death
Dallas It's probably better than drinking old, dirty oil. 980908
...
ang it happens 980918
...
Caine hasn't stopped Isaac Asimov. 980920
...
kirstin It is not the end, oh no it isn't. It is only the beginning. 990329
...
monty python for life is quite absurd,
and death's the final word.
you must always face the curtain with a bow.
forget about your sin,
give the audience a grin.
enjoy it, it's your last chance anyhow.
990511
...
jordan the only true peace a person can have nobody can bother you or hurt you or cause you any kind of pain, it is the only way to leave reality forever....eternal peace 990709
...
Joana Is violently decided by those who kill others... by those who think they have the power to end someone else's life... by those who should be murdered themselves. 990715
...
Drennan Prometheus stole the fire from Gods kitchen and as punishment he gave us Death, a cruel, uncaring, unstoppable limit on our own mortality so that no one may live long enough to find the answer to the ultimate answer to the most fundamental question, WHY? But what does that question mean, if we work out the question then the answer should be easy. 990929
...
Drennan "I refuse to accept this as my destiny. To die before my fragile flame of life has had a chance to burn its mark in the ledgers of history. I do not want to die"
(anonymous quote)
990930
...
Drennan At six past eight on a tuesday night, 70 dead, 100 missing presumed dead.

The Paddington rail disaster,
October 5th, 1999,
"let us never forget the forgotten ones"
991007
...
jennifer Mommy don't cry.

I did it.
I know you weren't even expecting it,
but I did it none-the-less.
You don't even know what I'm talking about,
do you?
I came out.
I told them the truth.
I'm done lying.
I'M GAY!
I am gay.
I'm not a faggot, a queer, a homo, a bender, a fudge packer.
I'm only 'gay'.
There's nothing wrong with me.
I can't be cured by therapy.
You did nothing wrong.
I love you!
I expect the same unconditional love that I show you.
What's wrong?
Don't cry.
Mom...what's wrong?
Dad, please?
I didn't mean to hurt or disappoint you.
Forgive me!?!
I'm only making my life better for me.
I can't live for you.
I have to live my own life for myself.
I can't live a lie anymore!
We'll do this slowly.
Just be proud.
I figured this out young.
Most don't figure it out until it's too late to live.
Of course I'm safe.
I'm always careful about that.
I won't get it.
I'm precautious.
Mom, please quit crying.
I'm still your little boy, I've just done some growing up.
Mommy...?
NO!
I didn't do this to embarrass you!
I would never intentionally hurt you.
I have to live with it, not you.
It's not a choice.
Don't make me leave.
I want to stay.
You're scared for my safety?
How thoughtful.
Mom, Dad, meet Jarrod. He's my 'friend'.
Dad, calm down, be nice, it's Christmas.
Mom, Dad, I have some bad news.
Those spots on my face?
Dad listen...
Jarrod died.
I got it.
Yes I do.
This is real!
I was careful.
I don't know how it happened.
Mommy, don't cry.
991205
...
Zero I look at myself and hang my head,
Wondering why I exist in this world of pain,
To love? Can someone tell me why
I have ever tried to share,
Thinking of all the wonder turned to dripping
Tendrils of despair.

I go through life, alone, forlorn
Looking at you, off in the distance
In so different a place
Than the one we once shared
And I know, that I am lost.

I know I will never feel again;
That I am dead inside,
Trapped forever in a cold dark place,
Wanting, still wanting, to see
The smallest sign on your pretty face,
That God, and hope, and love
Are not dead; and love, though battered
May one day raise it's weary head.

If, for a moment I could have sent,
Just the smallest bit of love -
Peace, joy, and contentment.
I think right now my heart would die,
Though happy to go before I learned the lie
That always seems to show at last
Or at least it has, in loves gone past
991205
...
ivy "so i bet you're wondering
if that's how she feels about it
why doesn't she just end it all?

oh, no. i'm not ready for that final disappointment"

"is that all there is?
'cause if that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
let's break out the booze and have
a ball, if that's all
there is"

peggy lee
991206
...
ivy couldn't be worse than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

or maybe it could.
991206
...
sohtem (the anti-ROG) "Do you want your tombstone to read 'he lived for centuries' or 'for centuries he has been alive?!'"
You don't seem to understand. I don't *want* a tombstone.
991210
...
flygirl kind of like sleep, but not as good. 991210
...
jennifer I can remember my happy things
laying in your loving arms
watching cartoons
smelling you
the sweet smell of real
and being so content to
just stay
and the sound of your heart
as it lulled in my ear
the touch of your hand
unknowingly on my back
and no one had to know
just how peaceful we were
we were
but I had to change
and blame you for it
and throw you away
I was so afraid of being lost
afraid of being hated
afraid of being alone
afraid of rejection
so I rejected you
I beat you to the punchline
of a joke you never intended on telling
because in my mind
that was the only way
I wouldn't get hurt
but now we both grieve
deeply and inside I scream
with a heat so intense
it incinerates
any rational thought
my hatred for you
seethes
it oozes
like a wound too deep to cure
and I don't know if this
hatred is real
or if it's my heart's defense
a way of keeping you
far enough away so I
don't hurt you again
so I don't hurt me
I crave that relationship
we had
but I don't know if I can
take it
my thoughts so clouded
with my own problems
so I wait out the storm
hoping it will pass soon
and the air will clear
only then
can I see you clearly enough
to gauge my love for you
991211
...
marjorie death was where we met
and you brought me life
in between my shallow silhouette
with the coating of your voice
i heard something
and it made me turn
into who i am now.
catalyst.
991231
...
meli A long dream in a cold room. Death turns people into glue, saints, stink-juice and young plants.

It also inspires really long poetry.
000105
...
mareberry i'm watching you from across the room, wondering how you ever became so beautiful, so incredible. and you're so far away. and i can't touch you. all i want is to hold you, to kiss you. but you keep pushing me away, keep killing my soul. i could go on like this, sobbing each night and crying out to you each day. what's the point? you can't hear me. i'm already dead. i've already lost my grip and slipped into a world where nothing feels real. nothing is real. nothing is worth living for. why do i let you hurt me like this? why don't i have the answers i so desperately seek? i don't think i ever will. so i'll just step back, see you with her and realize there's nothing for me anymore. you can't be mine. i can't be me. i can never go back. 000108
...
gaudior shadowy wall of impenetrable iron...

iron rusts, falls apart.

what then?
000112
...
hahaha dude with a sick sense of humour, scythe, black cloak, pale skin-you know the one. 000114
...
fucked The thing that scares me about death is not dying, but life after death. I don't want to exist for ever. Wouldn't paradise get boring after an eternity? There's only so much one can do to keep ones self occupied. What would we do? Sit for several billion years? I hope not. All i want is peace. I'm tired. I don't need to live in happiness for all eternity. I'm too tired to live for ever. Just peace. Just peace. 000220
...
Verdulum I found out this morning.. in the car.. on my way to school.. a friend of mine was stabbed to death. I don't know the specifics, except that he's dead. 000221
...
spamboy let the worms feast upon my flesh
and eat me alive.
Leave no trace or evidence
that i might be revived.
my stalker rapes me
a million times every way.
chopped up my body
so that i could feed him through out the day.
000304
...
MollyGoLightly It is ugly. It is scary. I can't be the Ricky Fitz with a drug-money camera, breathing heavy over a dead bird. Too ugly. Stop romanticizing it, for god's sakes. 000322
...
girl sometimes it scares me. it is so much bigger than i am.
sometimes the thought of it bothers me because it sounds so boring. when youre dead u just lie there and rot.
sometimes i feel ready for it because i would love to sleep forever and not have anything to worry about.
000326
...
girl right now, it scares me. 000326
...
magic mushroom Took 8 yolks at the weekend 000327
...
lufwalnu and how many eyes? 000327
...
souljah Is ther a division between life and death? Why do we regad death as somthing apart from life? Why are we afraid of death? Why is there this boundary line between the life and death? and is that separation real, or merley arbitrary, a thing of the mind. 000404
...
souljah As you teach your children mathematics, writing, reading, and all the busniss of aquiring knowledge, they should also be thought the great dignity of death, not as a morbid, unhappy thing that one has to face eventually, but as somthing of daily life. Children have extraordinary curiosity. If you see the nature of death, you don't explain that everthing dies, dust to dust, and so on, but without any fear you explain it to them gently and make them feel that the living and the dying are one. 000404
...
awake It's not death that hurts, it's the fear of dying that does. 000410
...
somebody exists without existing, the last enemy, to die itself one day

the absence of life
to cease to be any longer
000417
...
Free Death is Lifes grand finally, Every bit as important as birth. The end of all that you know, the ending of time, an adventure into the great unknown. 000418
...
fucked Life IS Death. 000418
...
simon death cannot be self-extinction.
for a sentence only has meaning if there
is some experience associated with it.
e.g. "the cat sat on the mat" only has
meaning because of the visual and
tactile sense-data that would be
associated with it if it were true.
but self-extinction cannot have any
experience associated with it -- it is
the absence of any experience. hence,
it is meaningless. anyone who says to
you "when you die, you cease to exist"
isn't saying anything meaningful at all.
they might as well be talking of
square circles.
so there is absolutely nothing to
worry about. we will live forever, and
we can logically prove that!
000608
...
josie I know what I've seen and I know what I don't want to be when I grow up.
I'm going to live my life so when I die I am smiling and everyone around me is crying.
000628
...
For sure! you gotta die, and believe me, you will. 000712
...
Tank so my mother called me at 8am this morning to tell me my grandmother had died in her sleep last night. i said well that's cool, there are much worse ways to go out like 42 bullets to the chest so i figured she had chosen a pretty easy way out. i wasn't really sad this morning, i mean i haven't seen the woman in years and so she was already a memory to me, but now as night draws i find myself replaying mental movies of an old woman making me merigues and playing patience and drinking tea and telling me off for gorging myself on her raspberry bush and i find myself not to be the chipper person i was this morning... 000716
...
gwyllynne ....on the day when the wagons come.....


