what_i_am yoink a turbocharged, all wheel drive, broken piece of fine china, smothered in hot sauce and white widow, with a GPS receiver, some adderall, and 18 scattered rose petals, without the stems. 020314 ... Mahayana i am lovable and capable 020328 ... endless desire i am loved i am unloved i am unloved by myself i am searching for love i am living in hate i am a believer in love i am a believer in loves power i am a girl. i am a girl who is looking for something. i am a girl who never thought there was anything wrong with a dull life. i am a girl who is looking for something to wake up to that might bring her a smile and maybe a little spice and mystery to a dull life. and i am the girl who is looking at you. 030624 ... not god i am god 030624 ... peyton I am copied elsewhere. I am here now. I am my new home. I am death. I am alone. I am nothing. I am everything. I am dignity. I am honor. I am vengeance. I am misunderstood. I am unique. I am like everything else. I am not okay. I am alone. I am alone. I am not okay. I am out the window. I am dying. I am bloodstains. I am feelings gone. I am feelings now. I am not here. I am gone. I am not them. I am not him. I am never there. I am always here. I am overworked. I am underappreciated. I am misunderstood. I am not okay. I am burning. I am love. I am fire. I am alone. I am in the bedroom. I am drinking. I am on fire. I am not there. I am here for you. I am there for you. I am morality. I am virtue. I am faith. I am love, burning. I am not what they want. I am not what they know. I am not what they understand. I am not fit. I am not understood. I am not there. I am not worth being here. I am not going to know anything. I am not going to be. I want to conquer the world. I want to know peace. I want to have a important death. I want to speak so loud you can't hear a word I say. I can't sway temptation. I am not smart. I am not intelligent. I can't create. I can't bring you anything you don't already have. I want to give them all a new religion. I want to end poverty. I want to bring forth doves. I want to burn down oil tankers. I want to smash all the glass. I want to be healed. Please touch me. Please bring me back hope. Please make me ice cream. Promote what I love. Promote what I need. Be there when I cry. Touch my face and love me too. Don't let me bleed. I want to know it all. I want to taste it all. I want to know the truth. I want to hear you cry. I want to lick your face free of tears. I want to see the whispers. I am ugly. I am broken. I am on my knees. I am strong. I am tolerant. I won't know anything ever again. I can't stop feeling. I will beg. I will grovel. I will have no pride left. I feel insecure. I feel never. I feel always. I know infinity. I know hatred. I know the outside. I know the inside. I am transparent. I am a prism. I am a monster. I am hated. I am cherished. I am admired. I am nothingness. I am fucking disgusting. I am an angel. I am cheered. I am spit at. I am owned. I am a possession. I am a worthless fucking liar. I am a patron saint of truth. I am numb. I am orgasmic. I am little labeled bottles of ecstasy. I am bubbling. I sometimes can taste good. I sometimes burn like fire. I sometimes destroy. I sometimes create. I sometimes give myself all away. I am hollow. I am nothing. I want to be you. I want to know it all. I want to be inside. I want to know all your treasures. I want to see your secrets. I want to secure it all inside me. I want to make the emptiness of me be you. I feel so much pain. I am mad. I am a genius. I am dead. I am lying on my side bleeding. I am an infant. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I need you. I can't live. I can't die. I am a God. I am immortal. I am in heaven. I am a cockroach. I am a weed. I cannot be contained. I cannot be regulated. I cannot be put on a schedule. I am not fucking routine. I am unpredictable. I am pessimistic. I am yours to command. I am your master. I have an appetite. I love you. I am no good. I am a raven. I am segmented. I am made of cement. I am so needy. I am so spineless. I am not fit to lay a hand upon you. I am so dirty. I am so needy. I need you. I love your robes. I love your face. I love your taste. I love your pain. I love your torture. I love your thrills. I love your healing. I love your consumption. I love you. I burn. I have to go. I am back. I ask you again. I need it. I need you. I can't make my mind up. I can't get here on time. I can't die. I can't be there. I am too weak to stop. I can't say yes. I can't admit defeat. I can't strike the colors. I can't know destruction. I can't let them win. I can't do this. I can't be what I want. I can't be what they want. I can't live my dream. I can't be loved by millions. I can't have groupies. I can't be a fucking slob. I can't be cheerful right now. I can't be helpful, fuck off. I can't be your chipper side of beef. I can't be soothed. I can't change lanes. I can't drive straight. I can't drive and have sex. I can't dance worth a shit. I can't say what I want to say right now. I can't say this and explode. I can't make magic.. I can't procreate with a fireball. I can't make sense. I can't know what you really mean. I can't stop mumbling. I can't get out of work. I can't bring you coffee. I can't wake you up. I can't not hate it when they tell me I can. I want to hurt. I love my pain. I love my despair. I am betrothed to heartbreak. I am married to despair. I am wed to bitterness. I am the children of disregard. I am beaten by my father. I am abused by my mother. I am hated by my sister. I am idolized by my brother. I am someone's hero. I am someone's villain. I can burn down your fucking house. I can be your big bad wolf. I can hide with you and make you safe. I am mad. I am your particular brand of ice cream. I like it here. I look at you in the supermarket. I run from you in the parking lot. I hear you talk to me in my sleep. I destroy your voice like an annoying bee. I think of you my toilet. I think of you my disease. I think of you my destination. I don't think I can make it. I think I am lost. I think I am so afraid of you. I think I am a liar. I think I am forgotten. I think I am a puppet. I think I am your fucking master. I think your strings look good on my fingers. I think you should like it when I tell you hello. I think I need you more than life. I think you are my obsession. I think you are the way I want to be. I think I need reform. I think I need a revolution. I used to be a little boy. I used to love goats. I used to make the wrong choices. I used to make all the right choices. I used to be in love. I used to be touched everyday. I used to have action figures. I used to be greedy. I used to love the way the sun burned my skin. I used to lust. I used to cry myself to sleep. I used to listen to my elders. I used to be spineless. I used to be innocent. I used to have a soul. I used to own the keys. I used to guard the doors. I used to have something of value. I used to have my purity. I used to have what I needed. I used to be safe. I used to be needed. I used to be a killer. I used to be a liar. I used to be touchable soft and winter fresh. I am little acid drops of bleach. I am wonderous specks of rainbows. I am the dreams you want to come to life. I am what you want. I am this, a number of times. I am your drugs without your damage. I am your emotions without your baggage. I am what you wished you could be again. I am your escape to the windows of fantasy. I am your surrender. I am your ticket back home. I am your way to where I see you really. I am what they don't know. I am reaching out. I am the freight train that will destroy your life. I am the intensity that burns me through tables. I am the hot pitch in your eyes. I am boiling in your sockets. I am the way life should be. I am frigidly cold. I need your arms. I need your blanket. I need you. I need you again. I need you with me. I need to be inside you again. I need to be with you again. I need life again. I need to leave again. I need to be higher. I need to be alive. I need to find somewhere else to sleep. I need to close my windows. I need to get my fucking car fixed. I need to make you mine again. I need to know what you really mean. I need to skip the small talk. I need to forget about foreplay. I need to make myself strong for you. I need to hold you up so you can breathe. I need to give my life to you. I need to save you. I want to know all of you. I want to know your name. I want you to move out of the way, please. I hate your manners. I hate your courtesy. I hate you. I want you to leave me alone. I wish you were dead. I wish your family would end your life. I wish I could