that they are not exactly as they portray and that they are only hurting innocent people and themselves along the way. 001228
peyton Christ why can't I meet people like the people who write on this site in real life??? I'm so fucking tired of living in this fishbowl.. tapping on the glass trying to be free..

I am tired of being caged by idiots

I feel such an inexplicable connection to these people who hurt.. I hurt with them.

To everyone here.. unhinged.. fucked.. don't touch me.. I feel you.. I understand.

I don't know you in the real meaning of the word, but I feel the same. I feel like collapsing.. sometimes I think it would be easier to let my skull cave in.

If we were our indignities.. if we were our obsessions..

You and I we're like four year olds.. we want to know why and how come about everything.. We want to reveal ourselves at will and speak our minds And never talk small, and be intuitive
and question mightly and find God..

My tortured beacons.. we need to find like minded companions..

- Alanis
forgotten like teetering on the brink of forever, looking into darkness.. i had to leave the cliff, i had to let go.. it was beginning to hurt me more than the unknown.
i keep hoping that i'll land on another ledge, i keep hoping that you'll catch me again..
but i know that you don't give a fuck anyway, that the ledge would just give out under me, crumble to dust..
i said goodbye to you today; i have failed you, and now i am tumbling through emptiness.
bluedaisy33 "what you fear is what you find" 010328
Wayne Yah, terror is probably more the word. Got up a few times last night feeling like there would be an earthquake or that I would lose my mind in a nervous breakdown. (Never had one but I think I've been close.) I lost about three hours of sleep, being too afraid to go back to bed.

It's all the stress from work. There's too much to learn, too much pressure. Can't perform. It's hard to be expected to be God when I'm not.
kinkazoid you know the only thing you are suposed to fear is god, god is the only one that can actually harm you in anyway, its him that lets stuff happen if he didnt want it to happen it wouldn't, unless you make it happen. you have a choice to be hurt. 010508
yummychuckle I enjoy fear. I mean the type of fear that gets your heart pumping--adrenaline.
I hate fearing emotions. but fearing pain is an ok feeling, as long as I'm ok in the end. I didn't say I enjoyed pain.
although if its self inflicted pain, i enjoy it.
kinkazoid for some reason im affraid of hippopotomuses i cant spell it but you know what i mean hippos and kangaroos they are mean looking i love elephants :) 010608
Wayne i'm not afraid of my work anymore but i sure wish you hadn't mentioned hipapotamouses because they get really mad when you can't spell their name right and now i'm looking over my shoulder 010614
me you dont know the feeling until it is in the pit of your stomach, just sitting there like you know something is going to happen and you have no idea what.....Something big. And it never goes away, maybe lets up once in a while but never goes away....Until it drives you insane because you can't figure out the cause of it...That's true fear....... 010614
littlemissperfect seems to be the catchword for my life. that and tired. i'm tired of being tired, tired of being afraid. tired of having to be the person everyone needs or expects me to be. the thing is you can't be afraid and live, fear keeps you from letting go, from enjoying your life. i can't sleep-my worries and fears keep me awake; i can't love-i'm too afraid to be let down or hurt; i can't change-i'm afraid if i don't give everyone the me they expect they won't like me anymore. what scares me the most is i'm afraid that if i don't figure this all out, i'm going to look up and most of my life will be gone with me never having learned how to be. 010621
GrayWolf BEER.....

whoops, wrong room.
terribly sorry.
forever I have a fear of changing. I always was the person everyone else wants me to be. I was always changed with ever friend i hanged out with. I was basically like them. but i don't like that anymore i don't like not having a "me" I don't like not knowing who i am but i am afraid to change. I am afraid that if i change no one will like me. no one will like the me i have always been. I am so afraid and it stops me from being myself 010722
GrayWolf When you change...
change to match the outer you with the inner you.....

You will be happier with yourself
happier with the world
And you will find "real" friends

I know.
GrayWolf instinct....I'm just looking for the word 010723

Conquer them one @ a time.

Make a list of all your fears and start checking them off, as you conquer them.

