unhinged misty I'm not sure what I'm doing today. Just breezing along on the breath of my desperation. My fingers are trembling. 000330 ... mika every now and then i stare at the dry erase board in the front of my gov't classroom and i begin to understand the meaning of becoming unhinged 000330 ... fairydust the aliens have not come to visit. they have not come for a long time. i almost miss.they must have finished their research.i wonder what conclusion they came up with for me. 000331 ... MollyGoLightly It's fun. Rather like flying off the handle, only with less yelling and more calculated revenge plots.... 000404 ... Philifledermaus stereotaxic implements lie upon the table, interacting with the gaze of fearful operatives. occasionally they are stroked, and finally inserted into the cavernous headspace of the humble mouse. the mouse unhinges, and it changes form, achieving wings, adopting bat like form, and floats away to mousey heaven. 000506 ... skiblu when was i ever hinged? 000724 ... unhinged "like a broken closet door that won't close right." mike knows where it's at. it's that feeling when you know your mind is in pieces...you can feel the pieces rattling around inside your skull and the empty clanking is driving you more insane every day. 001204 ... flo a lack of clarity. leaving the things which stabalise you behind (family,kids,work etc) and fixating on something else. for a while it was comp. games for me. i once spent 3 weeks in the same chair, i did not move or speak to anyone, i just played. i could see my daughter playing around me and hear the entreaties and threats of my then girlfriend but i just could not respond. from there my obsession moved on to suicide, and for a while it was touch and go whether i would end it all. this sounds like bleating, but i was serious. strangely what snapped me out of it was getting mugged, and having a very violent confrontation with my attacker during which i may or may not have killed him ( i fled, I think he survived because there was nothing in the press). my senses started to return and after a couple of days sleeping rough i went home and kind of sorted mt life out,although it could never really go back to how it was before. but i suppose you could say that i was unhinged for a while. 010422 ... MollyCule where are you? 010606 ... unhinged i'm at home 010606 ... Miner The last door i walked into was on its way to being unhinged (i would have to guess i was walking to fast, I know it was dark, and i was positive the door was open, but alas it was not, and it broke, moral of the story, either turn the light on, or just dont walk into closed doors, especially if it means they will break). 010609 ... god fragment 010614 ... god she did NOT pee in a bottle. 010615 ... god vator 010615 ... Casey It's like when my mind can no longer take anything else, so it just shuts down. Everything ceases to be important, people, school, family, everything. Usually it sarts about November and goes till someone actually gives a damn. 010902 ... Dafremen I miss scrunched up silly faces do0d. 010902 ... unhinged right now i couldn't make a scrunched up silly face if my fucking life depended on it..if it did i probably would intentionally not make one. 010903 ... Dafremen cup of joe? 010903 ... unhinged it was just a bad bad late night/early morning 010904 ... Dafremen I like morning time. It rocks..(after a good night's sleep of course) Ever notice how easily annoyed people are in the morning? 010904 ... Norm You're so cool. Period. Don't deny it. 011204 ... unhinged thanks norm. on occasion i have been known to make an ass of myself in the computer lab laughing at some of your more humorous posts. 011204 ... Mahayana: Zakah: i'll give an amen to mayahana's post. "you are a fucking whore of a bitch" [¿could you please eXplain line 2 of this post?]thaNk yOu [[i'll respect whatever youve gotta say- i just wanna know what you think]] 020103 ... Mahayana: Zakah: P.S. What are ya returning 2 Milwaukee 4, anything interesting? [hope that isnt 2 personal] +ive been to that StarBucks on Brady street many 'o times, esp. before Uni [ahhh good 'ol brady street, with its eclecticism & artsiness] the view from that Starbucks is so interesting cuz of the odd structural lay out of the street. +milwaukee... is a pretty damn good place 2 be, esp. on the eastsIde of tOwn 020103 ... unhinged i was afraid you would think the second line of that post was directed at you. it wasn't at all. that's why i put a few lines of space to what i said about you and what i said about someone i really don't like anymore that may become a conflict in a few weeks. i am going back to milwaukee hopefully this summer for the annual chamber music festival the violin prof there has every summer. i miss brady street. where i go to school in youngstown, there's nothing so nice and ecclectic as brady street. somehow, i always felt right there. 