misstree Mahayana deprived... no currency to move forward on towards home train situations traumatized predicaments more often than not humanity double-dealing mangled and hemorrhaging on the footways [but not that day] [humanity was genuinely unmuddled and sustaining the footways] [you do not need it from me, to know] [but thank you anyhow] [for taking care] [of perhaps a lost angel] :: you never know, whom you have helped :: [thank you for your beautiful gesture & compassionate ways] 020316 ... Dafremen I wasn't sure that anyone had noticed the great care that I had taken to try and make it good for those that would take the time to read. Thank you so much for noticing, your praise was high praise to me because I have seen your children too and some were so precocious and touching that I have them cut-and pasted away in my poetry folder. Thanks again. Sometimes a sip of praise is what it takes to inspire us to continue our labors of love with as much love as we have to give. 021202 ... gwyllynne attention_misstree and maybe goats will be involved 030623 ... Dafremen dearest lovely tree i seem to have misplaced your email. i thought it was in my drafts folder. please help and send me that stuff again. so sorry chicklette yer bud, daf 030717 ... Dafremen dearest lovely tree, i am a moron. there it is. forget i said anything. sorry for the trouble, yer bud, daf 030717 ... misstree daf, you're quite obviously not a moron, you're simply suffering from reality's boredom. it has a nasty tendency to play hide and go seek with things, and electronic media are no exception. :) 030717 ... Dafremen MAybe yer right! Hell, I know yer right. MY watch'll do that to me all the time. I'll be looking for the little prick and he'll wait til I'm not looking then strap himself to my arm. 030717 ... User24 misstree@chaosmagic.com I have a website with chaosmagic.com. :) 030822 ... misstree w00t! what's the addie? 030822 ... unhinged i'm sorry :-/ 030822 ... misstree eh? 030822 ... ferret urine_bucket 030823 ... unhinged i felt the need to apologize for my post under that hating loathing page....i don't remember the exact name of it but i'm sure you can think what i mean. blah blah blah sometimes i feel like such an ass 030823 ... misstree i took no offense... it being a topic of emotion rather than logic, i especially respect others to their own thoughts... i actually am grateful for the opportunity to poke at my own brain and see what it had in it. :) 030823 ... User24 fractal.chaosmagic.com though I never update it now! if you go to www.project2501.plus.com, you'll (possibly) see some updates to the fractal site. :) 030825 ... sabbie you stand tall and are not afraid to leap on in or sit on back i admire your words and the thought[s] behind them thank you for sharing. 030826 ... Dafremen THE_FAREWELL Stay in touch lovely tree...shaker and breaker of chains. Daf 11:11 031002 ... User24 misstree, see dear_blather for my hopeless excuse as to why I've been rude enough to press you for questions on ask_use24, and not even bother answering you. :) 031005 ... misstree take your time, darlin', i've got some serious procrastination of the pineal gland over here as well, and i kinda see ask_use24 as an awesome friggin' chess game, where it's best to sit back and think about things before i go running my mouth (for once). and i have to say, it sounds very typically british of you to be apologizing so, especially as it should be blindingly obvious that i'm incredibly difficult to offend. :) 031005 ... User24 knew you'd understand. yes, the chess game analogy is good. see you around soon. 031006 ... misstree god, i've been pouring out so much brain meat lately, i think it's gone down to a thin dribble; gender over here, rawrness over there, pacifism versus lust in my real life (with disorganization and poverty doing a little dance on my cranium), art, politics, ask_use24, the book_of_eris... listen kids, i'm getting stretched and starting to write like crap and i can tell, so i may have to fade back for a bit and recollect myself. i'll still be about, and still posting to some degree, but if ya bait me and i don't bite, it's because i'm trying to put my teeth back in. and no worries, it's a good thing, i've never been one to complain about too much input, i'm just sayin' that i need to step back a bit to make sure i'm taking everything in rather than putting so much energy into reacting and responding and putting things back out. if ya wanna poke at me in private, this post links to the proper email addie. bombdiggity's been dead for years. god rest its funny-sounding soul. 031007 ... oldephebe misstree..what can i say that i already haven't said..one of the strongest brightest implacable voices I've ever encountered. What would it be like i wonder to rummage through your head..i wonder if i'd emerge with my sanity still intact. like asking to behold the hidden glory and then being indelibly marred by its