terrified deb what would i do with myself if anything ever happened to you? and i collapse in tears at the very thought i may look strong but i'm crumbling beneath this facade 010412 ... paranoid tree ohgodohgodohgodohgod what the hell i fear nothing, i do, i said i fear *nothing*, especially not you, but i'm not ready, not ready, can't see you yet, you've got knives you don't know about and i can't see you see me see me i can't admit that i'm so fucking scared that i want to run just at the thought, i can't admit that i'm terrified because i'm fucking *fearless*, and i'm shaking right now just thinking of facing what i swore i had a handle on, i can't admit i can't believe i am *not* in control, i do *not* have this mastered, i am *not* fearless, i am! i am fearless! ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgod please believe me. 030904 ... while roses wince to love you to not to to tell you this is all physical and I hate it 070113 ... auburn I am so afraid of living. My tears catch in my lungs, and I choke on my own inabilities. I like to write sadness more than any other emotion. What does that say about my heart? I'm terrified of scattering too many pieces of myself based on fear, and not having anyone to pick up the pieces. What if the journey to repaint my soul becomes too long, and no one is up to the task? I'm terrified of living. Because I don't know when this living will end. 080310 ... niecespieces I am absoulutly terrified that I will become who I don't want to be. They say that everyone becomes their parents, in some way or another, so therefore, I am terrified. I do not want to conform into a society based on wealth, power, and fitting in. I do not want to conform to a selfish ideal that makes me want more and more, and thank less and less. I do not want to conform to a certain look that will give me a professional edge. I do not want to grow up. I do not want to be a professional. I do not want to become you, you, you or you. I want everyone to release their inner self, their true being, and for this world to feel less like it condems me to a certain ideal, but rather supports me into being a person. Actually being a person. 090523 ... hsg know_thyself 090523 ... In_Bloom The propane tank caught fire, the flames spread across to the other two tanks and then rose Sitting there I just watched even knowing about explosions I heard you calmly call to me but I couldn't stop watching That wasn't the terror though Responding to your raised voice, no longer calm and looking into your face as I ran across the room, that was terror Your arms were opening as I moved towards, before I stopped short Our eyes spoke to check ourselves Even in panic, we are watched The hand I pat on your arm, noted Your smile of relief, dissembled and relayed That was terror 090524 ... card because i could become who I once was, destined to repeat mistakes... 090706 ... Lemon_Soda I think I'm terrified of keeping my job. 090707 what's it to you? who go blather from