insomnia sarah it's 4am and i can't sleep . sigh . 981021 ... emma something that plagued me all my life, but the drugs work i tell you. 981026 ... Pacia "memories jostle each other for face-room like obsolete film stars..."-Plath 981108 ... k god i love plath. i can't sleep even when i'm tired sometimes. 981121 ... a-team awake i am. 4 in the morning it is. annoying talking like Yoda I am. 990221 ... L Ever tried melatonin? It works pretty well. So does getting out of bed and doing something else. 990612 ... me? ever tried phenobarbital? works pretty damn well... me, i just skip on down to the doctor's for a bit o' that ol' black an' bitter presciption... doctor insomnia's, i mean. 991222 ... lion how do you sleep, my darling sometimes not at all? are we sleeping in the same way when from heaven shadows fall how do you sleep, my love when the heart has ears for silent tears dreaming in the daylight hours sleepwalking with your fears sleeping more or less than never sometimes not at all 991224 ... deb i tried to sleep, i did, but i kept turning, hearing music in the backround wanting to sing along the phone rang and the bubble popped and now i sit at the keyboard at 7:42 barely awake and i wonder if i'll ever really sleep again soon i'll curl up on the couch and close my heavy eyes and smile as i drift away to somewhere ive never seen before~ ::yawns:: nite. or morning, as it were 000102 ... setsuna meiou I fear that this wonderful thing I have been given is only a dream, and soon I may wake up to face cruel reality. but, I pray, that the gods will have favour on me, and they will let me sleep forever 000102 ... wesleann it's those night where you would fall asleep, but lay in bed thinking about shit like "How come so many hairs fall out of my head every day, and i never go bald?" 000124 ... Brad could it lead to schizophrenia? Sleep deprivation has effects remarkably similar for your creative mind as those of intoxication. 000319 ... vega After something like 72 hours of sleep deprivation, the brain produces a chemical whose base is vaguely similar to LSD(so I have been told), but by this point aren't you already fucked up enough ? 000320 ... girl has been my house guest for far too long 000326 ... psycho insomniac so why am i so damn depressed, you say. depressed indeed. sleep is a good thing. cherish every second of bed time. and when you close your eyes, thank god for letting you sleep, instead of lying there hour after hour leaving you with your thoughts and you own fucking twisted mind... because everything will be okay for you. you will wake up to a morning and feel refreshed. you sleep when your tierd. i sleep once a week. and between those few hours, i'm so fucking depressed because reality feels like a damn nightmare. and i cant hide from it. because i know the nightmare is my reality. hmmm... 000904 ... evi is the reason I wear sunglasses even when it's dark 001002 ... guitar_freak unless you want MY medication, weed is the only cure 001013 ... Barrett Cure: 2 1/2 oz. Jack Daniels Short glass of ice Warm can of Budweiser(optional*) Pour the Jack Daniels over the ice. Sip slowly (it tastes better the more dilluted it gets) Follow with beer* When finished, close eyes. 001014 ... psychobabe tried it, and it works like a charm, thanks barrett! My cure is just get a bud, go out at 2 or 3 in the morning, and cruise/walk around fucking town all night, or go to a party and get wasted...... Thats my cure 001121 ... SCOTT hey next time let me know i am a raging insomniac-even booze does not help-i am a go-go-go gotta go-gotta go-gotta go kinda guy-unsexy too 001127 ... deb i can never sleep anymore i sit awake until early morning staring blankly at the phone wondering why it never rang all night- silly me, he's in bed- i stopped caring about my sleeping habits long ago when i realized i didn't have good ones and now, when i need some rest any rest i can't even coax myself to bed- really, i think this is it: i'm afraid of waking up and having all of this be a dream 010114 ... god i'd better go to sleep tonight 010115 ... monadh I should be sleeping but like the nut that I am .. I rarely go to sleep at night .. and so ... here it is .. freshly morning and I am still wide awake but know that I should go and catch some Z's before my eyes fall out from sheer lack of common-sense 010310 ... nocturnal second FUCKING night in a row. it's after 5am, I've been lying in bed since about 3:30 and nothin. this is insane. what the hell am I supposed to do with myself? insomnia sucks more than anything in the world. 