disappointment me? disappointment is creating a sense of expectation in me. 991220 ... she is a vital part of my life. kinda like oxygen, water, shelter. 011219 ... god it's all my fault. 011219 ... hey now! no its not 011220 ... the_engineer Your heart sinks fearing the worst how bad is it really? I hope i'm wrong.. God i really hope i'm wrong. Something could be happening right now that could really change my friendship with a good friend. Should I be dissapointed? I think so... I'll hopefully update this with good news and not have to be dissapointed... but I fear the worst :( 030329 ... the_engineer sp see: disappointment 030329 ... niska my heart sinks because i have no idea if i did something to change what COULD have been a great friendship, or if i did everything right to prevent a bad one from happening. i may never know this either, which is the worst feeling, and fearing the worst is what got me in this mess in the first place. i'm disappointed in myself... engineer, i just want to say i know exactly how you feel - expecting the worst makes every outcome a lot better than you had hoped. i do this all the time. recently though, i found expecting a little badness is still ok, just in case, but being positive everything will work out is really the way to go. a good friendship can never be changed for the bad - a good friend wouldn't let negative change happen, and you wouldn't let it happen with a good friend. good friends see past all of this. otherwise, they're really more of a superficial friend, and the less of those you have in your life, the better - i promise you. i'm curious though, why does your heart sink when you aren't sure if if it should or not? what could have happened that would cause that much disappointment without really knowing? what is causing this fear? i'll cross my fingers for you that it all works out. believe everything is ok and it probably will be. being left with questions, and doubting a friendship is the worst way to feel. 030329 ... the_engineer your kind words warm my heart :) A good friendship will remain, there is no doubt in that, never was. The story of my friendship told here is one where I had once hoped it would turn out to be much more than a friendhship, this has not been the case thus far, but friends is something we still are. The disappointment would set in if this friend decides to throw her inhibitions (and self worth) to the wolves and carry out actions she herself once thought were worst. My heart is saddend anyways by the notion of us not sharing more than a friendhip however this is a truth i am able, if slightly unwilling, to accept. News you expected maybe? the chance still happens to exist, but slightly less. 030331 ... niska i didn't actually think you'd reply. but yes, i supposed it was something like that. you know, i'm sure your acceptance of the circumstances only ups your chances in the long-term - after all, you've guaranteed yourself a place in this person's heart forever by being such a good friend. 030403 ... zaxary is a kiss on the cheek from somone you just slept eith. 030405 ... zaxary is a kiss on the cheek from somone you just slept with. 030405 ... the_engineer ...... :( i wasn't wrong thankfully our friendship will remain, there is no question. great friends are hard to come by 030411 ... niska awww... engineer, i'm sorry to hear that. :( at least as a friend, you're able to be loved unconditionally. no love ever really lasts forever, especially when you're young, but friends, they are the rarest bit of goodness in this this world. you will have that over ayone. ever. 030411 ... femme the universal constant 030411 ... noprocreationjustcelldivision@hotmail.com Shit! I want to go on holiday! Why can't I make myself safe enough to go? Why do I constantly feel so fucking run down & crap? Life is not worth living when I feel this way. Life is not worth living. I hate it. I hate myself. Why can't I get through an afternoon of shopping without feeling suicidally depressed & so ill I can barely stand? How am I meant to lead a life?! Why can't I go on holiday & forget this shit? Because I'll die. Yay xx 030716 ... clarey Shit! I want to go on holiday! Why can't I make myself safe enough to go? Why do I constantly feel so fucking run down & crap? Life is not worth living when I feel this way. Life is not worth living. I hate it. I hate myself. Why can't I get through an afternoon of shopping without feeling suicidally depressed & so ill I can barely stand? How am I meant to lead a life?! Why can't I go on holiday & forget this shit? Because I'll die. Yay xx 030716 ... ferret ointment 030716 ... jezabel old sour smoke taste reminds me of last night's myriad small defeats; the emptiness of the place, the trinket without a home, the beautiful boy who couldn't dance and the one who offered, who tempted so skillfully, but who simply wasn't enough. 