Here's my list:
Consequences of my own actions
Norm fear is for the weak. 010829
folk my friends know fear, like the day i tried to kill my self in front of them.... 011017
mindfield What is there in this world to be afraid of? Anything which comes to mind in answer simply falls under the singular category of the inevitable, ergo, not worth losing valuble sleep over. Reserve fear, and the desire to conquer it, for the enemy which resides in yourself. Only the demon within ALL of us should be feared, all other pain is external and temporary. 011017
Inanna there is a fear
you do not want
you cannot hear
you can only talk
and do not feel
Mahayana: Zakah: Sangha Jewels of Refuge
the [root] cause of my cyclic [existence] is ignorance, [i do not understand] who i am, how [i exist] or how other phenomena exist. [unaware] of my ignorance i projected fantasized ways [of existing] onto myself and others... this [this] very action gives rise to attachment, an [attitude] that [exaggerates] the good qualities in people and things... [thinking] they will bring myself true happiness.... and than thusly i cling

when things do not work out for others as they have expected or wished they would, or when something interferes with the happiness, we [become] angry, we loose sight of the good in [that] relationship or the [lesson]s we are to learn from ...

attachment- jealousy-act attachment- jealousy- ?
attachment- jealousy- no action

attachment- pride-speak
attachment- pride- ?
attachment- pride- silence

attachment- resentment- think attachment- resentment- ?
attachment- resentment- shutdown

Fear of love- Pride- silence
Fear of loving- Scared- withholding
Fear of love- Family- resentment
Fear of love- Society- jealousy
Fear of love- Loss- protected
Fear of loving- Yourself- fear of loving all else
Fear of love- My shell- love my soul

Fear of loving me- The Past- silence
Fear of loving me- Past Wrongs- withholding the silent resentment and jealousy fear of loving all else love my soul silence silence silence

Fear of loving me- Scared- In the silence listen to my breaths- as i listen to yours, follow my breaths as I followed your tears, follow, follow, follow in my breathes birthed from your tears in the song... the song.... of you and your life...

Fear of loving me- Scared- In the silence listen to my breaths- as i listen to yours

with [warm] regards
in flowers, music, incense, [light], perfume, and food
i [shall abandon] negative action
create perfect virtue
subdue [my own] mind

my deepest [respect] and gratitude are offered eternally to
[and] to you...i would like to thank you as my teacher, for [your] teaching and guidance. I appreciate your inspiration and help along my [path]
Aaron as the sun sets on the horizen, the viel on your mind breaks free, releasing all the fear and pain bottled inside, and you slip drownding in your own thoughts, losing all perceptions of reality, pulled down by the undertow of fear unleashed.

the nightmare that haunts you when your awake, the pain, the loss, the friends you forsake, and the family that you hate. you dwell on self gratification with no concern for thoes around you.

the grand composition of your life colapses, your wall crumbles, people you thought would be there forever walk out. left cold ugly and alone.

everyone fears something. do you? or are you no one at all? just a shadow. ahh.... but even a shdow fears something the very light that created it thretins to vanish it from existance. is that what you fear....yourself? after all you are the one who made you the way you are.
ilovepatsajak the grave that you refuse to leave, the refuge that you've built to flee the places that you've come to fear the most is the place that you have come to fear the most. 011115
Casey see weezer

the horror...the horror
Tim Not as good as Faith_No_More 020125
Tim Very Sleepy Not as Good As Fiath_No_More 020125
if we could talk it's tattooed on almost every word from you. 020201
yiasku The stars in the sky going out, one by one, at an unhurried pace. 020602
poeticmisfit fear hurts.
i fear myself
Perspective_Of_Soul Last night i woke up in fear.I doubt it was a nightmare because i remember thinking straight away that it was not a bad dream i was having.I was truly frightened.I leapt out of bed cursing out loud.Directing foul language towards myself at a decibel level i am shocked did not wake the household.
I paced the house for a while, in the pitch black darkness for some reason, not tripping over anything but rather stepping over them with my eyes still shut.I knew where i was, and i knew my heart was beating so hard it may break through my chest shattering ribs and blood all over the walls.
After the pacing was finished i went back to bed and trembled and shook with tears rolling down my face, afraid.
I fell asleep soon after and woke up feeling like i wanted to die.
dying fear is crawling out of the pit of insanity... only to realise
you are being dragged back in.
kendaii all emotions have something to do with fear
without it we would no emotions
fear is not always a bad thing
ferret "fear in me so deep it gets the best of me......
........and i feel these wounds step down step down!"
scuzz Fear is not always rightfully contained. If it is dominant, we lose control of all other emotions, raising fear in others because of our own actions to escape or satisfy our fear.
Fear in the right sense is more of an acknowledgement of some thing stronger or in more power than us. Fear of God is considered healthy, while a fear of mice requires treatment. funny... maybe...
ferret i fear long silences when i know there should be noise. and i also FEAR when ANY female says: "we need to talk" but then for some reason, we can't right now, and then i have to think about all the things i might have done that we might have to talk about. THAT'S scary. 030517
me for those people who say i'm afraid of the future...well there's no future...there's only the present, and memories of the past but only if you care to remember...and if you care to remember 10 years ago you said i'm afraid of the future...well you're here, and it's not the future, it's the present, and in 10 years time it will be just like today...the sun will rise and the sun will set, and you'll have a day in between 030624
me for all those people who say they are afraid of the future...well, there is no future, only the present, and memories of the past, if you care to remember...and if you care to remember 10 years ago and you said i'm afraid of the future...well you're here in the future except it's the present...and in 10 years time it'll be the same...the sun will rise and the sun will set and you'll have a day in between 030624
ferret you know, it's weird, i'm afraid to go up to my room right now because i hate walking through this house in the dark, but you would think that i would be more afraid of sitting here at the computer all vulnerable with my back turned to everything and my mind running all over the place wouldn't you? it's really weird. and i keep seeing flashes of red every time i move my eyes across the screen, is anyone else seeing it or is it just because i'm tired? 030704
magicforest He just called. My stomach went up into my right atrium and my larynx was coated in leather. Not tonight, I did not want to hear you. It started when I was five years old and ended when I was seven years old. He calls at all hours and never warns me. It brings it all back, whispering, sickly smells, the feel, and the blood, mostly the blood.