010413 ... melvinwang i have a friend who can't sleep because of overactive bladder. i never sleep anyway, so i know this type of thing. my reason for not sleeping is either boredom or depression 010505 ... mmm "With insomnia, nothing is real. Everything is far away. Everything is a copy of a copy of a copy." -fight club 010505 ... mmm i've been suffering for about a year now... i average 3-4 hours a night.. sometimes i don't even sleep, at all 010505 ... Pink Paint hay UPers, do we have a fight club crew or what, mmmm.... me knows what ya mean, most certainly abad idea though, fun but kindo risky, c i've just come through the urr.. no sleeps fun stage, and you turn into a freak, its an experience , butt just watch it, things get pretty risky out there. just remember to eat and drink enough, then sleep deprevation isn't such a problem if you are incontrol of it. Fight me for it, come on, i'm tellin ya, it's a great soap box, you slip up, go through rough patch, then if ya lucky you'll come out of it one tough happy go lucky cookie. 010519 ... whats wiv the deadballerionasociety 010519 ... sickgirl im so asleepy i need some sleep i dont like sleeping... my head begs me some sleep i lie on my bed... try to close my eyes...then they opens so wide i see the dark, the shadows in my room...im so insomniac... i feel scared, i need to rest... im so fucked up 010724 ... Translucent I sit here, waiting, wondering if I should watch a movie and attempt to sleep, or just sit here and continue to dowload and type. Once I fall asleep, I will probably sleep until 2 in the afternoon. Probably unhealthy, Mom calls me vampyric, should I biter her? 010823 ... Translucent I sit here, waiting, wondering if I should watch a movie and attempt to sleep, or just sit here and continue to dowload and type. Once I fall asleep, I will probably sleep until 2 in the afternoon. Probably unhealthy, Mom calls me vampyric, should I bite her? 010823 ... erin the luftwaffe sodapop the_string_between_sleep_and_death 010823 ... echo my boyfriend 010824 ... translucent so here I am again, its 3:00, and I am awake. fully awake. watching Gladiator, typing, being alone with my thoughts. this is how i like it. nobody to annoy me, no stupid people saying stupid things. freedom. i think i may look at some porn later. 010826 ... kerry i've had it since i was little. always. it comes in waves. i beg my mom for the sleeping pills but she won't let me have them. i never take the full dosage... too scared of never waking up. one day i'll sneak into her room and steal the bottle. and sometime i'll get out of bed and write songs and books and maybe they'll be even better than the ones i wrote when i wasn't trying to sleep. 011210 ... cole it always facinates me how the gnawing pain eating away at the pit of your stomache due to feeling sad as fuck can keep you awake. who the hell needs vivarin? 020113 ... kelli crane i love xanax. i have a problem sleeping. i think too much about stupid shit. I'm out of xanax, so i'll go take a tylenol pm. i've been blathering for hours now. it's 5:20 in the morning. if i have to watch the sun come up i'll die. My x boyfriend used to grab his guitar and play "here comes the sun" when we lived in Hollywood and used to stay up for days on end. Shawn kelly was sweet. 020113 ... Jenna Dammit. It will not claim me again. Time_for_bed. 020205 ... broken_down girl I come here to attempt to blathe my insomnia away (3 hours staring at my ceiling in the dark)... only to find that I was the last one here, trying to... blathe my insomnia away. It's just been getting progressively worse. Enough to really bother me. I used to wear the fact that I could stay awake until dawn like a badge of honor. Booze or none, I cannot seem to sleep before 6 am lately. Lord knows I've tried and I've tried. I can't get any strong sleeping pills to correct this. For one I would have to go to the doctor, who probably wouldn't give them to me anyway; and for another, one bad night and I'll take the whole bottle and never wake up. {see sleeping_pills} So I sit up writing, writing to no one and everyone, truly on the verge of tears, trying to sort out what the fuck is wrong with me. I have finals, yes. And I will be moving back to my parents soon, an unhappy place where people hate each other. But that's not what I have been thinking about. My mind is simply active, awake, refusing to think slow easy thoughts but rather play out my future, both good and bad versions of it in my head. I see myself getting drunk so I can finally talk to that guy. I see myself making mistakes with a completely different guy for all the wrong reasons. I see