030827 ... delial disappointment shows_you two_things: how_things_are and how you want them to be 030827 ... the Hermit having three chest drains in two weeks,still feeling dizzy three months later...how do you feel delial(i know you had a chest drain). 030828 ... the Hermit having three chest drains in two weeks,still feeling dizzy three months later...how do you feel delial(i know you had a chest drain). 030828 ... delial thankfully mine was done a very long, long time ago, and I feel so much better, it's like night and day. when I had mine done, it was due to one of my lungs being collapsed, so if it hadn't have worked I don't know if I'd be around to talk about it. heh. that's enough to make me feel better about most anything going on, really. I'm sorry to hear yours aren't doing much for you, but I hope things stop being so disappointing. dizziness isn't a walk in the park, I know. 030828 ... Love Is All You Need The consummation of anticipation 050227 ... stork daddy have you ever been so disappointed in yourself that the only part of you worth redeeming is that voice saying you aren't worth redeeming, that you should just end it and the part of you willing to hear that voice. no? me neither. 050714 ... akuma aoi if disappointment is having ones expectations unmet, then i have never been disappointed. i have learned, empirically, to expect the worst, and it has been delivered without fault or failure every time. and that's what really pisses me off. 050714 ... (unknown) :) 050714 ... IGG is omnipresent it really makes me wonder if i've ever known a life without it. *coughs* perfectionist. that's what the therapist said. a brief moment or perfection is so, so rare. the_world card, right? because the human natural state is to be imperfect. what? we can't be doing with that, society demands more than perfection. it demands you to try to be perfect and to keep trying, or to live with the shame the SHAME of imperfection the shame of being less than their opinion of perfection. those impossible standards *sighs* how we all scramble to meet them, in some way or another. too bad we really do conform. how very disappointing it is, when we are not perfect and yet if we were, society would be disappointed in us because we should have tried harder not to conform. paradoxical, wouldn't you say? 050714 ... iNsEcUrE_GoTh_GiRl every day i find just something more about myself to be disappointed about. just a little more to hate. constant disappointment bodes for depressed thoughts, my child. take the pretty pills but be disappointed that you couldn't do this yourself without our manmade chemicals, our unnatural medicines. because you are, in fact a complete and utter failure. no don't worry honey, we still love you. even fucked up and as disappointing as you are. 050802 ... imperfectly circular P_A_S_S_I_V_E 050802 ... misstree poisons future hope, sterilizing the womb of dreams. 050802 ... belly fire It is. And it is crushing. A crushing disappointment. Only, these are little disappointments. Little in that they might not even be worth mentioning. They are, however, mounting. A landfill, a wave of disappointment. Becoming altogether tidal. You can feel the weight of it as you live your day-to-day and wonder how to slough it off. How can you cast a landfill? Oh, there have been large disappointments...there is no denying that...though somehow they weigh in differently. He is my one triumph - my most glorious everything. In him I can find no disappointment and, I fear, I am his undoing. 060301 ... Syrope i want what i always wanted and what i'll never get it's so disgusting, the whole thing. her complete lack of self esteem, how you think it's perfectly ok for her to celebrate, how i need you to get over you. i want to be vengeful. i want to hurt you both in irrepairable ways. i'm just not that memorable though. not that powerful. so i hope you're happy. there isn't room for the 3 of us. 060301 ... sahba everyone is lost 060927 ... christ without the cross everyone is found. 060927 ... crazy_hope grabs me with rough hands and shakes me until i pass out on my wet pillow. 071028 ... hsg it is written that a sense of loss is the most universal human experience. ...it is better to have loved and lost... trust me. this a dot meant. it is nearly entirely faded. good news right around the corner. 071128 ... unhinged once again, the only person i have to count on is myself. 090424 ... not_enough Disappointment Would never reach me If only I could learn To stop being So Damned Optimistic. 100310 what's it to you? who go blather from