struggle dondeestanlosjaguares I know a long path lies ahead of me, but I also know that I will continue and not tire. I am writing my story, day by day, but right now I am barely building up to what the exciting part is. The climax of one of the greatest chapters. A book that by far, will be the most interesting book I have ever written. That doesn't mean that my life has been boring until now, but I must say that I have never felt so alive, so independent, so. . . .like what I want to become, in my life. I am doing things for myself and moreso, for the girl of my dreams, I am wlaking and not looking back. I have no need to. I am walking forward keeping my feet on the ground, I am not dreaming of what may happen, but rather, envisioning what is to come. I always love a good challenge, and I know the journey I am embarking on right now is definitely going to prove itself as a challenge, as much as I am going to show it that I can overcome it. For any of you reading this, I just had to get this out, I am currently (on a black tea high) going through a lot, but my sights are set. There are many things going through my head, but I know what I am doing. I hope I have not confused any of you, but have you ever been so ready to do something, been so sure that it is something you want to happen, that it will change your life forever, make it all worth it, that using all your spirit of adventure, all of the (how would System of a Down say) "potent element of human existence" that you have within you (in other words. . .faith), use every breath, every electrical impulse running through your body, every blood cell circulating through your heart, just to achieve what you most desire. Especially if such a dream is shared with your other half?????????????? *sigh* Well, I've gone on rambling, but they are thoughts formed on purity of the soul and it's desires, the mind and it's illusions, the body and it's tasks. . . 020725 ... phil today 020729 ... me "Life was never meant to be struggle." 030624 ... bel i can't do this anymore. i'm too weak 040423 ... Syrope i didn't realize til last night that the urge is gone. i don't know if it was satisfied or repressed or i just moved on. i don't remember the last time i felt it, but i don't need to struggle any more. at least not for now. 040423 ... . . 041002 ... unhinged i'm not going to dial the phone benzos 100601 ... dafremen There was, once upon a time, a Utopian vision of a society whose members had plenty of free time to pursue deeper, more meaningful activities than scrabbling around in the dirt for their basic needs. At that time, the path to this glorious future was clear: develop technologies which would take the drudgery of beating a path through life's jungle and place it squarely on the shoulders of machines. And so with great hope and less foresight, business and labor began the centuries long struggle up the hill of progress to the resting place which awaited us all there. But lo and behold, in the course of building these mighty machines and the magical technologies which would calm humankind's struggles, the business man became a king. He became a mighty king in much the way the bus driver steers your course the moment you step onto the vehicle and doesn't cease deciding where you will go until you get off of the bus. So it was with the corporate management and their investors. They had not only the reins of society at their disposal (in order to facilitate the building of the mighty..liberating..MACHINES of course) but they had the ability to have all of their wishes granted through the magic of money. They had EVERY member of society as their willing servant for as long as the money could be milked from the system..and they liked it. They liked it so much that they forgot about the hill of progress and its ultimate goal of freeing up humankind from struggle. They forgot about how the machines were there to aid mankind, not increase its suffering. They forgot these things because, like Tolkien's Gollum, they became obsessed with the power that human struggle had provided them. They became obsessed with the tool of that power: money. They forgot everything but their "precious." Then they realized that Labor wanted to share in the "precious" produced. Just enough to eat, live..smile. King Business didn't like this. Not one bit. Like Gollum, He decided to strangle the life out of Labor using, ironically, the mighty machines which labor had built at his bidding. They would not share his precious, precious money. Instead they would be his slaves for scraps of bread. They would end HIS poor, poor desperate struggle by removing his need to have money to buy servants. Instead he would buy all of the land and means of production, then starve the people who didn't serve him. He would make sure humankind's struggles NEVER end, so the bus ride can go on forever..and he will always be king. Stay tuned for next week's episode, where the passengers decide to risk possible careening deaths in order to mob the driver and take back control of the bus. 151012 ... flowerock Sigh 151012 what's it to you? who go blather from