020103 ... Annie111 At first I was scared of her. But she's pretty darn cool. :) 020123 ... unhinged i sometimes wonder why i come across as male to some people on this site. 020214 ... Mahayana sometimes when we womb-en women wimmin love & or can appreciate other wimmin women womb-en our seX is assumed as: male [it is more so not a reflection of you, as it is of others mental processing][or could also be known as heterosexism] [prob not always the case, but just some suggestions] 020214 ... Dafremen I've always known you were female...I just thought do0d fit, that's all. Like "slim" or "tiny" for a fat guy. Sure beats the hell out of "princess" dontcha think? 020215 ... florescent light sparkledsneakers on aol, Nicole- come find me, beautiful 020523 ... Arwyn I miss you... *tear* 020523 ... zander That unhinged person writes probably the coolest, most interesting, and altogether best entries I have read. You should be an author or something. 030103 ... unhinged thank you. i have contemplated that since i was in elementary school. but i think i love the violin too much. *lowersgazeandkicksfloor* thanks again *blushes* 030103 ... User24 unhinged: hello! may I ask what "affame le geant" is all about? 030401 ... User24 I agree with zander, you are very cool. How hard is learning the violin? I was going to get one this month (now I have money..) 030401 ... unhinged i don't know what 'affame le geant' is about. i got lost awhile back and haven't been reading it. sorry fyn :( learning string instruments, especially fretless string instruments, is probably the hardest of any instrument since there is no automatic pitch reference built into the instrument. but if you have a good ear, it probably wouldn't be too hard to pick up if your hands are small enough. the violin is actually a little instrument. i'm really starting to love the viola. (not that that was part of your question ;) ) and i wanted you to post on: dope :) 030402 ... Dafremen I have something I would like to send to you. 030404 ... unhinged do you want my email....or my address address? 030404 ... Dafremen address address. If you don't mind that is. If not, email it to me...I'm sure you will like this very much. 030405 ... unhinged aaawwww i love presents from my blather_friends so what's up daf? 030406 ... Dafremen I'm driving a bus now. A city bus. It's just like playing that game Paperboy, cept I get paid and I can kick the @ssholes off of my bus. I get to help old ladies and kids and stuff. I talk to them. It's good for my astrological studies. What's new with you? 030406 ... unhinged right now i'm concertmaster of ysu's production of madama butterfly by puccini. this week is hell week....4.5 hours of rehearsals today...4 more tomorrow; performances thursday, friday, saturday, sunday. i'm so glad it's a beautiful opera. the one butterfly is absolutely wonderful and she brings tears to my eyes. i got accepted to the university of wisconsin-milwaukee music department for grad school. i might have an orchestra assistantship there. i'm moving there probably about the end of june. and in the past two weeks i've been horribly rejected by someone and impulsively told by someone else that they wanted to start their live over with me no matter where it was....here or in milwaukee. and i haven't seen him for a year and a half. he was born about june 28th i believe. what is his sign? yeah, my life is the typical turmoil right now. and i've been prettty sad about leaving younstown. i guess that's how i'm doing right now. 030407 ... Dafremen He would be a Cancer dear. They are moody, but more optimistic than the females. They are also possessive and clingy. But they are generally loyal. I'd have to see his chart to be sure. 030408 ... unhinged clingy seems about right considering the whole he hasn't seen me in a year and a half and the second time he sees me he's asking me to move in with him. 030409 ... Dafremen They're also strongly attached to the past. You could say they live there most of the time. They have a tendency to blow injuries and romances from the past a bit out of proportion as time goes by. But they have excellent memories and remember it like it was...well, yesterday. They are super sensitive, many are insecure(most) and so they need a lot of reassurance, time and attention. Think of a turtle. You spend 15 minutes waiting for him to come out of his shell. Then you go to pet him and in he goes again. Then after years, he learns to trust you. Especially after you've fed him good food for a few years.(Or in the case of a relationship, have at least experienced good food with him.) Food is the key to the Cancer heart. Patience is a handle that opens the door to that heart. They are really wonderful people, just moody as hell. 030409 ... unhinged well i have known him for almost four years. and i called him today and woke him up and he got pissed off and hung up on me. so i guess he is a typical cancer. 030409 ... User24 is bloody good at blathering. 030603 ... unhinged i guess it's cause i have so much practice :) sincere thanks user24. god daf, is he a textbook cancer. just a little too possesive and jealous for me. i don't let anyone tell me who i can and can't hang out with. i think it's my father's german/irish stubborn streak coming out in me. 030603 ... Dafremen The crab tends to be that way. They call it tenacious in the astrology books. Just think of a crab grabbing onto your finger. 