depressed emma I'm feeling pretty damn depressed now, and probably will all week, maybe longer. 980922 ... sarah yr not alone. 981021 ... 9802101 Fuck everything, Everything I touch turns to shit anywayz 990528 ... Rainer when everything turns against you...again 991010 ... deb "just because you're depressed and neurotic, it doesn't mean that you're sad" everclear 991216 ... nameless I'm depressed and don't even know why while people could actually have a reason to be, Like the people who have cancer or AIDS and those who their lovers or relatives died or even those who just got dumped by their boy friend. And I'm selfishly depressed without any reason to be. 000205 ... Tess everything is wrong. it does have something to do with brain chemicals, if that makes you feel any better. you're low on the ones that make you feel everything is okay. 000205 ... Tiggerfiend feeling of extreme sadness, listlessness, and sometimes hopelessness. drawing in on yourself and shutting everyone out. a feeling that nothing in the world can make me feel better. will never feel joy again. what's the use of getting out of bed in the morning? 000630 ... daxle good bye blue sky I 'm finally giving up (I'm lying) I'm finally breaking up with you (I'm lying) I'm finally going to die (maybe) 000630 ... bownan just chill, take a step back. For me it is attachment that hurts. Attachment to things, people, places... YOUR attachments... reduce attachments in your head, reduce the pain.... they are the chains that bind... again I'm just a faceless voice from the void... so if it doesn't help ignore what I say 000630 ... typhoid you are false data. therefore i shall proceed to ignore you. false data can only serve as a distracion. therefore i refuse to percieve you. ... hey, bomb? 000630 ... bownan but you answered anyway ? 000630 ... birdmad medicate medicate happy happy why can't it stay like this one minute deliriously goofy in spite of myself the next paralyzing despair wish i was normal maybe then i'd stop this incessant bitching 000630 ... giga_phairy Why are you outside with me? How can I be the only one if you're here, Why are you an outcast too? I do not dream of understanding you. Why are we out here now, When we could be safe and warm, If you are happy inside, Why do you look so forlorn? 000719 ... grasshopper The sadness ends. It's worth it to keep going. 000727 ... god i'm not depressed, i'm jerking off! 001013 ... Barrett Sleighbells ring, Are you listening? In the lane, Snow is glistning... Depressed? no. Just fuck'n crazy. It's more fun that way. 001013 ... god you got it 001021 ... Meara If it's due to a chemical imbalance of the brain, then how come medicine doesn't fix it? I've tried everything - Wellbutrin, Zoloft, Celexa, Paxil, Prozac, and a bunch of other stuff I can't even remember. This just really doesn't seem fair... 001201 ... grendel and so she's gone and who knows when or if she's comming back. fifteen minutes ago. and it already aches like eternity 001201 ... j_blue they say its an imbalance. when i am depressed i am pleased with who i am. i am cool. i am calm. i am a rock. nothing can touch me. there's nothing to touch. i think continuously about everything. i am a genious. i am not a hypocrite. when i am not depressed, all these things cease, all reverse. life sucks. what do they have to treat anti_depressed?? 001201 ... Thanatos I had a dog. He was a mix. He loved me like a god, but I was just a kid. The kind mothers like. Now I'm big like the sky. But I'm down-soft inside. 001209 ... ass facely i am really allergic to cats. 001209 ... chanaka the reason why i am alone (i believe) it holds my hand and drinks my tea i wonder where it all went... insidious creeping onto my lap stepping on my feet fingers tapping waiting for a crack in my armor so it can ooze in again 001209 ... rolynd Does it matter? Should i care? Of course I should... because its there. Always there. The swandive of emotion with recoiling thoughts twice as strong. To be able to grasp everything.. from every possible angle..but all negative angles in the end. 010103 ... psychobabe fucking why am i so god damn depressed. I dont want him to leave. Not when we just get to know echother. Fucking i dont want this. i want him. But i dont konw if he wants me. Why am i so depressed 010429 ... emily all i wanted was something and for life to give me something that would make me want to stay and live for a lil while longer. to see whats round the corner. i know i can never complete what lies inside of me - my desire to die. so instead i lie paralysed in my depressed world of thoughts. why why why cant i die. die die die and place an end of feeling depressed. 