attached sphinxradio like electrons to oxygen. there's a thought. we only think that we don't know why we are drawn in one direction and not in another, but i guess it might have something to do with your own electronegativity. in other words, we're all molecules. 011106 ... ClairE I don't even know how I do it. How am I supposed to catch you? 011220 ... unhinged snipped heart strings bleeding in the cool snow just run run run away from your fear and i will fall-ow imagining all kinds of kisses everywhere i sit smoking cigarettes watching people i will be looking for your face the face ingrained in my heart with the hot iron of lovely association everywhere i sit looking for your face mute and attached 011221 ... cube I've heard that molecule theory before. I've never seen a molecule so i think it's all a pile of crap. Electrons, too. Betcha never saw one of 'em either ... 011221 ... sabbie 'attached' makes it sound like you're going out with a leech 011222 ... clementine i am already attached to you. although i never had you. i am hate to be that stupid stupid girl, those kind of girls i hate, you hate. but i haven't talked to you for a while, not really talked and i'm worried you don't feel like i feel anymore. i think you know how i feel now, and that you are scared by that. you always run away from everything good. you are afraid for anyone to care for you, for anyone to really get to know you. you are completely pushing me away right now. did i get too close? did everything start to seem too real? i know because i feel that way too sometimes. we are both so bad at this. trusting eachother. trusting anyone. the way things were before you left- it was good. but we were too close for comfort. too many mornings of waking up beside eachother. too much obligation. it freaked us both out i know. but what scared me more than anything is that it felt right. i thought it was going to be all wrong when you kissed me. and i thought i wouldn't want to wake up in your arms, but it was almost perfect-- perfect in that way that it is just is. it was just comfortable and normal. and we talked about how things would have been different if everything else hadn't happened, but how it seemed like everything had worked out for the best. and to think all this time i was saying no no this won't work-- but then it happened and i saw-- why couldn't it? but here i am. just as terrified of everything as you are. of what i might lose if we go through with this- and how much i regret it if we don't. do you think this stuff too? and i hate that i care. i wish i could go back to not caring. but i don't. because without i would be so sad. but i hate that i miss you this much. and i hate that i worry about this. and i wish i could talk to you about everything. and i know that i can never really talk to you about it because that will scare you even more. and i know i can't tip toe around forever. so maybe i should just pull the plug. but i would miss you so much... 040731 ... love & hate This is what i am to you katie. To our love, to our passion, to the pain which has now been caused. I am completely attatched to you, or is it the pain which i am attatched to and wont let go of? I dont know anymore, the line drawn between both is so foggy, i cant see anymore. All i know is that i'm attatched to something about you which i will never get a chance to determine. 040801 ... no reason they all are and not to me 080106 what's it to you? who go blather from