amy leaves. 000108
Joana. He is leaving today.
And I can't stop him.
I can't tell him what I feel... because that will only make things worse...
I miss him...
I feel sick without him...
And I can't tell him that.
The music coming for that house reminded me of him... it had flutes and a beautiful violin... so very Irish...
My eyes turned red, as I stopped the tears from coming and my mother asked, alarmed as she was, why I had become so suddenly depressed.
Why? Because HE's leaving. That's why. You don't know him anyway... you wouldn't know.
Verdulum I'm not leaving until you let me stay. 000221
Zoe well ... i'm leaving today. going back home, or whatever you want to call it. i probably will never see this place agian. i only stayed here two weeks, yet in that time i've made best friends. i will try to stay in touch, but who knows how that goes. GOODBYE all, i love ya! 000722
unhinged i will see my precious pages sometime in august if i can't find a way to one of these sorry machines in the interim. 010623
snif on a jet plane? 010623
tiny snapdragon the trick to leaving in a huff
is to resist the temptation to peek over your shoulder
to see
if anyone
OuT Fine leave. Everybody just leave.

Fuck you all.
unhinged it's hard to believe that i've been here for a month and in less than a week i'm leaving. at times it has seemed to be painfully slow here and i missed so much but at other times like on the fourth of july when we were all together getting drunk and high it was a beautiful thing with a group of great people. i've learned a lot about my violin playing here. and dr. kartman even invited me to come here to study with him which is great but i'm not quite ready to leave y_town and my free undergrad. he was right when he said that at the end of a month it would feel like i had known them my whole life. and nothing can really beat shostakovich (at least of the things i worked on here). maybe someday i'll come back but in the meantime i'm looking forward to leaving. where i can hug my brother again and hear my boys. the only disadvantage is i have to leave jake, robert, and sarah behind. 010724
firefly effect it is too soon 010805
(London) smoke
lingers on your fingers
trying to heave on to Euston
and do you think
you've made the right decision this time


you left
your entire family grieving
and you think they're sad
because you're leaving

(but did you see
the jealousy
in the eyes
of the ones who
had to stay behind?)

and do you think
you've made
the right decision
this time?

you left
your girlfriend
on the platform
with this
really ragged notion
that you'll return
(but she knows
that when he goes
he won't be coming home)

and do you think
you've made
the right decision
this time?

(all apologies to the artist and the publisher)

Christy So let's climb up atop the high hill (if you'll play Jack, I'll be Jill) and I'll waste all my sweet time stripping down your armor as I author my own rhyme. Then we'll roll back down to the bottom again--leaving intact our respective crowns, silver with giant emeralds and tiny gems of ruby red, making us somehow invincible: proclaiming we two as the chosen few, the only ones who'll leave this lonely ghost town. Together. 010910
Fire&Roses I never want to leave you
But the day just won't stay
I never want to miss you
Please don't let the light fade
When we leave let's go together
Just singing in the sun
Boy you know I love you
I think that you're the one
squint trick is to stay in a state of constant departure. 020803
littleidiot should i stay or should i go now?