sheer essence, mind jarring luminesence (sp) I'm still wending my way through your provocative words..haven't posted to them..sometimes its just wise to let something of beauty or power or brilliance just be and not mar it with my masturbatory mumbledegee..sooo..At least your paring back the prose gives me an oppurtunity to go through your posts without thinking I'm missing anything current. "and so he sheathed his chest in iron to boldly bear the brunt of the battle." okay so that little digression to greek antiquity just bubbled up out of the murk..just totally disregard. I'm like a blatherer with ADD or something. Gotta say though I'm still impressed by the continental breadth of your cognition. really..i feel like such a fraud sometimes..and please no need for encouragement..or anything blah..i seriously need another spiritual enema. So in the intervening interregnum of your pause in profundity..ah..i'll just catch up a little with some of your more eclectic estuaries peace.. 031007 ... oldephebe okay ..i'm getting closer to what i'm trying to say.. misstree..such a glorious mingling of diachotomies..one so at home in the river of chaos..and able to argue ferociously with a rabid rabbinical tenacity..the relative merits of her opinion, belief..etc...like someone weaned on a culture of talmudic disputation..and i by no means by my referances to rabbi's or the talmud intend any offense toward anyone of jewish or any other faith..or ethnicity..it just seemed appropriate to frame my sentiments in that metaphorical carraige..it just exudes or encapsulates more viscerally the meaning of my regard of mtree.. later ... 031007 ... User24 misstree, I just want to say thankyou for appearing and providing such rich stimulus for my little brain. ah. well, I guess I just did say it. :O 031013 ... pipedream because i don't want to delve into cliche, or streams of fancy-schmancy i'll just say this: you rock, girl :)) 031014 ... oldephebe mtree - gurl..just when i've got you pegged..as if anyone could peg you or place you in a box.. you go and say something that just rends my heart and adds another layer or one that i'd blithely discarded to this "idea" i have of you..you are truly remarkable..and there's no need to respond i just want to say what you wrote to endless on i_will_not_cry_in_school almost broke my heart it was so so so damned beautiful..so real..you know? well of course you know it emanated out of you..so anyway..if i did drink i'd love to just sit down with you (lite beer or a dicreet, subtle red wine for me) and a few other blather friends and just see what kind of incredible things would unfold out of us..you are intriguing..misstree to say the least.. ... 031017 ... misstree is drunk again heh... 'phebe, i hadn't seen that, and the red wine brought booze-filled tears...i don't know quite what to say at the moment, but i feel i should ahve some insight... i am a fickle, bitter, aggro person, how's that for truth... and add a bit of hypocirsiy (just because i think everyone has it doesn't mean i condone it), and slather with a large helping of 'tree is a fucking lush' and smear some truly self-absorbed, and you've got me. gloriousness, neh? yeah. a great pile of shit. bust out the sled, kids, the brown hill is ripe today. everything i say is a lie. including that statement. ignore me. it's for the best. 031105 ... oldephebe mtree - it's all good.. why do we spend so much time raking our souls over an open furnace? i wish there were like some hard-wiring in our souls meatus that would trigger a self-affirming sub-routine whenever we lower ourselves into that snarling hissing pit of self- denunciation or judgement.. whatever you gotta do..some soul enema or shear the shrubbery of the seven shakras..(it is 7 right?) i hope you'll be feeling better soon.. i won't presume to speak upon the authority of your wisdom over your own being..but as you know the body holds memories.. pain..the unhonored.. the unresolved .. whether i agree or not with everything you write .. you should know that your kind of distinctiveness is part of that sine se qua (sp) that indespensible element that makes blather so uniquely diverse..blather is so predisposed to truculence.. chorus of consensus..protean..peripatetic.. fluid and volatile like natively rendered Italian.. so..whenever i encounter a soul in pain.. i am wounded..really.. so yeah.. man if we cannot find worth in who and what we are and have then..man ..and sure i spin my own marathons of misery..retching upon my own reflection..so i really do hope you will be feeling better soon..and i'm saying this without judgement or irony. peace, 031105 ... Lemon_Soda I don't try to understand Misstree. I gave that up awhile ago. You are a source of happiness, however, and those true slivers of euphoria that press into my mind on occasion don't need to be understood to be enjoyed. Remember, you are who you think you are. 031105 ... time_warp it's her birthday today and she's gonna kill me when she sees that i told you 031202 ... Death of a Rose birthday? Well, m'lady, in need of some rampant carnage dancing? Happy Rending Day! 031202 ... p2 happy birthday to the sultry succubus of word_sex 031202 ... realistic optimist "would you let me walk down your street naked if i want to? can i fly fireworks on the fourth of every single july?" ... "'cuz you have seen some unbelieveable things." i'll drink some grape'sblood in honor of you this night. 