restless 10kai "Can't you sit still for 2 minutes!!??," my Dad used to yell at me approximately every 1 and a half minutes every sunday morning. How can I sit still? Can't he see the sun shining through the stained glass windows? The rattle and chatter the the window AC unit can't drown out the sounds of summer. I can almost hear the dusty roads, dry grass, and muddy ditches calling my name. What has God ever done for me besides made me sit inside on the most glorious of days?! If he really cared, he'd just tell that dumb ol' preacher to be quiet. 011031 ... jillian. & im not sure i'll ever be satisfied. 021011 ... kss man, I know that feeling. I could chew through a brick wall. 021011 ... blown cherry first night without you in a while restless and alone my life returns to its usual dark spot and I need to get out 021011 ... TheRedDragon I hate this and I hate you too. Well everything clearly has failed hasn't it? The test subject simply wasn't good enough, was she? You wasted all those lovely songs on a useless brat like her...but you got paid so all for you is not lost. There is no subconscious. There is no hypnosis. No black, blank staring, no cars spinning out of control. I'm DEAD, I'M DEAD, I'M fucking DEAD! I hate you I want to kill you, but only if it captures your attention. What am I supposed to do? This isn't fair at all. Not even slightly. Bleed me. Bleed me more. What the fuck for? However you know i easily would (i would just go in the bathroom or put a towel down on the floor) I don't care about Clorox disinfected needles. Just forget I came back day after day night after night crawling clawing like some stupid girl. Useless. Fucking useless. Crawling in the dirt, my filthy fucking face and you only wanted to show me I was wrong. How could fantasies be wrong, could you explain that? We know it isn't fucking real, but it's fun. You fucking geisers. Yeah, thanks for nothing. 040206 ... because you kill me I itch and scratch my arms and I tingle all over. My legs become tense and turn to jello at the same time. I always become restless when i a yurning something. I need to cut myself is all i think. My eyes scan furiously for some allternative but it never helps...neither does cutting. I cry and breathe hard and squirm everywhere like i have the jitters. Finally, i cut. mmmm...what a release. After that i relaze and i am tired and i feel like i am in control again. This is bad. 050429 ... misstree when sleep doesn't recharge, when i hit the ground running and don't know from what, confused and frantic from the moment i wake there is no rest here, just unconsciouness. 060718 ... pSyche Drawing but there's no motivation. Stop drawing and there's nothing to do. Wander around the room. It's empty now. I've got it all packed. Try to sleep but the neighbors are being noisy again. Listen to music but I'm not in the mood for any of it. My limbs are all trembling. I don't' want to go to work tomorrow. 070807 ... fuffle can i colour in your drawings please, i ony need food in exchange. please please please please. you pwomised 070808 what's it to you? who go blather from