stress Shar I can't handle it worth crap. It's supposed to motivate, but I just procrastinate. Or cry. I do that a lot. 000325 ... girl kicks me in the ass alot 000327 ... ikon the color yellow is said to induce more stress than any other other color. avoid yellow. 000327 ... Christy Research shows that the color yellow only induces stress if you are surrounded by it for great periods of time. In small amounts it's a fairly helpful color. 000408 ... Free Stress is a waste of energy. 000408 ... amy doesn't feel particularly good or motivational when it lasts awhile or you're tired. yuk. i'm either too weak or too lazy for this. 000412 ... SomeoneElse Is the Webmistress of www.okayplayer.com 000413 ... Wayne W h A s t T' ss T s ress? 000515 ... birdmad leads to burnout 001118 ... nocturnal stress is my life and it will inevitably be my death. I used to be able to escape this black murky feeling that lingers throughout me by just ignoring it. now ignoring it just makes it worse, the shit grows exponentially at an hourly rate. so keep up with your shit and you wouldn't have to worry about it. right, much easier said than done. stress is what leads to drugs and everything else that's wrong because you have to forget about it just to survive. take some pills, drink a little, you're fine for the night. but then sunday creeps up like the whore that it is and bitch slaps you right across the face. if I graduate from college with at least a 3.0 it will be nothing short of a miracle. I seriously don't know how much longer I can take this and I'm only a fucking freshman. I just want to go home and relax in my own house with my old friends and my dog and chill in my room. just find myself again, somehow get back to the way I was when stress was there, but I managed to deal with it, I have to remember how to do that, I've lost it somewhere on I-10 between home and here. if anyone has any suggestions on what the fuck to do to relax without just totally slacking off and not doing the work that is the source of my endless misery, I would love to hear it. I do believe I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown here. 010211 ... luvly the term we give to our feelings of worry, as if be giving if a name we can place apon it blame for all we are feeling when in reality allwe have to do is look around and smile and realize that things are not as hard as they seem. It can always be better, but it can also always be worse. no matter how hard it seems just realize that life is just a big endless circle that has no purpose unless we give it one. maybe that purpose should be fun and maybe we should just forget sbout that stupid term we made up and go bad to having fun with the life we have. 010218 ... god castro 010218 ... dB Stress is the emotional response to fatigue. If you are stressed, your body is warning you that you are lacking in minerals, sleep or other vital things your body needs to function properly. If you learn to phase out the feeling of stress, you can go weeks without sleep although after that time you just collapse in a comatose pile on the floor. But I have tried it and it does work. 010219 ... bob potassium i invented potassium 010222 ... nocturnal you know, I bet you're right about that emotional response to fatigue thing. I consider myself well slept if I get more than 4 hours. but since I've gotten myself into this cycle, it's so hard to get out of it, but I'm gonna try, definitely. I eat like shit too, maybe I should try adding something other than cheese, chocolate, and Diet Coke to my daily diet; I bet that doesn't help me much. okay, well this whole healthier living thing is going into effect now, or right after Mardi Gras, it would defeat the purpose to go all the way there just to sleep and eat well. 010223 ... skippy Here's to alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems! 010307 ... nocturnal CHEERS! I'll drink to that! 010307 ... mikey job interview today. 2nd one same company. STRESS! ugh its worse when you REALLY REALLY want a specific job! 010307 ... red jello I would like to say it gets better It just gets different. As soon as you learn to deal with one kind of stress, here comes another. Stress speaks in a secret language, that's why we don;t understand. Know this...whatever it is won't be the end of it all. what seems like the world of importance now will be nothing to you in a few years. My advice is to keep a perspective...if you fail a class, you take it over. If you lose a scholarship, you go to community college and be home with your dog. If you lose a boyfriend, get your best outfit on, go dancing with your friends and make You the place to be. If you can't handle your job, then get another one. There are ALWAYS other jobs. You have a job so you can pay bills and afford to do fun things when you are not at work. No one stays in a job forever nowadays. Find one thing you REALLY love to do...walking, cooking, learning to play the harmonica. Let this be your safe haven when you are at your most stressed. Now go call an old friend you havent seen in a long time. Talking to them will give you a strength you won;t believe, becasue they remind you that you have made it through many struggles lot since you saw them last...and that you have a history, not just a worrisome "now". Plus, you have this forum and all of us to share with. Not so bad, huh?? Smooch XOXOX 010414 ... tara it's like a tiger, lurking, with fiery eyes, and then it pounces. 