feelings who me? where? 000114 ... ----- wish i didn't have any. don't want to feel anymore. 000221 ... jennifer there are so many feelings in side of me.and i cant keep them bottled up anymore i feel like i will explode. i wish they would all go away. hate love scared nervous blind anger mute relaxed calm dead 000819 ... guitar_freak all the feelings that are running through me right now. I am trying to deal with too much and you put it over the top. you said you were oging to start to smoke weed again. I am in withdrawl from pot,crank,speed. i fucking quit cold turkey and now YOU are going to start? what kind of prick are you? YOU always told me that I HAD to quit and now I FUCKING did. You make me angry and sad and hopeless and helpless and all i want to do is wrap you in my arms and give you a hug. I love you and will always. i need you to understand why I won't be around you anymore... i can't go through that. i can't see you become what I was. 001108 ... birdmad the source of all my fuck_ups 001118 ... ... are not real 010121 ... focus i have feelings for someone. I wonder if she knows, i'm sure she will soon enough. I want to tell her all my likes and dislikes. I want her to know i like snow. And fall weather....cold october nights. the air is so crisp in cotober. I hope she feels the same way. 010416 ... florescent light I feel wonderful right now. I feel like a princess. Like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman: because I met a guy who took me out to dinner, and he said, 'I don't expect anything, it's just nice to have a beautiful woman to eat with.' And he wants to take me out lots more. But the thing that makes me feel wonderful is that there is no pressure. All the other times I've dated I felt pressure, for sex or I don't know what- just a lot of nervousness. But he just wants companionship. He just wants someone to simply go out to dinner with. I don't have to worry about kissing him or wonder how he feels about me or wonder if he's just looking for sex. It's pure enjoyment. 010416 ... stiv perception is everything. make up your own world(s). 010529 ... florescent light I'm sorry they keep getting in the way, those darn things, just always seem to pop up. 010716 ... FreakFly I feel good this week. Still sad and humbled, but my out look is not bleek. I have taken no medication. Nor have I figured out my life. I just know I'm good deep down inside. I do have friends they've shown me that. But I stil cant pick up a girl. Even one that is fat. As shallow as some may think that be. Its not shallow its just me. I live in this town. My job is alright. I cant stand the attitude when I go out at night. The Women think they are on MTV, the Guy think they are tough. I'm sick of it all. Why all this stupid stuff. Most of this I dont understand. I may not be a ten but Im a handsome man. I still have youth, money, intelligence, and a college degree. So why do they look past at the dork behind me. I dont think I'm asking to much. Blonde hair, blue eyes, a nice little butt. Some thought, intelligence, not a dull nut. She could be loving, caring, emotional at times. Happy, sad, but not one that whines. Im not sure that this woman is out there. If she is, talk to me I dare. Untill then I struggle with thoughts in my head. One I hope soon will be dead. Its not good to dwell on past women left in the streets. It is good this week to think of all the women who could give me thier treats. so I continue in life not feeling dispare. Just wondering who,why, when, and where. Im ready to move from this town. Anywhere I want to be. I wish all the nice girls would just email me. here is what I am saying. I live in a blue collar town. uneducated people who think they are hot. the women are married, divorced, have kids, or soon to be. they would rather date a goofy plumber than a nice computer geek like me. the girl I had 5'6" blonde hair, blue eyes, beautiful and nice as could be. came from omaha, but was unstable and mental you see. Im looking for a place to move. so at 26 Im in a crisis. stuck in this town. and now the ex decides this is where she wants to be. wont get her shit out of the house. Payback the money she owes me. Rebecca Evans is her name. She is trying to be strong. but really she has just played into her own mind game. this town is small enough. I want to go out to relax, not to see her with someone other than me. Its hard to get over it when they stick it on your face. I wish she would leave. go back to omaha, and let me be. All I want is a nice girl to rescue me...... 011123 ... FreakFly sometimes life really sucks. 011123 ... sphinxradio hey, listen, don't keep looking at your feet i hear you, now, i know what you're saying, and i love the fact that you laugh at yourself while trying to figure it all out. hear me out, now, you're not stupid, and she doesn't think so, either. 011123 ... Casey feelings are pain, pain is bad, bad is evil, evil is the devil, the devil is fallen, the fallen are replaced...feeling, feeling can never be replaced 011123 ... FreakFly Im not sure what my feelings are right now. Im glad that I'm home, not arguing. But I miss the smile, touch, her face. Im happy I dont need to figure out why she's mad. I always felt it was something I did, I'd apollogize for everything. I didn't understand how messed up she was as a kid. These two months have been hell for me. Not knowing if I could live without her. The funny thing is I have wanted her to leave for a long time. I went along and tried to fix her. Destroying myself. Being afraid to be alone. being selfish. only thinking of her beauty, and not wanting to replace it. I'm starting to understand my feelings these days. Not of depression, sadness, or feeling lost. I am just scared to be alone. Ive worked so hard and was taught never to quit. so thats what I did. Now I just need to accept that I can be alone, HAPPY. I need to laugh at myself for being so foolish. Forget about the money, and just be happy. Thats who I am. I guess the happier you are the harder you fall. Im just glad that I can see the light. Stop my foolish ways. pick up my head. hold it high. NOT MOVE ON. but continue to be caring, understanding. Even try to express my feelings, in actions and words. not as anger. I'm Glad I found this place. As much as I want to talk to someone, my friends, or a stranger. I just cant do it. And here I can be heard. I am heard. People read and listen. Some even respond. WOW 011123 ... Norm I hope you appreciate this, I hope I haven't wasted a feeling here. You know, I have very few feelings and I can't afford to waste them. 020319 ... silentbob i'll stop the world and melt with you 020416 ... anoying off-pitch guy feeeeeeeeeliiings nothing but feeeeeeeeeliiings... 