jennifer I see everything
I give excuses
like "kiss and tackle"
I want them to behave
they never do
but in the end
I know it won't really work
because boys
rarely play true kiss and tackle
when girls play too
DONUT watch and watch with both eyes and ears. 000831
Zeke waiting with intent for collection of minutae for linear recollection of temporal significance in static non matrix thinking of taxonometric classification break the data down to reductivist discrete medium spread thin over bed of factualism iverted in a culture of empirical causality to reconstruct complexity 031117
whitechocolatewalrus i used to think that i hated myself
and everything i did
was a disgrace
everything i said
disappeared to the thin black space
called nowhere
but lately i've noticed
that i don't hate myself
i have never hated myself
i used to think that life was unbearable
and thought about the myseterious journey leading directly towards death
but deep in the bottom of my soul
i know i would have never pulled it off
oh, i don't hate myself at all
life seems so precious
so easily taken
so insignificant
there are so many things to learn
so many people to meet
so many mistakes to make
i hate my particular home environment
and instead of looking at it rationally
and focusing on things that make me happy
i focused on everything negative
and blamed it on myself
as a reason to complain
a reason to speak
an excuse to stand out
but now that i think about it
it bothers me when people talk about how they hate themselves
i want to punch them in the face
and say "everyone has their problems, if you hate yourself, don't tell everyone about it so they can hate you too"
but i am so contradictory
because i used to say that all the time
no, i don't hate myself
i can see the rays of hope shining through the darkness
i can find things to smile about everyday
i find it easier to hold conversations or talk about anything at all
i have more fun with my friends
this realization of non hate
makes it easier to survive my last few months at home
and i no longer feel ashamed
i don't even know why i was ever ashamed
in fact, i don't know why i ever felt any of these things
all i know is i feel a bit happier
and it makes living life a lot easier
newme amen walrie
sarah people tell me i observe a lot. i always notice the small things. sometimes its nice 051208
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