010616 ... j_blue i need you, i have since the first time that place inside of me called out when i am out in public, i look for you, still there so much i want to say, i want to be with you forever. i want to look back on the past and find endless days and nights with you i hate myself for feeling this way, for not being able to forget my feelings when i want to; only when they chose to leave i hate you for not coming to me, i hate the world for not sending you to me i hate myself for not coming to find you, and for letting you lose yourself where is the you 2.0 i so desperately need? when will he find me? y should i do anything without you? 010616 ... Freak Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm 011124 ... Freak Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm...if thats true...I don't think Im very enthusiastic 011124 ... Freak Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm......I don't think Im very enthusiastic 011124 ... marek it is always darkest, just before it goes pitch black. 020101 ... kerry you don't know who you are... *or why you're here* or who you need to be with... 020101 ... Jenna in case no one has noticed, it has become a perpetual state for a awhile now, a new session after the stint of slight_happiness that proceeded it, and so it goes, a never ending cycle. solace only found in friends, concerts, and alcohol. only to sink down again. 020102 ... dashboard_ventilation you say take this, this medicine is just what you deserve. swallow, choke, and die. and this bitter pill is leaving you with such and angry mouth, one thats voind of all descression, such an awuful tearing sound. a walking open wound, a trophy display of bruises. and i dont believe that im gettign any better. 020404 ... unhinged it all started with the tearing and now she's ignoring me even though i know it's over even though i know i can't care she can still kill me with every glance and every word or lack there of and i can still clutch my comforter and cry held in the soft arms of man-made comfort when all i wanted was her and somehow every memory is tinged with what i wanted to do that never happened what i wanted to say that went unspoken suffocated in the depths of bottomless love 020404 ... dashboard_ventilation i like unhinged 020404 ... werewolf just go smash some pumpkins...smash a jack o lantern...smash its smiling glowing face and then sit in the still darkness and breath the dark air. 020404 ... werewolf the thick air rather...it seems thick now that i think about it 020404 ... Casey Depression, you were gone, but now your back. I don't know if you're going to be here for a while or if you're just visiting for a bit. 020404 ... phil living the nightmare that has passed you over. Remembering the real pain, not the tears. Missing it. inability to communicate. it's depressing how easy it is to be depressed, how little control we have, how thoughtless my sentence is, when I should be writing this. insane voices say "but it's not; I agree; it's that other one; they say something like that; tickled pink; I'm fifty; that's cool; intoxicating; i hear them, they ARE GOING 22; that's like ate times; this year; i'm serious; he's going; he's gone; he's dead; I'll talk to you later; alright let him leave; i love you; and he had to; i can't belive he's saying; here's something else; her's a cigarette; no; and a salad; alright, perfect; don't do that; don't do that anymore; I told you; don't fuck with him; don't fuck with me; alright here's the test; I'll give oyu the answers; a bit different; here comes the cabbage role; ok, you're not dumb; nelson; and it's rolling; and oyu save it; fucking save it; just fucking save it; save the time; fuck you; that's cause you saved it; the day before yesturday; smoking; and oyu lost it before breakfast; I don't think anybody; I'm sorry; I don't think they know it's me; they do; here they come; and the braces kid; bob; I get used to it; that's variety; but this is crazy; we'll have dinner saturday; on drugs or something; that's what I'm saying head; it'ss midnight; we don't have our saturday's; we don't have our history; we don't have our family; and we don't; will you spike it; and that's it; on friday; on saturday; fuck 'em; I'm done with you; I'm telling you; you've won; fuck you; I said fuck you; you're a dick; you're always a dick; you're testing us; you're supposed to thank me; where supposed to thank you; we're supposed to thank you; ya, well thank you very much; we don't thank you very much; we had to; he had a tongue; he had italian; that my sister; that's awesome; fag; two of them die; no they did not; they don't get it; lot's of people standing here; that's you; I almost hit you in the face; take it back; my brother; got to go to the bathroom; you've got to go pee; let's go; pee in the bathroom; alright I'm listening; I love your shit; and I went in the bathroom; impressed with it; look at what happened; went over to david's house; where's david at; he left; they left; they got arrested; they got locked up; porch monkeys; both of them king fu; he doesn't ahve it; he doesn't deserve it; he's stupid; he's enemy; he