journal Enygmatic A journal's a place where you're supposed to put your innermost private thoughts. I guess I screwed up the very concept of having a journal by putting mine online. And believe me, I've had consequences. Two of the three girls who hate me now somehow found out that I liked them through my journal, whether by firsthand witnessing it or hearing about it from somebody who was out to put me in an awkward situation. And now that I'm scared, both to take the first action and to have a passive crush, I almost have nothing personal to put in my journal anymore. Look, everybody... my journal killed itself. 990602 ... moonshine My favorite pastetime is splattering my thoughts all over paper.I would't ever get too personal online though.. 000630 ... girl ive kept one since i was in the 7th grade..(not the same notebook, ofcourse, but..) ive always had a journal. it had almost always been safe but a few weeks ago my x boyfriend/roommate read it "on accident" and found out about how i had slept with a boy after we promised not to sleep with anybody... so now, in addition to the guilt i felt about what i had done, i get to look at him and know how badly my fuckup had hurt him... so, all u with a journal, be very careful and know where it is at all times and guard it if there is anything that (even though u think u can trust anyone that knows about it) u wouldnt want anybody to know because somehow someday someone will find it and read it... this is just a pleasant warning from someone who knows...(why cant everybody hold these things as sacred????) 011214 ... ClairE Haven't kept one lately and don't feel bad about it. On the surface. I feel I should. But then I get depressed at all the pages I've amassed and say, "What's the point?" One of the scariest things to me is when writing makes me sad. 011214 ... cheer-up-emo-kid http://www.freeopendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=A555927 020610 ... the two my father wanted me to record my thoughts but i hate writing so instead a notebook was wasted on the dust beneath my bed while i let a television think for me but since you can't write out moving pictures i guess no one is the wiser 020724 ... phil today 020729 ... no reason when i look back at entries that are depressing, it depresses me as i remember feeling that way. i think that's why, even in a journal, i tend to censor the way i feel; so when i look back on it, i won't remember how i felt, or i'll be able to forget more easily. almost like conditioning myself not to feel certain ways. i wish i wasn't affected so easily. 030602 ... misstree i get lax, sometimes, but then i write a lot sometimes. a friend made me a patchwork-covered hardback book, 8.5 x 11 sized pages, with all different kinds of heavy papers with lines printed on them, and a pocket in the front, just after i got down to new orleans. i had it with me most of the time, and i would write when i was just sitting somewhere, waiting for something to happen. it's glorious to be able to look back and see my perspective from different slices of time, like the entries describing the first time i met people or particularly beautiful moments that i noted. my memory is bad; the reminders are wonderful. and journals have always helped me sort my thoughts, to examine them a bit as i set them to paper. i usually collect fragments of poems in the back, and random sketches throughout. i prefer paper journals. words have weight when they're actual swoops and curves and lines, not just a couple of twitched fingers. i can see in my handwriting what kind of mindset i was in. and if anyone ever reads my journal, they deserve any pain that they find in there. 030910 ... realistic optimist i keep a journal, but there are few words in there. No one who reads my journal will have any clue what it's all about. There are leaves, drawings, and all manner of things in there, each which tell a story far richer than any words ever could... to me anyway. 030910 ... misstree aren't you afraid that time will smear the edges of memory? 030910 ... oldephebe i don't really keep a journal per se, i have these small spiral note books, and er sometimes i will go for weeks, or months without writing anything, then other times, if i encounter an inspiring person or work of art, literature, cinema, music, whatever - i 'll write pages and pages of adulation, or sometimes just riffs and motifs on some unnseen theme - or if i'm just incensed at the transparency of manipulative machinations of ex-friends/business partners, and of course the jockeying and gyrations of my family, incensed that i will not be indentured to their petty tyrannies and mind-conjugals - let me be ostricized, if that's hand they want to play then so be it..bah i once went for several years without writing anything..bah.. journals are pretty therapeutic though.. there!.. now i've made my shallow print in the snow ... 030910 ... realistic optimist i have no such fear. i remember my own symbologies quite well, and revisit them often enough to remind myself. it is the way i prefer to journal. 030910 ... nomatter I call it a journal cause i'm too cool to have a diary. I keep it secret, hidden most of the time. My words are jumbled within the pages. Often when I write I imagine someone reading it someday, when it won't matter anymore. 