letting_go elimeny i could obsess over you and this and everything for days, weeks, months. But I won't. I'm better than that. So I will stop bugging you. And I'm letting go now, I hope you call me back, but im letting go now. It's something that needs to be done. Every now and then people clean out their attics. Occasionally I have to go through and clean out my heart and my soul. Its Winter Cleaning. 021212 ... elimeny I think I'm giving up. Which doesn't mean there isnt any hope left. I'm just leaving it up to you. The ball is in your court now. I'm tired. I think I'm giving up. 021212 ... Syrope letting go is not giving up 021212 ... unhinged takes me years. good christ. 021213 ... elimeny if letting go isnt giving up, then what is? 021214 ... unhinged like i told my bach_goddess, sometimes the biggest part of loving someone is being able to walk away. but that doesn't mean you gave up. she would probably argue that i gave up on her, but i had to let go for my own sanity. for once in my life, i had to save myself before i could think about her anymore because it was obvious to me that she never thought about me. but i didn't give up; when i heard that song i eventually bawled my eyes out. i didn't give up on bobbi; i just couldn't hurt myself anymore so i let go. some part of me still loves her and always will. but in her words 'you tried to teach something that wasn't worth being taught...all that's left of me is your useless flattery.' yes, i would say it's definitely time to let go and hope that she doesn't see me when i'm belligerently drunk anytime in the near future. 021214 ... *silent screams Some people think that its holding on that makes you stronger....sometimes its letting go 030502 ... Grace yep.. 030502 ... bloody trail let go of the business end of a knife, drop hot iron, don't drop a baby, don't let go of the one thing holding you up 030828 ... mon how can i keep the tide why can't_i see there is no ocean 030829 ... once again Standing still and looking out. Out across the days, out past all the tears. Standing still and letting go. Go of all my illusions all my silly ways. I'm leaving you my memories, my laughter and my fears. You can have them all, I don't need them any more. You can have my snowglobe world, it's smashed upon the floor, my pillow fights are ripped and scattered everywhere. The bottles I collected are broken in the walk, don't step on the glass. Every picture of me laughing and tossing my hair back is gone. I burned them one by one. My silly sappy poems about the magic of true love are torn and two then three and four the pieces scattered to the wind. Goodbye. Farewell. But don't you cry. Sometimes_they_come_back... 030829 ... Afro If only it were so easy, I would. But I can't. You're still there almost everynight when I go to sleep. After all the fights, all the "I hate you"'s, all the crying, all the apologizing, all the cursing, all the bad memories, all the make-ups, all the shit, you're still fucking me up. I want to let go of you for good, you were not good for me as I wasn't good for you. Letting go if more of a test than anything. So far, I've failed. 030925 ... Unbridled Forgiveness Ebbs Flows Through my being Finding happiness within these truths Slowly slipping into an unfathomable expanse Rising above self Hovering below complete consciousness Confused yet fully content. 031018 ... Death of a Rose open my hands, watch you drift off in a breeze carrying you beyond my sight and mind. Setting you free to soar or fall, turning my back on you and walking back into the desert. 031018 ... NearPerfecTheory No one ever really lets go! 040215 ... shroud let go! throw me aside from your arms, drop me to shatter at your feet, for i, your own truth, am not real just another pain to bear, and get over time, hurts, heal, pain, no, more, my face aside, you weep, i do too come to me we make all better, or not come to me, the same mistakes again. let go! 040215 ... unhinged nobody_lets_go_when_they_should 040216 ... mick letting go is easy, perhaps worthwhile for most things but somewhere in your life surely there has to be one thing, just one that you will not let slip. You draw the line and say 'no not this' and however hard it is you have to stick to it- even to the edge of doom 040303 ... is it french? of russ 040304 ... Piso Mojado this_too_shall_pass 040304 ... misstree if i slip into your sea will i drown or will i be eaten? 040304 ... stork daddy truth is i never really did. and it just started a long process of hanging on, waiting for something to return that never will return. like the arthurian legends i loved as a child. because at some point you give up on closure like you give up on being clean. it's like trying to heal a wound while you're still being stabbed. 040304 ... misstree everything is ready to be jettisoned, and i will grin and laugh and shoot the bird at it all, except for you. just you. and i have to drive that knife into my gut, i need to excise you, because if i don't you'll rot there forever. things are never as sudden as they need to be. 040402 ... minnesota_chris dammit, tree, you chickening out of another relationship? 040402 ... Lemon_Soda minnesota, I'd slam your mouth to the curb and stomp the cement into your brain if I thought it'd open your empathizers. No Offence. 040402 ... Lemon_Soda Actually, fuck that. Be Offended. 040402 ... misstree i do a lot of bitching and moaning around here about getting involved and attached; it's a rather scary thing that i tend to wiggle against. but in this case, no, i'm not chickening out. i'm leaving town. in three weeks. suddenly. right after getting back from boulder and finally allowing myself to get attached. so that's the reason for all the hysterics. and i wonder why i kick and scream and fight against getting attached to people. 040402 ... minnesota_chris hi, lemon_soda, either you don't understand me or I don't understand you. But we can't settle this here. So Misstree you are following him to Colorado then? Will you keep us posted? 