staying is hard.
leaving is hard.
not doing anything is pretty tough too.
unhinged i would like
to think
that there is one more season of my discontent
inevitable change
staring me in the face
a barricaded end
to a dead end street
steel constructs
rusted by endless tears
and red scars
in the cold
my scars stand in relief
on my pale skin
i had haunts
on all four sides
the common thread
of addiction tying them together
the eastside ghetto
the northside park
the westside recovery home
the southside drug house
but even after i leave
i will come crawling back to
the dark corner of my mind
alive under the sun
the seasons of my innocence
a fleeting dream
before i knew youngstown
this barricaded end
to that dead end street
struggling to stay alive
the broken disrepair
of humanity
a grey cloud
hangs over the valley
shrouding us all in a mist of tears
i found myself
in a bar
in the eastside ghetto
but still fighting
the blinking light
outside my bedroom
keeps me awake at night
late at night
a fire truck leaves the station on the corner
and the screaming
wakes me up
i have laid in my bed
praying to god for fresh air
and the strength not to
choke on my own vomit
in my sleep
i always keep the blinds shut
but this is the end
of the season of my discontent
the idea of hating myself
becomes repulsive
and sleeping past 10am
makes me feel lazy
the day of judgement
passed me by
but i am thankful
for the grace
to walk away
even if it is undeserved
i finally gave someone
the most wonderful gift
and there are blooms
blossoming in my heart
pale white and
blood red
in relief on my icy soul
the cruel road leads
to a beautiful place
i will be an accurate reflection
of the person i now want to be
and i will come crawling back
to youngstown
on bleeding knees
to cry with the grey clouds
x finally
etoiles (fuck this)
(i'm leaving)
you have the right to know that fucking would require buying me dinner
(you make no sense)
everything i say makes perfectly fine sense.
(no it does not)
what i am saying is perfectly coherent.
just because *you* don't understand doesn't mean it doesn't make sense.
just because you say it "can't" instead of "kant" doesn't mean that's how you say it.
*can't v. kant* in the state of new york
(your audience. the one with whom you are supposed to be communicated, transmitting knowledge of one sort or another)
in the burger court, it was determined that those who possess - posess? posses? possess? - ovaries tend not to have testicles straddling their brain
you have the right to know that you are a living contradiction:
(oh to hell is this)
don't you mean OH WOE IS ME? i'd agree with that, at least
"let me return to my abode to live out the most treacherous of lifestyles through books"
you have the right to remain silent.
(if you're not going to talk normally, i have no time to try to decode the meaning of all this)
. . 040302
white_wave I'm leaving blather now...

But I'm sure no one gives a damn...
lou_la_belle I'm leaving, leaving, leaving,
going forever.
don't start looking back,
not yet, not yet.
I cant take the memories,
it was too much fun.
wanting to stay
in the enveloping safety,
yet curious...
I cant start now,
I'll never finish.
I cant stop now,
there's so much more to remember,
to relive,
to revisit,
to reinact.
I just cant
get over the fact that I'm leaving,
dani he's leaving in 3 weeks. only for a month or so. hopefully he won't find another while he's there. 040518
gwendy what if he doesn't follow me when i go? not because he doesn't want to but because he isn't strong enough to move. 040601
Syrope leaving always sucks when there's someone you leave behind to sleep. it's partially why i feel bad about sleeping over when you have early class.

but sundays i think it's worth waking up and getting to watch you stretch and snuggle, and you're all warm from being under the covers, and your skin's so soft as always... and when i crawl out over you you feebly reach for me but are snoring again by the time i lean down to kiss you. you're so fucking cute. and by the time i'm dressed and ready to go you've fought your way out of the covers & are laying face down sprawled across my bed. and then i have to come touch you, kiss your back and run fingers down your spine. and the sun is just starting to find its way solidly through the blinds...if i had a mouthwatering naked man in my bed every morning i don't think i'd make it to a lot more of my classes, but i like it. one day i'm going to take pictures :-p
BitterSweetDream You're leaving. You're really going. The bottom of my world could fall out.
And you didnt even care.
no reason was a lot harder this time
there wasn't the same kind of excitement as there was in the beginning and there's a lot more to miss
and i'm unsure about what i'm doing and what i want
and i'm always sick and i can never sleep and everyone is so far away
maybe this is just a january thing
no reason i'm going to leave this 070109
sisyphus it is strange how one is either here or there, but the process of leaving is constant, fills up every hour, influences every day. we are leaving we are leaving and we no longer know who it is that is here or who it might be that is there. 070816
unhinged i wonder if you thought twice about leaving me behind. as evil as it is, i hope it hurt. 080726
unhinged (but what i failed to realize back then, like seasons always do, another season of discontent will be sure to roll back around) 080726
unhinged i'm pretty sure you're leaving this winter and while i'm mostly jealous i really just want to give you the heart on my sleeve 081117
unhinged (and now
my reflection is more accurate
than it used to be


my age is starting to bring wisdom)
what's it to you?
who go