I just pray.....



will you let me on?
000721
...
gwyllynne ....on the day when the wagons come.....


I just pray.....



will you let me on?
000721
...
whocares You Speak of Death... look how many people wrote in it. But it means nothing to anyone because we don't even know what death even feels like.
All you have is your imagination to burden you. Your alive now so just think about life instead of something that you will think about that will happen in the future. Stay in the present not what happens tommorow or yesterday.
000725
...
birdmad is an eventuality that i do not fear.

what i do fear is how i will arrive at that conclusion

so long as it is quick

i fear lingering on for years with the spectre of it standing over my shoulders refusing to unburden me but teasing me with its nearness

i fear the fate of my parents

betrayed from within by their own cells, knowing the unmistakeable sensation of your own decomposition while you are still alive to realize it

we fall to dust
all in our turn, true enough

but if i should find myself in those same dire straits

i will hasten the end
000725
...
Dr Von I will never forget
The moment I stood by your bed
As you slipped away from us

I couldn't cry
I couldn't scream
It was a relief

We had waited
We had waited
We had waited

But I know I felt your soul
Lightly touch my face
As your body became empty

I have felt your soul since
On occasions when I recalled
Your life and your smile

Eight long years have passed
You are still in my thoughts
You are still a guiding light
In my life
000728
...
Rumi when i die
when my coffin
is being taken out
you must never think
i am missing this world

don't shed any tears
don't lament or
feel sorry
i'm not falling
into a monster's abyss

when you see
my corpse is being carried
don't cry for my leaving
i'm not leaving
i'm arriving at eternal love

when you leave me
in the grave
don't say goodbye
remember a grave is
only a curtain
for the paradise behind

you'll only see me
descending into a grave
now watch me rise
how can there be an end
when the sun sets or
the moon goes down

it looks like the end
it seems like a sunset
but in reality it is a dawn
when the grave locks you up
that is when your soul is freed

have you ever seen
a seed fallen to earth
not rise with a new life
why should you doubt the rise
of a seed named human

have you ever seen
a bucket lowered into a well
coming back empty
why lament for a soul
when it can come back
like Joseph from the well

when for the last time
you close your mouth
your words and soul
will belong to the world of
no place no time
000819
...
psycho insomniac Living in a cemetery, I am surrounded by death every time I look out my window. It used to scare me, the I just realised it was just another phase of life. I will not wish for death, and I will not fear it. I will just go on living the best I can and make the most out of my life untill i can join the under-ground sea of the dead. 000905
...
vermouth The most frightening thing about death is the way our natural fear of it is used to persuade us to give up the joys of life in the hope of greater joys yet unknown.

I have no fear of death. I don't need to know what, if anything, comes next. I ache to think of the sadness of those I will leave behind.

I have no fear of hell. Here's my logic. I am human and imperfect, subject to petty jealousies and hate and fear and vindictiveness, yet I could never impose eternal suffering on another soul. If there is a god, and god is just, god is good, and god is perfecter than I, she would have less inclination than I to condemn. Ergo, whether we have faith or none, whether we are evil or good, there is no need to fear post-mortem retribution from an infantile god.
000907
...
shiva i wouldn't hurry it
but it usually doesn't bother me
it's just the end of life
good riddance
nothing much was happening anyway
but when i'm in her arms
or she makes me smile
i want to live forever
000917
...
silentbob you're never supposed to give up 000917
...
The Schleiffen Man his name was robert_paulson 000917
...
ubliss ***ubliss: The Ultimate Bliss***

Subject: Death, Hell, Heaven & Universe

Death is the

end of our present life AND
END of our future life in the
Universe/ Hell/ Heaven; or

end of our present life AND
START of our future life in the
Universe/ Hell/ Heaven.

Which is the wise choice?
END or START???

2000 ubliss. All rights reserved.
000918
...
johnny True story,
First time I met Steve and Jeff,
Sitting in that little room at the hospital,
Rosie had told me about em,
Funny way to meet her brothers though,
Knock knock,
Are you ready to view the body ?
Cold and stiff,(can i take her home?)
Silence,
You can keep her car,
She would have wanted that,
see ya round......
000924
...
Barrett One of my bar patrons died the other night. He was an old, fat, Archie Bunker type racist. I hated his views on just about everything. The bitter old man is gone now. I'm going to miss him.

Death sucks!
000924
...
moonshine Sounds like the guy in booth_two 000924
...
Q or _three or _five or _eight or _thirteen ... 000925
...
Raina it's the beginning of the end.
Or is it really?
I see it as a continuance (check spelling) of this cycle that we call life.
000925
...
lizard it's dark, quiet out - i can think awhile.
(lately, i'd rather not think.)
inevitably, the flood of memories that pours over and seeps through my brain
is you.
i chastise myself for my hope,
unwanted as it is,
but i cannot shake the feeling of your lip between mine
and my face buried in your neck
(the smell of you).
in these moments, i know
i would die a million times for you
but you no longer want even my life.
000926
...
camille inevitable 001106
...
daanuh how many times a day can you think about it before it becomes a reality? 001112
...
narc0ma death is not a closure...
nor is it a new beginning.
001130
...
god it's all part of the process. 001130
...
tourist We slow down
time speeds up
phase shift
next level
001201
...
mrspace "...the mother of beauty." - don't forget 001219
...
ripewithdecay What is death? Is it the rotting of the body the stop of the heart, the stop of blood-flow? . Is everyone dead that is really "alive"? The people who's daily schedule is to git up , go to work, come home watch tv, go to bed, to me they are as dead as it gets. they might as well be. they are not doing anything constructive with their lives, now are they? they only ones i see that are truly alive and not dead are ones like Nietzsche, Anton Szander LaVay, Brian Warner (aka Marilyn Manson), and other such philosophers and peoples who actually think about things , who use their minds and make sense...now away from people who are dead or are truly alive... on to death itself.. Literature and films , even art, has made death seem beautiful. Shakespeare made the suicides of two young lovers extremely beautiful , almost driving the reader to think about how they would do the same thing in juliets or romeos place.Death does seem very beautiful to the clincically depressed teenager, the beaten wife, the mid thirtys man lost in his hopes for something to live for but finds nothing..death does seem exquisitley beautiful...or maybe i am just a sick and fucked up individual.... 001229
...
Zero it's the great mystery....

hmmm...sounds a lot like life...

...and that sucks
001230
...
thyrt@usa.net Mr. Reaper's way of saying "hi!" 001230
...
Thyartshallshant Mr. Reaper's way of saying "hi!" 001230
...
syd barrett put_to_death 001231
...
kx21 Valid only for Future, but certainly not for the Past & Present? 010101
...
Quiggz "I'm not frightened of dying. Why should I be frightened of dying, everyone's got to go sometime..."
-Pink Floyd, "The Great Gig In the Sky"

Once again..... beats me. I guess it's just something inevitable. Even if we knew what it's all about, it wouldn't make any difference. It'll just happen sooner or later. Not that I'm in any hurry to go, mind you. I'd like to stay alive just as much as the next person. It's just that I'm not that troubled with the alternative. I suggest we forget about death, and get on with our lives. Thinking about our own mortality just makes people depressed. Fizzy_Lifting_Drinks
010102
...
moonshine Its like there put on pause and I want to rewind and unwind there suspended animation. 010121
...
kx21
***Breaking New***

Any SHIT(s) and STAR(s), including you in the UNIVERSE is not subject to DEATH.
010122
...
syd wolfpack 010123
...
maxwell thorne End. Nothing More. End. 010131
...
god Howling the pack in formation appears
diamonds and clubs, light misted fog, the dead
waving us back in formation,
the pack in formation
010131
...
kx21 Is it possible to PUT " NOTHING ",
the_GENE_of_NOTHING, and the_POWER_of_CREATIVITY to DEATH?
010131
...
crux i think e.e.cummings describes death best. it has always been my greatest fear. sometimes i get a flash of the feeling and it gives me shivers down my spine. if i had to meet a dead person it would be my uncle, he shot himself when he was 18. i'd want to ask him why, the photos of him all look so mysterious and he really was so good looking. what a morbid fasinaction. my friends dad just died as well. i dont know, i wouldnt want to live forever, it would be too exhausting, but i sure as hell dont want to leave all these people i so dearly love and all these feelings and smells and sounds with make my every day great. although i can understand why a person would want to kill themselves. some people think its really selfish,, but who's life is it anyway? i killed someone once. its name was jesse. i named it jesse because i idnt know if it was a girl or a boy. we talk quite often. i dont really deserve to live either. and i dont deserve the chance to create another life. 010131
...
god sure you do 010131
...
SCOTT death? I dream now, of it's cold embrace, warming me. still

death? What of it? we die a little w/each breath, w/each moment we fade, w/out hope, nor glory, we fade.

whispers.., on the wind is what we are.

whispers fade, and leave no mark.

