i_pleaded yummychuckle with my hands to not lose control and accept the hug someone was trying to give me. I thought they meant it but as much content as this person has, it felt like it hardly grazed my surface. and I said to myself "i'm dead inside" and that while i played this moment up in my mind in the past when i was sobbing on her doorstep, in reality i have made it so that nobody can save me even if I wanted them to. 020301 ... silentbob i begged you not to go i begged you i pleaded *Slain* 020301 ... ilovepatsajak i like the little beats between those lyrics 020301 ... yummyC yep, I was listening to that song when I wrote this blathe :) 020301 ... silentbob its weird that you keep on reminding me of the songs ive been having in my head all day ANYWAY like when your favorite song comes on the radio 020301 ... yummyC with my fists bound together at the wrists kneeling and crying silently biting my lip and shaking i pleaded with my eyes. 020302 ... unhinged i pleaded with my heart when i saw her standing in line hoping she wouldn't see me and she sat down across the room and i wanted her to see me but stay far away so that i could forget about her she called this morning i wanted her to call but i was too tired to pick up the phone and i heard her voice being recorded on my answering machine she sounded like she had just woke up she called me nicole she always called me coley she walked over to me and i pleaded with my heart that i could turn her away that she wasn't walking towards me and she came up to me and hugged me she smelled like she had just taken a shower i wanted to eat her when she smelled like that i stayed awake for two hours this morning after she called and all i could think was how much i wish i would have made love to her when i had the chance i listened to jeff_buckley and thought of her and how much i wanted her how much i had loved her and a few more solitary tears squeezed out of my constrained heart but i could smell her and she kissed me on the cheek and i wanted more than anything to touch her face and whisper into her ear "i have been thinking about you all morning; i want you; i love you" i pleaded with my heart that i could end it all 020302 what's it to you? who go blather from