dries&hardens and all those ages you turned without me, they mean nothing
because in the only language that matters, 'your birthday' means something else
my moment of epiphany succinctly matched yours
only they were stark opposites that left me wondering why mine didn't come soon enough to cancel yours
when you left i stopped knowing what i wanted, so when i wished, all i could wish for was 'the best'
every eyelash, star, flame, and penny until you came back
but i'm not so scared yet about how it might end, only that i've imagined that it ever began
i'm not sure if i could shake the notion that this isn't- that i'm living a grandiose dream sequence
of the fruition of every moment i've wanted enough to will into existence
after i'd tried reducing myself to a blank
us to schematized a lie
and you to a fraud
which wasn't until after i forced myself to come to terms with the fact that you were gone
and after the initial sting wore off
and all i wanted was a vacuum of space and time devoid of a relationship serious enough to duplicate that feeling
that vicious deadpan feeling that leaves only one desire
that desire that lacks desire, excepting the longing just to be able to go through the motions of life with some kind of normalcy
so i built my life around little things
things so little their prior existence would have been menial, trivial, vacuous
and i aggrandized them enough to create a means of forgetting
because i had no choice but to forget the entity that comprised my now forgotten life
i buried everything to leave myself an absolute nothing where i could start from
and now i'm left with this torrent of emotions that i can hardly restrain
being without you is a chore
and now i feel so different i think it's written on my face
like i'm somehow so substantiated that i'm bursting at the seams
i want a million things for you- as many things as you could ever want
but for myself, i could only ever want what wishing handed me
sirflaccid There are things in this world that just connects.

This is one of those things.
what's it to you?
who go