030604 ... trippingdaisy (aka DammitJanet) don't mean to interupt :) i just wanted to agree with most of the posts on here. unhinged, i love your writing. it makes me want to keep reading. 030604 ... unhinged thanks...i never really know what to say when people compliment me and i'm afraid that it seems fake. but seriously, thanks. 030604 ... carlita i enjoy reading your entries, unhinged... and about your cancer friend... i feel for you. my boyfriend is a cancer, and they can be tough to handle... btw, i also live in wisconsin... la crosse if you know where that is :) 030618 ... unhinged well i guess he is my self-proclaimed boyfriend now.... and i'm not too familiar with wisconsin yet, but my brother plays lacrosse :) thanks dear 030618 ... Dafremen I'm doing a home page. I don't know why, except that everyone keeps bugging me to do one. I'm trying to act obsessed with it, but I'm just pissing away the day scribbling in a notebook and doubting my ability to write anything worthwhile. How go things with you?! : ) 030619 ... unhinged i'm moving to milwaukee. on sunday. and i have to get ALL my stuff together before i move including all my winter duds and whatnot because my parents are going to bring it up for me at the end of july when i'm done with the chamber music festival. i've been looking for apartments online and there are some very nice ones with utilites and heat and appliances and shit included in the neighborhood that i want to live in for like between $400 and $500 a month which doesn't leave me any money for food but i'm hoping my parents would like to help me out with that... so i think i'm ready to blow this pop stand. totally. 030619 ... god fuck yeah. clear the fuck outta dodge. onward and upward. 030619 ... somebody you are interesting and intelligent. keep your focus. 030625 ... unhinged i've already got all kinds of focus here that i've never had before. these next two years are going to be hardcore. i'm already excited to see how it winds up. for once in my life, i'm in the right place, happy and content and looking towards the future. thanks be to god for keeping me up when i was down. and all the rest of you around here too. ;) 030626 ... Mahayana hey just a lil tidbit, i dont know how close or deep you wanna be to the eastside - or UWM for that fact however, I'd highly recc. checking out Van Buren Apts. on 1104 N van buren St, the rent is for 400$, its a non-lease so you are not trapped into staying if you are not happy or if your lifely plans change, its way super convenient to all the festivals and the summerfest grounds (a short walk there), jazz in the park a free event every summer is held at the park approx. 2-3 blocks away, they used to have ice skating in this park during the winter fest but I don’t know if they have this anymore), you are about two-three blocks away from the Lake Front/Bradford Beach, right across the street is a grocery store, about three blocks away is an even bigger grocery store & block buster videos, and an Einstein’s bagel shop, you are right next door to Mykonos (most excellent greek food, decent prices as well), you are near YnotII where they have poetry/music slamm nights, you are near the post office 1 block, you are near the Park Bar (half way decent club- used to be the old metropolis), you are near many art galleries, pubs, restaurants and this WAY awesome bead shop, the #30 bus is on your block (which the 30 is one of the main bloodlines to Milwaukee and all other major buslines) goes right to Brady street & UWM, floral shop next north block over. The apartment building is short walking distance to downtown Milwaukee and the Grand Avenue mall & the Largest and Main Public Library "Central Library" which also has the book Cellar where you can purchase ridiculously cheap books, mag's, CD's etc, coffee and pastries, the museum is right next door to the library, In the 400$ rent, heat, water, appliances, is all included... your electricity bill will be about 13$ a month depending on your power usage needs, nice building/efficiencies at least the one i was in was wonderful, I was up on the upper floor... nice privacy. not that im trying to sway you here for any particular reason but to me this building has a prime location to almost anything you could need, its convenient, safe, pretty cheap considering it is on the eastside/downtown border In case you didnt already know the "Start Renting" guide is an excellent resource, its both online and in hard copy, I prefer the hard copies myself ( www.startrenting.com ) Let me know if you have any questions about the areas or apartment buildings, etc... ill be glad to help you out if i can, not that you need [my] help im sure the others you know here have been already helping you out tremendously. take care and safe journy to you :] 030627 ... Anna_Began Mahayana... Nicole gave me an old email address but I wasn't able to reach you. She suggested I speak to you about Milwaukee as well--and as I can see from this post, it was good advice ;-) I'll be visiting a friend in 26 days and just wanted to hear about some of the ins and outs of the city. You're welcome to reach me thru the email link or here. And the info. you gave Nicole was helpful to me as well. Thanks. 