So do I
010201
...
god 2 for 1 brillo pads. tonite only 010201
...
Karen Surrounded by a whirl of thoughts a black cloud stares us in the eyes. Limbs filled with sand, an ocean of serene sorrow for thoughts. Crashing waves stir the emotions, pouring the salty liguid upon the shores. The fog has rolled in ceasing every evidence of life. A cold numbness muffles our cries.
What power nature has over beings. Death-acting as its weapon-pursues the prey, snatching its entire existence and breath. Confusion settles and the debris blankets every sane belief. What to do now? Distressed, they helplessly scramble to mend the broken pieces, shattered by the blow of reality. The loss of innocence remembered by the old. The turning point of time devastates all.
010209
...
grendel does_death_have_a_rattle 010209
...
unhinged i saw her the day before...it was worse than death. 13 months of waiting for the inevitable was worse than death. she died with the sun rise and i was on my way across the ocean. she was with me in my thought always. i always get the funny feeling when i stand at her grave that she's not there. i love her so much, every time i pick up my violin, she's there. but she had written us a letter: "do not cry for me when i am gone. stay together and help each other; keep my family together." was all she ever wanted. do not cry for her...did you hear that? she doesn't want us standing here...she would rather watch over us live...she's still here. i don't understand you people. she could never leave me. i love her too much.

it had been two months since i had seen him. everyone else was there when he stopped breathing. i was miles away in another town. we sat in the house; there was a feeling of disaster. i was shocked. just the day before he had called me to tell me how sick grandpa was. his cancer had spread...bone cancer everywhere, in his skull; a tumor the size of a baseball in his lung. six days after the diagnosis he was gone. and we sat in the funeral home and i saw her cry....i didn't want to cry. i wasn't crying for him, i was crying for her. six months later, we walked his ashes to the farm. i could hear him chuckling as we got stuck in the mud. "i don't want no rigamarole. just the immediate family...spread my ashes at my two favorite bars and my sod farm. that's all i want jamie. nothing else."

death doesn't really end anything.
010209
...
karen creates sadness 010213
...
vida today i saw death bring flowers to an old woman 010214
...
camille We sometimes congratulate ourselves at the moment of waking from a troubled dream; it may be so the moment after death.

Nathaniel Hawthorne
010224
...
camille a simple crossing over a doorstep
when i cross
close the door quickly
so as not to cause a draft
smell my musk perfume
bottle it
and send it on a journey across
the sea.
010224
...
Jim the sun warms the earth
that you're beneath
tiny plants spring forth
i miss your straight toothed smile
we only had you for a little while
010224
...
amelia death is not enemy of man
it is a friend who
when the work of life is done
just cuts the cord
that bind the human boat to earth
so it may sail .... on other seas
010225
...
dB Yeah it could be that. I prefer to think of it as, the thing that happens when your body finally says "Man party is getting low rent. Let's go get some Taccos".
I have a friend who is mortally afraid of dying. He doesn't touch ANYTHING that hasn't been disinfected. We have buisness meetings and he stands around the table refusing to sit down "Because the chairs have bacteria from other people". This is no shit. This guy is so afraid of dying or getting sick that it prevents him from living.
Screw that for a joke. Let's go get some taccos.
010225
...
Erin I wish you were reborn and lived new lives forever, and only remembered the good of the life before...That is what I think life should be... 010304
...
Dark Rifter X Is the great unknown.
It tugs at my curiosity so.
I am ready learn.
All I need is to be rid of the responsibilities of life as a human with people who love you, but whom you dont love and people you love but dont love you.
I want to leav my pain when I go but I dont want to leav it with anyone.
010305
...
neomatrix Death is only the beginning... 010330
...
Robert Anxious, uncomfortable, you're too close.
I see you daily, why?
I hate you, I love you the end.
Rot, smell, I smell you too close.
Always near.
Oh, God, the stink.
Why can't I be like everyone else and not
see you, smell you, know your there?
Death, too close, I can smell you.
010407
...
camille a birth

a rest
010408
...
Chrity go to:
i_have_words
010408
...
DannyH I spent quite a lot of this morning lying in bed thinking about death. Thinking about death fills me with something not quite like fear, more like a sense of confusion and panic, like falling. I always feel stronger after facing it although it also tends to leave me with a strong desire to give up smoking which can often last until lunchtime. 010423
...
phil You're already dead.

Make it happy make it sad, it doesn't matter the damn things dead.
010426
...
Teenage Jesus surprise
have some, no really
I insist

ok, great
thanx again
good to see you

have some more fun this time
010501
...
Mimi if i die before i wake, make sure you get some of my DNA to make a clone, one easy step. 010501
...
dan everybody dies, it is just a matter of getting through it, no matter which side your on. 010504
...
Mimi lord, kill me now...and leave a note so the police know that you did it 010504
...
florescent light If you breathe out and cannot breathe in again, you are dead. It's as simple as that. 010508
...
sweetheart of the song tra bong Just little pieces of sleep all strung together.

Don't be scared.
010508
...
carden Death be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so,
For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poor death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,
Much pleasure, then from thee, much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery.
Thou art slave to Fate, Chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,
And poppy, or charms can make us sleep as well,
And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; death, thou shalt die. --John Donne
010508
...
el fagtastico John Donne thought that death died and people didn't.

Whitechurch by Chris Lynch.

This is thrice now I've said how much i love that book.
.
010513
...
psychobabe I love the thought of death. Its something soo beautiful in its ways and then so sad and mysterious.

I've felt dead before, maybe not where my heart has died on me and all, but to my feelings i was dead. So exhausted form the pain it came from, and everything.

But death, i love the thought of it. Killing for ones love, killing for no reason, dieing and not wakeing up. its beautiful. all of it
010516
...
jesse i have nothing to talk about i am just another one of them people you are supposed to feel sorry for but dont, i know the real meaning of death because i have lived it so much in my meaningless descreet little life that no one in this desolate world cares about. as i run the cold blade across my warm flesh i get that taste of blood i so much crave. i put my mouth on my wrist suck away all the pain that is in my life as i slowly slip slowly into oblivion 010516
...
BrittStar not an ending of life....but continuance somewhere else 010521
...
BrittStar death is not an end of life...but a continuance somewhere else... 010521
...
florescent light they say it happens in threes:
First it was Kevin,
then Mike's sister,
I can't help but wonder if I am to be next.
010529
...
nocturnal at work ya know what I wonder? how would the rest of us know if a blatherer died? none of their survivors would know to post it, or where to post it even. 010606
...
ol I have enough to worry/think about life, without adding death to the equation.
I think the best depiction of death i know of is Terry Pratchets, (in the discworld, especially the rat death, *SQUEAK? SQUEAK SQUEAK*
010606
...
Sol bugger that was Sol then 010606
...
Dafremen Attention, the park is closing, please proceed in an orderly manner to the nearest exit. Thank you.

I repeat, the park is closing, please proceed in an orderly manner to the nearest exit. Thank you.

-- P.A. announcer at LIFE..Earth's most popular theme park.
010606
...
**SAND***MAN** But why dont I do it?
Why, just what is keeping me from it,
the altimate fredom, piece, excape.
Because of the people that love me.

Part of me loves them back,
because some are tring to help me through,
keepin this life as barable as posible,
but some just dont do that,
Some dont even know me.

Theres also a part of me that hates them,
for keepping me here,
knowing if I leave what they will feel,
I cant take part of there life too,
I have no right.

I wnat to jump off the stool,
I want to take the plunge,
I wnat to swallow the pills,
I want to spill the blood.

But I cant beacuse of my hatered,
Mom dad I hate u,
friends familly I hate u,
I hate u becuse I love u.


Damn you let me go.
010611
...
**SAND***MAN** But why dont I do it?
Why, just what is keeping me from it,
the altimate fredom, piece, excape.
Because of the people that love me.

Part of me loves them back,
because some are tring to help me through,
keepin this life as barable as posible,
but some just dont do that,
Some dont even know me.

Theres also a part of me that hates them,
for keepping me here,
knowing if I leave what they will feel,
I cant take part of there life too,
I have no right.

I wnat to jump off the stool,
I want to take the plunge,
I wnat to swallow the pills,
I want to spill the blood.

But I cant beacuse of my hatered,
Mom dad I hate u,
friends familly I hate u,
I hate u becuse I love u.


Damn you let me go.
010611
...
Skalar maybe someway, somehow, life's a wonderful dream that we eventually
wake up from when we die
010802
...
kijima the promised gift that only the good ever receive, that only the bad escape, but EVERYBODY lives in fear of it 010816
...
Mimi Who likes Slipknot?
**One Vote**
010830
...
distorted tendencies something I wish would come sooner. The sooner the better. So that I may be at peace. It would be like falling asleep. 010901
...
xxx everyone dies, but not everyone truely lives 011022
...
god it's kinda like when before you were born. 011030
...
mcpants Oh death
Won't you spare me over til another year

Well what is this that I can't see
With ice cold hands taking hold of me
Well I am death none can excel
I'll open the door to heaven or hell

Whoa death someone would pray
Could you wait to call me til another day
The children pray the preacher preached
Time and mercy is out of your reach

I'll fix your feet til you can't walk
I'll lock your jaw til you can't talk
I'll close your eyes so you can't see
This very hour come and go with me

In death I come to take the soul
Leave the body and leave it cold
To drop the flesh off of the frame
The earth and worms both have a claim

Oh death
Won't you spare me over til another year

My mother came to my bed
Place a cold towel upon my head
My head is warm my feet are cold
Death is a movin upon my soul

Oh death how you're treatin me
You close my eyes so I can't see
Well you're hurtin my body you make me cold
You run my life right out of my soul

Oh death please consider my age
Please don't take me at this stage
My wealth is all at your command
If you'll remove your icy hands

Oh the young the rich or poor
All alike to me you know
No wealth no land no silver or gold
Nothin satisfies my but your soul

Oh death
Won't you spare me over til another year

- Dr. Ralph Stanley
011123
...
ClairE is young. 011204
...
kristen m. I looked at him and he was smiling like he was doing something that made him very happy. we told him to keep in touch with us that day. He sped off and his smile was burned into my mind. I cried all day and prayed forever. The next time I got to see his amazing smile was at the funeral home. But it was closed casket so all I saw was a picture. I miss him and his wonderful smile. He's gone right now because no one ever told him how much they cared about him. No one showed him how much they loved him. And even though we knew his plans, we didn't try to talk him out of it because we didn't think it would really happen. Not a day goes by without his smile popping into my head. In his race against time he couldnt stop, running through the red light, livin his life. He said nobody cry for me cuz I, wanna see you smile for me, when I die. Everyone that is reading this, make sure you let everyone that you care about know how much you love them and care for them, before it's too late. Someone that is close to you, and commits suicide, its the hardest thing to deal with. It eats away at you everyday as you wonder if there was anything you could've done to stop it from happening. 011212
...
girl in tarot the death card means everything but, usually.
a lot of people get freaked out by it when it is drawn in their spread.
the death card mean the "death" of an area of your life, a great change in your life, in your thinking.
i havent read for myself in a very long time but im sure that card is just waiting for me to draw it the next time i do.
i am not the same girl i was even two months ago. now im trying to follow my heart and follow my dreams. it sound great but really its very painful. my heart is pushing me away from my soulmate and it hurts us both but i know im only hurting because he is. i still feel him but i dont feel for him. i need to go out and do my thing and make my own way. and now i have to be brave enough to part ways with my soulmate and be confident that we will meet again.
011217
...
ravensfears Death is the enemy, reaching out towards us with cold and clammy hands, squeezing us dry.

