acceptance Quintessensual is just the beginning of what might be something 010109 ... Tim!!! i teied to be accepted, but they didnt like me 010411 ... focus it's not me trying to be accepted by my peers, or trying to prove something to anyone. It's me getting my acceptance. 010411 ... unhinged my need to be understood is painfully strong at the present moment 010418 ... dB Unhinged, then spill. Nobody here is gonna criticize you. Maybe we won't understand, but someone might. What makes you think that we wouldn't understand? 010418 ... unhinged it's slightly complicated and somewhat juvenile. my life has up until this point been lacking significant relationships because everyone i try to get close to rejects me. i have a rather bad inferiority complex that makes me push away everyone that cares about me. maybe i'm just waiting for this ideal that will never come. but i just want more than anything in this world to care about someone and have them understand the extent to which i care. to just understand the depth of what i guess is love that comes from me and is for them, the part of my heart that is committed, and appreciate that. because some days i walk through my routine feeling totally worthless to any and everyone. and there are so many people that have parts of my heart with their name on it and they just don't know it. i am so afraid to tell them because it ultimately boils down to rejection doesn't it? and i could not handle that from certain people. i guess the ultimate understanding is purified to this....i want somebody to love that actually KNOWS (and no i do not mean this word in the literal sense) that i do. 010418 ... dB True, True. It saves getting hurt though doesn't it. i'm not really in a position to give advise on this though. The only time I really communicate with people is when I'm on here. Other than that, I just storm into peoples lives, take from them what I want and then leave. Those who have tried to get close to me I have cut off and thrown away. Maybe that's all their really is to do. Love is nothing more than a chemical reaction in your head that facilitates procreation, and there is comfort in that fact. What humans really want at the end of the day, they can't have because they have adjusted their minds so much to something that is not natural that they can't even remember what it was they wanted. Does that make sense? You just gotta remember, if someone does not like you, you don't need them. If you don't like someone, you don't need them either. The crap goes on. Be free man. 010418 ... unhinged humanity is like a drug...i ignore all the warnings and after i've tried it i crave it over everything else. i'm in a period of withdrawal right now. 010419 ... dB Wait, let me get this straight: You are suffering withdrawl from humanity; Ok. Right. That's really strange, I always foud it liberating. A kind of freedom that is more like a drug than humanity is. Maybe you need retail therapy. In that I meanyou need to go and work in a shop. That always works. You start communicating with people again, meet all sorts. That kind of thing. It worked fo a friend of mine anyway. Maybe you are just love sick though. You just crave someone to hold you. I don't know why this happens to people. Maybe that is all you want though. 010419 ... unhinged i don't fucking know oh_well 010419 ... velvet spasm that's when el's 'shrooms really began to kick in. he spun his head around violently. his thick rubbery lips flailed like soggy tubesocks tied to the door handle of a '79 volare. a single drop of grease escaped from his mane like a little child thrown from a merry-go-round. his eyes narrowed, then focused on a cloaked apparition bearing what appeared to be an ancient scroll containing terrible mysteries. upon the scroll was a single slice of pizza, also shedding grease. elvis lunged greedily for the slice. the apparition dissolved, and el found himself plunging into an abyss. el's head swam as he backed away from the toilet. he pulled up his pants, and half-heartedly raised his zipper. his hands, and the entire bathroom, were covered with shit. he retched, then reeled out of the room. 010419 ... carden acceptance is finally happening 010420 ... Destination? Have it, or get out of my way! 010508 ... Casey something i try to acomplish, but always fuck up 010508 ... Allie do I accept? maybe... why don't you try me? 010508 ... god accept this gift as a token of my extreme 030710 ... Death of a Rose friends who are real, physically and in my perimeter. 031127 ... unhinged i accept where i am right_now i let_go of the past 100901 ... unhinged (and yet my first post on this page almost nine years ago still echoes resonance ) 100901 ... lexda Acceptance was foreign to me Railing/reeling was the default Acceptance seemed like a cop out I had to keep pushing myself and everyone else or nothing would change, nothing would get better Yet I was obviously just spinning my wheels, getting nowhere I couldn't figure it out, and my loathing for everyone and everything surged until I wore myself out and succumbed into depression Eventually I realized that acceptance was the first step on the path to change It_is_what_it_is I can't play the game without acknowledging the hand I've been dealt 131224 ... unhinged i guess i have grown up. i no longer expect to find my dreams, especially in matters of the heart. an objective look at reality has taught me otherwise. overall, this place is a more comfortable place to dwell. 170511 what's it to you? who go blather from