forbidden alida that of which, are my favourite things. 990921 ... camille the untouchable, a chapter closed, against all that is good 000103 ... shadowsong is a synonym for tempting. 000206 ... green_tenedril once a year the priest would walk behind the curtain into the Holy of Holies with a rope tied around his ankle in case he perished in the presence of God... it was forbidden not for anyone to enter... this sacred place.... now it represents today in the faith in which i walk that we may enter into conversation worship friendship with God at any time. my heart hurts because i act like God is still forbidden to me to mask all of this pain. i do not want to start talking with the Lord and then feel all of the pain rise up within me like a roaring burst of steam. this i confess... my weakness. 010415 ... divine madness a barrier for me to cross as you sit upon your throne and I must make my way towards you through the possible and impossible but a smile and an 'iss of those lips and through all hell I will go through for you my forbidden fruit my one only treasure to find... 040526 ... megan you're my forbidden fruit we talk about nothing and everything, we talk about words and what they mean and life and why it ends and sex and how wonderful/scary/marvelous/weird it is. and we talk about each other, and praise each other, and build each other up. and we are merely friends, but friends with some, ah, benefits, i might say. but that's not important, the important thing is you have shown me how to laugh again, how to feel loved, cared about. you have shown me how to have hope again, how to relish in a crush, how to feel on top of the world, my world. you have taught me that people fear loneliness just like i do, and that it solves the problem when people get together. allow yourself to be opened, pried into, and beautiful things happen. perhaps, it will never be allowed, us. but it's a fun dream, and it's a fun hope, and i look forward to it, simply because it think it would be the best thing that could happen in both our lives. my forbidden man 040526 ... self-effacing bastard she sits across from me. hollow words float between us. her dark eyes hold me. she smiles and i need her. i am drawn, but i can not let go. what to do? what to do? nothing, i suppose. just allow those eyes to hold me and our words to float. let myself need her, but never let go. can't ever let go. 041112 ... harry brook YOU LICK THE ANUS 041112 ... Syrope today i found myself thinking about exactly when i started believing that you wanted me as much as i wanted you when we'd lie together and take each other in so cautiously...when i never opened my eyes more than halfway, when i grew confident and liked taking your breath away with a touch, with a choice phrase. when i grew impatient and pressed against you, waiting for you to give in. i remember once when i kissed you and you pulled away for fear you wouldn't be able to resist me, and feeling you leave me brought tears to my eyes, it made me feel so miserable. and that made you feel miserable. and we were miserable together. i think the night at your house, when you'd told me we wouldn't be able to sleep together like when you came to stay with me, that you'd have to sleep with her, and then we stayed up all night cuddling anyway. waking up to find you still there was the most beautiful feeling...when i teased you so cruelly right in front of her, with the skirt, with the smoldering gazes... its all so surreal, to think about. i've never wanted anyone as much as i wanted you, as much as i still want you. it doesn't feel real, and that's so incredibly scary. just thinking that it might be too good to be true is making me cry. writing this is making me cry. knowing that how alive i feel, how happy i am, all depends on you...i can't help but feel vulnerable 041113 ... FACE! `_` \|/ /-\ 041115 ... hsg1437 aloness, perhaps the only forbidden thing i know. separateness... all disease is symptomatic of the part trying to seclude it'selfrom the whole. this is pain and suffering and thIS the thing to remain unknown as it is in direct contrast with life's purpose. by law, disease is the last resort to end suffering. consciousness is only allowed to remain forever-in bliss. all thoughts which circle upon themselves meet their own end. it only makesense thathoughtshould consider the whole picture otherwise it will continue to run in circles nevereally making sense of anything meaningful. from the forbidden there is forgiveness upon the reestablishment of the connection. waking up from circles, to sleep alone forever in pain is forbidden. greed holds on to fear so tight. fear of reaching out. fear of living forever. fear of Waking UP. would you live forever? just to try infinitely? if you would-THEN YOU ARE-no longer fobidden to eternity. the only rule whicholds, is that all things must find bliss. together. ........aMiCi quantuMagnetiConsciousnizzz... the Master of Ceremonies....... 