is scared
gwyllynne desire 031112
falling_alone fear isnt fun... 031124
marjorie i don't need the fear of god put in me.
please stop calling me princess.
I have a name.
And yes, I do get tired of crying.
But I get more tired of you.
bully missing the moments that come and go and come again. she falls away, all smiles but too afraid to touch, so i sit, i smile, she comes again. too afraid to say, but i know, i see. come lay down beside me in this empty bed. its all ok. i know- i know- i know your past, dont hold back, hold me, know me, give in, dont run, and one day youll see, theres no need to have this fear with me 031215
and There were statements and satire. Bits of wit and wisdom bound in loose lipped harnesses bore truths that tore perspectives to thirds. Those shreds, these thoughts, this attempt -- ceaseless barrage of sorting and shifting weightless memory. I've never been grounded. I've always felt this afraid of never knowing. I cannot deny the longing.
I see your fingers caressing small gems, dazzling. I implore:
Set your hand in saturated sand. A slight splash. Constricting every crevice. Now slowly pull. Each pore revealed. A scar healed as sugar lipped angels kiss time away. Slowly, now, slide your baby fine hand back into the sand. Feel your pulse carry the chill. Numbing the soul. And the vaccuum as you pull is the vast shore.
These were my thoughts tonight. Kneeding, pushing, pulling taffy of the mind's sea. Eating gritty, dirty sand. Buried alive.
And the truth slipped away. A stealthy sunset transformation.
As I breath, purposeful and acute, in an attempt to regain consciousness, the cilia dance without thought. Not aware, no thought. Simplicity in necessity.
When we allow ourselves to smell the swell of this grandiose ocean, for its fury, in its movement, we'll seek the one pearl. Stranded.

That is my fear.
little girl i fear what could be good. i fear i'm not ready. i fear i'm moving on. i fear change. but its all so exciting... 031220
c h r i s t i n a * i love to love you but the fear is still within me. i love to have your lips apon my neck gently kissing my tenderness. 040206
A.V. What is it I'm so frightened of?
Instead of enjoying my life like other people do,I sit alone......
with a machine in front of me.....

It seems like I'm only watching it all
emmi the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. 040427
Syrope it's starting

my voice inside my head is muted & far away
someone is hurt, someone is afraid
this is going to get worse before it gets better

i shouldn't have picked up the paper. i only wanted to do the crossword. for a brief second i'd forgotten he was dead. but there it was on the front cover. and then i had a message that i didn't have to go into work. so now i get to sit here and wish that there was someone to talk to about something besides how i am. only today, only i could wander into a usually unpopulated lab to find 3 frat brothers.

today wasn't such a good idea. i shouldn't have slept alone, i shouldn't have worn this outfit or danced with such abandon. i have to stop looking for the optimistic moments if i want to make it through the day.

i still haven't told my parents. my brain is steeped in the oddest fantasies. i'm afraid my parents are going to blame me. not explicitly, but in that dull way that closed-minded people stare. i'm afraid of so much.
Smurf Fear overrides all other emotions 040428
mockingbirdgirl there is nothing on earth i'm afraid of. not really. its just my mind playing tricks on me... it likes to do that. it thinks too much. i could be afraid of failing, but if i fail i will just go on and the world will not end. and if it does what is it to you? or me? we'd be gone. 040713
Lonegoddess Fear speaks to me in whispers in the dark. It makes aches seem life-threatening and uncertainty seem unbearable. Fear is the air conditioner in winter I dream about in July.
A blessing if used as it should be. Fear motivates me to find work to pay bills; it prompts me to seek medical attention sometimes. Fear makes me call to my lover not to leave.