Death is bad.
020208
...
Harlequin death is a gift that Illuvatar gave to his second children, the humans. to die and be mrotal was a gift, a gift as so that when you died, you went to a new world or soemthing of the sort. But Morgoth, the wicked of teh Valar, was jealous of this gift that he could never posess, and so he sullied it. To die became what it now is, and the gift of mortality was forever changed into a curse
~J.R.R. Tolkien (Not exact
020408
...
Katyrathin I don't understand death, really. I don't think anyone does. There's just a bunch of rumours and myths about seeing a light and all that. How do you know those people who've 'died' weren't just faking it? They probably got a lot of money for saying that. That's not a very bad idea... 020408
...
Dack Rambo is my father I suggest you read this book called "The Denial of Death." 020412
...
bird of constant sorrow o_death 020412
...
stacey "death most resembles a prophet who is without honor in his own land or a poet who is a stranger among his people." 020529
...
CrAzYpInKmOnKeY dammit nick
why didnt u think
did u know what
was goin to
happen when
u were takin the pills?
i know it was an accident
it had to have been cuz'
it makes me to mad to think
ud be that damn selfish
u told ur mom u were hungry
why didnt u tell her
why u couldnt get warm
were u too fucked up on the drugs
to see who u were hurting?
she went out and bought u bk
but after she went to bed and
u didnt live long enough to
eat even 3 bites when
she found you she was 3 hours
too late but she felt u were sooo
cold and she knew but that didnt
keep her from tryin to warm u up
did u feel her cryin next to you?
tryin to cover you up
i guess u didnt i guess u couldnt have
not were u were

dammit why did u do it?
020607
...
paperdoll misfit ...is the thing with feathers..no wait, that's "hope"...

"Because I could not stop for Death,
He kindly stopped for me;
The carriage held but just ourselves
And Immortality."

however....

"It was not death, for I stood up,
And all the dead lie down.
It was not night, for all the bells
Put out their tongues for noon."

but still...

"I felt a funeral in my brain,
And mourners, to and fro,
Kept treading, treading, till it seemed
That sense was breaking through."

"I heard a fly buzz when I died"
...but really, I'm not sure. Ask Emily. She knows...
020611
...
gshin_rje i've been witnessing a strange sluggish suicide of late...

they come oozing up in the night to wait upon the concrete steps

and as the morning rays stab downward they raise themselves up,
antenna extended to the heavens, their little boneless bodies shaking with the strain of holding themselves so high...

they sit like this on the cold concrete and wait for the sun to warm the rock and bake them through and through.

i find them on my way back down the stairs cooked into their extended positions trying to reach the sun.
020613
...
chiefnewo death on the pavement
death on the floor
death from the rooftops
you'll laugh no more

death in the movies
death on the news
death in our minds now
we've nothing to lose
020616
...
fjd I could launch into an essay but face it your all tryhards who suck much cock 020616
...
chiefnewo many die
many live
which side is winning?

in the red corner, life
pumping and running and evolving
always ready to take on the world

in the blue corner, death
still and silent and stopped
always ready to take the world away

will this be a fair match?
when death is simply the end of life?
020616
...
Kanika Up here alone,
So much to fear,
Somthing bad i dread i near.

I watched my folks with virgin eyes,
Heard from the treetop,
My mothers soulful cries,
The pouring rain brought horror and a fight,
My "dear" ole daddy killed my mom that night.

The storm has come,
No rain is pouring down,
Look away , just turn around,
Close ur eyes, dont unlock the door,
Dont watch my treehouse burn to the floor.


Up here alone ,
So much to fear,
Something bad i know is near.

Granny got sick
I played with her everyday,
With the pouring rain ,i heard my neighbour say,
"Who will u frolick with now?"
"Grannys going far away".

The storm has come,
No rain is pouring down,
Outside i know what will be found,
Look away,just turn around,
Dont watch my treehouse fall to the ground.


Up here alone,
So much to fear,
Something bad again is near.

My uncle had a labrador,
Called bucky,he was my friend and more,
The pouring rain brought a man my way,
While we sat alone, he did say,
My bucky and uncle got run over today.

The storm has come,
No rain is pouring down,
Dont look away,dont turn around,
Open ur eyes,unlock the door,
Theres nothing left to see anymore....
020628
...
Perspective_Of_Soul "Death, the most feared of all evils, is therefore of no concern to us.For while we exist death is not present, and when death is present, we no longer exist"
The disregarding of the fear of the unknown is what stops most of us from accepting this statement.What is beyond death is a mystery to us all and the fear stems from the fact that there is no way back.
Those who do not believe there is anything after death, still hold some fear of it sometimes.
Basic fears like the one of being forgotten rings true for many, while the fear of the loved ones or things we leave behind being without us is another.
Death seems like a wonderful thing to me.
A final release from the pain of life and the final embrace of utter peace.
I do not believe in Heaven nor Hell, but rather a transission into a state of universal consciousness where the souls of those reborn into it unite in peace.
I do not go looking for death but find some comfort in the fact that it may be looking for me.
020815
...
thea she's necessary. although i don't really believe in the girl, despite her being my co-favorite book. so it. ending. reincarnation is nice, but eternity is horrid. i used to be afraid of the end of time but now i'm glad. i'd love to live forever if i knew it wouldn't really be.
once i went with my dad to his masseuse in provincetown. she's a lesbian with short gray hair. i think she's buddhist. she made an elaborate metaphor about making a cake and being the chips and the batter and the spoon and the bowl and everything was part of the cake. i didn't really understand at the time. wouldn't i get eaten?
i have to believe we all get eaten at some point. but while we're waiting we get to die and be reborn.
020820
...
Jon You did not exist before you were born. You most certainly will not after you die. Accept this. And look both ways before you cross the street. 020824
...
mindful how do the dying feel?
cold
empty
lost and sheltered in a quiet
that's much too quiet for the living.
health consultations
free visits
pamphlets filled with
dos and don'ts for the terminally ill
what's their motivation?
life equals day to day bases of
coping with the fact that you're
going to die,
but you don't exactly know when.
and... it's always good to be
positive because pessimism is not
the norm for society.
who has the right to present
death to you when you're not ready?
some say God, others feel
that life cannot continue without
a few dead individuals.
after all, how can we expand without
death?
020910
...
HL is such a waste of life 020910
...
Shane If you have nothing to live for, find something to die for. 020919
...
or should I change Death. A distorted waltz called life. 1.. 2.. 3.. 1.. 2.. 3.. Over and over again seeing how many toes we can crush in a measure. A competitition without a score keeper. A marvelous conductor oversees the harsh sounds of the band. Cloaked in black and swinging a sickly sickle wand over the musician's heads, commanding an eternal performance. When the music stops the heads start to roll. When the music stops there is no time left for eulogies, only the darkness that follows. 021015
...
Josh Splendid nothing is more brilliant than the moment of death, everything ends in a flash of brilliance.... 021205
...
. . 021205
...
Rickster Walking upon the waters, never touching the surface. The glistening of the setting sun, reflecting off the water upon my face. It does not hurt me anymore, I have come so far, pain I feel no more. Where can this endless wave take me, away from this place where I exist to serve others. Perhaps this was never my calling, I've always felt that throughout my life I was falling. Destroying eveything I love, holding everything I hate close to my heart. What the hell is wrong with me, I am no here bleeding on my knee's. Where did the light go that comforted me so, I look to the sky grasp for it never to know. I feel I am weak for not being able to reach it, perhaps its because it never was legit. Awakening I am from a dream of dreary means, The scar upon my wrists are all that can be seen. The pain bleeds through my head like a dull knife, cutting my brain and I feel it begining to splice. The need to kill pulsating through my veigns, the lust for the crimson rain from the wound I so crave to create. The pattern on the floor, how beautiful it will be, if only it is yours. 021226
...
Sarahs friend Death is a realease of this life, the ever painful existence we all live in
but the question is is there life after death? Are we in purgatory already? Purgatory is between heaven and hell, so tell me where are we?
021227
...
el duderino the end point on the line of life. 030224
...
chiocken death is nothing at all. i have only slipped away into the next room. i am i, and you are you. whatever we were to each other, that we still are. call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way you always used to. put no difference in your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together. play, smile, think of me, pray for me. let my name be ever the household word that it always was, let it be spoken without effort, no trace of a shadow on it. life means all that it ever meant. it is the same as it ever was. there is unbroken continuity. why should i be out of mind because i am out of sight? i am waiting for you, somewhere very near. just around the corner. all is well. 030303
...
DevilsLyric I wish. 030309
...
flipchrist is under appreciated 030322
...
P1asticJesus Perhaps death is but the blooming of a new flower, far away. In a place untouched by the hate, the idiocy, the savagery of mankind. Nature is our own worst enemy, inside of us all lyes what it takes to destroy us. Life is but a cycle that renews, no one is to honestly know what becomes after death. You die on a bed, and say you see the light, yet you sleep at night and have dreams of being whoever you want, even God is not too far from your grasp. Perhaps it is the one question that will never be answered, or understood, but only accepted, and respected. Death is but a cycle, with one death a new flower blooms, the cycle begins once again, only to continue on, forever. 030407
...
niska contribution to the carbon cycle 030407
...
Alex why fear so much something that can end life? Who says life is good. I have a good life, that doesnt mean life itself is good. Im just lucky. I look forward to death. I will rest in peace. 030426
...
niska we blathe all of our emotional frailties, yet we forget our physical ones.