rolled down; he's seven; I'm going to go get one; hu?; skateboard; black jelly bean; and I never give up; I can fill me up; alright sevens; and that's remarkable bean; you ain't no bean; that's all I gave up; to you; listen to this (some of these hurt); playstation; and I listened to my brother; he pays me my money back; all I had was a ball; a random ball; and he gave it back; and he sticks to my side; he handles my problems; every sunday night he's there; 321; and jeremy said one; and that was rodney; talking to himself; they're just talking; fuck you; about this; hard; christina; she should wear it; she's white; outta sight outta mind; just sit back; don't put this on; and we play with him; mind your own; and you sit down with your hands down your pants; how am I supposed to make it; keep your hands down; and make; that's how you're supposed to; keep 'em dirty; in the dirt; I know how to do it now; bend down; I had to give up like 7 times; swallow that; just about everything; remembered; I wrote it on paper; psycho; want me to get; I'll go get it; don't take that test; I like it; don't give him the test; fuck you; no touchdown; how did dead people know; how did girls know; dead people don't know anything; talk about yourself; you talk about me; you talk about it; that's all; ( I am losing a lot of this); I am almost stop; then go; that works for me; man; that's working; I'm afraid; chicken philly; sandwich; with chicken; that's bbq sauce; revenge; for dipping, less than half a month ago; I shroomed; inticement; god sol cook something; you're no the doomed; life; fbi; hook you up; can you believe that shit; remember the black out; that forehead; outside; burning across his head; yeeep; you're not supposed to go back there; when I got hit in the head with a baseball; (replace with) soccer ball; one time; you don't replace; hit you; whatever; ok hit me seven; (hearing some music listened to recently); what are you going to do; my parents are getting me this car; going to drive omaha; let's go to hy vee/ douglas county; work at burger king; deputized; get you your burger; happy meal; you don't know how beautiful that is; I mean people don't know; don't have to work; going nowhere; fine; still smoking; thought you were smoking a cigarette; never had to pay taxes before; what are yousmoking; he's a smoker; he's a dud; I'm a dud; blue history; that's equantis; quit looking; let's cope; history; come on; and i said let's go; you said hold on; no I said hey; wait a minute; a second; how about that low rider; ok listen; yes; and oyu don't know that; with a push of the button; martians; look up at the cieling; you know that last cheese strip; idiot; dip; punk; dipping sauce; everything I say; dipped in the lights; everything I don't say; I don't give a fuck; you're such a; can I have your adress; dickhead; don't worry about it; I told you not to worry about it; he does; he's so funny; control myself; and have oyur girlfriend; I don't want to eat it; anything like that; eat anything; it helps with stuff; dipshit; suicidal" all real memories doing it myself? "not really; ya I dont' talk about it; you said my name; you said retarded; i said mud; that's the same name; well so far; so far" "make that sound; i won't show up; find a dance partner; do one; dancing; find a girlfriend; ahve her dancing; i don't even know; her name; my name; crystal; christina; he didn't just say that; yes I did; austin, my name is christina; christina what is he doing here; leave him alone; I did suicide" YOU ARE IN TROUBLE! IT"S HARD TO FALL ASLEEP NOW OK! IT IS SO WONDER FUL! WELL YOU SAID OK OK THANK YOU blah balh blah blah they just keep on fucking talkinga nd tlaking and tlakgina ngalagnjaigntalgtkaginag latna lgjaglaitnlantg athaey won't shutup "cause you're a pussy; man shutup; I can say what I want to; that kids confused; no he's got it perfect; look at his brain; thank you very much; you know what I'm tlaking about; here; weirdo; fish; completely fish; having a good time; dirty; and that's a word; here listen; another time; in a couple minutes; your soul; you're not going to do that; do what; that time; that girl; say what; how van you preten; i love you; that's what I'm tlaking about" imdone 020729 ... no reason when i leave you after such little time together, and so seldom pretending it's enough realizing, despite extensive efforts to deny, the extent of my feelings for you pretending it's enough 020729 ... me i wish i had somewhere else to turn to when im depressed. my computer is what keeps me sane. i love my computer though it hates me, and i probably love the internet even more. my friends suck, and life is shit. my parents are fairly broke, so i cant get alot of the shit i want. why do i have no life? 021130 ... me too wow, you're just like me... 021130 ... . . 021204 ... me hey i thought I was me, so who are you (two)? 