breathe underwater. I wish I knew when the time was coming. I wish I was mature. I wish I could sing. I wish I knew a nice language. I wish I had talent. I wish someone would go out with me. I wish someone would wipe my brow with a wet towelette. I am the head of the class. I was that jerk who beat you. I am the fall that broke your leg. I am a catch. I am popular. I am the party star. I am attractive. I am well endowed. I am nothing to you, am I? I don't even know your name. I have to stop. But you feel so good there.. don't leave I am missing you so much. I am thinking of you all day. I am a ruthless desire. I am a broken dream. I am a shallow reject. I am a beggar. I am tired. I am still hungry. I am nothing more than another face. I am tired of this place. I am phonitically brillant. I am hot. I am a lone right now. I am overwhelmed by impeding tasks. I am nothing you want to read. I am so tired of the same old shit. I am a heartbreaker. I am a dreamer. I am alone. I am creative. I am inspired. I am crying, alone. I am wondering about everything. I am concerned about everything. I am tired of everything. I am hurting. I am burning hot. I am angry. I am unstoppable. I am venting. I am a broken glass slipper. I am days past. I am too tired to be that creative. I am blinded. I am so sorry. I am misunderstood, again. I am no more than a mirage. I am a worthless liar. I am alone. I am alone. I am alone. I am alone. I am moving on. I am moving on. I am leaving this place. I am never coming back. I am so sorry for what I did to you. I am no more than a shade. I am going to call you soon. I am going to break your heart, again. I am who I am. I am colorless. I am not going to make you cry again. I am still sorry for what I've done. I am still guilty. I am never there when you need me. I am never here when I want me. I am never alone when I want to be. I am never with a companion when I'm bleeding. I am never more than your puppet. I am finally getting into it. I am burning wax. I am your destruction. I am your hatred. I am your monster to command. I am your aeon to summon. I am your wingless pegasus. I am nothing more than what you want me to be. I will never be with you, again. I am a one night stand. I am a one week lover. I am a one month fetish. I am a one year fling. I am a one decade obsession. I am twenty years of filth. I am decadence and pornography. I am composed of angel wings. I am sheltered on accident. I am harmed on purpose. I am insecure. I am paranoid. I am a manic-depressive. I am crazy, and you have no idea. I am giggling at your ignorance. I am better than you. I am self-righteous. I am a son of a bitch. I am full of pity. I am generous. I am poor. I am rich. I am dying of cancer. I am living on borrowed time. I am going to find the right lines. I am going to be fit to touch you. I am going to steal your innocence. I am going to give you all of me. I am going to take it all back. I am going to turn to ashes. I am going to turn into a monster. I am going to run far far away. I am never going to be caught. I am never going to be happy. I am never going to stop. I am about to fall asleep where I sit. I am going to hurt in the morning. I am full of stupid stupid quotes. I am a fountain of lyrics. I am never going to eat gogurt again. I am a slut that's too unconfident to put out. I am hiding behind a shield. I am a golden cross. I am not telling the truth. I am not applicable to anything you know. I am not what you think. I am not what you think I'm talking about. I am not what I wear. I am not what I drink. I am not yours. I am not even here. I am begging you to take me back. I am running away. I am on fire. I am a world champion. I am a nobody tomorrow. I am an opera singer. I am entrails of steel and concrete. I am nonsensical delight, worship me. I am so tired of hearing your bullshit. I am so tired of putting up with something else. I am so tired of being repressed. I am so tired of being generous. I am so tired of holding back. I am so tired of your self taught liberalism. I am not angry at all. I am not quite sure what I'm talking about. I am sorry. I am not what you thought, am I? I am not what you think I am now. I am misunderstood. I am just tired. I am ready for bed. I am going to be warm and slippery in just a little while. I am full of giggles. I am a host to parasites. I am made of battery acid. I am possessed by a demon. I am scared of myself. I am one more song away from the hells. I am crawling towards you. I am reaching for your fingers. I am unhealed. I am needy for what you have. I am a leech. I am tortured. I am consuming. I am confusing. I am afraid. I am possessive. I am lost. I am closing in, and I will find you. I am insecure. I am about to cry. I am words that will not heal. I am fear. I am falling away. I am confusing what is real. I am a mistake ready to be made. I am distracting. I am a mind rapist. I am fucking consequences. I am not original. I am crawling away. I am not healed. I am burning. I am on my knees, why won't you help me? I am begging to you, if you will listen. I am so unrecognized. I am disgusted by you. I am entranced by you. I am one more step closer to oblivion. I am nothing you want. I am ugly today. I am a worm. I am feasting. I am searching for recognition. I am fucking with you. I am not satisfied. I am burning leather. I am the distances between us. I am overwhelming, aren't I? I am heavy. I am disappointing. I am attempting to explain. I am never going to change. I am am a sunny disposition. I am through with this. I am through. I am going to bed. I am going to miss you tomorrow. I am skeptical. I am full of doubts. I am full of bullshit. I am broken knees. I am never going to walk again, I'm sorry. I am letting go. I am wishing you would say something nice. I am glad it's over. I am over. I am make believing. I am crying. I am full of regret. I am broken into little pieces. I am a life too long. I am a startling revelation. I am the same. I am the same. I am ruined. I am sleepy. I am going to sleep. I don't know. I am painted nails. I am going to take it back again. I am full of lust. I am succeptible to temptation. I am too stoned to care about you. I am driving myself insane. I am too far gone to be saved. I am repetitive. I am deaf to your pleas. I will yawn in the face of your pain. I am numb to your feelings. I am angry. I am betrayed. I am full of treachery. I am what they've given me. I used to be innocent. I will never be clean again. I am used up and broken. I am a slut. I am long-winded. I am my own little world. I am exclusive to myself. I am hurting other people. I am broken rays of sunlight. I am mirrored reflections. I am scarred. I am insane. I am dangerous. I am trying to let you know. I am needy. I am beautiful. I am pushed up against the wall. I am wondering why no one will talk back to me. I am wondering why no one writes. I am wondering why no one calls. I am full of ugly ugly things. I am an unclean spirit. I have seen better days. I have a southern accent. I am sharp. I am sharing this with no one. I am a bit sexually depraved. I am going to be alone. I am ready for a nap. I am going against my better judgement. I am rubbing my eyes. I am hot. I am uncomfortable here. I am not very creative. I am the bitter remains of the day. I am not going to preform to make you smile. I am glowing in whiteness. I am not looking forward to tomorrow. I am not having fun. I am not entertained. I am broken into. I am a robbed liquor store. I am a murder scene. I am a brilliant composer of symphonies. I am the great deceiver. I am the invincible sword goddess. I am the power of pain. I am full of tears. I am a liar. I am not educated. I am southern white trash. I am never going to escape my roots. I am missing my relatives. I am bitter over what you've done to me. I am looking at you while you cry. I am a shining golden necklace. I am lying to your face. I am pulled wisdom teeth. I am a hamster on a wheel. I am still long-winded. I am a bit preachy. I am too condescending. I am drunk on power. I am corrupted. I am full of burning, aching, pillaging lust. I am totally unscrupulous. I am ruthless to those I love. I have an insatiable appetite for sex. I have morals. I have a conscience that is as prudent as a nun. I have ghosts that haunt me. I have dreams that break me. I have memories that break my bones. I have an angry father. I have an abusive mother. I have a bitch for a sister. I have a God for a brother. I have a brother that's been gone forever. I have a million dead pets. I have a goldfish that can fly. I have a toy box that holds demons. I have a knife dripping blood. I have a prom dress. I