020628 ... little fury bug sigh of relief. thank you god dammit. that's all i wanted. a goodnight. for the first time in a long time he actually said goodnight. ok now i can sleep. 020628 ... Aimee I. tired cold too exhausted to write. Dark overcast my world is gray yawning shivering I can still smell you on my pillow alone scared I want you to see my world II. sad unworthy yet he cuddles my feet melancholy confused want to say dejected - not true pressured disgraced swear the family hates me hopeless unneeded would the world really miss me? unwanted infertile god i really need to cry loser uncomfortable just another "dick_cushion" untrusted degraded still can't make my own decisions uneasy stressed let's see how long I can hold it in. 020813 ... phillip i used to love you now i kind of love you. please go away it hurts. 021026 ... death by ink they are what makes us alive. i love every single feeling that i get. the pain of my body eating itself alive, the feeling i get after kissing him, the feeling of remorse, desire, love, hugs, doom and everthing else. 021215 ... Eowithien I am unaccustomed to most of mine. I don't know how to love someone, I have few guy friends and therefore can't tell if its friendship or a crush. I feel sad but I can't cry. I feel happy but I don't want to smile. I feel angry and I want to tear it all apart. Feeling makes it worse and better for me and bring joy and anger to everyone else. 030228 ... celestias shadow things that get in the way, like little cobwebs that blow into your eyes and won't leave. 031012 ... felix if you live your life loving and caring your going to end up in a mental institiution 031109 ... Jezebelle I am so utterly caught up in confusion. I can't pick through and find the right or wrong in situations anymore, and I am missing steps in logical thinking. No one is innocent. We all are doomed. I can't help the frustration and fear that I'm feeling, and but, ah, isn't it great to feel? I feel so intensely these days. It's probably the child within, lending me extra senses until she needs it herself. I say she, though it's only today I found out she was there. She has stolen my looks, I have looked like death since her cultivation. It is an old wive's tale that a female child within will steal her mother's looks. It is with fondness that I give them to her, but shame overcomes me with my reflection. I worked so hard to get where I am right now, stepping on the scale, stepping off, battling incessantly with myself from the two previous that have changed my body forever. But something has led me to this moment, whether it be divine intervention, stupidity, love, or carelessness, and so I will relish it with every fiber of my being which isn't consumed with the relishing of the other two. Things are changing. Change is good. There will be no more jumping in the leaves, there will be no more minor self indulgences, but there will be other things and other times and that my friend, that will be my means to an end. Call that blather? 040106 ... dan Feelings or moods? 040424 ... love & hate Feelings surround me everyday. They used to be mainly happy feelings but now i am only surrounded by sad, depressing feelings. They haunt me, when i'm asleep, when i'm awake. These feelings hurt, the feeling of loss, emptiness, loneliness, sadness, hurt, betrayl, regret, love. They all hurt and are constantly plagueing my thoughts. I am becoming my feelings, they are not just staying inside me head and heart anymore. They are showing on the outside, the burns, the cuts. They are all showing, i just want to forget that i have feelings. Become a cold hearted bitch that only thinks about herself, that is what i long to be. To stop caring for others which i dont recieve back in return. It hurts these feelings, please make them go away. I want to return to a world full of hope and love and happiness, with you. But that wont happen so please, do one last thing for me. Make them stop, banish them from my head and heart and make me well again. 040424 ... Staind_And_Souless Killing me. I'll be dead soon. Will you notice? Would you come to my funeral? 041223 ... . fear. pure and raw and the wolf is nowhere in sight right now. look at me, this is silly! i am so lucky to have what i do. my loved ones are close and safe. my dreams are not dead. everyone fails sometimes. it's how you deal with the difficulties in life that determines who you are. it's just that i've been on the brink of the kind of failure that there is no coming back from, and nothing has seemed quite in control since. things can go wrong, they can go horribly, horribly wrong-- not everything turns out all right in the end. Life means nothing without your dreams. there is no value there is no purpose and you have nothing to give to the world if there is nothing you you want to do or create. The idea i could be watching my dreams crumble into dust is almost worse than wondering if I have any last regrets. It's selfish it's so selfish. my Sweetie, my family and friends give me meaning too. i'm so lucky to have them. but the summer before last was nothing i could do on my own. my dreams are so big. if i can't do this, if i can't do for myself on my own, i need to re-think who i think i am. i am a broken person if i can't even do for myself. anything but a burden on the people I love, unable to do for them. please. i'd rather be back in the hospital. please. anything but broken. i can't do this when i'm afraid and i'm afraid i can't do this 041223 ... *Amy* here`s that feeling again, I can`t control it, I cannot stand it. it`s a very deep pain that don`t let me think clearly, don`t let me see, makes me want to leave everything up. I just need to break and smash everything I found, I just need loud music, I just need a cut. 050519 what's it to you? who go blather from