dope unhinged this one goes out to user24 ;-) as it is my_drug_experience but i didn't want to be one of thoe People_that_intrude_on_obviously_personal_thread (s) cause to me and seemingly to user24 it's a revelation thing. i remember the first time i smoked pot. i got high. i don't understand those first-time smokers that don't get high. mostly cause they don't know how to inhale i'm assuming but a friend of mine who smoked cigarettes before she tried pot had to smoke about 6 times before she got high. i felt sorry for her. but then again, it's fun to be around a bunch of stoners sober and throw them loops and watch them fetch them in the maze of their inebriation. (flowery language is the one of the first side effects for me: guess_which_posts_i_did_stoned ) and i'm probably fucking up most of the links in this page. which will irk me later. i can't type as fast when i'm high but i hate interrupting the placement of my hands on the keyboard to hit the backspace key so i slow down. i shake a lot when i'm high. i always shake actually but i think more of my brain is devoted to conciously controlling it when i'm sober. i've scared people when i was high and upset by my severe bouts of shakiness. but the ironic part is that is how i always feel and when people see it they freak. i'm an addict. i'm addicted to marijuana. i can quit when i want to (stereotypical denial statement). i really can. but for long periods of time i have no desire to be in touch with myself. it disconnects me from what i don't want to be connected to. and i write and i practice and i create things until i like that picture of myself and then i slow down. yeah, it was a social thing. i still hardly ever smoke alone. but i guess that's just a matter of circumstance more than anything else. i prefer to smoke just with_her. smoking creates this network, especially in a music school. cause no matter what kind of music you make, a high percentage of musicians are addicts. but that's another theory for another day that's probably on another page in the blue. it's not always about depression and walls and it's definitely not about enhancing an image. (no i don't think smoking pot makes me cool frank....) music is totally different when i'm high. it affects my aural capablities. if i want to learn a hard piece in orchestra if it's an orchestra i'm not getting paid to play in, i go to rehearsal stoned. rhythmical problems, sloppy licks, intonation problems, after a short examination with my new facilites tend to disappear. cause i hear differently when i'm high. i can understand bebop when i'm high. i can cry my eyes out when i listen to brahms when i'm high. i can let go of all my (or most of my) aggressions when i listen to ivet when i'm high. but then there are the times when i don't feel self_destructive but i do feel incredibly alone so i get high to numb my mind and my heart. weed is definitely a painkiller for me. and i was never high enough when she was around. sometimes the skin on my limbs tingle. and i do get irrational bouts of paranoia. sometimes my heart gets beating so fast i feel like i might have a heartattack. every drug has negative side effects. i felt like i was going to puke this morning after i took my vitamin because i didn't eat enough food when i took it. but then i had crazy amounts of energy all day long. but anyway, sometimes i go off on exceedingly long tangents when i'm high. 030319 ... User24 sorry to infringe, I just searched for my name on this site (eg: google.com/search?q=unhinged+site:blather.newdream.net) and saw this. I just want to express solidarity with you. It's nice to know other intelligent people smoke and experience the same things as me. 030331 ... minnesota_chris hmmm, I don't think I'm going to try it now. 030402 ... unhinged seriously, don't get me wrong. i would smoke pot over taking prozac any fucking day of the week. 030402 ... minnesota_chris but taking prozac is temporary... it leads to NOT taking prozac... you said you don't want to stop smoking pot. 030402 ... SuicidalAngel But after taking prozac, it stays on your medical record and looks bad when applying for jobs. 030402 ... niska 'god forbid you have your own son one day, jerimiah. one who lies through his teeth, buys demonic records and smokes the dope...' 030402 ... minnesota_chris Oh. Really! I thought it was chic to be on antidepressants. 