have a broken joystick. I have too many video games. I have lost my whole concept here. I am a performance artist. I am extinguished. I know my outlet is dying. I know I am fucking dirty. Sometimes I just don't have what I need. Sometimes I am not inspirational. I'm sorry if you thought I was something else. I'm spent. I am random information. I am Jack's raging bile duct. I am stupid. I am sorry for wasting your time. I am only read by one person who cares. I am never read again. I am feelings lost. I am reaching for something inside me. I am tired of your stupid games. I am not athletic. I am obsessed. I am addicted. I like pain. I get off when I hurt. I want to be heard. I really like being sad. I am only happy when it rains. I know you can't appreciate it. I know you can't appreciate me. I hope your checkbook steals your soul. I can suck the feeling out of anything. I am a black hole. I am where love comes to die. I don't need this shit. I am empty. I am full. I am full of shit. I am full of myself. I am hollow. I am a candy covered shell. I am not fucking pastels. I am fat. I am someone you would not be attracted to. I am that annoying jerk at the bus stop. I am not FUCKING EXPRESSIVE. I am just a liar, and you don't know me. I am going to comb my hair. I know you can't win. I will let you die trying. I am having sex. I am alone with you. I am incapable of being intimate again. I am ruined because of her. I am spoiled. I am dreams. I want to know what you want in life. I am police lights when you're drunk. I am your first kiss, remember me? I am your first love, I'm sorry I hurt you. I am your first time, I wish I were more. I am your favorite book, I know I make you cry. I am your movie, I know I sum you up perfectly. I am that song you know the words to. I am that song that makes you angry. I am that song that brings you back to him. I am the song that she ripped your heart out with. I understand you, don't you see? I know you won't say hello to me. I'll never understand why you won't. I am a contradiction. :) I am made winding. I am a mercenary for a God. I am standing on a hilltop. I am a little pet name, like cupcake. I AM SCREAMING YOUR NAME I will be waiting always, and even if you get here, I'll still wait. I am going to watch while you destroy me. I am sorry for your sins. I am the martyr for the world. I am the end. I am a tight little package. I am a shallow dipshit. I am a circle. I am hard. I am mathematics. I am sideshow of freaks. I am pure shock value. I am a curled upper lip. I am nothing that applies to me, though. I am itching. I am a bit sticky. I smell a little bad. I won't go back. I am broken out. I am so superficial. I am so much better when you read me. I am tired, please hold me. Please let me leave. Don't hurt me anymore. Don't hurt me anymore. I am going to die if you don't help me. I can't sit still. I am going to slice my wrists. I am going to be the worst suicide on record. I know you won't care, because I'm a stranger. I am the guilt that you won't have. I am the drugs you'll take. I am the days you'll waste. I am the time that you'll look and want back. I am used. I know you. :) I am the first person that ever said you were a slut. I am sneering at your misfortunes now honey. I hope you are bleeding to death. I know I am still your puppet. I am the bitch who destroyed your world. I am the one who puts scars that never healed. I know you are young, but I know you have feelings. I'm praying for tidal waves. I want to see the ground give way. I had an earthquake this morning. I know you won't care. I know you'll read this and throw me away. I am a quiet acceptance. I am a cry for help. I am unheeded. I am sober. I am an alcoholic. I am at length about lies. I want you to hurt, don't you see? Don't remember me. Close your fucking window. I am not in love with you. I am lying through my teeth. I am trying not to complain. I am chemicals. I am walls. I am going to lie down. I am burning plasma death. I am a burning man. I am a freak show. I am a carnival of horrors. I am wonderland. I am like a hammer to your fingers. I am not going to let anyone in. I am displacement. I am going to die alone. I am not loved, I know this. I am not known, I know this. I am not anything worth keeping, I know this too. I am today's date. I am never going to learn to fly. I am weighed down by despair. I am under appreciated. I wish I could write your name down. I wish you could see the real me. I wish you could see the damage you do. I wish I could be what you want. I wish he would die. I wish you would die. I wish I would die. I wish for tidal waves. I wish for a pony. I wish for lots of money. If I were rich, I'd be a snob. I am too good for you when I'm poor. I am hit by a train. I am going to die someday. I am mortified. I am a monster. I am going to find your center. I am going to destroy it and laugh. I might feel guilty, but you will be collapsed. I am going to laugh, you stupid little thing. I am love, so smile. :) I am endless comfort. I am a spiked wall. I am forced to be here. I am putting my hand through glass. What do you want me to say? I am straying from my common thing. I am angry at everything, everyday. I am self destructing, and you know it, but you won't help me. I am subtle. :) I am unbridled fear. I am poetic justice, just for you. :) I am a sword. I am a miracle. I am the enforcer of my God. I am miserable. I am abandoned. I am looked back upon with regret. I am Ada's new name. I am laughing my head off. I am cruel. I am nothing you can say to me. I am helpless to this monster in me. I am meaningless sex.. that's all you were. I am so horrible I just had to censor myself. I am a shocking revelation. I need to be locked away so I won't hurt anyone. I am in the darkest asylum. I am that one guy that hit you. I am gentle. I am not like this. I am afraid. I can't be here anymore. I have to leave. I am a rushed exit. I am blonde. I am black lingerie. I am white skin. I am formless beauty. I am small breasts. I am perfection incarnate. I am worshipped. I am your master. I am smiling with ugly teeth. I am ruined, but you will live in me. I am what you will be. I am unquestioning. I know. I am just one more time mom. I am there yet. I am for real. I am not a dream. I don't mind. I am your type. I can feel. I can feel. I lost it. I am my time to wonder what I am. I am gray. I am here. I am away. I am my favorite song, Glycerine. I am days gone by. I am truth in lyric. I am violins. I am never alone. I am alone all the time. I steal. I am strawberry fields. I treat people badly. I am bruised. I taste good. :) I am the easy way out. I am a brick wall. I am a locked door. I am imprisoned. I am in chains. I am going to get angry if you don't stop. I am no one's life. I am no one's obsession. I am no one's burning need. I am her.. falling in pieces. I need you. I can't kiss you. I can't love you. I can't give you anything. I can't do anything but suck you dry. It would have been easier if you'd just left like everyone else. I don't know why you had to be the special. I am going to go cry in the rain. I am an old feeling. I am anticipation. I am an old friend. I am an ex-girlfriend. I am screaming. I am kissing in the rain. I am violins again. I am tingling. I so alive by this song. I am great expectations. I am an artist. I am all laid out here for you. I am high pitched. I am lulled into serenity. I am awake, oh God no. Don't make me leave please Please. I'm sorry for what I did. I can change. I am bracing for impact. I am shields. I am blown out holes. I am loud. I am release. I am crying. I am crying so loudly. I am in so much pain. I am embraced in her voice. I don't want her to leave me. I know she is a siren. I am starting over. I am violent. I am violence. I am quite an assignment. I need this. I am violins. I am speaking to my soul. I am something inside that speaks this way. I am little sentences that contains worlds of truth. I am misunderstood though. I am in another language. Here it comes again.. Listen.. I am sharply inhaled. I am high pitches that pierce. I love your voice. I am bouncing with the false happiness. I am inquenchable. I hurt so much. I am an essay on tortured. Please say that I am. You are all I need. You heal me. You are all I need, Peyton. Thank you.. I know what you've sacrificed for me. I won't forget. I won't forget. I am an echo. I am in the past. I am sorry. I am on repeat. I am a skipping CD. I am cue cards. I am going to hurt to finish. I am just a song. I am smiling. I am going to be hurt if you aren't there. I love you. I can only speak this way. I can only sing with no words. I am purely instrumental. I