we are so many, that we have become insignificant. yet each of us, on our own, is the most preious thing alive.

does any other being on this planet have the intellectual capacity to live lives so meaningful and unique, just to have it all end the same? tragic, we all want to know what's next, but we know it's inevitable, all the same.

the current war situation is a perfect example of one man who simply doesn't take these things into consideration, yet can choose whether others live or die. that kind of power is definately in the wrong hands.
030426
...
morte sought is a debt
your art is only a dream
different an unpadonable sin
only the beginning [index page]
is not the end
is alive in the air
death is the stranger
no obstacle
not the end
my friend
death is it
like a car
death is a separation of two
[things]
a departure to the spirit
[world]
like the insects
dialogue between a painless transition
forever but a part of the radio
a lonely business
now my neighbor
near
taking names
reverence
for life
a constant companion
not always the winner
but lighter than a feather
ever record mercy
a certain silence
one too many times
seasons
imminent semisweet
death
is entirely
different than you
think it to be
think it to be
think it to be
the mother of beauty
your arts copyright
a sure bet
death is my dream's older sister
unconsciousness
treated as suspiciousness
a celebration
only the beginning
just another line
a way of life

a process lie-ing in ruins
an event in life
approaching in caring for a loved one
the time of death
is not goodbye
a branch of physics
despite some failures and consolidation
death is my friend
if only you knew
[someone]

death prediction
nothing but a moment's rest

forever
always tragic
necessary to exploit
sexual reproduction
a cabaret no excuse a cabaret
death is now my neighbor
death is that man taking names
taking names
taking names

that man is taking names

nothing at all i have only slipped away
into
the next room

i am i and you are you

gain on them in a silent
poetic exploration
season

death
is
in
love
with
us
a five letter word
030429
...
trixie an old teacher of mine died recently. she died only after she had just retired. her funeral is tomorrow, and it makes me angry, really angry. the school gave the day off to the students so they could mourn her. and i know that even though some will actually come to the service they will only be pretending to have loved her and to miss her. it's almost like it will be a fad. it's nice that people will show up but it's also very unfair to those who were close to her. because when she was alive these same students "hated" her because it was a fad then too. she liked me when no one else did and the same goes for her too. i hope she is happy wherever she is (probably with Jesus because it was a Catholic school) and that her family and close friends can find comfort tomorrow. Rest in peace Mrs. Doglietto. 030429
...
User24 ok, so, death. the big question. everyone thinks about death, however breifly, and everyone can come up with theories about it, but no-one knows what really happens, do we get reincarnated as an elephant, or a fly? Do we become omnipotent Gods, do we inhabit people's subconscious, subliminally advising them? Do we metamorphosise into giant 6 legged camels from outer space?

who knows?

so let's face facts; we won't know until it happens, we may feel immense despair as we realise that nothing happens, we rot, and become part of the earth again, but our consciousness truly dies. we may feel intense pain as our karma catches up with us, we may dream forever...

Whatever, when it does happen, there's really fuck all we can do about it but sit back and try to enjoy the ride.

Meanwhile, I know I'm alive, so instead of trying to work out what happens next, to second guess Fate and Destiny, I'm going to worry about that when The Time comes.

I'll worry about life now, and death later.

If you spend all your time wondering what comes next, you'll never enjoy what comes now.


Personally, I know the above to be true (my own words) but it still doesn't stop me. There's always the other side to the coin; that we're meant to think about the next stage. But that doesn't make sense to me, either way, I've never been one for doing what was meant.

Here's to more thinking and defying/obeying the laws of Nature, whatever they may be.
030429
...
endless desire longing for the uncertainty in death to be unraveled
like a cheap mystery novel
that children do their book reports on,
idolizing over the young Nancy Drew look-a-like heroines
get the guy, solve the crime
look beautiful doing it.
and watch out because those secret caverns and criminal hide aways are murder on your nails.
and at any rate, the mystery is solved
and the world goes on happy.
what a pointless ideal that we are aiming for
whether we choose to admit the obvious or not: to free the world and go home to a parade of neighbors and loving family so very proud because you--
you nancy drew wanna be
have
won
again.
what a silly game.
030516
...
hopturntwotape why do people wonder about death so much? people are almost obsessed with death. we like it on the television, in our music and literature, in our movie theatres, we go to funeral homes to "visit the dead" even though that's impossible unless you have supernatural powers, we use symbols of death to warn children of poison. can't get enough of the MYSTERY OF DEATH. big deal. it keeps us from understanding the MYSTERY OF LIFE, which is something that our children will also have to grapple with. death keeps us from thinking about the state of our lives, in a small way. it is almost like control, an opiate of the masses, the twin reflection of religion. that's death. one word that supposedly describes our final translation into eternity. bullshit. death is a gate to nowhere, buddy. it is a word that doesn't describe anything. the term "star" for example, represents a giant ball of hot gases that emits light and radiation. the closet one (besides the sun) is hundreds of light years away. death happens right in front of us everyday, but we still can't describe it. we can say "that was a grisly death," or "she died peacefully," but what are we measuring? our own preferences? is there a scale i'm not aware of yet? are there awards handed out at the very instant of death? how does one die well? badly?
it happens right under our noses, and yet we can never put our finger on it.
but to be sure, one day each of us understand it all too well.
so, hopturn twotape went about his merry way. once, he stopped to give a beggar some food. the swine bastard bit him on the arm, and hopturn had to chew his arm off to avoid infection. as he sauggered off he could hear the munching sounds of the hungry beggar, his jagged teeth slashing through flesh and bone.
030517
...
god am i dead yet? 030517
...
B&A death is for the living! 030607
...
a sweet girl i hope to live a life that leaves me proud of my existence.

sometimes this is denied to us. human life is fragile and seems insignificant on a mass scale, but i believe we have the ability to fullfill ourselves in every passing moment.

i am in no hurry to meet death. but when i do, i will have been looking forward to it my entire life.

some say the only things certain in life are death and taxes. taxes are imposed by a regime which keeps humanity forever forgetful to contemplate why we are here in the first place.

death, on the other hand, is the only true certainty. regardless of anything, this will happen to all of us someday.

we are all equal. we are all alive.
030607
...
david I am petrified of death, like my biggest fear of death is that im just going to go to sleep one night and not wake up and everything will just be shut off their will be nothing. Of course I wont know that im dead because it will just be over. I try to be religious but I get those thoughts some times and I think to myslef I hope thats not the way it is and I think I would rathe go to hell then be unconscious forever. 030630
...
ashmanzhou why die
when death itself is nothing
why hate
when hate is gone and love is too
why live
when all life is corrupted
why breathe
when the air is blooded with suffering
the martyr holds in his soul futility
and heaven and hell are framed in his eyes
030701
...
not important The inside of the tiny house was completly covered with soot. The living room was stripped, all the flaming contents had been pulled out by the firefighters. Gone was the entertainment system and nights spent watching Saturday Night Live. Gone were the couches and lazy days spent chatting with all the family. Gone were the framed pictures of her children over the wall and all the times my sister and I admired them. Completely missing from the wall behind her chair. Not burnt beyond recognition. Gone. But the carpet was there. And a candle just next to the gas logs. A wax candle. The smoke detector just down the tiny hall was a lumpy white smear that dripped a couple feet. She never replaced the batteries. She couldn't, with the amount she smoked. All the books in the two bedrooms off the hall would have to be thrown away. They were too porous to ever be rid of the smell. So many books to throw away. So many days of reading. Her bedroom at the back of the house. Just as dark and covered in soot as everything else, though lighter than it had been in her life. All the windows in the house had blown out. But the soot made things dark still. Even the cat couldn't escape the soot. They buried him the morning after. My sister stood and stared at her vanity. The hours she had had spent with us playing in her makeup were now all covered in blackness that stayed on your hands and left a dark ring around the bathtub. Her life was covered in this soot. The past three years since her husband's death were surely just as dark. The alcoholism. The depression. The kitchen. The kitchen looked like any other kitchen. It was always cramped for space. The paper towels were on the counter. The dirty dishes were sitting there in the sink. But the white porcelain was grey at best. The soot had fallen over everything. Somehow it seemed the dirty dishes should have been spared. And then the light. The fluorescent light cascaded down the kitchen's center past eye level. The translucent sheet swayed slightly back and forth. I couldn't stop staring at it. I couldn't cry. Why wouldn't tears form? How could this light be melted so far from the fire's start? Why hadn't she heard the fire? Should I hope she was too intoxicated to feel much? Should I hope she died quickly? Just to my left, behind the stove, just out of the living room and towards this kitchen and its back door, they had found her. They tried. She lived a short time. Long enough for us to get a call that she had been badly burned but have to wait a night no know if she lived. A night for my sister to cry and cry and cry. I didn't cry then. And staring at that light I couldn't cry either. But now. Now I cry. 030711
...
VAMPIRE666 DEATH IS KOOL I DONT KNOW Y PEOPLE R SKARED OF IT IT IS A NATREL POINT IN LIFE NOMATER WHEN IT HAPPENS SO WELCOME IT OR DONT ITS YOUR DISITION BUT XPECT IT IT WILL HAPEN EVENTUAL WETHER U WONT DEATH OR NOT 030712
...
Anistoric Rogue. I know it's not possible but I wish I could understand it, at least the slightest bit, so I wouldn't have to wonder as much. 030810
...
harumi I watch as the dawn break
I see as the moon set
The new day has come
But the hope has not returned from his slumber
Through the darkness, I run
Run from the fear, run from the pain
How despondent I have become
In this shadow of hopelessness
My life is cut short
I see nothing but darkness
Does it mean that I'm doomed
And that I am destined to pain?
I wonder if this is true
And this is my only fate
Could anyone save me from this darkness?
Could someone save me from my angst?
Please don't let me drown in this hell
Please, I beg of you
031011
...
Sam Vaknin What exactly is death?