030402 ... SuicidalAngel Well it is! LoL 030402 ... unhinged see that's the funny thing...prozac is SUPPOSED to be temporary. but you have to want to change yourself for that to happen and anyone taking pills to make themself happy obviously doesn't want to have to change. swallowing a pill doesn't make it go away. you have to want it to go away and make it go away yourself. i don't want it to go away deep down; that's why i smoke weed. i am afraid for it to go away. depression becomes a deep hole after awhile. i have seen plenty of people become sicker from pills because the pills don't actually do what they think they are going to. they think that they are defective because it doesn't magically solve the problem. i have no delusions about what i do to myself. if it wasn't weed it would be painkillers. and the fact of the matter is is that there is no physical addiction with marijuana. it makes me emotionally numb, so i am addicted to the feeling of not feeling. but, if tomorrow i didn't smoke a few bowls, i would still be able to walk down the street without being in pain. sometimes i need something outside of my self to influence and change my outlook. i guess i am weak. but i don't see the saftey in pills if there is danger in weed. 030403 ... User24 prozac, cipramil, and all the others are really bad. prozac, for instance, has a proven link to suicide attempts. Weed, on the other hand, is so different from reality, it's hard to mix up with reality, with SSRI's (antidepressants) you become used to their effect, and assume that the effect is reality. Sorry if I'm not making much sense, I will probally clarify this later on. (i'm at work and should be working) 030403 ... user24 Now I'm at home, and therefore dont have to lean on Alt-Tab, having re-read that, I think it makes sense, any questions, please ask.. 030403 ... jessicafletcher i cough and i feel guilty when i do it. and then i worry someone will know. 030404 ... minnesota_chris Jess, you smoke pot and steal shit... can you say something nice that you do? 030404 ... User24 she does do something 'nice' - she smokes pot. pot is a wonderful drug, so much better than nicotene or alcohol, it expands the minds, raises consciousness and general enlightens one. I get high every few days with no loss to my most important asset - my intellect, I can still function normally (for me) hold a job computer programming, take part in philosophical, political, sociological and psychological conversations, sometimes more so while stoned. pot is not a bad thing at all, when used responsibly, through choice, not as escapism or part of a coping mechanism. 030414 ... User24 minnesota_chris: antidepressants are not a good thing at all, (I assume you've never been on them) prozac didn't do anything for me, good or bad, cipramil made me feel addicted and much worse, but the worst thing was the realisation that I was bad enough to be on SSRIs (selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors) After fucking up at school (I could have got straight A's), I went to college (after taking a year off) I did very well, but realised I didn't want to do business, got involbed in a hacking incident at college (well, if they dont put a password on the printserver, what do they expect???) I was manic, I cried, screamed, convulsed and generally felt possessed by a demon, I went from shaking with rage to grinning like a twat, I cut myself on the hands and arms with a scalpel because it felt great, every time I did it I felt like some kind of god, power swirling around me as I crossed the blade over my arm in one inch long lines (too thin to bleed much) one of the things that got me out was weed. I got a job, bought a quarter (for no reason at all, I'd never tried it before) and a month later I'd stopped cutting my arms completely, slept ok at night again, and was quite a lot happier, soon after that I met Linds at 7 o'clock in a pub, by 8 we were together, 8 weeks after that we were engaged and three years on we're living together happily. Linds helped me stay out of depression, but weed made me realise that life was good. If that strikes home with anyone, email jsvlrt@yahoo.com to chat. 030414 ... minnesota_chris well it's good that it has helped you so much. I don't think that it benefits most people as much as it has helped you. Most folks I've seen who use pot, it helps them about as much as Miller Lite. Not that it's bad, but it's not exactly an achievement either, is it? You're really proud of smoking pot. 030416 ... User24 you're right, it's not something to aim at, it's something to bear in mind; I just want to let people know that you can be responsible and smoke pot, I want to break down the preconceptions most people seem to have. The saying "don't knock it till you've tried it" is very true here; if it harms none, let it be done. and you're also right, it's not something to aim for, at all, but it's nothing to be afraid of either. 030416 ... rubydee there are more "functioning" dopers in the world than most of you care to realize. weed is fairly innoculous if you can remember to kick yourself in the ass from time to time and not develop an anti-motivational syndrome. 030618 ... unhinged i think getting an undergrad degree for free and now getting a masters for free is pretty functional. *shrugs* 030618 ... rubydee i agree. cheers to you! *pat* *pat* 030619 ... unhinged but i think the motivation comes from being afraid of my dad ;-) the lazy will use any excuse to stay lazy procrastinators are the lazy ones that know when it's time to get the shit done 030619 ... User24 there's always a point at which the motivator becomes an agressor, and then a repellant force. 030620 ... User24 (whether you reach it or not is a different question) 030620 what's it to you? who go blather from