061228 ... stephshine what i think he means to say is nothing is forbidden and everything is forgiven. 070218 ... hsg1437 true pain is forbidden. the law i have seen suggests that what is TO BE is life itself. to go against thEnlivenment is to feel pain. life is the process of becoming happy er. to awaken is the end of blindly banging one's head against the wall. if 1 insists on the banging of 1's head against the wall 1 will feel pain. 1 will die if one does it hard/long enough or completely refuse to change. likewise, to lock oneself in routine without expansion will cause sickness. fold a piece of paper 1000 times in one spot it will split. fold it one time in 1000 spots it will become soft and silky. we break at our weak spots which have worn upon insistance and fear. if the law is love (as it's the only 1 i can see that completely works) then the only thing which is forbidden is that which doesn't work, is untrue, & isn't love. thus "knowing" this forbiddeness is the end of 1's "knowingness". death/sleep/disease/pain soon follows. love'smartness puts pain itself to death. the seeming paradox is that our only fate is complete freedom thru attaining sustainable attention (et earnALLife). niceness, love would only "condemn" 1 2 an eternity made of HugStrengtheninGratitude etc. the illusion is that there things which are alive & die & this is bad news to the fearful ego. but working out the math as i've done in my spare eternal moments it has become unmistakably, undeniably, unequivocally and other big words that things do not go from life to death. this perception is backwards and creates pain as the living_dead walk in fear & react on that fear. trippINg_in_the_dark and banging their heads on walls with conviction that life sucks and no one can tell them otherwise. the reality which doesn't come apart is one that makes COMPLETE sense. things go from death to life. it defies all science and professional knowers. a tree itself is in the shape of life. big poof on the top. little thingy holding up the dream. the nightmare, fear, is that it will die becoming only a pile, being bigger at the bottom. if we give up our inspiration, our lungs collapse. our chests no longer puff out with confidence. and we fill our bellies in depression. we let down our dreams. instead we could be excited for life like the tree with hard wood between our legs and pecs of steel holding up a heady life full of dreams. we can beCUMore alive as every waking moment with enough creative spirit could very well be a continuous orgasm. it makes TOTAL sense when you just say, "Fuck it!" and go after your dreams. forgiveness from depression is surely through enthusiasm. you spring back-forward. it lovingly follows then that to have completEnthusiasm for life is to realize that Nothing is forbidden. chew on that for a minute. if Enthusiam For Life (ELF) is Enthusiasm For Consciousness (EFC) then Nothing Loses Consciousness Forever(NLCF). [(ELF)(EFC)] == (NLCF) thru continuous a_t_t_e_n_t_i_o_n one can (L)ove + earn all things, thus (L)earn how to maintain a ContinuouSpirituaLawgasm (CSL) through a most creative attitude. (LL)^(CSL) we are free in that the only forbiddeness is to remain dead. we are (L)earning to (L)ove, Earning Life's Trust (ELT). [(L)=(L)] == (ELT) the ego's biggest fear is that there's no such thing as suicide. life has to be fELT (F)or Earning Life's Trust. f(ELT) becomes (fELT) as one undoes the false math of the ego which says, "fuck: Earning Life's Trust", f(ELT) & is willing to feel things from the inside (fELT). 070218 ... pete i'm fluttering in the stomachs of butterflies. 070219 ... stephshine condense for greather meaning. and what pete said. 070219 ... hsg1437 aloness, perhaps the only forbidden thing i know. ^^^ if you can get all that out of the above then there you go! 070219 ... stephshine ah.voila. aloneNess (sorry, had to fix it!) how 'bout being mean on purpose. that's forbidden too! 070219 ... hsg yes 081204 what's it to you? who go blather from