A classical point of departure in defining death, seems to be life itself. Death is perceived either as a cessation of life - or as a "transit area", on the way to a continuation of life by other means. While the former approach presents a disjunction, the latter is a continuum, death being nothing but a corridor into another plane of existence (the hereafter).

But who does the dying when death occurs?

In other words, capturing the identity of the dying entity (that which "commits" death) is essential in defining death. But how can we establish the dying entity's unambiguous and unequivocal identity? Can this identity be determined by using quantitative parameters? Is it dependent, for instance, upon the number of discrete units which comprise the functioning whole? If so, at which level are useful distinctions and observations replaced by useless scholastic mind-warps?

Example: can human identity be defined by the number and organization of one's limbs, cells, or atoms? Cells in the human body are replaced (with the exception of the nervous system) every 5 years. Would this phenomenon imply that we gain a new identity each time this cycle is completed and most our cells are replaced?

Adopting this course of thinking leads to absurd results:

When humans die, the replacement rate of their cells is null. Does this zero replacement rate mean that their identity is better and longer preserved once dead? No one would say this. Death is tantamount to a loss of identity - not to its preservation. So, it would seem that, to ascertain one's identity, we should prefer a qualitative yardstick to a quantitative one.

The brain is a natural point of departure.

We can start by asking if one's identity will change if we were to substitute one's brain with another person's brain? "He is not the same" - we say of someone with a brain injury. If partial damage to the brain causes such a sea change in the determinants of individuality - it seems safe to assume that replacing one's entire brain will result in a total change of one's identity, akin to the emergence of another, distinct, self.

If the brain is the locus of identity, we should be able to assert that when (the cells of) all the other organs of the body are replaced (with the exception of the brain) - one's identity is still preserved.

The human hardware (body) and software (the wiring of the brain) have often been compared to a computer (see: "Metaphors of Mind"). But this analogy is misleading.

If we were to change all the software running on a computer - it would still remain the same (though more or less capable) computer. This is the equivalent of growing up in humans. However, if we were to change the computer's processor - it would no longer be the same computer.

This, partly, is the result of the separation of hardware (the microprocessor) from software (the programmes that it processes). There is no such separation in the human brain. The 1300 grams of grey matter in our heads are both hardware and software.

Still, the computer analogy seems to indicate that our identity resides not in our learning, knowledge, or memories. It is an epiphenomenon. It emerges when a certain level of hardware complexity is attained.

Even so, things are not that simple. If we were to eliminate someone's entire store of learning and memories (without affecting his physical brain) - would he still be the same person, would he still retain the same identity? Probably not.

In reality, erasing one's learning and memories without affecting his brain - is impossible. In humans, learning and memories are the brain. They affect the hardware that processes them in an irreversible manner. Still, in certain abnormal conditions, such radical erasure does occur (see "Shattered Identity").

This, naturally, cannot be said of a computer. There, the distinction between hardware and software is clear. Change a computer's hardware and you change its identity. Computers are software - invariant.

We are, therefore, able to confidently conclude that the brain is the sole determinant of identity, its seat and signifier. This is because our brain is both our processing hardware and our processed software. It is also a repository of processed data. A human brain detached from a body is still assumed to possess identity. And a monkey implanted with a human brain will host the identity of the former owner of the brain.

Many of the debates in the first decade of the new discipline of Artificial Intelligence (AI) revolved around these thought experiments. The Turing Test pits invisible intelligences against one another. The answers which they provide (by teleprinter, hidden behind partitions) determine their presumed identity (human or not). Identity is determined merely on the basis of the outputs (the responses). No direct observation of the hardware is deemed necessary by the test.

The brain's status as the privileged identity system is such that even when it remain incommunicado, we assume that it harbors a person. If for some medical, logistical, or technological problem, one's brain is unable to provide output, answers, and interactions - we are still likely to assume that it has the potential to do so. Thus, in the case of an inactive brain, the presumed identity is a derivative of its potential to interact, rather than of any actual interaction.

Paleo-anthropologists attempt to determine the identity of our forefathers by studying their skulls and, by inference, their brains and their mental potentials. True, they investigate other types of bones. Ultimately, they hope to be able to draw an accurate visual description of our ancestors. But perusing other bones leads merely to an image of their former owners - while the scrutiny of skulls presumably reveals our ancestors' very identities.

When we die, what dies, therefore, is the brain and only the brain.

Death is discernible as the cessation of the exercise of force over physical systems. It is the sudden absence of physical effects previously associated with the dead object, a singularity, a discontinuity. But it should not be confused with inertia.

Inertia is a balance of forces - while death is the absence of forces. Death is, therefore, also not an entropic climax. Entropy is an isotropic, homogeneous distribution of energy. Death is the absence of any and all energies. While, outwardly, the two might appear to be identical - they are actually the two poles of a dichotomy.

So, death, as opposed to inertia or entropy, is not something that modern physics is fully equipped to deal with. Physics, by definition, deals with forces and measurable effects. It has nothing to say about force-less, energy-devoid physical states (oxymora).

Still, if death is merely the terminal cessation of all impact on all physical systems (the absence of physical effects), how can we account for memories of the deceased?

Memory is a physical effect (electrochemical activity of the brain) upon a physical system (the Brain). It can be preserved and shipped across time and space in capsules called books or or artwork. These are containers of triggers of physical effects (in recipient brains). They seem to defy death. Though the physical system which produced the memory capsule surely ceases to exist - it continues to physically impact other physical systems long after its demise, long after it was supposed to stop doing so.

Memory makes death a transcendental affair. As long as we (or what we create) are remembered - we continue to have a physical effect on physical systems (i.e., on other people's brains). And as long as this is happening - we are not technically (or, at least, fully) dead. Our death, our destruction are fully accomplished only after our memory is wiped out completely, not even having the potential of being resurrected in future. Only then do we cease to exist (i.e., to have an effect on other physical systems).

Philosophically, there is no difference between being influenced by a real-life conversation with Kant - and being effected by his words preserved in a time-space capsule, such as a book. As far as the reader is concerned, Kant is very much alive, more so than contemporaneous people whom the reader never met.

It is conceivable that, in the future, we will be able to preserve a three-dimensional facsimile (a hologram) of a person, replete with his smells, temperature, and tactile effects. Why would the flesh and blood version be judged superior to such a likeness?

There is no self-evident hierarchy of representations based on their media. Organic 3-d representations ("bodies") are not inherently superior to inorganic 3-d representations. In other words, our futuristic hologram should not be deemed inferior to the classic, organic version as long as they both possess the same information content and are able to assimilate information, regenerate and create.

The only defensible hierarchy is of potentials and, thus, pertains to the future. Non-organic representations ("representations") of intelligent and conscious entities - of "organic originals" - are finite. The organic originals are infinite in their potential to create and to procreate, to change themselves and their environment, to act and be acted upon within ever more complex feedback loops.

The non-organic versions, the representations, are self contained and final. The organic originals and their representations may contain identical information. But the amount of information will increase in the organic version and decrease in the non-organic one (due to the second Law of Thermodynamics). This inevitable divergence is what renders the organic original privileged.

This property - of an increasing amount of information (=order) - characterizes not only organic originals but also anything that emanates from them. It characterizes works of art and science, or human off-spring, for instance. All these tend to increase information (indeed, they are, in themselves, information packets).

So, could we say that the propagation and the continuation of physical effects (through memory) is life after death? Life and memory share an important trait. They both have a negentropic (=order and information increasing) impact on their surroundings. Does that make them synonymous? Is death only a transitory phase from one form of Life (organic) to another (informational, spiritual)?

However tempting this equation is - in most likelihood, it is false.

The reason is that there are two sources of increase in information and what sets them apart is not trivial. As long as the organic original lives, all creation depends upon it. After it dies, the works that it has created and the memories that are associated with it, continue to affect physical systems.

However, their ability to foster new creative work, to generate new memories, in short: their capacity to increase order by spawning information is totally dependent upon other, living, organic originals. In the absence of other organic originals, they stagnate and go through an entropic decrease of information (i.e., increase of disorder).

This is the crux of the distinction between Life and Death:

LIFE is the potential, possessed by organic originals, to create (=to fight entropy by increasing information and order), using their own software. Such software can be coded in hardware - e.g., one's DNA - but then the creative act is limited to the replication of the organic original or parts thereof.

Upon the original's DEATH, the potential to create is passed through one's memory. Creative acts, works of art and science, or other forms of creativity are propagated only within the software (=the brains) of other, living, organic originals.

Both forms of creation (i.e., using one's software and using others' software) can co-exist during the original's life. Death, however, incapacitates the first type of creation (i.e., creation by an organic original, independent of others, and using its software). Upon death, the surrogate form of creation (i.e., creation, by other organic originals who use their software to process the works and memories of the dead) becomes the only one.

Memories created by one organic original resonate through the brains of others. This generates information and provokes the creative potential in recipient brains. Some of them do react by creating and, thus, play host to the parasitic, invading memory, infecting other members of the memory-space (=the meme space).

Death is, therefore, the assimilation of the products of an organic original in a Collective. It is, indeed, the continuation of Life but in a collective, rather than individually.

Alternatively, Death could be defined as a terminal change in the state of the hardware. Segments of the software colonize brains in the Collective. The software now acquires a different hardware - others' brains. This, of course, is reminiscent of certain viral mechanisms. The comparison may be superficial and misleading - or may lead to the imagery of the individual as a cell in the large organism of humanity. Memory has a role in this new form of social-political evolution which superseded Biological Evolution, as an instrument of adaptation.