am one last time on maximum. I am shivering every time. I am sobbing. I am broken down. I am still not empty. I wish I were empty. I wish this would end. I am just blind emotion. I am just a newbie. Leave me alone. Leave us alone. Leave me. Leave me. Leave me. Leave me. Don't leave me. Don't do this to me again. I'm so sorry. I am going to sob. I am going to die. I am going to collapse. This hurts so much. I hurt so much. I don't know why you won't help. I am going to go forever. I am the embodiment of averages. I am so quiet. I am a lustful whisper. I am immersed in myself. I am happy when I'm fighting with me. I am happy when we hug each other. I am in love with myself too. I am hurt by all I love. I love all I hurt. I can see you now. I still think you're beautiful. I still think you're so beautiful. You speak to me like nothing can. You are the one. You are the only truth in my life. You are there, with everyone else. I am the last, aren't I? I hope you let me back. I am the quiet aftermath. I am the hush over the battlefield. I am the quiet acceptance of the dead. I am not the ragged survivors. I am gone. I loved you all. I loved you all along. I am fading into nothingness. I am bidding you all farewell. I am still not clean. I am at least able to love myself again. I am sorry I am so violent. I love you. I am a wondrous song, aren't I? I am nothing you have ever seen before, it's okay. I am wishing you wouldn't feel so badly. I am a mournful violin. I am only one instrument. I love you. I love you so much. It's okay that you hurt me. It's okay that you're dirty. It's okay that you're as broken as me. I see through the lies. I see through it all. I see you. I still think you're beautiful. I still want to be here. I still want you there. I still want to hold your hand. I am the swelling finale. I am sorry my time is up. I really do love you. I really do love you all. I really am happy again. I am really cleansed, for now. I don't want to think about when I'll come back. Call me tomorrow. :) What am I now? I am sorry I'm greedy. I am glad that you're here, Jen. I am standing still. I am nocturnal. I am not really troubled. I am listening to music that's playing outside. I am listening to the world spin without me. I am the darkside of the moon. I am sex outside my windows. I am darkness within. I am a playground at three a.m. I am explosions. I am wonderful, somedays. I am little. I am just a little speck. I am not that significant. I am the scourge of innocence. I understand. I am going to go ballistic if someone doesn't turn their music down. I am awake at one in the morning. I am remembering the clarity I had a little while ago. I am remembering a sweet time a little further back. I am a sleepy voice. I am not liking cake. I am awed. I am not worthy. I am all or nothing. I am censored. I am only half complete. I am dry eyes. I miss my life. I can't be happy all the time. I am an overdose. I am bruised ribs. I am a scarlet letter. I am a taken life. :: ** :: I see us in a cave. I see water where there should be none. I see our special place there. I see me singing. I see you without a comb. I see memories we should have made. I see times that shouldn't have ended. I see you. I see you with me. I see you with me, again. I see the things I should have said then. I see the times I should have spent with you. I see our nights together. I see our days. I see everything you saw. I see your terror. I see your bleeding. I see the future. I see the way things will be. I see the wish I've made. I see through it all. I see you. I see it all. I see me with you. :: ** :: I can't be honest with this place anymore. I am taken away. I am never coming back. I am Jack's goodbye. It was nice sharing this with you. I hope one day you see me too. I hope one day you'll know. I hope one day you'll see me written here and understand. I hope for better days. I hope for greener pastures. I hope for world peace. I hope for a happy day for you, whoever and whereever you are. You are loved, although we are strangers. I feel your pain too, though you don't think I do. I feel it all. I am spilled out all over this place. I am this. I am my epitaph. I am goodbye. I am omega. I am the last. I am the impossible. I am here, although you never thought I would be. I am addicted. I am in a public place. I am coming to a bright realization. I am saying goodbye to this place. I am sad to see my anguish go. I am the time spent with a friend. I am a rainbow parade of needles. I am a plagerist. I am a broken eggshell of a man. I am so comforted to be alone. I am uncomfortable in my chair. I am the stranded motorist you never helped. I am the person you loved and never told. I am flowing drops of gossimer. I am dreams bought on Ebay. I am mindless, just like them. I am okay, Peyton. I am missing the time we spent together. I am still a little repressed. I am still a little misunderstood. I am still underanalyzed. I am still wanting to know why you are so special. I am angry. I am not going to let go. I am bothered by your persistence. I am screening your calls. I am reciting rehearsed lines. I am full of burning angry lust. I am lace on a black robe. I am black on a white dress. I am death on a white day. I am white on a day of death. I am burning fire on the edge of a wingtip. I am a plane crash. I am forseeing my future. I am in the halls of a university. I am in the records of a police station. I am touching you, and you don't know it. I am laughing at you, and you don't see it. I am speaking a different language, and you don't know what it is. I am fucking your best friend, and you think we hate each other. I am laughing at your ignorance. I am full of things that scare you. I am not interesting to you, and I don't care. I am going to know you from the inside. I am going to eat it all. I am going to clean my plate, mommy. I am going to spend all my money. I am going to break into tiny glass shards. I am going to stick in your foot. I am going to bleed all over your nice carpets. I am going to let you see the real world today. I am going to play a game. I am going to kill you all. I am going to be misunderstood. I am going to be scrutinized. I am not going to care. I am not going to go anywhere. I am not all that I say I am. I am what I say I'm not. I am not what you think I might be. I am not what you think I was. I am not anything you know. I am finding things more difficult than anticipated. I am lashing out on defenseless objects. I am expensive. I am full of what you want. I am everything you need. I am your wreckless fantasy. I am the practical choice. I am blood on pavement. I am water made pink. I am pink made red. I am red made purples. I am beautiful. I am a painter. I am going to hunt you down. I am the teeth of your enemy. I am the attacker from which you fled. I am bothered by your lack of significance to me. I am praying for the rain. I am praying for tidal waves. I am loud people in the background. I am the hush of sleep. I am a lustful look from a stranger. I am someone's bitten lip. I am on borrowed time. I am going to walk home alone. I am a red slashed wrist. I am the smell of freshly cut grass. I am the day you woke up and the air smelled cleaner. I am that day in the city where you skipped. I am that time no one saw you be beautiful. I am your worst secret. I am that thing you can't tell anyone. I am that dark thing you did when you were young. I am that skeleton that will never get to come out. I am the sin that will never be confessed. I am denial in the face of proof. I am so sorry for what I did, God. I am peaceful strangers, kissing. I am a little boy on a skateboard. I am really listening to you talk. I am really wanting someday in the clouds. I am confused by this whole affair. I am confused by plane geometry. I am confused by your mixed messages. I am one thing, and then another. I am heavy. I am heavy. I am heavy. I am lost to you. I am not grounded. I am two days in space. I am lost in frigid air. I am the rocks in your shoe. I am the bum you kicked aside. I am your weaknesses, don't you see me? I am not going to let you hide. I am going to let you smile my pain. I am going to grin with my black teeth. I am going to show you my poison. I am going to let you tremble. I am going to pray for tidal waves. I am going to watch you make love. I am that twisted pervert in the corner. I am that dark day in the sun. I am that bright day on the ocean. I am that rainy day that made you feel good. I am that starry night where all your dreams came true. I am that broken Tuesday where everything came apart. I am a day that lived in infamy. I am trapped in a cage of steel. I am leaving