daddy Q Nice to know that a daddy can be good for something. 000928 ... kitten on drugs you'd be the best daddy, if only you had the chance 001121 ... Dafremen I am what I never had. I give what I was never given. I'm known as what I've never known. My kids turn around and see me there behind them, with love in my eyes and pride in my heart and reward this devotion by calling me "Daddy." 010219 ... Paragraph Daddy, I miss you... your little boy is scared again. (and I've forgotten how to hear you calling...) tonight, I'm uncontrollably sad again. And I don't think that even she can fix it this time... I miss you. And as much as I know it's not your fault, I still need you to speak first... I'm tired. daddy. I'm sick of all this weight I've put on my shoulders. (and I'm sick of not being able to cry.) I want to come home... 010319 ... dls daddy, daddy, i'm through... 010414 ... Empress151 daddy, you bastard... 010425 ... like rain. i pulled his a shirt of his out of the dirty clothes today, and he laughed at me from the shower, pilfering his laundary. he wishes me a good day when i leave and i know that he means it, even if he can't meet my eyes when we're on the therapist's couch and he's talking about what an abberance i am. i know that he means it, that hidden somewhere in the fluctuations of his voice, he has tucked away seeds of effort and hope. 010511 ... marissa you can be awesome, but mother rocks. 010603 ... Aimee So tell me daddy, did you ever love me? Were we that much of a burden on you? What did I do wrong? Was I bad? So tell me daddy, why is it that you can be everything to other children and nothing to your own? Why do I have to beg you to help me? So tell me daddy, what's your excuse? Why does mom have to make excuses for you? Why does she have to tell me once a month, 'He loves you to the best of his ability' The best of your ability. Kara and Kristin got the better. Griff and Becky's nieces and nephews got better. What did I do wrong? Why am I so destable? Whatever I did, I'm sorry! I am so sorry... So tell me daddy, did you ever love me? Are you ashamed of Paul? Do you feel guilt for what you did to Brian? Do you just hate me? 011007 ... kitten on drugs don't worry. i think you'll get another chance. 020101 ... ilovepatsajak gonna rip your heart out the way that you did mine, daddy 020102 ... kelli crane bye, bye, daddy. i miss you. 020115 ... Casey um...yeah 020115 ... anti-social butterfly daddy why do you scare me? daddy why do you hurt me? daddy why do you call me names? daddy why do you hit mommy? daddy why do you hit me? daddy why do you hit my brother? daddy why did you toss me across the room? daddy why did you bang his head into the brick wall? daddy why is your face so red? daddy why are you chasing me around the house? daddy do you really hate me like you said? daddy why do you always leave and come back? daddy why do you know so much? daddy daddy why do you tell me i am stupid? daddy why do i love you still? daddy did you teach me to be this weak? daddy will i ever learn to stand up to you? daddy why are you changing, just when i started to come to grips with who you are? daddy why are you being nice to me? daddy why do i always forgive you? daddy why do you confuse me? daddy why are you hurting me again? daddy why are you making me dizzy until i fall down defenseless against you? daddy i still love you even if you do make me cry and more. daddy do you love me still? 020116 ... ilovepatsajak i fucking hate you 020308 ... susie i should have talked to him if i had talked to him he would have been here he would have been so proud of me i hope so daddy daddy daddy i love you and i miss you very much "i'll never see him again"- this said at age nine i can't believe it, i'll never believe it i miss him so much everybody does no one talks about it ever never i miss you, daddy i thought about you at graduation you would have been so proud of me but i didn't cry i cried at p.'s graduation, for him but not at mine weird? i don't know I MISS YOU DADDY I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU i hate father's day i never appreciated him like i should've and i'll never get a second chance Why is death so final? It's awful. poor mom it would've been SO much easier with him here. i wish i could go back in time i see pictures of myself when i was five years old, and i think "in four years something terrible will happen to you" SO SO SO SAD i miss you daddy be there for me please love, susie p.s. I'LL NEVER EVER FORGET YOU. 020803 ... Freak Are you really that blind?! Just open up your eyes, or your gonna regret it in the long run. It will aventually be too late. My bet is that you will die at work one day. Seems like you don't want to be anywhere else so i guess you won't mind. 020803 ... michie cold 020805 ... squint "you're leaving...a...valuable thin...g..." and I wonder if the dribbling words staining your shirt are even noticed by you the slur you tripped on when you chased me down the hall and out of the house I was born in, and how obvious is it that something is o f f? and when I said you're insane and you said YES as if everything in the world depended upon how truthful the word was I thought of the word lost and I stumbled over it alone_in_the_night 020805 ... werewolf doornail. slow extinction. internalized leaning. a question asked that trailed off, a spontaneous recovery of a meaningless question other people sing psalms for. i sing psalms for. 020806 ... kerry mom is asleep. i accidentally shut a door too loud, a cabinet. you explode all over me. i am sick of taking all of this shit. and even if i am your daughter so i have to obey you, i think i deserve a tiny bit more respect. and you need more patience. because listening to you and mom fight really gets to me, the way you scream at her and she calls you an asshole or "mean" and i guess you feel bad because you just try to make her laugh by saying some dumbass comment like, "you were mean to me first." and i hate having to watch all this and then have to go through it too except i can't divorce you. and she could. but she won't, ever. no matter how much you both yell and holler and call each other names. you growl at me again. it's late. tears brim in my eyes and the world is blurry-frosted-watery-slippery. i try to leave the room but run into something. "fuck." then