caught purple tzar When she found out what I was about to do, she said something, or rather I did about a song she liked and she said you really are a rocker, aren't you? 000118 ... marjorie i cannot move i cannot breathe i cannot create i cannot destroy i cannot begin i cannot end i cannot. 000118 ... jennifer my father is a very conservative southern baptist man who doesn't 'appreciate' my sexual orientation. my best friend is a gay man whom I love dearly. who would have known that the one night I open my bed to my best friend, my father throws a fit 000528 ... miniver Yesterday was good. I went for a walk down Osborne at about 8/9 PM...which is usually kinda fun, in and of itself -- all those strange young people, trying so to be special. Everyone searches the eyes of everyone else...or, at least, every other strange young person who is trying to be special. They all need something, or think that they do, and they all have a particular idea of what it is they need, and how they should find it (or it them, if that is their particular idea). Really it's just a matter of coordination. It's actually difficult to try to walk by and not look into their peering eyes, but I've been working on it -- I need the practice anyway. My mien of intriguing indifference will soon be ready for any street or gathering-of-needy-young-people the world may throw at me. But this is mostly meant to be about me! I found this schoolyard playground down some street near the end of Osborne Village, so I sat on the swings for a while and read my mail (which I'd picked up from my previous apartment building on the way) in the semi-dark. There were two young guys hitting balls on the near ball diamond, so I watched them for a while. And they ended up watching me too, of course, between so much hitting/catching. (Young people, hmm?) Yeah, so I walked over and grinned my grin and asked to hit a few. So, I did, and I did a good job of it, too. And we all joked around, some, boy-girl-macho-sports stuff, and played for 20 minutes or so, and they asked what I was up to tonight, and I said 'nothing at all'. At which time I grinned my grin again. I hit a couple more, then I said 'Well, thanks, guys. Next time, right?', and waved a bit, and headed back down Osborne with a certain, though almost-undetectable, bounce in my step. So, I'm making my way back toward my apartment building. And on the way is the fire department, and all the pretty firemen therein. They leave the two main garage doors open, and there are usually a couple of the young firemen hanging around in their lot. And we usually sorta watch each other as I walk/blade past on my way to Grant (a near-daily occurence). Today, there were about five of them standing and talking on the edge of the lot, near the sidewalk. Yep. Of course, I grinned my grin, and waved. And they grinned and watched. But, then, right after passing the fire dept. building, by the bus stop, this other young guy stops me, sorta quietly-like, 'hey. You're walkin' single?' I say 'yep'. And he asks me out on a date for his friend, who has seen me around before! Hah! Okay. I told him 'not a date person'. Why? 'No reason. Generally antisocial. Thanks, though.' And, yeah, I grin, and shrug a bit, apologetically, and carry on along. I pick up a few groceries on my way, drop'em off, throw on my blades (it's about 11PM or so, now), and head in the other direction -- over the bridge, and towards downtown/the Forks. And I'm feeling pretty good, doing all my little curb hops 'cause I'm feeling pretty good, heading for Portage now 'cause it's somewhat peopled at this hour, and I'm feeling pretty good, and peopled is sometimes good when I'm feelin' pretty good. Heading down Garry, which isn't so peopled, when I notice these three young, well-dressed, very pretty men getting into their explorer accross the street. One of them calls out 'hey, girl!' And I say 'hey, boy.' And I grin a bit, and do a special one-hand, static wave, as I continue skating along. So he calls out 'how ya doin?' I'm just about to pass them, now (still on the opposite side o'the street), so I 180 onto the upcoming curb, and do a cute little curtsy/bow goodbye (skating backwards now), then turn and continue quickly on my way. Now, I think all this cleverness-business is going to have to come together in some strange, unknown, locomotive epiphanous burst. Or maybe I'm going crazy. But I'm going to be a part of it! There's something strange and too suspicious going on, I am sure of it. I should probably say, though -- a bit of an equalizer -- I fell when I was putting on my skates in my apartment. I wasn't even skating yet, guys, I was just putting them on! Just standing there, putting on my skates! Oh, yes. That was me. Down, down I go with gravity. Right on my tailbone. I'm going to feel that for a week. 000829 ... miniver Loveme! 000829 ... allaboutme I'm often caught up in my imagination... running off to a future of a nice brick home and kids bounding down the stairs while he's lighting the fireplace and singing to himself, even before he's called to confirm our date. 001223 ... optical discretion Caught in a tangle of lies is never the best place to be. Caught in a fight, is no fun at all ... To be caught is not the best position to be in 011221 ... yeah anguish 011221 ... yeah 1986 was the year ... 011221 ... girl_jane oops 020209 ... birdmad cobwebs and such 020210 ... misstree my upturned tail will always be just out of reach... 020211 ... ClairE My mother told me how she'd always had long hair, and that one time she was catching the train, and her hair got caught in the button of a man's coat, and they frantically tried to disentangle. They caught the train. He was just a man. So much for romance. I should have seen it coming. 020211 ... god now i see it comin'... hindsight isn't so much after all. 020409 ... unhinged there is proof here. tiny words from tiny feelings from tiny times that don't really mean much of anything now. but it's proof of something. of how i used to feel. whether i feel that way right now in most cases remains to be seen. we_never_change but over the years one truly cultivates apathy. bleeding hearts cannot bleed forever. 020410 ... god passion and apathy, feel the magic! 020410 ... white_light caught in the act.. the thrill of it all.. 020715 ... angie that sinking feeling we need to talk i knew it would all come crashing down where to go from here re build? is it worth it? god what a pain in the ass i am sooooo caught 020715 ... Some_Hominid_Meat A BOAST We Breed So Fast Where Is Our Predator The Naked Ape Is Best: No Fur To Block Their Maw Stern Reason Objects At Tawdry Minds And Clothedness (But for Wintry Cold Or Icy Breeze): The Air was made for Bliss. Our Flesh to Nourish Them. Crocodile, Allosaur, Lion, Leopord Komodo Dragon Famished Alien Polyphemus Riddling Sphinx So Well We Suit Their Maw So Humans Overbreed. No Heaven-Hell But Animal! All's Wholly Sacrifice. We're Dinners, Naught But Physical: For Satiation Point If but for Worms. (But Glamour's In The Maw Of Greater Ken.) Hominids Digest. Hominid Digest. Annihilated. And Sex Perpetuates (My Youth for Elder Lions...) The Above is Vore or Vorarephilia 050518 ... circumvent i'm just wondering if i am 070917 what's it to you? who go blather from