040404 ... misstree the official plan of events is this: april 25th, i leave for yellowstone national park, to work until october 19th. there are belly rumblings telling me i might not be there the full term, but there are also whispering voices that say that it will be a choice, and i should go the harder path. so who the f* knows how long i'll be out there. the boy is currently stuck in town, and is trying to head out to las_vegas to live for a few years. he may go to boulder, but vegas is more likely from this particular moment's perspective. while boulder is a vague possibility (there would have to be a few things in my brain that changed between now and then to make it the proper place for me), vegas is less of one. and i have too much experience with similar situations to believe that you can ever walk back into them after you've walked away, so going somewhere just to be with him would likely be disastrous. so, yeah, the 25th is pretty much closing time for this particular attachment no matter what, unless something prevents me from going to yellowstone (god f*ing forbid), which will pretty much be the destruction of a four year dream. my brain is dealing badly with leaving him, despite commands from tree central demanding that each moment be savored rather than being spent on lugubrious bullshit that really doesn't benefit anyone. but "finish each day and be done with it." and something about how you have done the best you could, and wake up tomorrow and start in on that day. i dunno. my brain is absentee right now. see: bad_things_happen_on_mondays. a bit worried. and once i get out there, i'll likely be blatheratically challenged for a while, as net access is very bare bones. there will be occasional hollers across the void, but i can't promise much. 040405 ... sameolme I have to let go now. wheels are turning lives are changing I won't be caught typing as the world barges in. bye blather 040405 ... minnesota_chris I think I'm going to change my name to lugubrious bullshit that really doesn't benefit anyone. Yay, sameolme escaped! 040405 ... quotree "Something like love isn't so easily buried. It's only when that love was not genuine that it's easy to put behind you." -Tarik Dozier 040412 ... Lemon_Soda *...* 040412 ... quotree "And I miss you here. And I think of you there. And I remember this time. And I'm sorry about that time. And I still have a scar. And a bruise. And an ache. And a shiver. You are written all over me. And I can't come clean." -Rachel Claff, "What I Think of When I Think of August" {TMLMTBGB} 040412 ... unhinged all i can let go of is the pain you caused me ..... i've left pieces of my heart all over pieces that i can't regrow and i just want you to know that letting go doesn't mean at all that baby i don't love you 040412 ... elisabeth42 It took a while before I was ready to let go. I'm ready. It's selective letting-go; I'm holding on to the memories and letting go of the sadness. I think that's best. Letting go can feel like freedom, clarity, like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders. There are still some things I've been holding onto for years, and I don't know why I keep them with me. 040523 ... f change - (the only thing that doesnt) 040524 ... gwendy i feel like i am, but i don't know that i should. is it all in my head? 040524 ... f no, not if it is a feeling. 040618 ... hsg enlighten ment to let go of all the heavy nonsense 041003 ... :) "Evil", instead of nonsense... EIEO Amen. 041003 ... god letting go of a fawn or a doe letting grow the seeds you sow getting to know your positions on dough is worth all the mirth long as sprite shall flow from the highest anthill to the deepest oubliette the darkest recesses of people i've met the ones who can't read the ones who don't shave and all the silly motherfuckers with no time to bathe i can scrub and scrub til i'm sans epidermis you listen to dub and dream of firmness of waterbeds filled with pepsi or sprite don't shake 'em up or they'll explode in the night no local hot action for me or for you just to go home or warm your pew i'm going to leave you all in the lurch just a note on the door that reads "fuck you, i'm going to church." 041003 ... god letting go of a fawn or a doe letting grow the seeds you sow getting to know your positions on dough is worth all the mirth long as sprite shall flow from the highest anthill to the deepest oubliette the darkest recesses of people i've met the ones who can't read the ones who don't shave and all the silly motherfuckers with no time to bathe i can scrub and scrub til i'm sans epidermis you listen to dub and dream of firmness of waterbeds filled with pepsi or sprite don't shake 'em up or they'll explode in the night no local hot action for me or for you just to go home or warm your pew i'm going to leave you all in the lurch just a note on the door that reads "fuck you, i'm going to church." 041003 ... god i couldn't let go i guess. oops. 041003 ... love & hate i dont think it is even an option and it is killing me and hurtin her. I'm lost, there is nothing i can do. 041004 ... suicidalchinadoll of the edge of the pool? NO!!! 041005 ... camille resigning to the fact that variables are not changeable 041006 ... sahba "is the hardest thing to do when your in the eye of the storm" i have been told and have come to beleive 041007 ... Deomis of all your comfort and walking out on the wire ready to make yourself a ridicule letting go of your past the ghosts that haunt you and memories of a perfect dream finally taking the leap away and letting go 041007 ... Piso Mojado is not enough just let_go 041228 ... misstree i'd like three barnacle scrapers and some bleach, please. 050606 ... pSyche letting go of reality as you know it and slipping into oblivion the infinite awaits 050606 ... starbound of insecurity. 050607 ... amy nada a stage of it, so I can step up one more stair to my destination. there's no one truly to hold me in one place, so why not just keep going? it's as good an occupation as any... 090708 ... unhinged anything gets better with practice 200407 what's it to you? who go blather from