desperation Caine Watching an old man in a late-model Chrysler pull out in front of you going the square root of the speed limit on a one lane road. 980920 ... me I stumbled onto this site by searching the net for the word "desperation". Is that how most others are finding this site? I also almost immedialtely received a junk e-mail to offer credit services. Are these events unrelated? I doubt it. I almost NEVER search the web for anything. It occurs to me this is a clever site designed by someone who makes their living off of people who are already desperate enough. If I am correct, I would like to say to the person or persons responsible for this scheme BITE MY ASS. If you spam me I will spam you back so hard I'll crash your fucking server. I have the resources and don't think i can't find you you cheesy motherfuckers. 000731 ... grendel desperation or paranoia? 000731 ... stan you are right grendel, i went off the deep end. i dislike advertisement. I apologize for the especially foul language i have not used a computer much before or been familiar with the internet, i forget to remember this is a public place, kids could be reading this. what an example i've set. So sorry 000731 ... Tildan Desperation is my saviour. If I wasn't desperate, I'd be just like everyone else. And I ache to be different. Not many can claim to have as jaundiced a soul as I. Not that I'm special. I need to be special, and go about it the wrong way, yearning and aspiring where I obviously can't. I dismiss my strengths, and exploit my weaknesses, until I am alone and cold, staring out at the cold blue light of the moon. And in my desperation, I find peace. I find a reason not to be different. I find comfort in my pain, light in my darkness, joy in my sorrow, strength in my weakness; I live. To my mind, anyway. 001224 ... kris is the old woman and the old man, at an old restaurant sitting across from each other. they've been married for forty years and they don't love each other anymore. they don't kiss each other anymore. and they don't even sleep in the same bed anymore. they sit, in the booth, not looking at each other, looking over each other's shoulder, chewing slowly on their sandwiches made by Serafin, the mexican cook in the back that nobody talks to. 010218 ... Aimee Untitled Desparation I don't expect anyone to understand what I write on these pages. Hell, I don't think I understand. I want so badly to give up, but the repercussions are so immense, that I remain. I just don't understand what I am to do anymore. God, I just want to give up! What's stopping me? Fear? It's nothing.. It's weak. It must be something though, cause I'm still here to write on this bullshit piece of paper as though someone will actually give a shit. I can't change the world, and it's doubtful I've really affected many lives. So why the hell do I even try anymore? If it's not going to make a difference, no matter what I do, what the hell is the point? Oddly enough, I'm happier when I'm alone - which consequently is when i'm the greatest threat to myself. Perhaps I'm just getting too nostalgic for my own good. I'm terrified about the future - I have no control over it, so I get upset. Being melancholy is like an old friend in a way - it's always been there and it's almost comforting. Everyone seems to think I'm so strong. I'm not damnit!!!!!!! I feel so weak and helpless right now that I want to cry, but I know I won't cause I can't handle having people see me being weak. Is it so hard to believe that I need to be held like a child every now and then? That I need to have my tears dried for me and my hair smoothed away from my face? Is it so hard for everyone to believe that I need some TLC every now and then? I can't help it, I'm human and right now, god, I am so weak. I feel like I'm going to become catatonic, just so people can realize just how fragile I really am. Eventually, they're all going to find out how cowardly I am. I feel as though I'm dangling from the cliff - just starting to lose my grip. Well guess what everyone - my arms are getting tired..... Is it so wrong for me to want to let go? Most likely. 010219 ... like rain. i don't want to hide from you. the less i hide, the farther you run. arms that feel like the only home i have left. come back? 010429 ... The Truth It is a sad, cold, dark night In this day of desperation. So many lost, confused, dim CHOOSING to be negative. I know you can be brighter. I know you can shine. tonight. breathe, move, experience. your blood was slowly moving sludge, until I came and stirred it. Take a breath of fresh air... inhale your new attitude. 010808 ... zenfishsticks desperation is unattractive. so i cultivate an air of uncaring, of distance hiding my clingy love under a skeptical smirk, dulled eyes, and a bored voice. but the dam is breaking rivulets of love leak from my eyes and my shaking voice. 020127 ... optic discretion Desperation is what I find most on this site. Mostly everyone is depressed, and blather serves as an outlet to vent their troubles and despairs. This goes for me too ... but i do wonder ... though we claim to want to be alone in desperation, why do we tell our sorrows to the entire world through a website? I guess we're all dependent on each other after all ... Desperation, a word with such a gloomy conotation yet it encompasses us all ... 020127 ... Photodan As the pale blue liht filters in. Image and note a salve for my brutality. 020416 ... Tildanphobe burning Flickering through the electric dullness of urban glow, winding through the conifers, I lose myself. Holding the doors of my own private hell at bay. 020416 ... Tildan I'm too steady for my old friend. I split off. And re-emerge. The prodigal psyche returns 020416 ... unhinged is a chilled bottle of peppermint schnapps and the last of an old old prescription of muscle relaxers 020416 ... Clarey It hurts, & as I try to run from it, it just grows. I try to sweep it under the carpet but it's always there, ready to jump back at me with a vengance. I can't stand making up & knowing I have to find the motivation to live. It's just a matter of time. I'm desperate to die... in many ways it's that desperation that keeps me alive xx 021226 ... glissade A four letter word in my book... Inspires many kind and mean acts. Think thoroughly before leaping to actions you will regret. Why have you gone so far? 030721 ... the desperate one Desperation lurks. You try to ignore it and move on but you know it's there. Be afraid...be very afraid. At any moment desperation will swallow you whole and leave nothing for you to be remembered by.... 031126 ... marjorie there's always more time. i promise. i don't lie to you. 031204 ... katch 22 a quiet screaming desperation lurks permanently in my soul...my demon. 050217 ... god me too 050217 ... CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? When I realized that most people live lives of quiet desperation, I resolved to be different. So instead, I live a life of noisy desperation. 060117 ... Anagram Desperation : A rope ends it. 060117 ... | all my hopes are as mud mud in a gutter a gutter with a clogged drain clogged by too many dead leaves unrecycled cans, and can'ts, too many dead stays. no, i am too dark; my hopes are not as mud rather they are shrouded in fog obscured by the mists... the mists which do not part for there is no wind here it is stagnant "be the change," they yell at me, and i fold my papers into a fan... despite my efforts, waving the little fan does not part the fogs do i hope in vain, i wonder do i hope 071114 ... blown cherry everything hurts so so so much 090710 ... hsg this_too_shall_pass it's pouring_here_in_this_desert; the wizard_of_AZ heart is at work. cactusoggyeterraineverelease says_it_all 090710 what's it to you? who go blather from