Fear is what makes you seek this out. It's what you walk through when you write something of your own.
me i bet someone put that quote up here: "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself"., i wouldnt know tho, i havent read all the entries.

the scariest thing i have ever experienced....

do you know what its like to do 80mph in your car at night down a back road looking at every tree and telephone poll and rock and cliff as a way out? i'm lucky to have survived that night, although i'm not entirely sure how i did it. and i'm not sure if i could do it again so STOP PUSHING ME AND PUNISHING ME AND THROWING ME DOWN because i have to drive home someday and i don't want to end up on that back road again.

ever since that night i won't go on that road. i go five miles out of my way to avoid it.
question_mark "those who live deeply have no fear of death"

I forgot who said that. But i reckon fear is a pretty powerful motivating force in most people's lives. It is in mine... It's the venom to love. The more you love, the greater your fear.
t.s. i will show you fear in a handful of dust 050928
chiefnewo my only fear is of failure

oh, and spiders
Todd It is not the fall I
It is the ground

It is not the questions
It is your answer

It is not test
It is the grade

It is not the dew
It is the sodium

It is not the walk
It is the injury

It is not the names
It is the mouth that says them

It is not failure
It is weakness

It is not the future
It is losing my dreams

It is not the noise
It is the headache

It is not the loneliness
It is not having you with me

It is not the liftoff
It is the landing

It is not your tears
It is that I cannot stop them

It is not being pushed away
It is not being let back in
pete post-postmodernism is out to get us all... resist with all your brain power!! 060301
Barefoot Revolutionary shes my heart. im so afraid to put my hands on her, to kiss her, to make love to her. i feel like this is my frist time all over again and the anxiety rips me apart. i just want to feel her breath on my neck, her body held against mine. i cannot let the fear take over. fear is not worth fucking this up.... 060629
repo man soundtrack "LET'S HAVE A WAR!!!" 060630
nocturnal it was the same fear I think I'd have if I were trapped in a room with a hungry lion; I think it could actually have been a fight or flight response.
I should not be that afraid.
ungreatsince_86 I think you feared that one morning I'd wake up crazy insane, abusive and a completely different entity that i was in front of you. Which would never happen because i was all of me with you. I wasn't playing the part, I was genuine, and i didn't hold back.

I feared that one morning you'd wake up and tell me the most horrible things immaginable about myself. You'd tell me all my insecurities were true, that i'm ugly and fat and a bad lay. That you were lying with every compliment, that you were completely ingenuine.

Now i fear you never came. I fear I'm broken.
Light I'm afraid to ask. I'm afraid of getting it wrong. Love's such a risky business, and being alone is awful in itself. double_edged_sword. cuts both ways. love is up, the sky's the limit, sore like free birds, awed by landscapes, and down, crashing, melting into the molten rock until you cool and freeze.
loneliness is a bleak monotony, a dead heart line on the ECG. bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
twiz last night i could swear i was dying. i was half asleep and i couldn't breathe, and i couldn't move. i tried reaching out, grasping my girlfriends arm wanting her to wake up and save me. then it went away. then it happened again, replicated perfectly. was it a dream? i remember slowmotion, grabbing her arm so tightly it would have hurt, it would have woken her up.
what the fuck is wrong with me, i want to die. this is just too weird.
olive what if you were afraid of being afraid?
what would happen then?
olive what if you were afraid of being afraid?
what would happen then?
In_Bloom One day I said to someone I cared for, "give me your fears to carry because I'm plenty strong for us both" and they did.

Now I can't make those things not really part of who I was go from the person I am. Some days I don't recognize the person in the mirror as I stride by.

Strange to not feel all big and strong.
. . 101205
Graham That consumes and celebrates and chases and sinks and serrates and kills 120417
crediblehulk I suffer from fear of the next world war, nuclear apocalypse, catastrophic climate change, the sixth mass extinction, economic collapse, food/water scarcity, intrusive state surveillance, the erosion of constitutional rights, the rise of global corporate governance, and the apathy and ignorance of others. Having let these fears overwhelm me during the last year or so, I was driven to contemplate suicide. I even went so far as to pick out a spot on a bridge from which to jump.

However, due to rampant political correctness in society, I am forbidden from expressing these fears to 99.999% of the people I interact with. To do so would be to commit social suicide, and would make me look fucking crazy. However, I now consider such a judgmentfrom people who are victims of social conditioningto be a compliment.
Risen Those fears are entirely justified.

Most of them stem from human nature itself. Or the realities of our existence on the planet.

The world will not end with a bang but a whimper
unhinged tell blather about your fears

this very little social network shares a lot of the same fears, i suspect

and many of us here have also contemplated


most of us will not judge you for that
what's it to you?
who go