myself partying with friends this summer and being happy. I see myself sitting at home alone. When I spoke to him this evening, he told me he had spent most of Monday evening talking to her. "I think she likes me but she's dating Chris." And I prayed silently that they would never happen. She's a wonderful girl but uses and discards men unknowingly; she would hurt my best friend. But my most prevalent thought was, "Oh god. Please don't let her steal him from me." I find myself as a jealous girlfriend even though we are not romantically involved at all. Am I wrong for that? If he has her, will he still want me around? I need him. He is my support and guide and brother. There is a storm coming on. Perhaps it will lull me to sleep. It's 6 am. Time_for_bed. 020501 ... Toxic_Kisses I'm tired and yet I can't sleep, and to be honest I really oughtent be blathing when I'm tired kuz thats when I make the most mistakes and say things I really shouldent of said @ all *Sigh* but I have no other place to be and theirs nothing on TV I wish 24 were here 020518 ... .blekk.tchynah.dol. all the while its 2am and im wishing to be away in the world where nothing is real and im not hurt by you. i wish i could sleep. its been more than two months now since my sleep has been normal. youve hurt me. and my sleep has disappeared. ... i think it ran away from me.. did you steal my sleep baby? 020519 ... CRO Insomnia is good. You get to blathe and read what people's hopes and dreams are, and then you get to see them not get fulfilled. It's like watching somebody bleed to death on a street corner. 020519 ... tildan and thats good, apparently. 020519 ... nanny is it still considered insomnia if you work midnight shift, and get paid for your time that you are awake performing a service or what not, and you sleep perfectly 8 hours a day, but they are not at night but during the day.. are you still an insomniac? 020520 ... squint no you are not an insomniac. ********** my darlings eyes don't close for me and he stays awake when the sky turns from black to the orangey hues of a tired morning, he thinks about everything that i cannot fill in his minimalist's life. I know the drooping of those heavy lids are just who he is nowadays and oh to be refreshed must be the world to him. I wish that all those things hovering just beyond that void of his could make it all go away and so he'll sleep when the sky fades black to gray. I could look at his eyes and see the sheets of his skin tucking away sore days. I could kiss his lids and fall asleep to the gentle rhythym of his breathing... but insomnia holds him upright for now and stores the better days in the future we pretend to know, I dream of him awake as he gazes at the sunrise through our window. 020520 ... poetic_onslaught has its advantages. ive had it for years until recently. i dont have much on my mind no more and that sucks. i used to come up with some very insightful thoughts. sometimes when you think, instead of thinking it, you see it in pictures. they just pop up in front of you like a t.v. image. you can hear words as clearly as if they were being spoken right beside your ear, literally. or maybe all that was from something else wrong with my head...lol. ok i got a question im just gonna ask since i dont know anyone from here anyway. can insomnia lead to skitzophrenia? i havent read anything connecting them, but then again there is still a lot that doctors dont know about skitzo's. anyone here know? 020520 ... poetic_onslaught ok nevermind that question. insomnia obviously has to fuck with you mind state. i just haven't seen it in writing. 020520 ... Full_Circle_to_Comatose at first i thought it was the drugs. so i put aside the white oblivion for a week, but still no sleep. so i reverted back to the tylenol pm's. anywhere from 4 to 12 a night just to rest. last wednesday became thursday, and i just decided to see thursday through. around 4 am thurs. i finally fell into a light drowse. friday became saturday with no sleep once again. i drank a half a bottle of crown royal, but still nothing. and saturday night i felt like i had slept. i feel quite sure i could've kept going for another three or four days. instead i downed more pm's and three or four hours later, i slept. it makes me angry, it makes me cry. i want to kill someone...i'm sure i would if it would give me a good night's rest. i feel like it's making me insane. i wish i had medical coverage, or a job. i'd get some real medicine, and maybe just take them all. a permanent end to this hell. i'm not so dissatisfied with my life to want to end it, but no sleep