030627 ... unhinged yana--- thanks for the tidbits. my parents have been in town looking for places because i'm once again so busy with the milwaukee chamber music festival (by the way, i am playing tomorrow afternoon at the recital hall in the uwm music building at 3 if you'd like to stop by). we found a few studios on prospect and another one on kane and they are about $420 a month with everything except electricity included also. i don't know for sure if i have one of those places yet because the guy who runs the management company is on vacation right now. i am supposed to find out by monday. if those three places fall through, i will look into your suggestion. thanks so much sass. maybe we can get together and chat sometime now that i'm in town. 030628 ... paranoid martyr i remembered you because i saw you in Radiohead's Hail to the Thief regular booklet. you should be proud. 030629 ... phil I think it comes from sitting, with your head off it's hinges so too speak, drueling with a nervous tick and one obnoxious thought about something small. 030703 ... jamesmartymartin or my eyes see nothing at all monkey 030924 ... MeKoy . 031228 ... MeKoy is how i fell wihtin 031228 ... Death of a Rose thanks for the recital last night. It was very much appreciated. Hope I made a little sense, as I tend to ramble. I still think I want to hear you sing though. Peace 040310 ... unhinged you were talking to the queen of ramble. maybe you will hear me sing someday if you catch me when i'm drunk. :) 040310 ... Death of a Rose then I will ship you some canadian beer (we rule the beerdom up here, eh!) :-) 040310 ... unhinged i do live in the beer capital of the united states....i get some pretty good shtuff around here. are you allowed to ship drugs through the mail? 040310 ... Death of a Rose yes, but american beer (to canajuns at least) seems to be a weak version of a sudsy experience. drugs (prescription, yep), illegal (nope). although it seems that the you americans are the target consumers of narcotics (vancouver is a major drug port, as is montreal and toronto) :-) 040310 ... unhinged well, the beer around here is actually good; not the typical domestic shit even though one of the leading domestic brewers is based here. most bars brew their own shit here so you don't have to worry about it. yes, i do like my narcotics and so do plenty of my old friends. one of my brother's friends died last week from an overdose. it seems to be a common ailment of americans. but i have to go to masterclass now. buh-bye 040310 ... Death of a Rose dammit, i think you've invaded my mindspace. why am i ever so looking forward to talking with you tonight? dammit....dammit......... stop thinking....... 040311 ... unhinged i can move out quietly if you like especially since i have a feeling that the international charges on my cell phone bill are going to be crazy ;-) 040312 ... Death of a Rose But I don't think I want you to move out. In fact I wasn't even going to charge you rent! :-) And I'll do the calling so you won't have those ridiculously large phone bills (because of calling that annoying Canadian, that old bastard that just won't leave you alone.......hehe). 040315 ... Fridge Card I can't say that it didn't bring a small pang of hurt to read your words today, but it was nothing but a remembered hurt, and not an actual one. I guess I can't trust myself to remain emotional distant from someone who I've read almost everything they have written, and wanting to comfort them to a better peace or at least a happy solitude. I don't know what else to say at this moment. 040716 ... unhinged don't worry; my solitude is rather happy today. i love my violin again, so that's all i need. :) 040716 ... her royal highness the quirk i held my tears until i got off the phone but after i hung up i couldn't stop the flow of tears. and not just tears. sobs. i miss you and i want you to come visit. i know you can't but i still want you to. 040717 ... god still crazy after all these years... 