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fascinated
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dallas
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entirely more energy flowing around me than I am able to understand completely at one time.
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000511
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... |
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silentbob
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fixated enlightened mesmerized illuminated it's all coming at me in flashes of red light.
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000622
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... |
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Aaron
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the way she enchants my every thought.
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000805
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... |
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syringe
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Shiney objects! Shiney objects!
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031013
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... |
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Syrope
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on the way back from dinner tonight i finally told mom about the incident with calling campus police on my ex her first husband stalked her and eventually held a knife to her neck while he threatened her in a dark parking lot. i figured she'd understand. but instead she freaked out. i know she doesn't think i was in the wrong, but i could tell she was fighting her instinct to make it into a big deal. she inwardly freaked out i guess. she sputtered and insisted that i had overreacted until i finished my story and she basically had to agree i did the right thing. i was impressed. we came in and she said she wanted to show me something...we watched both my preschool & church christmas concert videos and then a dance recital video from 6th or 7th grade i couldn't believe it. i was the most adorable thing in preschool. no wonder i'm a terrible public speaker though...i kept twirling around and kicking my feet while i talked. i wasn't a good dancer but it was ok cause i liked dancing even if i sucked. part of me really wants to get back into something like dance. part of me remembers how badly i got yelled at for messing up stuff like that...but somehow time and distance and change make mom seem like less of a monster now and more just...a person who has a lot of problems and should never have been trusted with something as fragile as a daughter. i wish my parents had taken more pictures. the videos were copies of other parents' videos. it makes me think i should document my life now more carefully. and if i have kids... but...i'm just not sure what's going on. mom just mixed up some fruit salad and brought it to me...she's way out of character. the only thing i can figure is that maybe she sees me as a woman when i'm subjugated to a man. she doesn't realize that i fought back yet. it'll probably hit her tomorrow
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040306
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... |
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.
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I'm fascinated by fascination.
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071018
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... |
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By? Or with?
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What do I mean?!? What do I mean?!?
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071018
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what's it to you?
who
go
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blather
from
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