is making me a crazy person. i never understood the seriousness of insomnia until i suffered from it. it is actually Painful. fucking doctors would probably just tell me i need healthy natural sleep. maybe they'd tell me to chew some Valerian root or some shit. 020520 ... TK I -nEEd- sleeping pills!!! We ran out and have yet to get some more, even though I'm not done printing nore even vaguely tired I'm still going to try and close my eyes and hope I'm blessed w/ sleep 020521 ... little fury bug ...chronic since age 7. I embrace it, take comfort in it. that feeling..like you're the only one in the world that's alive. exhilerating. Ray Bradbury....some author, he said something about 3 AM being the time of the dead...that bridge between light and dark, night and day, death and life... the point when the opposites of each extreme transcend each other's boundaries and just mesh together in this twilighty blur...it's crazy thinking about it. Sleeping is wonderful, but you miss out on the really good stuff. not sleeping...it's like you get more out of life...you live a little bit longer than everyone else that's asleep. you see more, you feel more, you experience more, you learn more. goodnight ;-) 020619 ... radioactive talking parrot i don't feel the need to confront my pillow at the moment but when it gets to be two in the morning and i'm still wide eyed and tired i'll sit up and wonder what's wrong with me... 020729 ... radioactive talking parrot wait why would i be wide eyed and tired i think i feel guilty for never actually being tired and i fake being tired i think i think too much... 020729 ... amy the beat of the day swirls into the beat of the next and so on and so on and you are there and soemtimes not but always always the constant of myself of my mistakes and desires and the beating night and you're there and then not and we're here and then we drain away. and it's dawn again. 021011 ... minnesota_chris I couldn't sleep last night. Must have been the nap I had, plus all the chocolate truffle fixings I was eating last night. So I woke up at 3:30 or so, played some guitar (Beatles) and worked on my paper (due Wed). I developed this theory when I noticed most people begin sleeping fitfully around their mid twenties or age 30 or so. I think this is because humans have needed people to stay awake and fight the lions. And once people have been in their child bearing years for a few years (and presumably have had their children, if they are going to have them), they become much more expendable, and become the ones who stay awake at night. I've noticed that my thoughts are always worries when I wake up in the middle of the night. And I feel, like dreams, the actual subject of the worry is not the important thing, but what it represents: People 30 and over are just programmed to wake up worrying in the middle of the night, to keep the tribe's children from getting eaten! 021209 ... x I've been sleeping badly my whole life. What's the reason for that? 021209 ... minnesota_chris I dunno. I think (if you believe in God), we were all made a little bit different, to insure the survivability of the whole... some sleep heavy, some sleep light. 021209 ... TK W/O spellcheck going on my 3rd days w/ only 2 hours (of desterbed) sleep WHY CAN'T I SLEEP!?! 021224 ... boko I'm going to die soon. And all I can say is... ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! DIE DIE DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!! MONKEY POPSICLE FART IN THE SANDY ELECTRO-HUT! 030325 ... Bizzar Im exhausted eyes are heavy and falling shut, but I just cant seem to sleep. The warmth you leave, your words so deep, Things that Ill forever keep. Staring at the ceiling eyes fall to the walls. Close them to see you there. The glow of your smile, the heaviness of your stare, all the things you do to show you care. Head heavy on my pillow, eyes filled with tears. Set them free as thoughts of you go by. You can see in my soul, all the truth bearing lies, but still in your arms I can fly. 030421 ... birdmad recurring problem. i should consider having a heroin relapse. 030421 ... quinn heart palpatating faster faster faster buring face pressed against cool pillow red blinking lights 2:37 2:37 2:37 031205 ... insomikedeadsunken why will it never end 040217 ... grendel did not get to sleep until 6:15 AM did not make it to work until 11:00AM weird , wired agitation one more day where my_head_feels_like_it's_on_wrong 040217 ... adolescence is overrated i get very depressed when i can't sleep 040217 ... ping fuck. it's 11:08 am. i can't fucking sleep. well, it helps that i dont have to be anywhere today, but i'm so sick of not being able to get this basic thing right. dark, sleep. light, wake. why don't i get it? 040313 ... ZZZzzzz warm milk laced with brandy? 