the country on Friday. I am a startling revelation. I missed you. I am broken shades of glass. I am dreams made light. I am the cut that made you hide your face. I am the train you never should have caught. I am the car crash you couldn't avoid. I am the smirking face of an arrogant stranger. I am a stolen car. I am puffy whisps of mirrors. I am a golden sword. I am the defender of the crown. I am the omnipotent archangel. I am still a liar. I am smirking revenge. I am damaging my only means of transportation. I am imprisioned by my own stupidity. I am wondering if this all real. I am a Jesus night light. I am warm tangible blankets of joy. I am sneaking off to be with divinity. I am hiding everything good about me. I am smothered by this garment. I am so tired of your useless shit. I am wishing I had somewhere else to go. I am worried about my time restraints. I am worried that things aren't going as planned. I am worried that I'm deviant in my nature. I am a sunburst. I am a sunburn. I am a sunbath. I am a sunscreen. I am an eclipse on your birthday. I am something significant that had nothing to do with you. I am a free ride to a stranger. I am nice things that no one knows. I am an unsung hero. I am a protector of a world. I am dirty and twisted. I am too hell bent on pornography. I am too impressionable. I am too full of good things. I am wishing you would love me back. I am wishing you all knew the truth. I am held back. I am tap dancing. I am never going to stop screaming for the truth. I am a hypocrite. I am the great, great deceiver. I am going to have to go soon. I am scared of their footsteps. I am pressed against the door. I am going to hurt you and make you cry. I am here, tonight. I am a burning outpost. I am the treacherous knife of a friend. I am only seeing you for what's between your legs. I am delighted at your uncomfortable nature. I am going to say anything to make you dance. I am going to do anything to make you mine. I am just soooo attracted to you. I am just a powerless slave to my urges. I am going to pick up the pieces. I am going to curse you under my breath. I am going to welcome you home. I am going to cause you to wreck your life. I am going to eat your dreams like candied apples. I am going to get your soul stuck in my teeth. I am soft music. I am warm candles. I am that magnificent atmosphere that made it all alright. I am soaring over the clouds. I am glad you are here. I am always changing. I am shuddering seconds. I am a festering neon distraction. I am better days gone by. I am shattered obsidian glass. I am the light wielder. I am the wing mender. I am the barrel rider. I am pale white eggshells. I am that day where nothing happened, and you forgot me. I am that day when something snapped. I am a murderer, but I'm your friend. I am sad that you won't ever believe me. I am going to fucking hang up you evil heartless bitch. I am going to have sex when you leave. :) I am going to butcher your sweet little memory. I am going to warp reality to make it serve me. I am twisted logic. I am dark rain clouds. I am endless rain. I am back in the United States. I am a cold homecoming. I am no one at the gate of your airplane. I am hours at a terminal alone. I am other people that hugged and kissed goodbye. I am alone. I am an empty seat next to me. I am above the clouds, with no Icarus. I am a lonely flight to my island. I haven't learned a damn thing. I am a learned scholar. I am ruleless ecstasy. I am boundless joy. I am glad you said the things you did. I am shattered, but you smile at my pieces. I am golden, for you. I am nothing, because of you. I am leaving today. I am a pullover jacket. I am a pool shark. I am not a great dancer at all. I am the day the planets aligned. I am the time out. I am the red chariot. I am banished to a blatherless world. I am trying to claw back. I am a wall of fire. I am just the fliters. I am just a flight. I am a raincoat. I am a big love. I am colorblind. I am the clouds of central Maryland. I am not very lucky in my selections. I am a misspelled word. I am misspent works. I am ready to go now. I am new things on a happy day. I am the sun shining red. I am a waving hand. I am the sun shining brighter. I am the drops on a window. I am the fucked up way I'm feeling. I am missing my friend Sean. I am missing my friend Saira. I am missing my friend Justin. I am missing my friend Steve. I am missing my friend Austin. I am missing my friend Allen. And I am missing my friend, Ron. I am a fateful goodbye. I am a flag draped casket. I am a barred passage. I am guilt. I am guilt. I am sorry, Allen. I am the way things used to be. I am going to miss you. I am a hurtling projectile. I am respect to a nothing. I am a sidearm on the table. I am my own business. I am lusting after your daughter. I am a thousand conclusive battles. I am cannons and dead horses. I am smoke and cottonballs. I am a little rubber band. I am a cancerous mass, turned into graphite. I am treacherous organs. God grant you peace, Ron. I am loud people. I am the want of concentration. I am missing and misspent goods. I am a chill under my shirt. I am nothing you trust. I am betrayed. I am a shining silver knife. I am hard. I am solid solid steel. I am burning plasma death. I am burning plasma death. I am burning plasma death. I am burning plasma death. WHY WON'T YOU FUCKING HEAR ME? ARE YOU JUST FUCKING DEAF?? HELLO?????? I am meek. :) I am subjugated. I am the province of Xi and Wei. I am the double statement of bovinity. I am red. I am a fissure in the ground. I am a St. Jude's medal. I am on a mission. I am a private detective. I am moans that brought death. I am death that brougth moans. I am whispered sighs of pleasure. I am fate. I am fate. I am so shocked that you are playing against me. I am a perfect sense of timing. I am no hiding place. I am an engine of war. I am a bleeding rose. I am still here. I am medically discharged. I am marbles. I am dying of syrupy poisons. I am a tattered violet. I am a long journey. I am no sleep. I am tired eyes. I am marking it down to learning. I am days to come. I am days passed by. I am dark days spent alone. I am things you'll never know. I am things that can't be told. I am more important than you. I am me. I am mine. I am mine mine mine. I am me first. I am paintings. I am dancing to dodge them all. I am a shocking revelation, again. I am blonde whisps of razors. I am skin on the concrete. I am mud. I am vile black slander. I am a myriad of decay and opulence. I am coughing. I am proficient. I am still cold. I am so furious I feel like shaking. I would have killed you if you were in front of me. I would have written love songs to dance to. I would have dropped it all. I would have been another ruthless idiot. I am singing in my sleep. I am a sheetless bed. I am a meaningless night. I am a dark dark day. I am things that I never said I would be. I am not something I promised I was. I am hands. I am on my knees. I am burned flowers. I am pressed into generousity. I am taken advantage of. I am used for my possession. I am illegal neon lights. I am deprived of my little useless dream. I am looking forward to the month of May. I miss you. I miss you, too. I don't miss you. I HOPE YOU GET WHAT YOU DESERVE. I hope you get more of those pretty bruises he loves to give you. I am pretty in gold and blue and black and red. I am racist. :) I am the length, the width, and the height. I am days spent at 744. I am lines on a television. I am an oreo flurry. I am Alice the Camel. I am a misspent band. I am nights amuck. I am over. I am a victim of three open heart surgeries. I am crying on the couch listening to your heartfelt story of love lost. I talk too much when I'm drunk. I am feet. I am cold feet. I am a bottle full of cigarettes. I am perpetual motion. I am a bridge forged with the grille of a stolen car. I am a dangling UB light. I am a miswielded sword. I am a dead bug. I am cleft in twain. I am not my first impression. I am deceived by my cavalier arrogance. I am a recollection. I am still in love. I am the interior of red. I am minutes under the black. I am a hurried exit. I am squealing tires. I am breaking glass. I am a closed down place of fun. I am trash tossed out. I am that man you hurt, you evil heartless bitch. I hope you can live with yourself after what you did to me. I hope you make it all better in your head. You, are not forgiven. You will never be forgiven. You will never be forgotten. You will sting after your exit. You will do damage after you pull the switch. Tell yourself you're okay and you did nothing wrong. I hope your plane falls out of the sky. I am a drivers license. I am a 