held andrea as last night turned into this morning, i was wrapped in a familiar pair of arms. ones i had not touched in a while, yet felt completely at home in. and i have to wonder how i can bounce so quickly around my emotions. how can i be so deathly afraid of giving, opening up, and being hurt to only turn around seconds later and give until i hurt, leave nothing hidden within me, and throw my fear to the wind, reveling in the moment? tasting what was shared in blissful peace. not weighing the consequences or determining the length. i simply lay and enjoyed the feeling of a bare heartbeat against my palm, flesh pressed to flesh. soaked in the scent, the feel, the essence of that hand on my stomach. and dammit, i liked it. i have no regrets, and for some reason, that frightens the hell out of me. that for once, without even thinking of it, i became incredibly uninhibited, comfortable being myself with someone else. and you know? it was nice, so very sweet. and truth be told, i would do it again and again, over and over, through a million sunsets and sunrises, if only i could always feel so happy, freer than i've ever been before with anyone else. copyright 2000 000505 ... unhinged more than yesterday or tomorrow now i want to hold you in forever love you like the me you never had take away the scars in your smile the razorblades in every drink make today the greatest day billy never had we could be so happy baby if we wanted to be.... 011222 ... she i want to be 011222 ... pralines&cream One of the best feelings in the world ... as long as they're the arms you want ... if they're someone else's, who knows the psychological damage that could cause. 011223 ... Syrope i know what kind of damage that causes. i thought i could handle it, but more and more i've come to think i was mistaken 040211 ... stork daddy you shouldn't hold back when you write, because you hold back the rest of the time. 040221 ... amillio my hands go numb, go cold. It means i'm about to leave her again for another year or so. She is the most beautiful. She IS beautiful, like spinning kaleidascope worlds within cold mountain nights. her eyes, oh her eyes are my life, my death. there are feilds and oceans and lights and all the worlds beauty sleeping just behind her eyes. and when when our eyes hold one another, it feels like home. I find peace, my soul is still and my breath turns soft and continous..she holds me in her eyes and i can only shiver...can only love. ...but she looks away she tears her eyes from mine and rips soul from my being, i everlong to stay but die a death to love instead. i'm sorry i can't love you, cant touch you. i'm sorry i cant hold you, forever. for that is all i pine for, you. 060103 ... dessiahs_song up, by, a someone. anyone. 070307 ... stephshine tightly. 070307 ... Hoodoo Gurus every kite has got to have a string for it to fly... 070307 ... hsg i would hold you tightly again, forever. maybe a little more tightly this time seeing howellasti'me afrai'd never see you agaIN this life. maybe i could make my arms stronger.. i'd like to know enoug how to not fight violence with violence and may_peace_prevail_on_earth i wish intelligence could just get a good_enough checkmate on fear. semiautomatic_hugs 143_rounds_per_minute sometImeStillook athe sun and feel your warmth. you did tell me that.. you wrote it to me. i cried lastime i reread it. i know you wanted me to just continue living... and i am. i got certified in july. im doing well. i have close friends. i just miss you is all. you_and_i .... we have.. a worthwhile_chemistry. your parking_space is mORe less reserved :-) 081023 ... In_Bloom Being held safely is not overrated 081024 what's it to you? who go blather from