040313 ... antayla You all should work swing shift. I bet it would fix some of your insomnia problem. I love working swing shift... but I can't sleep this night. I have RSI (repetetive strain injury) and sometimes that gives me insomnia... but now I have insomnia because someone who used to love me doesn't care anymore... seems like a recurring theme to sleeplessness. I wish I could get out of the city when I can't sleep... there is something about the overbearing presence of so much stuff out there that keeps me awake, unless it rains... then I hear the rain and forget the feeling of too many people. I grew up in the sticks, I don't really belong in the city... 040524 ... Syrope it's only 3:21 i still have a while to go i don't know why i'm so against sleep i want to see the rest of that movie i want you to bring me another dandelion and for the silent wounds to heal themselves i can't wait for the car ride friday night something about leaving this place for a while will be so therapeutic 040526 ... 0^0 turing_test_1_subject_kx21 040526 ... pete i have trouble falling asleep at night. i wake up early. i struggle to stay awake during the day. then, at night, i cant sleep again. argh. this cycle needs to be reformed 040526 ... Vanessa The clock that’s telling me it’s time to sleep Dies by my eyelids that cease to fall chronologically Cus you’re all I see when I dream Voices pounding like nails inside my head Dragging me heartlessly so far away You’re giving a bleeding heart tugging so endlessly Let go of me Cus you’re killing me, inside to out Why do you have to keep me awake? It’s not like I can dream without seeing your face Cus I’m questioning your every move And pondering that every turn Such fraility that keeps me so hungry But what would I gain? But you starved me for this dawning day Waking me to pray For the morning I would wake Facing that my burning hell was just this dream Hallucinate Those fires that burned the doors of love for me That just slammed on my heart for eternity But your return blazes even more than before The insomnia’s killing me, with daggers in my eyes Blinding apathy Cus now I can’t even dream of you loving me 040801 ... a "point" Counting_Sheep 040801 ... pete strangely, in the old place i had trouble sleeping... last night i woke up around 9pm (no clocks hooked up yet) and remembered that the bunny was still exploring down stairs... and then i put it in its cage, took my bed sheet sfrom the clothes line, and passed out soon after, waking at 8 when the sun became so warm on my i could only yawn and smile, letting the bunny out to wander around again 040802 ... LoneWolf I suffer from it since i stopped smoking weed 040823 ... kookaburra hard to fall asleep, hard to stay asleep, wake up too early. translation? 1 hour of sleep 040823 ... pete cant sleep till night time... arghhhhh self imposed insomnia... stupid staff_party.. but sooo much fun, it got to the point where i was so happy and so sober that i was thought to be hammered (hadn't had a drink for 4 hours at the point, so i definitely wasn't drunk) 040823 ... trin is not cool. 040823 ... Death of a Rose After the bath you lay on the bed exposing layers of beautiful washed skin we both stared at in surprise; long strands of hair, shiny and damp under the yellow sunlight, fell over your shoulders: they made two exclamation marks with your stiffened nipples. And gently you fell asleep at my side; while I, my sweet, stayed awake all night who had your uncovered beauty to think about, your nipples troubling me in the night like two mysterious asterisks. Irving Layton . 040901 ... unhinged i just want a fucking pill man 040901 ... J The clock is ticking, the fish tank trickling, the computer humming, the vcr blinking, the sound of my breathing, the lights are blinding, visine is useless. The world around me is emphasized than fades to a blur. It's only 4am... its all just beginning. 041017 ... NeverLeavingWellEnoughAlone Sleep deprivation has become a necessity now that I realize that it takes that long for me to understand what I'm saying. How easy it was for me to express myself when I went days without sleep. It must have been because I had that long to think about it. If I don't give myself time now I can never really say what I'm trying to say because I only have remnants of the things I once thought and I need time to restore them again. Thats's just one of my experiences with insomnia....I don't know if you can relate. 