040928 ... unhinged mmmmmmm yes, i am still crazy after all these years it's terminal condition, i'm afraid 040928 ... Seeds of Light Unhinged, I love you! You are very passionate. I understand exactly how you feel because I once felt the same way. It's not out of judgement that I seek to inform and connect with people. It's out of love. I want EVERYONE to have the joy, freedom, strength, peace and sense of purpose that I have! Is that wrong? Let's suppose that you were surrounded by non-contents and miserable people, and you discovered something that CHANGES EVERYTHING, wouldn't you, out of human decency, want to share it with them. Now, I don't feel this is "cramming" "forcing" or any of the other adjectives you used to describe my simple mention of the Name of Jesus. You are very sensitive to this issue, so I realize you may even get angry at me for even attempting to connect with you about this. I hope not. Please do not get angry. It won't offend me or deter me and it certainly won't prove anything either. You mentioned in Christian_Nation that you wanted me to improve your quality of life, and that is what prompted me to write this to you. There is a place in the bible where Jesus says, "The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy (your life). But I have come so that you may have life, and have it more abundantly!" God wants you to have a better life! The bible is filled with ways to improve your Relationships, Health, Wealth, Wisdom, Knowledge, Community, etc. His original plan for us was paradise in the garden. He loves us so much that He gave us a way to have EVERYTHING we desire on earth, then EVERLASTING paradise in heaven! Now, don't say you're not buying it because I'm not selling it! It's absolutely FREE! Don't you think that if anyone "tried" Christianity and it didn't make their life significantly better than it was before, don't you think the numbers of Christians in this skeptical world would be dwindling? Again, don't get angry. I am not trying to forcefully convert you. It is the False_Converts (or wolves in sheeps clothing) that try to force their beliefs on others, not True Christians. To force my opinions on another would be a direct contradiction to the Bible, which clearly states, It's the GOODNESS of God that leads people to Him. I simply present the good news and you have the choice to recieve it or not. I also wanted you to know that there are evil people out there who pretend to be Christians in order to attempt to decieve people and destroy the Church. To label us all the same would be a generalization and that would be uncharacteristic for you. I do not judge you. I love you. Really, I do. You have no idea how often I've thought about you over the years and how often I pray for you. I don't think negatively about you. Just so you know. I don't want anything from you. I want to give! Well, anyway, hope this helps. Take care. 041106 ... . I despise how Christians wrap their beliefs (and the unacceptable conclusions they lead to) in a cloak of love and good cheer. 041106 ... unhinged oh and by the way, i don't label ALL christians as ignorant arrogant hypocrites, just most of them. you can't argue with evidence in the form of experience. 041106 ... Mahayana Unhinged, I'd love to talk with you -- but I don't have your number either dear, not since that one cellphone fiasco I went through -- where i cried so much i screwed the phone up for over two months but it finally went back to normal but all numbers were a-washed [literally *hee-hee*] So, ... send me your number in an email and i shall reply to you with mine, and I shall call you sometime. [e:] sassysolstice@hotmail.com 050120 ... stork daddy jesus loves you 050120 ... . heartbroken eyes tend to find the same words , lost in that absurd little world between hoping with all your might, and crying your fucking tongue out 050811 ... unhinged i'm in that funk again. it makes me miss my old crab ass even though i haven't talked to him at all in almost two years. he's the only one that understood that when i'm like this i just want some one to scoop me up and hold me on the couch while watching movies on cable tv. i feel so isolated from any bit of happiness that any positive encouragement makes me snarl. i'm in that funk again. but it's always nice to come to blue and find a couple kindred spirits. 050812 ... peyton ::hug:: 050818 ... jimmyjoe corndog it's 1:26 AM. things are the same as they were at 3:30PM..silent, cold. it is so time for coffee and conversation. i wonder why good people eat the most shit trying to help people that could give a fuck? i started reading what she wrote again. i needed to know if there was something i was missing, or if she was everything that she seemed to be. a good friend? a good heart? a good mind? someone i could look at every day? check. check. check. check. still i need to know more. mystery is all well and good, but the corndog is no dog in love. i am loyal. i am true to the bone. decisions like this cant be made lightly. girls like this steel themselves, then shatter inside. guys like me open ourselves, then shatter completely. no room for error. but she has to know that i love her. weve been friends for over 4 years now. ive known there was a connection for so very long and ignored it. now i have no obligation. now i feel as if i am free to tell her. but what of my imperfections? what of my shortcomings? will i fail to pass muster once the stakes go up? i am so willing to try. i am so tired of dumping my love into empty holes that never seem to have any love to spare. i just, so very badly, want a partner. someone to love me for who i am. not what i have, what i wear, what i read or dont. and i want someone that i can demonstrate my affection for. i want someone that likes to hold hands, and ride rollercoasters