030624 ... rubydee yes once again again again and no pills to soothe these ills alone 030624 ... splinken clawing your way out of a coffin. 030625 ... phil Berries bluff, springtime, sweet blossoms, smokey fields, hazy in the sun, rolling off like ocean waves, blue far behind your shining hair, parting in the wind. 030625 ... phil radiating the sunlight 030625 ... phil edit: -light 030625 ... without wings her touch meant nothing for us it meant everything for me. 031115 ... celestial_tragedy the sky is calling me back so should I go home? depressed and downtrodden all the problems come outta my own head (of course then I can't fix myself) and the happy doctors are trying they just can't get anywhere but the sky is singing pretty and the stars are making promises they're tellin' me if I go back to them back where I was born the hurting will stop the joy will flow my body will be cold and done with but the pieces of my soul will blend and stretch and I will become divine so should I go? 031122 ... Jane Doe I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away, but there's a dark sinister side to being depressed that I find irrisistable. It keeps me coming back for more, asking "What next?" 031207 ... xdwindlingx _i dont want to think anymore. i just want to sit and do nothing.. i dont want to breathe ne more.. ill just fade in the silence... i dont want to try ne more.. because i have given all that i got.. n i never get ne where... so just watch me fade... fade away_ -meh "till i break" HoW mUcH lOnGeR tIl I bReAk? I dOnT kNoE hOw MuCh MoRe I cAn TaKe. ThE hApPiNeSs In My LiFe Is SlIpPiNg AwAy. IvE bEeN pUsHiNG tHe PpL cLoSe To Me AwAy. My WhOlE lIfE iS fiLlEd WiTh HaTe. ThE wOrDs SaId HuRt EaCh Of Us, SaYiN wOrSeR tHaNgZ eAcH tImE, CaUsIn My MaDdNeSs AnD aNgEr OuT oF cOnTrOl, MaKiNg Me BlInD, Im LeAvInG EvErYtHiNg BeHiNd, N i SaY tO mYsElF... HoW mUcH lOnGeR tIl I bReAk? I dOnT kNoE hOw MuCh MoRe I cAn TaKe. Im FiLlEd WiTh So MuCh HaTe. ThE hApPiNeSs In My LiFe Is SlIpPiNg AwAy. I sIt HeRe DieIn, WiShInG mY lYfE aWaY. cLiMbInG tHe RoPe, BuT mY hAnDs SlIp EvErY tImE. tHiS blAcK hOlE is SuCkIn mE iN. yOu WoUlD tHiNk I coUlD hOlD oN... bUt EvErYtHiNg Is HaPpEnInG sO fAsT. sO i SlIp. Im So NuMb FrOm HoLdInG tHeSe TeArS iNsIdE mE ThIs PaIn Is MuCh ToO sTrOnG. i CaNt LoSe AlL tHeSe BaTtLeS, oR iLl EnD uP lOsInG tHe WaR. N i SaY tO mYsElF... HoW mUcH lOnGeR tIl I bReAk? I dOnT kNoE hOw MuCh MoRe I cAn TaKe. O i NeEd SoMeOnE, bUt WiLl He Be HeRe FoR mE, oR wIlL hE lEaVe? WiLl He BeScArEd Of Me, My ThOuGhTs? TaKe ThIs PaIn AwAy. MaKe AlL tHiS uNhApPiNeSs Go AwAy, CuZ i CaNt TaKe AnOtHeR dAy. YoUr My LaSt HoPe On LiFe. So DoNt LeAvE mE StAnDiNg HeRe, LiKe A fOoL lIKe A fReAk. CuZ iM sLoWlY dIeIn, EvErYDaY i DiSiNaGrAtE a LiTtLe MoRe. N i SaY tO mYsElF... HoW mUcH lOnGeR tIl I bReAk? I dOnT kNoE hOw MuCh MoRe I cAn TaKe. Im FiLlEd WiTh So MuCh HaTe. ThE hApPiNeSs In My LiFe Is SlIpPiNg AwAy. I sIt HeRe DrEaMiNg WiShInG, My LiFe AwAy.... -meh 040114 ... im not telling 'brain chemicals'? ha-ha, that's bullshit. all of psychology is. it's perfectly normal and understandable to be depressed -- in this world, o' course. 040313 ... dudeinanigloo Some people bitch way too much, and those people really annoy me. 040316 ... stork daddy kidding 040316 ... soulesswanderer why are all the kitchen knives dull? 040317 ... Rachel Maybe they've been used too much. 040331 ... the newer quiter me i really need help right now... there's a passage in "the bell jar" where plath describes how her every thought was a suicidal plan. i get like that so often now. It use to come and go, i could let it pass... not now, there's no one i could possibly think to talk to, no one who would really expect this, no one who knows i'm drowning. I'M DROWNING! CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?! fuck it... 040331 ... the newer quieter me i really need help right now... there's a passage in "the bell jar" where plath describes how her every thought was a suicidal plan. i get like that so often now. It use to come and go, i could let it pass... not now, there's no one i could possibly think to talk to, no one who would really expect this, no one who knows i'm drowning. I'M DROWNING! CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?! fuck it... 040331 ... yes thats me Perhaps no one know that you are drowning because you aren't calling for help in the right place. 040331 ... ethereal I have many life preservers specifically set aside for the occasions when someone writes something that I could have written myself. Here have a floating device. Depression is black. It's so scary. Sometimes you can't cry out for help, because those around you just aren't capable of hearing you. I once disappeared. That was the scariest time of all. Not being seen, on purpose. 