041017 ... autumn a blanket. 041017 ... fix I didn't come to fool you, I am standing here completely naked. For me, there is no way out of here, I have tried every exit, I am locked in and completly alone. i might be able to let someone in one day. I have managed to face every fear and cherish the deepest feelings I will ever experience. There is a path, I believe in it, I will be able to walk down it one day. . 041018 ... imaskitzo I watch the Home Shopping Network when I have insomnia but I've never ordered anything 041031 ... kookaburra is quiet. life gives up secrets at 3 am. 041031 ... Bloocurlz Sleep, the unattainable.... Dreaming, the wish.... Renewal, the desire... 041116 ... jadeinhereyes since forever i've been the one that could always fall asleep. at sleep overs i'm the one who gets her bra frozen by the group. except tonight. its 6:45 am, I have to get up in 2 hours and 45 minutes (earlier if it wasn't winter break) but I can't go to sleep. so until the zzz's come, i will sit at my computer screen and listen to the mournful crooning of The Shins 041227 ... jadeinheryes since forever i've been the one that could always fall asleep. at sleep overs i'm the one who gets her bra frozen by the group. except tonight. its 6:45 am, I have to get up in 2 hours and 45 minutes (earlier if it wasn't winter break) but I can't go to sleep. so until the zzz's come, i will sit at my computer screen and listen to the mournful crooning of The Shins 041227 ... full_circle_to_comatose at night there is no refuge from my thoughts. i have no one to distract me, and the infomercials drone on and on. buy the gazelle, get botox, try cortisal, penile enhancement, sexual stimulants, call this 900 number, hook up with singles in your area, get fit, get smart, cure insomnia (HA!), and blah blah blah. the daylight brings resolution of problems, or so it seems. you think your choices or your memories could not possibly haunt you again not for another night, impossible, it has to be over. the night comes and it starts again, full circle to insanity, pain, indecision. i dose myself with sleeping pills but they never work, and if they do my nightmares are worse than being awake. my nightmares only show me the dark places i have come from and thought i left behind. i've been wandering every day towards the sun, but it seems sometimes like i get no closer to my destination. it all starts to seem futile,something akin to jogging in place. same pace, same scenery. when can i stop spinning my wheels in this rutted road and let my tires run over some smoothly paved highway? i just want to see the sign saying "now leaving Dementia, 39 miles to Ascension. i just want to drive home, leave this purgatory behind me. but i wish i knew how long the ride was. wish i knew if it was even possible to get back to where i started. i wonder if i wear my tires enough could i burn out the scars, or fade the memories. is there a cure for me, or for this apathy? i see a new life on the other side of this abyss, but the bridge to cross it is too slow being built. i wonder if i'll ever see the other side of this endless night. 050423 ... slipperyonetimelover ambien is a sedative / hypnotic agent that works beautifully and it's easy to get, buy it off the internet - 050505 ... kelc fell asleep 'round one, woke up at four. and then stayed home in the afternoon and had some rum and pepsi. because i could. didn't get drunk or anything. just tired. so i vaccumed.. 050505 ... laced . 050506 ... sway its 7:48 am arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh 050506 ... Sheep Counting ... 050506 ... 1570 + 1 + 2 + 3 + 4 + 5 + 6 + ...What's_next? 050507 ... mous I sleep-fitfully limbs tangled in memory trapped in the embrace of one who has let go 050507 ... mous I sleep-fitfully limbs tangled in memory trapped in the embrace of one who has let go 050507 ... flexible I only smoke weed when I need to, And I need to get some rest, I confess, I burnt a hole in the mattress, Yes, yes, it was me, I plead guilty, And on the count of three I pull back the duvet, Make my way to the re-fri-gerator, One dry potato inside, no lie Not even bread, jam, When the light above my head went bam! I can't sleep, something's all over me, Greasy, insomnia please release me, And let me dream about making mad love on the heath, Tearing off tights with my teeth. But there's no relief, I'm wide awake in my kitchen, It's dark and I'm lonely, Oh, if I could only get some sleep, Creaky noises make my skin creep, I need to get some sleep, I can't get no sleep... 