031202 ... misstree thankee muchly darlings, your best wishes have broadened my cheshire_grin... today has been glorious so far, and i expect it to remain so well past midnight... and if anyone asks, for the record, i've decided that i'm finally tired of being 23, and i will allow myself to turn 24... i expect it'll be a few years before i turn 25, though, so this may be my last birthday for a while. ;) 031202 ... oE O redoubtable and mercurial one..will you partake with me this profane chalice choking with the essence swollen, pendulous grapes seared by a bachanalian flame? or how 'bout me just soberly projecting some really good kharmic thoughts your way? ... 031202 ... misstree sadly, my bacchanailian excess may by neccesity be without wine's ruby musk; but i will certainly sip a finely crafted martini (assuming one can be procured) in shared spirit, so to speak. :) 031202 ... oE oh yeah that's right you mentioned something like that before..carry on.. i've never had a martini and ah i pretty much avoid the hard stuff..i used to hang out with a drummer (jazz)back in the "Day" who was quite fond of Rob Roys..i don't think i ever drank more than one w/o getting a little drunk.. ...i wonder how ol' D is these days? 031202 ... u24 yo, have a drink on me :) 031202 ... oE heh heh..i just read that again"..bust out the sled kids, the brown hill is ripe today.." that was some funny s***..and yes the pun and the irony is not lost on me..but still..funny 031203 ... minnesota_chris I'm blathering from the coffee shop. I can't click on your list of blathers page... it says it contains inappropriate content! 031217 ... minnesota_chris for reasons of violence! 031217 ... u24 re: ask_use24 - hey, misstree, just a little check to make sure you're not avoiding me - no rushing intended. :) btw, fancy a christmas card? (no worries if not) 031220 ... misstree haven't been avoiding... if i'm not mistaken that was right around thanksgiving, when net access was funny, i don't recall ever seeing that... a new one sounds good, but my brain power right now... any analogy for how terrible it is would fail to capture the wrecking that i did to it last night, above and beyond the call of doodie... so i'll look back and see what the heck we were talking about when my brain stops going duuuuuuuuuhhhhh... and somehow the userlist doesn't surprise me, though i didn't think i was *that* bad with being drawn to words like bruises, implosion, pumpernickel, blood_stains, devour, glisten, brutal, lascivious... oh wait, that was all just last night... except for the pumpernickel, that was homemade wheat... ahem. i'm going to go nurse last night's hangover, now that it's 3am. (the truest sign of good times.) 031220 ... oE take care of yourself misstree..and honor those things within you that need to be honored... S 031221 ... misstree thanky 'phebe... forgive if i remark that the honoring seems a bit out of the blue... but... hmm... how to put it... quite a few times lately, out of the blue, perfect strangers have looked at me with eyes that stop me dead, and said something similar if not in message then in nature... a gas station attendant insisting that i must follow my path... that i must drive myself along it, that i must not doubt myself... a person on a bench as we waited for lord of the rings suddenly going off about how she used to do drugs, but she found god, and prayer was a better high than she had ever found... not knowing that i know the soma of drugs... i know at least the family of high she spoke of... not knowing what it means to me that i consider myself "mage", for better or for worse, whatever it's worth... that i knew the kind of ecstatic state she was trying to bring me to knowledge of... a person in a club walking over to tell me only, "you need to let go. stop worrying. let go." and then walking away. they're all pieces of a puzzle, being dropped in my lap by whoknowswhy, but i can't ignore the resonance beneath each... each reminds me of the time a tarot reader was under the influence of hallucinogens, and stopped at the cafe to visit with me... she spouted a few things, predictions i guess, and apologized between each one, saying she didn't mean to freak me out... i said it was okay, and i was amused, thinking she was full of it but it didn't matter... turned out she wasn't full of it... i wrote what she said in my journal... not all came true, but all had very easy potential to... a few things were narrowly avoided... but back to the point, thank you 'phebe, and you can be sure that your words will be rattling around in my brainbox for a little while... 