Should we adopt this view, certain human reactions - e.g., opposition to change and religious and ideological wars - can perhaps be regarded as immunological reactions of the Collective to viral infection by the software (memories, works of art or science, ideas, in short: memes) of an individual.
031014
...
scintillare so, you/I see, that is what creates my fear of the telephone.
makes me creep under my duvet and put my fingers in my ears to stop the screams from getting inside.
someday the screams are bound to appear.
031204
...
whitechocolatewalrus what am i to do
when there is death
and i feel nothing
she was a family friend
car accident
i know i should be sad
i know i should feel pain
but i feel nothing
today it seems
i don't know
i want to be normal
i want to hurt
it doesn't seem real
god, i hardly knew her
she might still be here tomorrow
how can one know for sure?
i want so bad for this to be true
so bad, so bad
the people who love life
want to live
invariably are the ones who end up dead
i feel so lost
lost
why can't i just feel anything?
i wish it had been me.
031218
...
DEATH HMM.. 031219
...
george carlin If I had my choice of how to die I would like to be sitting on the crosstown bus and suddenly burst into flames. 031226
...
myriadmoods I fear you not, for I am a child of God, and am saved from eternal damnation, through the death of Christ Jesus, and subsequent resurrection. So, death I spit in ur face! 040119
...
sahba i live today
deviating death
tommorow death came
and i already left
040123
...
elmo we all get to it, it's just a matter of time, its another path to take. Once you are bored of life, you go to death, but nobody can ever be bored of life, so they have no reason.
Death is an escape we all dream of at some point in our lives, but, like a wrapped gift, we wait until our birthday.
040124
...
elmo I take my face,
In my hands,
And wait for realisation,
That this is stupid,
What I am doing is very wrong,
That I will hurt my family,
Friends,
I will never see another sunrise,
Nor eat a morsel of food,
I won't be alive,
To see my sister's
Next birthday,
To give her a kiss,
And congratulate her,
All this love,
In the world,
And yet i choose this path,
Why?
What is making me this way?
Why now?
Is it the test,
I came bottom,
Mum yelled at me for hours,
I couldn't care,
Could'nt give a fuck,
Is it Dad leaving?
Mum cried for hours,
Leaning on the sofa,
Why did she cry?
She'll cry even more now,
Now that I'm gone,
But what about me?
My life, my existance,
All gone, in one slash,
So easy, so hard,
Mum'll start drinking,
Like she did last year,
When dad left,
She'll go through that,
All over again,
She'll cry,
What do i care?
I'll be dead.
Six feet under,
Exploring death,
How can i stay here,
In this place,
Trying to hold together,
A family that just slips,
Through my fingers?
I'm the child,
First born,
Mum should be looking,
I should blame her for all this,
She brought me up,
But i can't blame her,
Not for me,
Thats why i have to,
...do this.
For her...
For me...
For my sister...
For everyone...
Thats why...
I shouldn't be doing this
Just one move of the wrist
I shouldn't be doi...
Go on, for mum
I shouldn't be...
Do it for everyone
I shou...
GO ON! Just do it!
I...
For mum, for you, for every-
040124
...
pansy T crossing
accident (or fate)
blood
death
and rain
040127
...
Lemon_Soda Nothing more than the price of living.

People tend to overthink this one alot.

Oh, and incase your wondering, we all got the same thing for what we payed: a life time.
040127
...
queen of darkness (hi elmo it's charli-i liked your post)

death is a void that calls us all in the end
no one is invincible
no one can escape
but is it eternal?
is it really something that ends it all?
...yes...
but no...
thats surreal
death is real
death happens
death is a bad thing
or is it?
i've tried it, they don't know it
i thought i heard voices
calling...
calling me to the otherside
the side they talk about
but they havent been there
theyve never died
neither have i
does anyone understand?
why does it happen?
why do we end?
to make more space...
is the world really so cruel as that?
just dispose of someone to make a little more space...
death is coming
everyone knows that
but no one expects it
they fear it
why?
the pain?
the end?
i don't know
but i do know
that it draws me
it makes me want to be there
in that place
where life doesnt exist
the place of dreams and fantasies
do i want to die?
i dont know...
want isnt the word...
need...
its beckoning me...
one last breath...
040127
...
Sharli : ) Death isnt always the easy way out. Who says that you're not going to suffer more afterwards. 040127
...
pansy You are supposed to live
but you are dying
040127
...
Elmo bonjour charli! I like ur post as well! Twas brillig! Kl poetry.

Death is the only thing that stops us from letting go.
040129
...
queen of darkness (again) every day we live is a day closer to our death... 040131
...
dead ted i can go anywhere
don't want to go nowhere
and time never passes
but nothings going on
whats new?
whats happening?
i can only see the past
and its not real
040218
...
shade of human being "if you're going to leave this door,might as well make the door bang" 040326
...
www.blackandredparty.de.vu tod 040422
...
they see me i rape the dead people in my drain. I do their pets and eat their bodies. I slit their throats and drink the blood of fire. I lick myself for eternity.... 040422
...
CowsAndMoosesRule The Death of a Partial Mind


As the leaking, the empting, sounds far into space;
Death engulfs the grueling slur of darknesses.
As a flower it gave beauty,
As a rock, patience
As a mind, death.
But now sleepiness orbits this hovering,
Spinning being.
Yet even as its soul dies in its chaos
The beating hearts of forgotten ghosts in my mind;
Swirling, diving, screaming into the darkness of OUR soul; they intertwine their thoughts with it. Our minds unite, spewing Black Death across the barren wastelands of the dying suffrage in which we embody.
Twirling the wheels of the world which is implanted in our brain,
In all brains,
Makes him yearn for the mandibles of death in which evil is engulfing, and ones pain is his only companion.
Ahh, pain. Hes acquaintance with it was more than he knew
Lives ago, millennia upon eons upon the very fabric of time itself, when pain was not an abysmal depressant of everyday life,
or should he say death?
He laughs, driving me on like a hell hound of agony. For I, too, am accustomed to pain. Hunting, killing, feasting pain.
Satisfied with his torture, he eases up and releases me.
Without a sound, they vanish into the pools of life and misery.
Left alone
We begin our metamorphosis.
This shell, old and forgotten, must continue to force us to rot.
As the Day of Reckoning slowly approaches,
He knows of his time.
Knifes,
Knifes,
Knifes, and
Knifes
Carving, slicing, chopping
In the skin of falsehood, writing lines of loathing of his skin in red ink.
Muscles relaxing
Breathe leaving
A time to leave this world behind,
The Death of a Partial Mind
040426
...
CowsAndMoosesRule The Death of a Partial Mind


As the leaking, the empting, sounds far into space;
Death engulfs the grueling slur of darknesses.
As a flower it gave beauty,
As a rock, patience
As a mind, death.
But now sleepiness orbits this hovering,
Spinning being.
Yet even as its soul dies in its chaos
The beating hearts of forgotten ghosts in my mind;
Swirling, diving, screaming into the darkness of OUR soul; they intertwine their thoughts with it. Our minds unite, spewing Black Death across the barren wastelands of the dying suffrage in which we embody.
Twirling the wheels of the world which is implanted in our brain,
In all brains,
Makes him yearn for the mandibles of death in which evil is engulfing, and ones pain is his only companion.
Ahh, pain. Hes acquaintance with it was more than he knew
Lives ago, millennia upon eons upon the very fabric of time itself, when pain was not an abysmal depressant of everyday life,
or should he say death?
He laughs, driving me on like a hell hound of agony. For I, too, am accustomed to pain. Hunting, killing, feasting pain.
Satisfied with his torture, he eases up and releases me.
Without a sound, they vanish into the pools of life and misery.
Left alone
We begin our metamorphosis.
This shell, old and forgotten, must continue to force us to rot.
As the Day of Reckoning slowly approaches,
He knows of his time.
Knifes,
Knifes,
Knifes, and
Knifes
Carving, slicing, chopping
In the skin of falsehood, writing lines of loathing of his skin in red ink.
Muscles relaxing
Breathe leaving
A time to leave this world behind,
The Death of a Partial Mind
040426
...
elisabeth42 What can I say? I haven't experienced it, at least not that I can recall. So death is a mystery. All we can do is speculate. We'll see what happens, when it happens. It's inevitable.

One thing I know; life is slow death.
040522
...
noname Is death the last sleep?


No.


It is the final awakening.
040524
...
noname nobody knows if there is life after death.

what is certain is that there is life before death.

if you don't know what the future brings, plan for the worst and enjoy life to the fullest.
040525
...
*~K i am sometimes tempted to call the DMV and ask them if i can use my death certificate as a means of identification if i needed it. 040802
...
sahba id like to a person who could do that 040819
...
still standing the end...
you die
you're buried
never to open your eyes
never to see your loved ones
never to feel again
trapped forever in a box that holds...
not you...
but a mere body...
you are no longer you
you are nothing
040925
...
god bulk_death 040926
...
John Donne John Donne (1572-1631)

Holy Sonnet.