and jump in the car at 10:25 PM to see, on a whim, whether or not we can make the last showing of some movie or other, and going to Dennys for a bottomless cup of coffee if we dont make it. ive gone so long without these things. it has been so long since i had a real conversation with someone who was capable of understanding and loving me as much as i can love and understand them. i just dont want to be surrounded by people and still be feeling lonely all of the time!! and i dont want her feeling that anymore either. im so tired of watching us both suffer. what do you think unhinged? you seem to know whats what. is there any future for a tender hearted corndog and a girl with cold feet? 050828 ... unhinged stay away from puns and warm her up 050828 ... daf to crack a joke and watch her smile. maybe a hug that sez, im here for you instead of just, i want you? thatd be all a guy could hope for. 050828 ... jimmyjoe corndog good advice both. thanks. ill give it a shot and see what happens. thanks again. 050828 ... Arwyn I'd so make out with her if it wouldn't be weird... or people begging me to video tape it... eh... what can I say.. she's hot. ;) 050828 ... stork daddy i was talking to nicole, and she totally said self-defecating when she meant self-depricating. because she doesn't know the difference. the reason she doesn't know the difference is because she's a frigid bitch. 051107 ... bsc self-deprecating 051108 ... stork daddy as long as i spelled frigid bitch right. 051108 ... god she did pretty good at the impromptu poetry reading 051108 ... unhinged i did another poetry_reading not that long ago i read she_is_a_widow_to_herself heroin_doll ill_love_you_forever or i'll_love_you_forever i love you jimmy; no amount of meanness and name-calling can change that. i will now refrain from saying anything else. 051109 ... jane you've pulled me in like a magnet lately. what's going on? 070814 ... Arwyn I have that song you sent me on one of my cd's... I heard you sing the other day and I missed you. where are you now? What are you up to? I miss you kiddo 070814 ... REAListic optimIST breathes beauty into blather brilliantly. 070814 ... unhinged what about me has pulled you in lately jane? things have been all crazy messed up with boys lately. this past weekend i spent a lot of time with a friend and it kinda felt like we were dating. which i wouldn't mind, but he flaked out on me today to see some harmonica competition. sounds lame i know, but that's him. he had a two day party this weekend for this birthday but just the two of us hung out the day before. i saw him the day after and he said he had the most fun with me. would you say he likes me? i'm a bad judge of those things. i'm quite smitten with him AGAIN but that is another story best not put on this page. hey aimee. i am still in milwaukee. i am working on a couple songs lately with a new guitar player. i can send you those when we get a good recording of them if you want. he is kind of obsessive about that stuff. it might take awhile. i am also still teaching violin at a music store. i can't believe i've been doing that for a year already. i am planning a recital with one of the other violin teachers where WE are going to play. i'm excited about that. so teaching and rock and rolling is what i've been up to lately. thanks ro. 070814 ... jane i'm not sure if he Likes you ( i would need some more info) but i will say this: i would never ditch you for a harmonica competition. i would bring you with me. 070815 ... unhinged it's actually so complicated i don't even want to blathe about it, but i think if i told him i Liked him it could result in a relationship, if not a secret one. but the fact that it's could instead of would and i'm chickenshit does not make it a good cause. he makes me happy. so i am trying to live with that instead of fantasizing about it being something other than what it is. it doesn't need to be anything else because i'm already getting what i wanted out of it. but i wouldn't mind cuddling up next to him often. he hear he likes to be tied up. maybe he wouldn't mind biting me. mmmmmmm...aaaahhh. bah 070815 ... :) Not for the first time, I responded to someone's blathe only to find you'd been responding that exact same moment. This always makes me happy. 071112 ... unhinged *grin* it's always nice to be on blather at the same time as someone else and bounce back and forth for awhile 071112 ... zedel thanks unhinged your words help 080127 ... anythingbutcryptic no one bounces for me. myspace and msn and all those things i used to do have died in my head. i go on blathering. msn at the same time. i get confused, sometimes. the boy i like isnt emailing me. thats kind of depressing. the boy i want to fuck i havent talked to since... since... 