judged Freak Im sick of being judged. Just because I don't fit into the catagories or prep redneck jock or just one of those "dirty" people doesn't mean I have to be a slut. People just don't know. They have no idea so they have to label me somehow. Geez those stupid preppy bitches 020501 ... blown cherry He said she was a dirty ho, but he didn't know that when he slept with her. I asked if there was a male equivalent of 'dirty ho', and he comes up with 'gigolo' and 'man-whore'. Obviously we have a real film noir critic on our hands : Then I mentioned my male friend who has a habit of sleeping with far too many girls, to no happy end, for either party, and he goes 'lucky guy'. 020501 ... unhinged judged me how i_wonder ? i mean, it's a human reaction. back_then i was too innocent for the world i lived in. but judged me how? judged me why? i guess it was something my heart knew without knowing as i_pleaded with myself to let_it_all_go . a feeling that i've always been good at intuiting but back then i was even more likely to ignore. i_wonder what box you pushed me into when i was busy sitting next to my phone watching the answering machine flashing a big silent zero. boxed_up and saved for a rainy day the_story_of_my_life 120801 ... acd I've never been good at why's. Everyone is a what to me instantly. Of course, everyone has a why. But I am an ESTJ: the protector. Maybe not always of others, but always of myself. Why's only get you hurt. Let the actions and appearances speak for themselves. There is no why. 120801 ... unhinged actually i guess ive always been aware of the why as old bitter writings around here can attest funny how the interior boxes don't matter when the exterior box doesn't live up to attractive standards sometimes i miss the days when i was fat and uninked. i was invisible to more of the assholes and the people that actually saw me tended to appreciate me for who I really was, not what i looked like. or not, but the silence was easier to bear than the false flattery 120802 ... acd Sigh That's not what I meant by appearances. I meant the inferred intention of one's actions... 120802 ... unhinged well I guess some people would've thought I was weak back then too. 120802 ... unhinged (your inference doesn't equal someone else's intentions; that's called projection. i was nauseatingly good in the intention department back then and mostly still am. i cant have bad intentions towards others even when i try) 120806 ... acd I dunno, you seemed to think I had a lot of bad intentions, when really I just had no self-esteem, a lot of sexuality confusion and a dream to be a musician and to belong that fell into the wrong hands. Nobody truly knows anyone's intentions. All we know is how their actions appear through the filter of our own perception, which is almost always skewed by how their actions make us feel. 120807 ... unhinged not bad selfish i don't hold grudges against people for being selfish anymore *shrugs* i am well aware that i am somewhat of an odd duck and always have been. i'm a little bit better at holding onto my own heart now, not giving it all away to people that can't handle it. but if here, of all places, was where you chose to find me i can't deny that my feelings back then are etched on the walls around here. i also tend to keep a lot of my relationship drama away from here now. being judged as not good enough hurts. every time. being laughed at and dismissed when you tell someone how you feel about them also hurts. it's probably apparent that we are about as opposite as two people can be. that causes misunderstandings, no doubt. you weren't the only one with self_esteem issues or mental health problems. but it sure felt like you thought you were. ignorance is suffering. i'm sure there will be people around here who think it's an inappropriate use of blather space for us to be 'talking' about this here, but truthfully i really don't want you in my private space. some wounds run deep. one person's carelessness is another person's heartache. 120807 what's it to you? who go blather from