panic psyki don't. 000205 ... typhoid When Pan was born and the nurse saw the face and the beard of the newborn child, she was afraid and fled, and also for this it has been said that irrational terrors (panic) come from Pan. 000622 ... lokkust in detroit 000622 ... moonshine someone stole satan while we were sleeping. 000622 ... lotusflower button. 000702 ... birdmad hang the blessed DJ for the music that they constantly play, it says nothing to me about my life 000702 ... Gillian panic is when your making out with your boyfriend on the couch and the door opens and you know its your parents 010608 ... chasm Such pain. The kind that makes you wish nothing ever happened to you, wish you stayed home and never made those horrible mistakes. Your stomach turns, a sick feeling takes over. You pace in circles, helplessly trying to think. Your heart is throbbing so fast, you can feel your pulse all over. You stop to stare at the mirror. Is that your reflection? That pale face, the dark circles beneath those distressed fearful eyes? Your only wish is to be free 010629 ... yummychANGE knees feel weak its hard to walk the floor keeps moving a stuttering talk. my eyes are wide a racing mind sick to my stomach thoughts so hard to find shuddering gasps the question 'why?' felt panic so strong is it my time to die? so much to do too much to see i can't die now please don't kill me. plead with myself and my stubborn ways i can't leave now so many more days... a wimp would give up i'm giving up on death or giving up on life taking my last breath or sighing releif... what do i pick? i'm a wimp either way why do i feel so sick? P A N I C 010629 ... -opiate_womb- shaking and quivering im breathing so quickly and shallow my head is spinning im breathing too quickly i cant feel anything my head is too heavy im collapsing i want to make this all go away im shaking shaking shaking haksinnkafpafhpaehfobnoeijrndfcvvwsigfrfjc 010805 ... ClairE What I feel from having wasted four and a half hours here. I need to write a paper now. 011127 ... Invisible Butterfly my heart started racing , suddenly i couldn't remember how to think , a million things screaming in my head , my whole body was shaking from the beats of my frantic heart...then i guess i woke up 020525 ... freakizh freezing to the bone. makes me feel 'white'. 020526 ... blown cherry not a place I like being 020527 ... broken cherry I'm so bad when I'm left alone I'm trembling and shaking so much I can barely type. The night is so empty There's too much grief to bear and I can't... 021111 ... reitoei *slam* aaaaahhhh! 021112 ... blown cherry fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck fuckfuckfucfuckfuckfuck breathe fuckfuck fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck 021119 ... o sometimes, some nights being alone with just the ghosts that live in my mind is a scarier thing than waking up in a cold shallow grave. the taste of irrational fear more frightening than the taste of sandy dirt and not being sure if i've anyone to confide in hurts worse than the butt-end of a pistol smacking me in the head 021120 ... niska for someone who forgets, you're doing an awful lot of remembering. 030318 ... 420 canada where u think they grow weed? u guys need a little thing called weeeeed smoke a joint simmer down burn out...... 031015 ... misstree he disappeared. and he probably thinks... but it's not... and i... shitshitshit. no, that's not what i meant, but he... fuck. how do i tell him that i was trying to confess an almost, not a did? 031027 ... dudeinanigloo "...it's 4:00 in the morning in Montana, and I can't get my dick out of this cow..." 040129 ... Lick Calm Down or we bring out the tear gas/water cannons and riot clubs. We also have a special on rubber bullets, immobilizing foam and tranquilizer darts. 040129 ... pete my pulse hightens, my breathe raises. why why why why? stop it and get under control. so tired, kinda sickly. should go study, but i don't really care enough at the moment. why the panic? why? 040421 ... love & hate I sit here staring into space, doing absolutely nothing but thinking of her, thinking of the memories we share, wondering if she is thinking of me. I think of all the times she kissed me and held me tight, right up against her. My thoughts wonder to where i am today, over a thousand miles away from her. Tears start to well in my eyes as i think that i cant hold her, cant touch her, cant kiss her. As the tears start pouring down my face i lay down on my bed as they stream across my cheeks. Panic sets in, what if something happens to her before i get back? What if she finds someone else before i get back? What if i dont make it back to see her? What if she will never love me again? What if she wont forgive me? What if she hates me? All these doubting thoughts invade my mind as i start to forget her face. Why did this have to happen? My heart beat quickens, my hands start to shake. I hold my head and cry in pain, i can't call out, i can't make her hear me. As i wipe away the tears with the back of my hand, i reach for the knife in my drawer. It looks so sharp and serrated. Shinning in the moonlight as i think of her not wanting me back. She doesn't love me, she doesnt want to be with me. I hold the knife to my bare arm and press down. Surprisingly calming. As i drag the knife along the length of my arm, tearing through my skin and watching the blooding well up in and around the wound, i picture her face, she doesnt want me. She never will, who would want me? I dont deserve her, she is too good for me. The cut was deep, deep enough to part the skin so i can see what is below once i wipe the blood stream away. The blood wells up again dripping off my arm onto the carpet. I look at my arm through tear welled eyes and realise what i have done. I have broken a promise, a promise to the person i love the most, the person who doesnt want to be with me. I feel awful, once again panic sets in. What will she say if she finds out? Do i have to tell her? Does she have to know? She is going to hate me, she isn't going to care what i do. The tears continue streaming down my face as i have this heated discussion in my head. Thinking of how much i hurt her. I'm sorry. I panicked, i didnt know what else to do without you. I cant hold all my feelings inside, not ones of despair and pain. I have to let them out, i'm sorry. I'm sorry i panicked. I love you. 040422 ... emmi i noticed that my heart was beating really fast, i saw my neck in the mirror pulsing like crazy... i noticed that it didn't slow down as it normally does, i wondered is something wrong with me and that made it beat even faster... i tried to breathe deeply but that just made me feel out of breath... i cried and that helped, i guess because i could override anger with sadness 060717 ... smiths tape birdmad hang the DJ hang the DJ hang the DJ 060717 ... did did I gain weight? am I fat? have I seriously been gaining weight? god I gotta stop eating food. oh god oh god oh god.... my life goes down in flashes. there, a flash of security, confidence, etc. here, a flash of... the opposite. I might be bipolar, I might be just a teenager, I might be a liar, I might be anorexic. maybe... ana_is_healthier-than_fat for reals. or at least in my mind. 070626 ... jane don't_panic 070627 ... .............. .............. 170421 ... arwyn Another attack Gasping for air Sobbing Trying not to scream Arms and legs like jelly Heart racing - leaping from my chest A lump in my throat Bile rising Skin crawling God I'm going to die 181116 ... Risen I try to tell myself that the fear, the panic, the constant sense of dread... that it means I still have something to lose. That there is still a will inside me somewhere. That maybe I can do this thing I'm supposed to do to help myself, or ask others to help. That I can find the strength within myself when all others have abandoned me. I find myself unconvincing. 181117 ... unhinged my brain interprets your words in the most sinister way possible. we are reaching the deadline. i am expecting you to flee. self_imposed then_again i am so used to hearing what i dread just_breathe 181118 what's it to you? who go blather from