Death be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadfull, for, thou art not soe,
For, those, whom thou think'st, thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poore death, nor yet canst thou kill mee;
From rest and sleepe, which but thy pictures bee,
Much pleasure, then from thee, much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee doe goe,
Rest of their bones, and soules deliverie.
Thou'art slave to Fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poyson, warre, and sicknesse dwell,
And poppie,' or charmes can make us sleepe as well,
And better then they stroake; why swell'st thou then?
One short sleepe past, wee wake eternally,
And death shall be no more, Death thou shalt die.
040930
...
the apocalypse the final relief when death comes all will be happy 041112
...
Josephine_Death Nil mortifi sine lucne!
no murder without payment
-terry pratchett, the last hero-
041113
...
J squared I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers 041229
...
ryro I've yet to face death.
I hope that when that time comes
no one fancy reminds me of what I've done.
050110
...
thunderbuck ram Death is but a by-product of the continuum of life. Death and life are not equal partners. Life goes on indefinitely, but each of us is only actively infolved in a very small part of it. We carry forward the life sustained by our predecessors and rely on our successors to do likewise. Much as it may pain us and prick the arrogance of our consciousness, and point at futility of many of our life time endeavours, it could just be that both individually and collectively we are a very insignificant part of life in its full glory. 050110
...
sandra Death is only a harsh reality, I know you see me, I am unable to ever see the dead whilst I am alive, but I know all those I know who have died, and especially when my heart broke, you all are watching me in your death, as i wait for my day of death, my freedom from pain. 050224
...
oldephebe i feel like i died so many times and each time i come back there's less and less of me that returns. i just think that...nah there are just some things that you shouldn't put on blather, not that anyone would know what the hell i was talking about if i did, but someone who knows ME would...geez...i gotta get this music together and get it uploaded, that's the ONE part of me that can connect to the world..or other living dreaming passion filled beings. i should just create my collage and fling it on the staff..and i guess i'm not afraid of it being disdained with disgust or anything like that...i'm getting so numb that this stupid s**t that i've been dealing with, the sadistic passive agressive antics of my upstairs neighboors who happen to be related by marraige and a defacto business relationship to the LLC who is listed as the owner of this property...at this point i really could care less...it's all so meaningless, it's all so demented, it's all so cliched, it's all so predictable by now, by the time most folk reach my age all that quixotic crap is supposed to have died, been extinguished by the burden of responsebility..by the countless ablations of experience, by the slow winnowing away of ones' humanity as he/she encounters the spirit the true harsh and cruel pitiless and remorseless spirit of humanity that presides in much of this pitiless post-modern generation(s) forged out of the darkest experiences of being human and fractured with faults and knowing only what the self desires and needs and wants...I do not know why this thing in me, these THINGS in me won't die, but each stubborn breath they take are like talons being dragged down my back my front, my chest. I know I won't change, I know that by this time I am who I will be, but god hwo can i be numb and then yet on some deeper level or some parralell level be in such pain..and you know it doesn't take much..it doesn't really take much at all to make (_____) smile, or glory in the light of someones eyes or just be blown away by the beauty of someones heart...the little gestures, the honest and true blue little revelations of self, totally unself-conscious..just here I am, here is my crying heart, hear how it aches and hear see what little it takes to lift it, to silence its suffering...it blows me away..it sounds so i don't know...immature? but there's this sickeningly sweet candy in the center of my heart..it's always been there..i mean to me it's not sickeningly sweet candy to me it's thing that let's me BE, that let's me fly, that let's me escape the prison and the pennance of everything that has haunted me for all these years..soemtimes i wake up and i'm sad that i'm still here, sometimes i flagellate myself (figuratively) for harboring such dark thoughts, is a christian supposed to be soooooo fatalistic, so melancholy, so ponderously and pointlessly dark and withdrawn and unengaged and awkward and self-conscious, i mean if i were anymore dramatic and melancholy i'd be...jgod i don't know...eve n more absurdly tragic. soemtimes i really do think can even GOD fill this moaning canyon within me. can he? cause sometimes the things that DO fill it are just so simple, so inocent so pure, simple gestures...i wish the world would stop hiding from itself..i mean i wish we could all stop hiding from one another because when you reveal your soul to another or vice versa w/o any strings or consequences or expectations it's like rapture, i mean it's like i want to give myy self away to something so beautiful, so pure and honest...i don't know if i'm amking any sense and i don't need anyone to affirm that i am or not i mean this is all..

god i just can't BE here any longer. i CAN'T!!!! I mime my prayers to a silent sky, i search the scriptures, i find a measure of peace, it is transient, it is evanescant..as soon as i close the book and collide with the bruising shoulders of this hoax, this big black whirlwind of woe and...see it's just like that..i have a though, a feeling and it starts out so ambitiously and then it just peters out, it just exhausts itself, that's what the soul/spirit w/in seems to be saying to me, ithat it is tired of the life, that it is tired of carrying around this body, this soul that whieghs more and more every day...not the body but the soul, it gets heavier and heavier..i used to be afraid of death, i mean even as a christian i used to be afraid of death..but if heaven is where i really want to be then why?....i mean i know that there are moments when i feel whole, when i feel complete, when i feel as if everything is finally comeing together...but those moments are farther and farther apart and i don't pine for them and i can't make them happen...and I can't make someone fall in love with me and I can't keep unconsciously pushing people away either..so what gives? Me. that's what. ME. that's what will finally give and quietly collapse in on myself and it will be as if a rumor has quietly been swept..i don't know swept somewhere out of existence...it's been tenuous at best...a few glorious moments, a child or two, a few amazing women i've been lucky enough to have shared my bed, my heart, my time with...the bed stuff wasn't even what really mattered to me anyway...just spending time with someone kind...you know?
...
050224
...
oldephebe i feel like i died so many times and each time i come back there's less and less of me that returns. i just think that...nah there are just some things that you shouldn't put on blather, not that anyone would know what the hell i was talking about if i did, but someone who knows ME would...geez...i gotta get this music together and get it uploaded, that's the ONE part of me that can connect to the world..or other living dreaming passion filled beings. i should just create my collage and fling it on the staff..and i guess i'm not afraid of it being disdained with disgust or anything like that...i'm getting so numb that this stupid s**t that i've been dealing with, the sadistic passive agressive antics of my upstairs neighboors who happen to be related by marraige and a defacto business relationship to the LLC who is listed as the owner of this property...at this point i really could care less...it's all so meaningless, it's all so demented, it's all so cliched, it's all so predictable by now, by the time most folk reach my age all that quixotic crap is supposed to have died, been extinguished by the burden of responsebility..by the countless ablations of experience, by the slow winnowing away of ones' humanity as he/she encounters the spirit the true harsh and cruel pitiless and remorseless spirit of humanity that presides in much of this pitiless post-modern generation(s) forged out of the darkest experiences of being human and fractured with faults and knowing only what the self desires and needs and wants...I do not know why this thing in me, these THINGS in me won't die, but each stubborn breath they take are like talons being dragged down my back my front, my chest. I know I won't change, I know that by this time I am who I will be, but god hwo can i be numb and then yet on some deeper level or some parralell level be in such pain..and you know it doesn't take much..it doesn't really take much at all to make (_____) smile, or glory in the light of someones eyes or just be blown away by the beauty of someones heart...the little gestures, the honest and true blue little revelations of self, totally unself-conscious..just here I am, here is my crying heart, hear how it aches and hear see what little it takes to lift it, to silence its suffering...it blows me away..it sounds so i don't know...immature? but there's this sickeningly sweet candy in the center of my heart..it's always been there..i mean to me it's not sickeningly sweet candy to me it's thing that let's me BE, that let's me fly, that let's me escape the prison and the pennance of everything that has haunted me for all these years..soemtimes i wake up and i'm sad that i'm still here, sometimes i flagellate myself (figuratively) for harboring such dark thoughts, is a christian supposed to be soooooo fatalistic, so melancholy, so ponderously and pointlessly dark and withdrawn and unengaged and awkward and self-conscious, i mean if i were anymore dramatic and melancholy i'd be...jgod i don't know...eve n more absurdly tragic. soemtimes i really do think can even GOD fill this moaning canyon within me. can he? cause sometimes the things that DO fill it are just so simple, so inocent so pure, simple gestures...i wish the world would stop hiding from itself..i mean i wish we could all stop hiding from one another because when you reveal your soul to another or vice versa w/o any strings or consequences or expectations it's like rapture, i mean it's like i want to give myy self away to something so beautiful, so pure and honest...i don't know if i'm amking any sense and i don't need anyone to affirm that i am or not i mean this is all..

god i just can't BE here any longer. i CAN'T!!!! I mime my prayers to a silent sky, i search the scriptures, i find a measure of peace, it is transient, it is evanescant..as soon as i close the book and collide with the bruising shoulders of this hoax, this big black whirlwind of woe and...see it's just like that..i have a though, a feeling and it starts out so ambitiously and then it just peters out, it just exhausts itself, that's what the soul/spirit w/in seems to be saying to me, ithat it is tired of the life, that it is tired of carrying around this body, this soul that whieghs more and more every day...not the body but the soul, it gets heavier and heavier..i used to be afraid of death, i mean even as a christian i used to be afraid of death..but if heaven is where i really want to be then why?....i mean i know that there are moments when i feel whole, when i feel complete, when i feel as if everything is finally comeing together...but those moments are farther and farther apart and i don't pine for them and i can't make them happen...and I can't make someone fall in love with me and I can't keep unconsciously pushing people away either..so what gives? Me. that's what. ME. that's what will finally give and quietly collapse in on myself and it will be as if a rumor has quietly been swept..i don't know swept somewhere out of existence...it's been tenuous at best...a few glorious moments, a child or two, a few amazing women i've been lucky enough to have shared my bed, my heart, my time with...the bed stuff wasn't even what really mattered to me anyway...just spending time with someone kind...you know?
...
050224
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dreamer I hope death is a calm sleep that you don't wake from. I live a happy life and want to live it as long as I can, but I can only hope that I just cease and nothing more. I simply want to stop being, no soul, no thought. The thought of an eternity after death frightens me. I don't want to be immortal. 050227
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raevyn no breath, no light, no dark, no sight, no sound, no feeling.
and yet we can breathe it, the light is welcoming, an angel with open arms, the dark engulfs you into its heart, your fear feeding it's essence. we can see it, hear it, and feel it completely.
we think everything ends right then and there. but what do we know?
we're only human.
050307
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raevyn no breath, no light, no dark, no sight, no sound, no feeling.
and yet we can breathe it, the