010515 ... Syrope stress is when you wake up screaming and in a cold sweat, but then you realize you haven't slept in 4 days... 020309 ... misstree fair warning, this is going to be a long and bitchy blathe, but i kinda need to write, set some shit straight, and send it to the winds... on teh surface, life's been pretty good lately. been employed, after a long period of unemployment, been dating this guy for almost a year, liike my job, have an apartment near to home, manage to pay rent on time... whee. but that's about the extent of my excitement these days, is handing my boyfriend a twenty for bills or staying late at work and starting to see a few people qho might eventually get drunk and have a good time. i used to create legends. hell, i used to be a legend. i used to hate answering the phone because it would probably be for me. but, well, i moved to new orleans for 8 months, came back (hella long story), and stayed rather anonymous. now i don't do *anything*. and my best friend moved to san francisco. so i guess what i'm saying with this bit is that i'm bored, i'm lonely, and i don't have any damn fun anymore. on to part two. money. shit, dawg, everybody's got money troubles. as i said, i can pay rent, right? so it's not too bad? well, fuck, i'd really like to be able to, say, go to see a movie. or buy a pair of ten-dollar shoes. or treat one of the two friends i have in this fucking town to dinner. but no, because i'm barely squeezing out rent, and once that's covered there's bills, and once that's covered i owe my boyfriend $400 from when i was unemployed, and if i can fit it in the middle sometime, i haven't been to a dentist in 8 years, my contacts are the wrong prescription, and damn i'd like to be able to someday dream of getting a car. eric's (the live-in boyfriend) isn't exactly rolling in the dough, either, but he's a college student. mommy gives him money, and if he should miss rent, mommy (or the trust fund from daddy) will cover it, and if he needs food, mommy will cover it, and fuck, i'm typing to you on an $800 dollar computer that was bought on a whim. I can't even afford an $8 whim. I've tried asking my parents to help pay for part time school in the fall, some business courses so i might be able to progress beyond waitress by the time i'm 30, but their comment is, "we need to be sure you're serious about it." they haven't given me more than $20 outside of christmas for the past 5 years, i've been homeless, i've been a professional plasma donor (and lost clumps of hair before stopping), i've eaten nothing but tuna and ramen for months straight, but i have never asked for or recieved help from them. I am willing to kill myself to get a damn certificate so i might be able to go somewhere in life, finally give in to their bitching and go back to school, and i get a "well, i dunno...". i can't afford rent, how the hell am i going to come up with $1000 for school? i also don't know where i'm going to live next august, as i doubt it's going to be with the boyfriend, and not having a car makes everything more of a bitch, but that's a slow stress that i don't even want to consider right now. on to the boyfriend thing. yeah, a year, yeah, we work well together, i don't think we've ever argued, he's got a great sense of humor, he's great in the sack, but you know what? i'm not built for relationships. i go nuts when i'm in them. i'm built for unrequited love, for desperate flings, for teasing strangers and writing poetry to passing flames. i care about him, and at times i even love him, but i still don't know what's keeping me here. the curse of comfort. comfort leads to death. but without him, i wouldn't have shit. i'd still be a stray cat living in someone's kitchen, intruding on someone's life, and god damn if i don't despise the thought of going back to that, to having no other option but the kindness of strangers, no way to make it on your own. but i feel, at the same time, neglected. i'm always trying to do sweet shit for him, give him a backrub when he's stressed, cook for him if he's hungry and i'm cooking, make him tea, little, considerate things, and so often it feels like he doesn't do shit. i know that's not totally true, but i know that i'm putting more into this thing than i'm getting out