031002 ... oldephebe dear journal - well sir..they tried to do it again..insinuate themselves insidiously back into my life...this time i caught the game before it could begin to infiltrate my sappy over sentimental heart..but of course i was tactful and and robotically clinical in phrasing my reservations about ever associating with this individual again as with most con men who go to the same fetid well of fallacy to often..he strategically withdrew..to sharpen his game..i'm sure within the next two months this individual will return for another round of attempted exploitation of a friendship that no longer exists..he's really brilliant though..but overly confident of his acoutrements of deceit..and so because of this he tends to over estimate his stratagems and under estimate someone like me whose seen his games for quite some time now.. blech 031002 ... jenny enny dots "I call it a journal because I'm too cool to call it a diary". Same here. I used to have one called a "Zen Journal". I didn't name it, it just came that way. Of course I did have a diary as a teen (I am way passed my teen years). If I write something that is journal-like and no one is interested, then ignore it. Like today I licked to death by a puppy named Angel. 040121 ... hyena what exactly is the difference between a journal and a diary? i assume it's content, but that still leaves a lot of wiggle room. 040122 ... jenny enny dots Dear Journal: Nothing exciting today. Had chinese food for lunch. Was inches from a mountain lion under anesthesia. Had a sticky situation with a client asking for a scalpel. 040122 ... jenny enny dots Dear Journal: Nothing exciting today. Had chinese food for lunch. Was inches from a mountain lion under anesthesia. Had a sticky situation with a client asking for a scalpel. 040122 ... jenny enny dots Dear Journal: Nothing exciting today. Had chinese food for lunch. Was inches from a mountain lion under anesthesia. Had a sticky situation with a client asking for a scalpel. 040122 ... deune midian is searching. 040123 ... jenny enny dots troy made me laugh my ass off. his forum had recruits from another forum who wanted to swap members. like trade in boy-in-a-bathtub for someone else. god i love that man! 040202 ... jenny enny dots Dear Journal: i hate to answer right after my own post because it makes me feel desparate. but the blatrix doesn't care because no one know's if i'm real. all i know is that i saw a beautiful rainbow in the sky today. i didn't have my camera with me. i fear that i was dreaming and i will never see one again. i need the camera to document the moment. 040203 ... jenny enny journal dear journal: as if anyone on blather really cares about what happened to me this morning. and as if they would believe me. i pulled a bottle of hair potion out of the cupboard this morning. i knew it was made by Biolage. i noticed it was also made by a company called Matrix. i believe it is now time to visit blatrix. 040204 ... hy dear miss jenny enny dots, in the interest of keeping balther a user-friendly place, i feel it neccesary to make a few suggestions: one, there are quite many online communities which are designed specifically for journaling. blather is not among them. two, if you feel that you are enriching blather by posting such things here, it may be more considerate to others to put it on a page which is not so broadly based: pages such as user24s_sporadic_blog are a good example of claiming a corner of blatherspace. when a page like "journal" is used, it makes it far less attractive to later visitors, who might actually want to read other's thoughts on journaling or comment on journals. humble thanks for this moment of your time. 040205 ... hy again if i may also note: though one obvious effect of claiming a corner of blatherspace is to give a home to thoughts with no other, it also makes it easier for those who are interested in inner workings to find such; many people might pass over "journal" while they see "jenny_enny's_thoughts" and decide to explore. again, my humblest thanks. 040205 ... jenny enny dots oops, i'd like to put myself in a big hole out of embarrassment. i feel i have taken this freedom of speech a little too far. there are unwritten rules in blather. as i've been here longer, i seem to care more about what people think. i can remain more so anonymous than at other chat places. but you are definately seen and heard here. so on that note i will create something called jenny enny's journal. i only took what the original creator of "journal" said too literally. he talked about blather being like a public journal. that doesn't mean that was an invitation for me do that in a such a widely read place. i don't want anyone to view me as a boring spammer. i don't care if anyone visits jenny enny's journal. after all i can't reveal any juicy secrets in a place that the whole world has access to. my deepest apologies.... 040205 ... laurah i love black ink. blue is halfhearted, red- overdramatic, flighty. you can write with your ten-dollar hot pink bright green glistening squiggle pens, i'm still having more fun than you black bold letters, they'll be there forever just as soon as the ink dries. and my journal's gonna be dusty faded, yellow, cracked under some pilly sweater in my parents' attic it'll still be me... my eyes will be crinkly my hair will be streaked with grey ten times as many memories, feelings i haven't even tasted it'll still be me. no matter what i'm saying, black ballpoint pens, always. you can recognize the ink smear on my hand. 050914 ... nom paper 060209 ... pete little black book with maybe 7 lines for each day, 3 if its a weekend.. started around new years and back wrote a few entries, usually able to write before bed as a release of the day, not like there's anything exciting going on. somehow, though, by writing in this book i can give mundane thoughts deeper meaning, or at least that is how it seems. writing in this journal of mine is like writing those thoughts upon my soul. realisation realised in the act of recording. 070425 ... huh ! oh, what act of recording ? turn around... don't be silent.. ! who said you need pictures to communicate ? eih smiley ? don't grade me for it ! 070426 what's it to you? who go blather from