031222 ... misstree may or may not pee on your leg is going to boulder for a week so if you poke, you won't get poked back until later. (if anyone cares.) self_indulgent_tripe, i know, but phooey on you. it's also my very very very very very subdued way of going "HELL YEAH!!! I get to go on vacation and see mountains and go play somewheres else and just generally run amuck and wholly shit this is going to be so friggin' awesome i think i might pee myself! yep! definitely peed myself! yay uncontrollable urination due to overexcitement! this ain't no standard happy dance!!!" or something like that. maybe without the peeing. speaking of being too entertained by my own damn self, hitting "from" on my name (yay boredom and ego_strokes), i was entirely entertained to see the following two_words piled on top of eachother: things_i_currently_like things_i_have_given_up_on go figure. 040322 ... stork daddy you never answered my question. do not incur my wrath! 040322 ... minnesota_chris ooh, hitting away from my name. Ego stroking, here I come!! 040322 ... misstree taking a break from desperate packing patience, pretty birdie with the long long legs. it will involve much of the poking. look through the nickname i use to mark things and i know there's a bunch of yours, if you absolutely must go poking around sometime. chris, if you're going to stroke your own ego, can i at least watch? please? *grin* 040322 ... realistic optimist oooh, boulder, co. an excellent introduction to mountains. it sits against the east face of a giant foothill down which i have rollerbladed. watch out for rich kids with too much time on their hands, though... but i digress. pee on a pantleg for me! 040325 ... misstree haven't physically peed on any pantlegs, but there's quite a few people who aren't sure what kind of dendroid they just got run over by. 040328 ... u24 your chaosmagic.com mailbox is full. please delete some messages so my attempts to contact you can get through. 040621 ... sameolme she's being true to her name and disappearing misstreelessly like a rainforest. I would really like a good graveyard story right about now, so I'll pray to the Goddess Plethora for her return. and by the way, where the hell you been? You happen to read The User Illusion by mistake? You need to save Blather from becoming a spam sandwich with war sauce. 040621 ... misstree Hello, my darlings. I've damn near forgotten horw to type. Especially when drunk. But some instincts never leave. Yes, I am in Jellystone, and yes, I am well, or well enough anyway. I don't Belong here, but I will get to that. Work is work, the 60+ hour waitressing shifts are done, and so some rest is afforded me. No net access hurts, but I've been hand-writing letters to Caesar, and writing, and sleeping much in my time off. I miss civilization like a sonofabitch. Seeing bison is great and all, but can any of you imagine me without a real bar for 45 minutes, and a bar worth going to for 2.5 hours? I can't. The employee pub has its entertainments, and i have beaten and eaten flesh within its walls, but it is bare comfort. I don't expect to be here much longer. If they wished, they could fire me tomorrow for the missed shifts and lateness (f*ing 6:15 am What???), but apparently they like me enough to keep me for the moment. But Eris sets my alarm clocks, and who knows when I will be told I have to be gone the next day? I have a plan and some money, though, and hopefully each will be enough for the other. What is my goal, then? I am almost loathe to admit, because Fear fights me, but when I leave here, I go back to my Caesar, and we escape to antoher town. We are Right in a way that astounds me. Can't let something liek that die, neh? I sure as fuck won't. I miss keyboards. I miss contact with all the peoples hereabouts, and I miss all my Family, scattered as they are. I miss words, though I still dance with them. It's just slower, and pens and I are reinventing our love affair. Seen lots of bison. Seen some moose, elk, a bear, some coyotes. No wolves yet. Seen a geyser go off that only does once every few years. A 25-year one is predicted soon, too. Living in yellowstone is mars. it's a bit bizarre. the people are interesting enough, enough to keep me slightly fed, anyway. been going through a period of abstinence. (no, that's not a joke, i'd just rather go hungry than eat fast food.) i've taken claws and belts to a very very small handful of people, but it's mostly play. interesting enough to keep me Alive, but not much more. i have a very very small amount of time plugged in here, so i away to a few other nether regions. if you want to contact me, my email should be cleared out again, though it will take me a while until i can access once more. i love you all, some with extra special fondness and extra special sauce--i hope you know who you are. ciao for the moment. i will re-emerge from the mountains soon. just don't ever forget me, no matter what. *lick!