starved maybe nat would say I sit here alone. At home. Plenty of things to eat, None will be consumed. I leave them in the fridge to rot, and there are plates full of delicious food stuffed under my bed, waiting to be eaten. I am so hungry, and my body burns and twists and turns for this wonderful word called "food" and I can't eat, and I won't eat. Forget it. don't even try. Because it's useless. I WILL NOT DO IT. bread and peanut butter with smears of jelly are left at my bedside as I pretend to fall asleep before dinner time. I really dont want my mom to get suspicious. Therapy doesn't help. It never did, never will. I am impossible. Mother lies the plate next to the empty water bottles making a pile next to my pillow. Water and sometimes, rare occasions juice. You consume me, but you never set me free. I need the light at the end of the tunnel, and I need ABC's and 123's. Save me, and don't force me. don't shove food down my throat. Because I don't want it. I WANT YOU. more than anything. Please. 030613 ... endless desire wow "these words consume her but they never set her free." ((something coporate)) there is a light at the end of the tunnel just every now and then we all are blind to it out of stubborness. . . our own refusal to see the way out because self hatred longs for pain. endless pain. with no way of escape. therefore, no light. just an ever-growing tunnel. and a light we must find ourselves. 030613 what's it to you? who go blather from