050507 ... *Amy* I think I need some pill, this is not helping 050621 ... when darkness falls i've been blessed 050710 ... Soma I remember when I was younger, I used to think having insomnia would be such a romantic thing. There I would be restlessly drifting from room to room, eyes lifted to that glowing orb of a moon... But now that find I have obtained this dream of my childhood years, I wonder why in the world it ever appealed to me. For it is nothing more than a curse. No_rest_for_the_wicked, I suppose. 060719 ... reekna I fucking miss it 060808 ... falling_alone sigh, i suppose the fudge doesn't help, and er, that tea i had either. but i only get the fudge once a year and there's vanilla! and normally i hate vanilla but this is insanity, i like it more than the chocolate... 060809 ... f saw that soap whats up? drewif ? 070218 ... shrinking from dawn please oh please oh please oh please let me sleep i don't wanna think anymore 070421 ... nom innomnia 070421 ... ! don't worry ! 070421 ... pSyche no_rest_for_the_wicked 070421 ... janeo speedwagon i don't want to sleep i just want to keep on loving you 080319 ... ofsuch I have to work tonight. my last night of overnights as a tech. and I can't sleep for anything. boo. 080814 ... unhinged because i can only pass out if i'm wasted; otherwise the tears just keep coming. 080814 ... hsg damn ofsuch. appear out of nowhere much? silly giraffe. 080815 ... unhinged fuck i fell asleep early and then woke up like i normally do. usually i just roll over and fall back to sleep rather quickly. but right after i checked the time, my brother texted me. so we texted back in forth for awhile. i am still up two hours later thinking about my taxes and cleaning up my apartment. my insomnia has been coming back to haunt me lately. i don't get it. it is one of the least stressful times of my whole life. i should have no problem falling asleep. trouble is my stupid brain never shuts off, even when i'm sleeping. 090108 ... Caroline 452 sleep has abandoned me midstream and so but her i am writing this on a piece of paper on the bathroom floor rather than blatheing it live so the light of the monitor doesn't wake her my hearing is finely tuned, sharp a dog in the neighborhood below is trying to tell me something my upstairs roommate walks across my ceiling briefly (why?) cars slide by on pico, planes glide into lax (i assume) my other roommate coughs a constant ringing in my ears my thoughts louder than any of the above my eyes are open wide reminding me of the scene at the end of a clockwork orange when alex is being brainwashed i have no need for a night light due to all the little lights in the room: the blue one on the external hard drive the green one on the monitor and the two red ones on the power strips like the rats at the end of pirates of the caribbean (anaheim, not orlando) i wonder what we'll do tomorrow? i wonder when the melatonin will kick in? i wonder many things i don't even want to get into because i feel like a little bitch for even thinking them get over it! pull yourself together! stop whining! 090228 ... mahayana it only takes the slightest noise these days to wake me up. and then i am up for good. i now find myself sleeping in small bursts of 2 hours here and there. if im lucky. [its been over 3 weeks now since i have been the recipient of decent sleep] im starting to lose fragments of myself here and there. but i hardly notice these days. 090301 ... Caroline 452 Not sure when I woke up today, because i turned my phone off, but it's it was dark then, and it's light now. 090301 ... Caroline 452 Hey! Girlfriends neighbor? Can't you hear your fucking cat howling? I certainly can! Let the bastard in! He / she's cold and hungry! 090301 ... . waiting, waiting, waiting for something to happen. insomnia is my inability to let go. 090713 ... copyright 2012 City Paper Zeke's Coffee 110710 ... Death of a Rose is a let down, it let's you branch out of your own mind, but it drugs you....never letting your own mind become complacent. A slow bed is the cure, I know, I've done it. Rest and two weeks and you're sleeping patterns will change. Insomnia can only be changed within your own will to stop the hurt. don't believe me or believe.... been there, and going three weeks with minimal sleep is fucking painful, the scents are gone, you wander around disbeiliving life is still here. You're head is splitting and all you can ask is when will it end? Insomnia will hurt and it will be trial but I promise you that it's trial will see you better in the quest of your life. 110711 what's it to you? who go blather from