* 040625 ... realistic optimist i will send well wishes your way. i seem to have powerful positivity, so perhaps it will help. i'm working 60+ hour weeks, so i need to leave now before my brain melts. *head butt* 040626 ... daxle it'll die whether you let it or not the thing is to close your eyes 040626 ... Lemon_Soda ...mmmmmMMMMmmmm... Good to hear from you... 040628 ... . . 041105 ... misstree what what what??? here i am, happily angsting in my isolation, and i say to meself, sheeit, i should check blather, been a while... and something tells me to keep an eye out for pokings at me... and sure enough... a poke... well, i say, poke away, but i'm keeping my angsting to meself unless you lift your voice and make a wish. harrumph. 041106 ... you really are a misstree 041129 ... fix 041129 ... minnesota_chris um, I'm requesting that you angst on here, misstree. You were a giant back when you were invincible. You'll be even wondrous now that life has bloodied your nose. 041201 ... realistic optimist rawr, tree. *poke* *mumblenuzzle* *puts index fingers to temples* *sends waves of white energy to tree* btw, email me an addy to send you a copy of the music compilation i've made. i know you, of all peeps, will enjoy it. (it contains choice haujobb, snog, and other yummy stuff) 041201 ... next to Nobody happy_birthday 041202 ... mt yay me! and yay birthday, and being missed! words are difficult right now, as net time is limited and i really don't enjoy angsting and this keyboard is the size of a teacup doberman. approximately. i'll write as i can, monsieur chris, but please forgive if it comes slow... 041202 ... minnesota_chris your being slow has never bothered me before ;) 041202 ... minnesota_chris I'd like to visit you, if only to rewrite the history books. To leave out Caesars and assassinations. maybe I should wait until the middle of March. 050709 ... mt i was just missing you the other day, chris. thanks for catching the brainwaves. a new potential roomie last night commented that i'd had a pretty rough life, sometimes... still in a healing phase, still feeling tired, and the jobbyjob has left some bruises and scrapes, but i thought about it a minute... really, i *have* been through some shit... most of it willingly... and i wouldn't recommend it to anyone, but i wouldn't trade it for the world... except maybe this one... i don't think betrayal is something anyone should ever have to taste... karmically appropriate, though, at least for what i did when i was very young to someone who cared about me and for me absolutely. the other shoe took its time dropping on that one. trying to invite forgiveness and compassion and openness into my life and it's damn hard, not just on the heels of this but just in general... i'm long years from the kind of ease i once enjoyed... "but it's all we can do to steel ourselves, look forward, and begin"... now you got me all babbly... it's not near as bad as all this, i'm sorry to make it look that way, unfortunately blue is kind of where i come to lick my wounds for the moment... trying to project as much positivity into my life and life on the light half of everything when i can, and damn does it take a lot out of you. absolutely amazing town for it, though, i am desperately and madly in love with this town and really hope that my little flock of personal dieties that will someday figure out how to let me lead a life a few feet back from the brink... heh... "life_by_the_drop" by stevie ray vaughn comes to mind... good stuff... but i have a letter to write to a recent caretaker, licks and lurve to ya chrisboy, ya got me rambling for a moment. 050709 ... peyton 3 050807 ... Brother_Blue We hung out last night in my dreams. I'm not quite sure what was going on, but you had pigtails in your hair and we were both happy to be whereever it is we were. I think it was like taking an ethereal visit in a coffee shop together. You gave me some really good advice on something but I don't remember what it was or what it was about...maybe my subconcious will implement it. 050808 ... misstree i hope so. i've been playing with pigtail ideers lately. how'd they look? i miss nuzzling like mad. rolling around like the happiest puppies. which makes me wonder if there were any others in our litter we haven't found yet? 050809 ... the awful truth mistreat me, misstree i'm lost inside your mystery your words are like a mist to me when you talk i'm listening. 060619 ... SleepieCloud I don't know you. I haven't even read everything you wrote. The thing is that not too long ago, I wanted to be you when I grew up. 080707 ... minnesota_chris when she was young, misstree wanted to be misstree. now that she's growing up, not so much. 080708 ... s_e_m_i_n_o_l s_e_m_i_n_o_l 101005 what's it to you? who go blather from