341. I am by the pool. I am glad to be your server. I am a friendly waitress. I am a liar, I guess. I am more burning tires. I am not sure I made the right decision. I am issues. I am baggage, I hope you can deal. I WILL NOT LET THIS GO AWAY. Did you hear me? Shall I repeat? I WILL NOT LET THIS GO AWAY. I will never forget. I am a stuffed elephant. I am a microscopic camera mounted in a little beady eyeball. I am just kidding. :) I am joyful days of forgetfulness. I am demons you've not seen yet. I am roads you cannot fathom. I am a glaring sense of superiority. I have seen people shot. I am days of Vietnam. I am beaten, again and again and again. I am ravaged. I am dark. I am endless winters. I am frozen dreams. I am leafless trees. I am blank eyes. I am iron. I am caged. I am crying every minute of every day. I am the only thing that can make me forget. There is only one thing that makes me forget. I am sorry you hate it, and me. I am sorry. I am sorry I'm an addict. I am sorry I detract from the serenity of the scene. I am stuck inside my veins. I am deeper thoughts. I am a God. I am not sure what I'm going to do. I am unlocked treasures. I am emotional baggage. I am crying still. I am begging you to indulge yourself in me. I am sure that only then will I be able to return the favor. I am in stop loss. I am days you've never seen. I am days you've never seen. I am things you've never experienced. I am shining towers you've not known. I am things you cannot begin to understand. I am sexually abused and neglected. I am expected to live a normal and happy life. I am very troubled. I am trouble. I am poison. I am ivy. I am burning plants in my eyes. I am in the hospital. I am going to die one day, and I'm scared. I am going to forever close my eyes. I am endless sleep. I.. I am lines. I am hems. I am props. I am prop arcs. I am black lines. I am red lines. I am green lines. I am like a demented volleyball court three miles long. I am gray clods of steel. I am burning magnesium cartridges. I am death in a millisecond. I am scared of little red canisters. I am melted into the concrete. I am death four times a year. I am warning signs. I am evacuating. I am a black number three. I am cones. I am crushed. I am mopped up. I am radar. I am just a statistic. I am alone in my first command. I am twenty long minutes. I am a quaint townhouse. I am picket fences that I'll never own. I am houses to which you'll never stop. I am nice people you will never meet. I am regrets. I am a nice person. I would help you with my last dime and my last breath. I am pledging my sword to thee, Lord. I am a sawtooth. I am not so cold. I am forgetful. I am sorry this time wasn't spent writing that letter for you. I thought of you often and everytime. I am thinking of you right now. I am thinking of you too. I am unfortunately thinking of you too. I am too crowded in my head. I am smoke and mirrors. I am amazing. I am rape. =D I am a vanquished hammer. I am my most triumphant day. I am approved for retraining. I need this. I really needed this. I need this. I really needed this. I am lighter. I am lighter now. I am a release. I am better days gone by. I want you to know I love you now. I am attached at the hip. I am a compound fracture. I am the best in 49 states. I am Helena, Montana. I am the son of Travis. I am missing you, my brother. I love you so much. I can't get you out of my head. I am a slave to your dancing raven image. I am a bad omen. I am a tailside-up penny. I am a raven on your vehicle. I am the meddling hands of fate. I am the trailing fingertips of fate. I am the concrete bowels of destiny. I am the steel fist. I am the death of superman. I am blood on the streets. I am a disreputable taxicab company. I am a tall black man. With this ring, I thee wed. I am a fit shoe. I am torn. I am hangers. I am made of rusted steel. I am years past. I am just two. I am careful. I am torn. I am torn. I am bleeding. I am reaching out. I am busy, I suppose. I am going away. I am red escapes. I am down and lost. I am respect. I am homeless in despair. I am still.. still.. not understood or seen. I am done. I am done. I am broke, without a dime. I am stop and go. I am two sides of the same coin. I am that coin split. I am turned around. I am turned over. I am twilights. I am blue in the nighttime. I am shadows dancing. I am afraid of this. I was afraid of this. I am alone here. I am never alone. I am alone all the time. I am red diamonds. I am ignored. I am up and driving. I can't go home. I can't go home. I am comforted by unconditionality. I am duplicity. I am holy. I suppose I've carried this too far. Hold on.. let me put us on some music. This is who I am.. I am crazy like that. I am watching from my window. I am outside.. looking in.. on you. :) I have dark eyes, and careless hair. I saw someone today, that made me angry and hurt all over again. It was not who you think. You can't ask me about any of this, or I will curl up and not let you in. This is my down, on my knees. Can you guess what music I put on? I am your.. heartless words.. I am the days past. I am things that were lost to me. I am an empty house. I am a cat that I don't love. I am.. abused. I am.. brilliant.. in the morning. I am a nonsmoker. I am out of coffee. I wish someone out there in blather world loved me. I am ever-daring things. I am nothing but a broken violin. I am off-track. I am someone else. I am closer to someone than I will allow myself to admit. I am a visit from a friend to cure the ache. I am tearing apart. I am reality. I am cold and harsh. I am in a world that I've realized that few see anymore. I am my unnoticed absence. I am.. losing Peyton.. to the wolves.. I am on my way to a new place, that I don't like. There is nothing you can do. I miss you. I am six a.m. I am up past my bedtime. I still wished someone would call. I feel so far, from where I've been. No one makes me breakfast. Life is so lonely alone. Dreams last, so long.. Even after you're gone.. Soon you will see. I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know what I want to happen. I am confused about my future. Is anyone out there? I saw a movie, it just wasn't the same. And it made miss you, oh so bad.. Something is wrong, here. I go bout my business, doing fine.. Besides what would I say if I had you on the line.. Same old story, not much to say.. Hearts are broken, everyday.. I can't stop crying, about something I don't understand. I'm.. half alive, but I feel mostly dead. I am a tortured intellectual, the kind you made fun of in school. www.mutedfaith.com - she wrote me back :) I am in the "Sad" folder. I'm not troubled or sad, I'm just ready for bed. I miss you. It never feels the same. How can you stay away, away so long.. I am just another day without you. I can't resist. I am a person, too. I am a person, too. I have feelings like you do. I cry sometimes, like you do. I am a stranger you can relate to. I'm sorry you won't write me. or call or even say hi to I miss you. I am innocent. I am out of control. I am out of control. I am running the subroutines executable in paragraph seventeen of the fourteenth appendix of a technical manual that doesn't even fucking apply anymore. I am full of ugly things. I am wondering if the world is fine, and I'm fucked up. Maybe it was me all along. This will be my journal today. I am going to light those candles. I don't want to hurtle to this inevitable conclusion. It's going to hurt. I wonder if I'm still here. I won't go. Making it end was the hardest thing I'd ever done in my life. I don't want to move a thing.. It might change my memory.. I'm sorry. I am full of regret. I can't breathe. I can't hide. I cannot be. Please say something out there. I can't leave this place. I just shouldn't think, anymore tonight. I am bottled up but I can't find the cork. I am a slash on each damned wrist. I am going to do it, someday. I am a blatant plagarist. But I know I'm right. Dear God I know I'm right. I am vindicated. I am a song you know so well. I am so utterly full of crap. I am chased down with every single dime. I am just a slave for you. I am the spectre of uncertainty. I am going to kill that evil bitch with a shovel. I am going to speak only in clicks. I am scribblings on a napkin. I am a slave to concrete and glass. I am just a black column of wealth. I am right. I am flashing alone on the floor. I am the ridiculousness of the system. I am more than just a fan. I am more special than you will ever know. I am asking you to leave me alone. I am a shell of my former self. I am over two years old.I am gone nearly every day. I am fields of iron coffins. I am graphic visual imagery. I am anticipation