080127 ... unhinged no problem glad to help i figure all that pain could be good for something if my words help even one feel better 080128 ... florescent light I used to play the violin in elementary school I remember distinctly rosining the bow the way it sounded, smelled, and felt the hair on the bow the way it vibrated against the strings we learned to read music we played e,e,e,e,e,e a,a,a,a,a f,f,f,f,f g,g,g,g,g until we could play songs I remember the stand with the music in front of us we had our class in the hall, guess there wasn't room elsewhere it hurt my neck I remember the case had a velour lining having the instrument in my posession made me feel rich it became increasingly difficult to play after my brother threw the instrument down the stairs and broke the bridge 080506 ... Cheer Up Friend Please don't pull your skin off. Then I'd feel somewhat compelled to pull my own skin off, and I really don't need a new compulsion. So really it's all about me. Don't cause me pain by pulling your skin off. See how that works? 080528 ... unhinged that's usually how it goes; people don't want you to be unhappy because it makes them uncomfortable. i'm well past the point of hiding it, especially around here. i wouldn't really do that anyways silly. but since i'm itching anyways, i wouldn't mind a new tattoo. 080528 ... i heart you I wish I could do something to help ease the echoes of loneliness and pain. 090209 ... In_Bloom "Little Girl Blue" Janis Joplin 090210 ... yoink unhinged seems to be hurting right now it's a bad feeling, i know 090825 ... yoink wow... blather_girlfriend 090826 ... minnesota_chris when I see someone distressed all the time, eventually I start to wonder if they prefer it that way. 090827 ... unhinged thanks for the concern dear, but i'm not so bad as all that. i have decided in the last week that there is still plenty to smile about. my life is a little more quiet alone and empty than before but overall that's better. i have been drinking and smoking much less. getting to bed at a more decent hour, waking up earlier. of course a break_up is saddening, but i'm_over_it if he is going to be so immature. i've decided to focus on myself until i find someone else worth focusing on. focusing on staying healthy, getting the debts paid off and getting the hell out of milwaukee. i find goals are usually better than boyfriends. or maybe i just try to convince myself of that when i'm lonely. either way, i'm choosing to look on the good side of things. i think it is the after_effects of being in_love even though that love has soured. 090828 ... minnesota_chris I'm glad. 090829 ... yoink i went through an entirely parallel situation a while back it all heals eventually, that is, until you let someone else make you feel like shit again :) 090829 ... does it ease the pain? just sayin hey xxoo 100601 ... unhinged hey ;-) 100601 ... yoink you fascinate me 110322 ... unhinged i do? (thanks. my heart has hit a rough patch recently...AGAIN. i feel absolutely unfascinating right now. in fact, i feel like a stupid idiot. self_indulgent petulant whiny *sigh* i need winter to be over.) you used to be tagged on a bridge near my house, but they tore that bridge down and built a new one. 110323 ... yoink there was a tag with "yoink"? i noticed you hit up the red site recently... it amazes me that people even know it exists, other than small mentions here, like this one cheer up :) 110323 ... yoink also i just remembered that you once told me that there are tags around where you live that said "yoink" ask_yoink 110323 ... unhinged i'm doing a little better today; it is not so gloomy here. unfortunately, my mood is pushed around by my environment. and i'm trying to get rid of some nastiness in my life that has been lingering for over a year which is never pleasant. i thought maybe i had told you about the tags of you around milwaukee, but couldn't remember the link. i do write at red also. but in the past few months red has been sleeping mostly. 110324 ... yoink glad you're feeling better. time heals! 110325 ... unhinged better being a relative term. i think my default disposition will always have a wide base of sadness to it. but at least i stopped crying on my meditation cushion recently. wept it's really hard to stay on the cushion and face my shit. i don't have a problem talking or blatheing about it, but when it's just me facing myself i want to get up and run and hide from it. the fact that it is snowing in march isn't helping either. damn winter. go away already. 110325 ... peyton i am glad to see you are keeping the lights on and you are okay 130420 ... unhinged a few months ago i was in_love now i'm just_ok but i am keeping the light on ( bodhisattva_vow ) 130421 ... u24 NB: Ever thought how your initials seem like they should be drawing attention to something? 151228 ... unhinged no...maybe because i have spent my whole life hiding, the thought of drawing attention to myself is scary. how do my initials do that? 151228 ... unhinged (my middle initial f = faith has always drawn more attention for me) 151228 ... u24 / hy They're "N.B" aren't they? Note bien? 151229 ... Bizzar are you still here? 200917 ... unhinged *waves* oh_yeah before the pandemic i seemed to be the only one using this obsolete corner of the internet that i am SOOOOO thankful it's still around 200917 ... unhinged boxes doors hinges shut unhinged spacious chaos let_it_out 201204 ... daf Went by red. Saw about your grieving. Won't talk about it here. Didn't comment, because that space was sacred, and we're not talking right now. If I hurt you, do0d..it was never what you thought it was. You've hurt enough already..I'm sorry to have added to it. I'm laser focused on something, and you didn't deserve to get caught in my sights. I apologize. 