of it, and because i owe him so much money, i feel like i have no right to bitch. i think that's the biggest stress of all. feeling like i have no right to bitch. well, fuck it, i'm bitching, this shit sucks. i'm bored, lonely, broke, and discontent. FUCK. okay. thanks for letting me take up some blather space with a big, oily, hacked up wad o' crap. resume your own lives, which i know are full of your own stresses......... now. 020311 ... bethany when you remember what is due tomorrow at it's already late 020311 ... trixie i have so much to do i have so much to do i have so much to do i have so mcuh to do i have do much to d o augh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so much to do so little time so much to do so little ti ti time! i have so much to do and yet i am sitting on my ass this is not getting anything done... ihavesomuchtodo augh augh augh augh augh augh augh augh as it sreaming about it solved anything! augh augh augh augh augh okay... im okay... 030731 ... trixie i have so much to do i have so much to do i have so much to do i have so mcuh to do i have do much to d o augh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so much to do so little time so much to do so little ti ti time! i have so much to do and yet i am sitting on my ass this is not getting anything done... ihavesomuchtodo augh augh augh augh augh augh augh augh as it screaming about it solved anything! augh augh augh augh augh okay... im okay... 030731 ... trixie sorry about posting that twice im stressed x 2 030731 ... blown cherry icantcope amigoingtocope ihavetotrytocope imtooscaredtocope helphelphelp icanthandlethis imgoingtobreak imgoingtocrumble imgoingtosleepfor20hrsperday imgoingtowatchtvfortheother4 icantdothis icantcope icantcope icantcope icantcope icantbreathe pleaseletthisend 031027 ... a thimbe in time in my neck, head, shoulder blades, forearms, behind my eyes, oygh. 031027 ... User24 in my stomach 031027 ... xavier stress? why that's my middle name! stress and i, well, we go way back. Stress has been there with me throughout my life. through the good and the bad, stress has always been close to me. thank you stress. you are the only consistant thing in my life. 031201 ... reue is like water 031202 ... rad We're all in the same boat 040318 ... Aga&Ewa brrrrrrr 050409 ... past if you're too stressed to read, why the hell did you think you weren't too stressed to respond like a reasonable individual? we don't need your negativity. especially when it's rooted in the fact you didn't actually read (let alone understand the purpose of) what you were responding too. shesh. 081111 ... Lemon_Soda Need a hug? 081111 ... past nah, just needed to get that out. i'm not the stressed one, after all. 081111 ... past nah, just needed to get that out. i'm not the stressed one, after all. but thanks for the offer dude! 081111 ... unhinged work love life something has to give 090818 ... flowerock! I don't deal well with stress. especially on day thirteen of PMS bullshit. Yeah, I fucked up my hormones with HBC and abortions years ago and while my cycles are much "better" now, they're not really "regular" and pms is sometimes a breeze and other times it's weeeeks of pms bullshit like this... and I always panic about it since having had abortions, I know now that pregnancy feels a lot like extended pms at the start and while I won't be having any more abortions, I'm not entirely ready to give birth yet either. I start to talk to my body, tell it "not yet" but then feel bad and remind my uterus that if anyone is in there to tell them that they will be loved and taken care of. It's a mess... the stress? well it's all these little thing between the big things... BIG_THINGS little_things I am half screaming and flailing and telling myself not to eat to feel better because I've been doing that alot lately... so much chocolate and peanut butter and nuts and figs and honey... it makes me feel clogged up and itchy. my head is spinning. I want to scream and cry and break things and eat pounds of chocolate covered in peanut butter stuffed with fig jam dipped in honey. on the positive side... I ran a mile instead of breaking and eating everything. I made phone calls and payments and am about to walk a few miles to take care of more such things... at least I can get the stressful things done even in this state of overwhelming stress/anger/frustration. It's so strong a feeling I can physically feel it, like a separate entity inside of me pulling my hair and spraying vinegar in my eyes from behind my eye balls... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thanks for listening blather... maybe I should make a flowerock_journal blathe to bitch and moan and celebrate and ramble about personal things... maybe blather is better used for more intelligent and creative things? 140724 what's it to you? who go blather from