of a greater fix. I am enamoured by my drug habit. I am deep in my veins. I am everywhere. I am extremely well spent. I am the golden hair of an indomitable spirit. I am much smarter when I'm dark. I'm cold from the sweat on my chair. I am winding in and out of inspiration. I am selfish. I am wrong. I am right. I swear I knew it all along. I am cleaning up so well. I am deeply hurt by your desire for controversy. I am begging you to stop with the negative. I am trying for once to get better. I am a cord pulled from the wall. I am a horrible glass cannon. I am not sure what my problem is. I am completely uncertain. I am going to kill that fucking bitch with a shovel. I am the student of a corrupt regime. I am lying to everyone I meet. I am the morning of the day that you find out it's all over. I am your recent rejection. I am watching your blithering idiocy. I am lustful..? I am not sure what I am. I am spanning lengths of pages just so you'll see for one second. I am an unanswerable request. I am tears of frustration. I am just a common memo. I am a word that has no meaning. I am an over used mantra. I am dirty. I am still dying inside. I am sure it was here all along. I am sincerely asking for help. I am at the end of my rope. I am voiceless. I am worthless. I am abusing my gifts. I am thinking of you every single day. I am clueless on what is the right thing to do. I am small strands of gold on an ivory sea. I am not disappointed with the outcome of today. I am a fan of Lauren Gifford. I am in awe of your naked talent. I am a pawn of your ruthless ambition. I am completely at your service. I am asking for your help. I can't escape the ghost of you. I am crazy, some say. I am the light that you recognize. I am yesterday. I am corrected. I am just trying to make my way. I am just a worthless liar. I am ghosts. I am so dry inside. I am the vacuum. I am cracking and splintering. Where is my friend when I need you most? I am fragile, don't touch me. I am neccesary. I am just a dark memory. I am sad to be who I am. I am afraid of being plain. I am all I know. I have to be this to be something. I am just addiction to tragedy and misery. I am sorry for your loss. I am unable to accurately warn you of the dangers ahead. I am going to kill myself. I am seriously considering it. I am late for bed. It's been such a long day. It's been such a long time, darling. I am so glad you've come back to me. You're so soft and dark. God I've missed you. You're like whispers on my tongue. You're a spiritual butterfly. I am so in love with you. You are a darkened pane of glass. You are the taste of blood on my tongue. I am the subtle give of the skin. I am just covered in dust. I am lying again. But I'm fighting it. I am a rough night. I am so very tired, love. I am looking forward to seeing you again. I am so horribly angry. I am such a worthless liar. I am going to lie just to get what I want. I am jealous of your superior talents. I am laughing on the outside. I am dying on the inside. I am a sincere pain in my heart. I am a hole in the soul. I am behind on my move. I am prompting you to stay. I am trapped by the ghost of you. I am a leveled gun. I am burdened by overwork. I am pride. I am an inflexible sack of meat. I am a mortal insult. I feel more and more dirty everyday. I am not comforte 051019 ... peyton I know most of this is on red. I am a favor for a friend. That's what I am. And that's what this is. So, friend, if you're getting this blather.newdream.net/red/w/what_i_am.html Because apparently, I am cut off. 051019 ... Sintina Message recieved, friend. Don't worry, things won't get weird. :) I am honest. I am faithful. I am yours. But not entirely. I am no one's entirely, not even my mother's. I am God's. But not even His entirely. Not yet. I am praying to be. I am most often divided in three. I am first God's. I am second my mother's. I am third my man's. I am, for now, one third yours. You are my man of the moment. Yet you are also the man of my life. The first. The longest. The most trustworthy. The most faithful. No matter what happens, it is just another intimate memory we have stored up in the secret file we keep for one another. We will not end. We are stedfast. We ride out the storm. Thank you. I am grateful for you, always have been. I am loving you, always have been. 051024 ... peyton I am creative. I am overworked. I am wishing you never saw this. I am not your fucking friend. I am in so much pain. I am in so much pain. I am in so much pain. I am in so much pain. I am out of breath. I am bleeding from a wound I cannot see. I am raining my tears down upon you. I am everyone's popular friend. I am fucking disgusting. I am not fit to lay a hand upon you. I am taken aback by your statement of feeling. I am not something you want. I am just a monster. I am not capable of holding inside what you are. I am given life only in the songs of others. I am so very sad. I am so tired. I am so ready for this to end. I am ready to give it all up. I am sobbing strings of violin. I am going to make lots of excuses. I am going to hide in my twisty web. I am tragically crushed that no one comes to look for me. I am alone. I am so very alone. I am touched the same way everytime by this one voice. I am your friend. I will hold you when you're crying. I will make your tragedy my own. I will never, ever forget. I am living every moment of tragedy in my life over and over and over again ever second I am awake. I feel like I am going to splinter, somedays. I am not comforted by your touch. I am not pleased by your backless shirt. I am a falsetto grin. I am covered in your disgusting glitter. I am sad I didn't pound your goddamned face in. I am lustful to see your life end. You are my fucking avatar of hatred made flesh. I really want to see you destroyed. I am missing my old life so much I want to put a gun to my head. I am too strong to tell you anything. I am alone and empty here. I am so very alone. I am unable to feel loved. I am unable to love. I am not a good lover. I am full of shit. I am worthless. I obviously don't mean anything to you. I am so damaged, darling. I am so very damaged. I am unsure what is wrong with me. I am kissing in the rain. I love you so much. I miss you so much. I would give anything to see you again. I am physically sick by the thought of this emptiness forever. I am plugging myself with everything nearby and nothing is helping. Nothing is helping. Nothing is helping. I am touched by a loving stranger. I am meaningless sex. I am not weird. I am weird. I am a whirring humming replay. I am just a shadow. I am hurt by everything you say. I am too fragile to stay next to you. You don't know how to hold me. I am so very alone. I am just a whisper. I am just a ghost. I am gone. I am going to vanish, one day. One day, I will just disappear. I am going to be rich. I am going to move away to a place you've never heard of and never come back. I am happy and sad. I am disgusted by the face of you. I am revolted by your fucking disgusting games. I am a player in your sick little dementia because you put the knife to my throat. I am turning into a shark. I am going to see this through. And then, I am going to fucking beat you in your game. I am going to have you. I am going to hurt you. I am going to take you. I am going to take away what you cherish. I am going to grind it under my foot. I am going to find your center. I am going to chew it up and leave. I am going to bring you down. I am going to take something away you will never ever get back. I am inherently dangerous. I am very very volatile. I am very capable of hurting all of you. You would be served well by handling me with care. I am tired. I am cold. I am desperate to have someone to just lightheartedly sleep with. I am desperate for truthful company. I have been alone since Rhinna left. I am a stark realization. I am encased in an icy shell. I am empty. I am living a lie. I am curious about what is gone. I am sorry. I am so sorry. I am empty. I am not nice. I am not friendly. I am not polite. I am actor. I am an opera_singer. I am messages you'll never read. I am messages you'll never understand. I am faulty wiring. I am ice from my tail. I am scared of your bruises. I am alone here. I want to light my face on fire. I want to fall down in combustion. I am water. I am a dream. I am a subtle reference. I am something so beautiful that I couldn't even touch it. And then I am a pussy. I am crushed by your reference. I am like crumbling ashes. I am shards of iron and glass. I am pieces of me that I cannot get back. I am wishing you could just understand. I am under a sheet, waiting to be unveiled. I am alone. I