you're trying to get into the bathroom and i am screaming at you to go away because i don't care who hears me. i don't care if mom wakes up and is so mad she wants to throttle me all i want is for you to go away go away go away 020809 ... Sailor Jupiter My father hurt me in a way no one can understand. He disciplined me with his belt and hard hand. He never apologized for the day he threw me against the wall. He doesn’t care for who I am, not encouraging me at all. I wail and sigh like a banshee for bad things happen to little girls like me. Men end up taking advantage of them and I will end up letting them because I always want to fill daddy’s love and I always will be trying to make up for all these lost years of love 020809 ... me eye miss 021203 ... newman SO WHAT'S NEW??? 021203 ... *silent screams Triggered anger, the harder it strikes the more i feel i wanna let out. Your voice annoys me, why can't u just go away? Damned if i do, damned if i don't. . You'll fall victom to ur selfish ways later in life. You'll be the one sorry for acting so unfairly. Your words use to hurt me, now mine scream back to sheild the hurt away. I have enough problems of my own, i don't need to deal with ur immaturity. Get out of my life! Yell at me or ignore me, i just can't win with u, so why don't i o myself a favor and shut u outta my life. Maybe then u'll wonder hy i never liked u, but chances are u won't give a damn anywayz. I don't wanna be ur anything, i don't wanna put up with ur bullshit. If i ever treat my kids like u i hope they rip my fucking arms off and beat some common fucking sense into me with them! 021207 ... elimeny i found out today what you did to her you're like a bastard in a bottle, arent you? you come in all different shapes and sizes, but dont like other people who do. they should put you on the shelves and sell you, "instant ass" potion. sometimes i want to sell you. you say you cant stand fat, well no one can stand drunk. and thats what you are, daddy. you are a drunk. and i love you, because you will always be my daddy. and my childhood wasnt terrible. you werent around for jenny and josh, but you were around for me. and sometimes i wish i hadnt been so "lucky". but i dont want to be a bad daughter, daddy, i love you, you are a hard working man. but momma is right. you are a miserable man. because you make yourself that way. whatever it was that made your life so terrible, you need to let it go. just let it go daddy. its not here anymore. whatever demons vietnam gave you, the past thirty years of children and a wife who loved you so much should have erased those nightmares. but you just wont let it. i want to love my daddy. but you are so full of anger and hatred and bitterness. i had a dream the other night that i made you cry. the same way youve made every woman in your life cry. and i just wanted to make it better. but you will never let that happen. every time i come home, there is always more drama. ask me again why i moved a thousand miles away. 021227 ... freakizh see: dear_dad 021227 ... megan My bones are tired, Daddy I don't get enough sleep I don't eat as good as I could, Daddy What's that say about me? Sometimes I sleep past noon, Daddy Drink lots of black coffee and I smoke like a chimney. Yes, I left the refrigerator door half open, Daddy. What's that say about me? Sometimes I want to rip out your throat, Daddy For all those things you said that were mean. Gonna make you just as vulnerable as I was, Daddy What's that say about me? Sometimes I want to bash in your teeth, Daddy. Gonna use your tongue as a stamp Gonna rip your heart out the way you did mine, Daddy Go ahead and psycho-analyze that. 'Cause I'm your creation, I'm your love, Daddy. Grew up to be and do all those sick things you said I'd do Well last night I saw you sneak out your window With your white hood, Daddy What's' that say about you? I'm sloppy, what's that say about you? I'm messy, what's that say about you? My bones are tired, Daddy 021228 ... whitney all it takes is a phone call. i promise not to hold it all against you. 030206 ... Lilac don't worry ru, you will be perfect. 030207 ... blue star oh my god...... megan... what is the name of that song??? I am drawing a total blank and it must be filled! 030207 ... sirflaccid comes around now that he doesn't have to put up a fight. I guess some people have different opinions on what is worth fighting for. 030211 ... angie i dont think this word is in my vocabulary any more what a fucking shame that it was actually my first word if only i could take it back 030211 ... clarey I used to call him daddy Then it turned to dad Now it's bastard xx 030702 ... jezabel pointed teeth grip shoulder cruel, gasp and then lean in close: "i wish you had your strap-on, because i would kneel down and suck you right here." hand in hair, twist, yank down, knees jar as lips come close, head tilted into trap, "call me daddy..." 040120 ... .fallen heh heh heh 040218 ... Syrope he called yesterday to talk me through some doubts i was having about this summer. i love my daddy. 040316 ... puredream Why couldn't you just be good? 040708 ... puredream Daddy I need to believe in forever... please...don't take it away from me... 040708 ... puredream You know when I leave the car every morning and you reply I love you... I thought you meant it... and Mom she never replies when I say "I love you" on the phone... and right now you can't love me....or you wouldn't have, you shouldn't have... So am I alone? Neither love me... 040708 ... Borealis I do 040708 ... misstree attempts to usurp the title. Push? i nearly think so. even *my* morals get called into question when the path is pursued to its end. which makes it all the more delicious of a concept. 040709 ... Syrope teehee why do you sign your emails to me with your first name? you're my daddy 041107 ... rage is an anger management problem hereditary? when the rage comes, it scares the shit into me. yet its a feeling i love. when the things i hate in you start to come to the surface in me, i end up hating myself u r everything, and everything i dont want to be 041110 ... megan blue star i think the song is called daddy by jewel 050315 ... sisyphus i'm so afraid that you are my future 060105 ... jezabel what a blessed little girl to have two beloved 060420 what's it to you? who go blather from