040331 ... LL how stupid of me! To actually feel like somehow my feelings are important. It's just a feeling, everyone has them. I keep watching myself wallow and drown in my teenage unhappyness only to struggle to the surface again and realise how stupid I've been and always will be, until I really convince myself 040423 ... LL how stupid of me! To actually feel like somehow my feelings are important. It's just a feeling, everyone has them. I keep watching myself wallow and drown in my teenage unhappyness only to struggle to the surface again and realise how stupid I've been and always will be, until I really convince myself 040423 ... mr sensitivo why do we love, why do we dream, why do we do the things that we do? because we are, because of those who were, and the spatter of blood that i may become. 040501 ... ambermoon right now im not depressed....yeah!!! things are looking good for once in my life. but ever warry cuz at any moment it will all come crashing down. it always dose.=0( shit now that iv thought about it... im depressed.=0( 040501 ... witchesrequiem Heay " new quiter me".........It's hard to here you drowning when your choking....? Swim and inhale and then we can talk. 040615 ... miss nonchalant Do you remember that time in your life when you didn't wonder why you were even alive? Life just was, and it was enough. - You didn't ask questions. I think I was 13. How old were you? 040619 ... spiffy maybe up until... 12 or so? 040620 ... spiffy actually, after thinking more, 14. up until the age of 14. 040620 ... Lila Pause Actually I think it was 14 for me too. It's a strange age. At 14 I started listening to Elliott Smith.. 040620 ... virgin dove I am 14. I don't know if I am depressed. It comes in waves. Sometimes I will be the happiest person that ever lived and other times I will start crying for no reason. That is a big deal for me because I never cry, until this year. Even when my mother died I didn't cry. I poked myself in the eye so I would look teary becuase my father threatened to send me to a psychiatrist if I didn't cry, or at least show some form of sadness. Don't get me wrong, I loved, and still love, my mom. But other things have made my life a lot harder. And during those times I did cry. And not because it was expected. 040624 ... virgin dove I am 14. I don't know if I am depressed. It comes in waves. Sometimes I will be the happiest person that ever lived and other times I will start crying for no reason. That is a big deal for me because I never cry, until this year. Even when my mother died I didn't cry. I poked myself in the eye so I would look teary becuase my father threatened to send me to a psychiatrist if I didn't cry, or at least show some form of sadness. Don't get me wrong, I loved, and still love, my mom. But other things have made my life a lot harder. And during those times I did cry. And not because it was expected. 040624 ... depressed man ME! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I AM DEPRESSED! I HAVE BEEN FOR LIKE, EVER! 040719 ... Splinty 14. I'm 14. Every day I want to die a little more, and I hate my parents a little more for having me. 040722 ... New Zealand girl death i am deprssed. it feels like it is a big hole, a hole that just keeps on getting bigger and bigger and no body can help me out of it, either i have to help myself out or i'll never get out. 040731 ... Dozyn2 I think of what I've lost Returning to the stinging stinking wounds of my past terrified of the future without you I create my own problems If it was your fault I'd feel better. 040801 ... virgin dove things DO get better. I know you may think of me as being incredibly stupid to say that but it is true. You have HOPE. HOPE drew you to this website. It drew you here because you want help and there are people here willing to give it to you. Some of you don't want help, just to have a reassurance that there are people as miserable as you. That's the way I was. But now I'm okay. I to, had been drowning and digging myself into a deeper and deeper hole. Just remember that HOPE is always there even if you don't feel it. It's there, like your depression. 040806 ... what to do Yeah hope is there but man the emptiness is KILLING me. 040806 ... PolarizedMoonKat it's hard to see you so alone in a crowd. low smile to yourself; thinking of places the sun will never touch. you are so unreal; more painfully real than anyone i know. where do you come from? where are you going to? ..can i share your secret? Why do you cry? 040806 ... misstree i just can't seem to yank the corners of my mouth out of the gutter, and every breath threatens a weary sigh. 040806 ... clara I read that when scientists of some sort hooked up electrodes to depressed and non-depressed peoples brains, and exposed them to different stimuli, there was literally less activity in the brains of the people who were depressed. It's literally a dulling of the senses- a dulling of everything. 040811 ... clara sorry for using 'literally' twice. that's annoying. 