belong psyki i won't be long. 000717 ... birdmad i don't belong here 000717 ... miniver "They who hear not the music think the dancers mad." 000904 ... dallas I have been long here. 000905 ... Albanese It is no so much that I need to be...longing for her touch. 000917 ... unhinged i feel like i belong the least when i sit in a big group of my friends. i just sit there and think "why am i even here?" 001229 ... grendel like a stranger in a strange land 010107 ... Deepless When you belong to many places, your heart makes you stay just in one, thats what some people call love... So affairs and breakups are just memories of the world... What the fuck I'm saying!!! 020406 ... silentbob i want a place i can call my own have a conversation on the telephone 020406 ... grendel i was upset you see, almost all the time... new_order 020406 ... catherine "i had a feeling like i belonged i had a feeling like i could be someone" 030321 ... kss I don't 031124 ... Death of a Rose so i stretched. 031124 ... time_warp i'll just stand back and watch, if you don't mind, to see if i can fit. 031124 ... oldephebe ...Monday morning.. ......hue..... ...by oldephebe.. but there lies the body of our affliction.. so perfectly posed.. an apotheosis of incongruity and imperfection.. why is it that when i wander in from my.. dream fugue.. when i feel perfect and whole.. perfect burnished porcelain.. good enough to inhabit the seat of honor upon Her mantlepiece.. is this what peace is? and then i look down at it, my body riddled with imperection and unbelonging and i slip regretfully into morning.. i want to make the night, its perfection i ts peace its painlesslness.. stretch out before me.. endlessly.. but daylight is breaking loudly over my head.. and soon i will see the haughty faces, the contortions of vanity, and petty reflexive cruelties.. smeared across their faces.. and i will pretend to be untouched by its cumulative depredations.. and some will open their mouths, their tongues poised to strike like flaming lariots out of the dark of uncomprehension and intolerance for what is so unbeautiful..maybe.. and it will come.. sliding out of their gaping hole soul mouth.. which looks like a rectum (in that fraction of frozen moments).. contending with a cord of colossal shit..and i will wrap my blithe sepulchral pose of inevitability.. ever tightly around me.. it's this you see.. you see it right.. you get it right..? 031124 ... Little Lost Riding Hood Oldephebe is your e-mail working? I tried to send you a message and it won't deliver!! 031124 ... oldephebe@hotmail.com yes LLRH - it is working i've received several e-mails this morning..er this after noon now i guess.. try again please. 031124 ... mm2 - 040103 ... oldephebe i do NOT want to walk away from this world unknown and forgotten..to plunge to my end laying twisted and broken in the path of a hurtling subway train..i don't want to be old sitting in a chair crying in the dark...i want to have more insight beyond the music of blight that freezes souls in torture of an eye unblinking night.. i want to be inextricably intertwined with flesh and bone and heart and home...maybe..maybe. i don't want to spend another holiday season staring into windows covered in a thin cruel blanket of ice..seeing the fires dance dimly in the hearth..i knock and the music is turned up louder..and the neighboors begin to become concerned at my plaintive entreaties to be seen and i scream to those within.."am i just air that held a place in a creaking crib..am i that opaque smear in the family portrait..some artifact of a photographers error? 040124 ... oldephebe i belong to Christ..at least onthe days that i can remember...if i abide in that Truth..in that warm cocoon of consolation then..Ahma Be awright..be sumpin' moah than jus' screaming marrow boilin' in scarred bone..da hiegoglyphics of horror..of a life spent mostly on fire and in pain..but if i abide in that greater truth, ahma be okay...an' rise right up on outta dis here sick bed... 040223 ... Syrope looking at you, i wish i could tell if you could take care of me at least i think your ambition would motivate me it's almost too bad that i actually need feeling and emotion in a relationship its too bad that when he's not making my life harder he's making it worth living sure you fail at things, and you take them in stride but you're more proud of what you've accomplished than of how many deadbeat friends you can surround yourself with to avoid feeling like you don't measure up. ...of how well you can make it look like you don't care. i just want to know how you manage to be so nonchalant about it. i need to take notes. i am the worst kind of bitch. i hope you find out sooner than later. this is a bad time in my life to make new friends. i don't enjoy hurting people, it just happens. i need people as long as they're what i want, but not after that. i'm better off without them. 041029 ... sirflaccid Where did you go? Why are you not here? I feel as if my presence is keeping you from this place. I do not like that. It makes me feel selfish. You need to come back and at least say hello. They miss you here. I know that they do. Maybe you are not you anymore. Maybe your identity has been altered. In that case, I am glad you stayed. Either way, do not leave this place. This is yours. And I would much rather walk away than to force you out. 050207 what's it to you? who go blather from