210126 ... daf ^^ That. Life is a stage. A place to play with words, ideas, actions and reactions. To be completely open, this is often a place where I figure out how to make a completely incomprehensible society seem more comprehensible. If I have hurt you, I never intended to, but it still pains me. And like you, I have hurt enough for no good reason. So I'm not inclined to just embrace guilt and emotional suffering because someone says I should. Maybe that's a character flaw. Maybe I'm living a fantasy life where the words that pass before my eyes, created online by veritable strangers (beloved and proven online personalities excluded) are just words meant to stand alone in the moment. Maybe I'm missing the point. It's so hard to express the lonely, frustrating and shitty moments that need to be expressed too. And there are so many ways to express them. I've done my best. I've given them makeup and all of the trimmings that a heartfelt suffering deserves. But it's expression, do0d. I feel it in my heart, like this strange, lifetime-of-loyalty-stabbed-in-the-back kinship with you. Still, words can't rule me anymore, or make me turn against my friends of my inclinations. It's a stage.. I shit the unhappiness out as expression. If it's happy..sing that as expression too. The tongue, and in fact words themselves, are useless liars if they claim to speak our hearts. Our cat Ollie doesn't speak a word of English, but everyone loves him. Not one tweet. This experiment is over some day. But it's not my experiment or yours, my friend. The only thing that's apparent is that you don't deserve to feel hurt by your friend of many years. Likewise I never meant for you to feel that way and am truly sorry. 210915 ... hiding behind a wall (I'm not unhinged, daf. Just in case there was any confusion there. And I'm not someone who's going to follow you around on blather heckling you. I said what I felt, right or wrong. She hasn't written a word here since she said she was leaving — I don't think she even really reads what's written here anymore — and she was never one to hide behind aliases like me. She's also always defended freedom of expression and reminded people of the idea that blather_is_blather, so I don't think she ever would have said anything like what I said, even in anger. Just for the record.) 210916 ... dafremen Fair enough. Blather_is_blather. Everything that needed to be said about these 20 years was said in look_at_him_go. Eventually, there will be more good and bad and great and awful that pour from these fingertips before they cease to move. Depends on what the world outside my life throws in the 'ol hopper and also how it's perceived, yea? Those who don't have the time to come around or concern themselves, but want to pipe opinions into ears in order to steer behavior? They might as well be a cable channel. (Learned that shit back in '85 on Ddial where the first trolls appeared.) Why not make it entertaining if you're taking the stage anyway? And if you're not entertained..hey..look away. no one's forcing you to Karen up..or forget the site and blame the abandonment of the forum on what you couldn't stomach. Society owes me as much as I owe society. Nothing. But boy, it sure is fun pretending this all matters, isn't it? You're right, unhinged is a good person. There are a lot of good people who are too sheltered from the writhing mass of humanity to be of much use to them. Those who are TERRIFIED of homelessness and poverty..usually end up being minions to money. You can't TRULY fight for justice from such a compromised position. Sad..but unfortunately true. Again, I was harsh with Nicole and regret it. These are harsh times. No one needs a weak link in their chain. Least of all me, with ZERO mommy/daddy/siblings to fall back on. And friends? Am I really such a sucker? No. Do YOU know who your friends are? Are they as capable of aiding you as you of aiding them? And how capable is that? Life or death? Would they throw down..or run? Do they have a couch if your life crumbles? Is it THEIR couch? Or is it their uncomfortable situation made more uncomfortable because they want to come through for you..and that drama-filled shit counts..as them coming through for you? I love this place and pretty much everyone here. Even ARC-X..my arch-rival in this (often) WWF of text. But, I'm here to express as I express. If that offends you, well you know who you are and how you deal with things that make you uncomfortable. Brains and egos don't deserve the same reverence as spirits. That's why I've never expected much reverence here. Your results and expectations may vary. 210916 what's it to you? who go blather from