040811 ... Nymphaea lotus L You feel so alone, you feel so damn sane It's chilly, it's cold Only laugh in the rain.. You don't have to drown embedded in muck Let go for a bit.. relax and float up. It's in the minds eye It_stems_from_the_heart small things ~ curiosity.. compassion.. art... -I hope you can find pearls from your grains of dissension. 040825 ... No one I know many other people feel this way, but are they just faking it, unlike me....? Life sucks, as you may as well know it does. 040828 ... virgin dove Trust me, I know life sucks sometimes. Just look at it this way: You can always turn on your computer and see how many people are more miserable than you are. Sometimes people just need a slap in the face to see that the world is only shit we make it that way. Always ALWAYS remember HOPE. And for the people out there who think I'm being outrageously optimistic: You're just angry because I have given up drowning in the ocean of tears and misery I once created. You are still wallowing. I don't just write this for you, it's for the me that will eventually indulge in self pity and return to this website to find advice. If anyone wants to vent or just have someone listen you can e-mail me at mdonnelly1313@hotmail.com 040902 ... god when i quit jerking off i became depressed. 040921 ... missus trapped alone in an empty dim room with no windows 24 hours a day is the only way to describe what my depression felt like 040925 ... no reason i still don't want to be awake today 040929 ... JodyBrewin Being depressed makes your poo's smell. Depressed people make bathrooms smell far worse. Happy people's poo smells lovely. 041021 ... seeker Depression is a constant lack of feelings It makes you numb You stop caring All you can think of is Why? Why is this pain so unbareable? Why is my life so pointless? Why are other people happy and sucessful when I can barely get out of bed? When will things get better? Is it worth even trying to get by? My depression defines me and I hate it for that but I also am in love with it because there is something intriguing about it. Something wonderful and beautiful (in a depressing sort of way) It amazes me because it consumes me but it consumes me because it I am weak and it is just too enormous to overcome. 041122 ... jmm i cannot figure out where my depressions started and when it might end. it seems circular, as if it will never end and perhaps it never really began. just my awareness of it changes over time. 050107 ... mable peabody I want all that i can't have, and have everything that i could ever need. So why so sad? it hurts to not be wanted yet it's so easy to push away. I can lose everyone in my life so fast if i wanted. It's not fun anymore and i'm at the end. This is were I leave. Or maybe stay for another round ;) 050121 ... mable peabody where is everyone!?!?!?!?! 050131 ... ofe it's goals, goals and having something to look forward to, i think. And music sometimes I can't stand silence it just reminds me of being lonely and that is, for me the core of depression having no one you feel cares to even listen thanks 071116 ... ;P silence isn't lonely, it's like falling into feathers, its a very soft light pink colour, to me, silence is bliss. Music is celebrating the silence with a burst of energy and passion. It's nice to make sad people happy, why not do it with fun, colour and music ? 071116 ... n o m e e it really hurts to see someone depressed forever. 110411 ... unhinged i guess this pain is the reason i avoided letting_go of you but what's worse? being alone or being abused? still not sure 110411 ... unhinged (and nine years later, i've at least learned that while my head knows i can't care anymore, once_again my heart begs to be not closed off. now if_only i could figure out why my heart keeps reaching in the wrong direction. *sigh*) 110411 ... re_alisma just quit drinking so much. i guarantee you'll be less depressed. for one, you won't have a reason to be hard on yourself the next day. 110411 ... unhinged did i say that i drink too much? in the past two weeks i've drank twice; considering i live in the drunkest city in america, i wouldn't say that that's 'too much' at all. not even close. 110411 ... re_alisma good then. in my opinion, for people with a lot of Pisces and or Neptune, more than once a week is "too much". you got plenty of natural intoxicants. it shouldn't matter where you live -- every place has its repository of alcoholic options. especially now that Neptune is in Pisces, it'll give anybody nothin' but oblivion. Neptune in Pisces is really a very fine energy, and while people might want to ruin all that, i would imagine that part of them, also, wouldn't want too much oblivion at all. but what do i know? drinking almost always ruins my whole vibe. i can only assume that it's a better time for most. (but i might want to explore it a little more since other people seem vouch for it...) 110411 what's it to you? who go blather from