am small and Romanian. I am an unbridled ambition. I am finally unhibited. I am under the covers, and I realize I'm fake. I am cracks in makeup. I am drinks I don't want to drink. I am parties I don't want to go to. I am an unwilling host. I am an unwanted guest. I am gone from here. I am a day without rain. I am cold. I am assailed on all sides. I am surrounded. I am a sincere wish I could just go die in a war. I am comforted of the thought of peace. I am a lamb. I am a martyr. I am bloodied and gone. I am full of dreams and hope. I am a ghost of a haunted evening. I am full of remembrance. I am sex made meaningless by the events after it. I am slotted iron. I am unable to forget anything. I am tingling inside. I am all this which you won't give me. I am a surprise party I'll never have. I am reckless abandon you won't show. I am just ugly and slow and practical. I am desperate for someone who will throw everything away in front of me. I am a swinging noose on the ceiling. I am bruised and bloodied. I am a sickness. I am unable to shake this. I am all out of breath. I am unable to go any further. I would not be helped by you, even though I love you. I am unrecognizable to myself. I am in need. I need something. I am a life that is made up of mountains of unforgettable memories, replayed in their full intensity, weighing down and breaking my heart. I am so lost. I am so broken. I am so fading away. 051025 ... peyton I am getting fatter. I am dreadfully cold. I am not wearing a shirt. I am not wearing socks. I am confronted with new friends. I am going to turn out the light, quick. I am cold. I am unable to end these images. There's close enough. And there's too far. It won't change an empty stare. Hauntingly looks like hell. To care or... plead.. silence. My weak hands are calling.. to care.. or plead silence.. My weak hands are calling. I am overwhelmed by particular passages. I am clickity clicking in the night. I am shameful. I am incredible when I'm drunk. I am haunted by overwhelming sex a couple of nights ago. I am in the greatest love ever conceived. I am self centered. I am a crashing moon. I am catastrophic. I am sure I will see the end of the world. I am awake and breathing. I am growing less and less worried about what people might say. I am not angry anymore. I am still morbidly curious. I am refusing right and wrong. I am decked out in mostly epics. I am not able to move like I wanted to. I am sure I will be rich and prosperous. I am worried about her and I hope she's doing okay. Sonya. I am far away, but still here in Alabama. I am still an empty stare. I am assailed on all sides with talk of marriage. I am so disgustingly domestic nowadays. I am happy today, though tired. I am a blistering, earth ending comet. I am mostly happy with my surroundings. I am a bit disgusted with whom I used to be. I am glad I am finally showing signs of growing up. I am still cracked and blackened. I am too full of myself. I am very respectful of our president. I am in love with things you are not. I am self-righteous. I am convinced I am better than you. I am disgusted by piles and piles of depreciating filth. I am not tolerating anything anymore. I am not interested in compromise. I am very conscious of where I've came from. I am a gilded ivory tower. I am going to check on the noises outside in a bit. I am a college type party. I am diaries of empty pages. I am gone. I am whisps of ashes. I am certain I was never welcome here in the first place. I am not sure I really care anyway. 060823 ... peyton I am not 100% sure.. that I can pull this off. I need to focus. I miss you. 090411 ... Lemon_Soda IT could be...they don't listen...because you talk so much... 090412 ... In_Bloom Looks between an opium den and bordello Sounds like the world talking at once but underwater Tastes like nutmeg, clove and marzipan Feels like fur, silk, leather and jersey Smells like Di Borghese and leaded gasoline Me in my mind 091111 ... Jurisprudence Not benevolent Not altruistic Not patient I will want to give you every thing But I'll ask for them too Might not be what you expect Maybe things you'll tell me a man can't do 091114 ... Yeslek i am a test tube baby! 091115 ... peyton I am at work. I am about as impersonal as you can get. I am scared someone will walk through the door and I'll have to lie. I am just scared. I am not sure I have the strength to endure. I am getting fatter. I am getting slower. I am getting dumber. I am getting older. I am losing all the shining things that made me once glorious. I am still just a little speck. I am losing, rather than gaining, the balls to speak up. I am confining my fire to small little spaces. I am not sure I can handle another motherfucker on this planet. I am so frightened. I am surrounded by the anger of other people. I am unsure what to do, or say, or be. I am committed to a path. I am distracted. But no matter what, I feel like I'm locked in. 100523 ... oren a_creator 100523 ... o n m i_am_me 100523 ... camille i am 100610 ... unhinged is sometimes just uncontainable light and happiness and when i go back and read old blathes, the change hits me. right in the heart. i learned how to save some for myself. my career has also made me happier, right livelihood. so even now when i hear a reverberation of my echoing_thought i know better this_too_will_change 100611 ... oren I_am_what_I_blathe 100611 ... unhinged i am comfortable in my own skin when my skin is next to yours (when you take your skin away from me another_story ) that even with all the bullshit the ghetto ass drama i love you better why unexplainable you: 'you've had a soft_spot for dope fiends in your life huh?' me: 'yeah, i guess i have.' you: 'why is that do you think?' me: 'i like to take care of people' you: 'how's that worked out for you?' me: 'honestly, not all that good' 100619 ... peyton I am alone here in the dark. I am frightened by the near-miss whispers of what might have been. I am certain that the best creative sparks of me have been extinguished by the bitter slothfulness of maturity and the syrupy shortcomings of content life. I still want what_i_want I am never really comforted by the company of other people. I am as much in love as I can be. I am a broken jar. I am certain I will be here for the end. I am certain it will be awful and terrible. I am wracked by worry and fear every single day. I found her. I read the ending pages of Nikki's story. It was as I feared. What I loved never existed. I made a Galatea out of smoke and memory and fell in love with it. The last pieces of the guilt fell with it. That story is over and closed and finished. All that to say I am glad. I am not happy with some of the other things I have done. I am in a good place. I am still a cold calculating monster. I am brought to tears by the carefully stale nothingness of pop culture. I am utterly void when confronted with things that should have real meaning and should really hurt. I was more saddened by an episode of House than the news of a dying grandmother. I am surrounded by very loving strangers. I do have one beam of light. I can't give her much, because it is too dark and terrible to behold. I love her more because she doesn't know. I am comforted by the sanctuary of a normal life. I am getting fat, though. I am a disciple of a fading time. I am an acolyte of a fading discipline. I am a steward of a unwanted way of life. I am so utterly alienated by my peers. I am convinced I would trade anything good inside me for one cheap sorority girl fuck. I am great at parties once I've had a few. I am not sure I know how to lighten up. I am beginning to wonder how many normal people are as fucked up as me. I miss my sister so much it is wrapped around my heart like a freezing wool blanket. I am certain she will never come back. I am so utterly alone. So utterly alone. I wouldn't know how to fix it even if I were confronted with the solution. I wonder about you every day. I don't miss you exactly. I just wonder. I am sorry I treated you the way I did. But not you. You deserved it. I am certain I never want to be a father. I am not so sure. This is the only place I can speak freely. Thanks for still being here. 101121 ... owlen alone no matter who i am around myself only when i am alone a different person completely when i drink tired of i afraid i will never know love the flakiest of flakes think i want it until i get it the lower case type of i a messy amalgamation of memories and childhood indelible acts a collection of teeth and hair and bones cells going wrong a walking talking type of i . 101121 ... peyton go on take everything i want you to. 140729 ... peyton I am so full of rage I am poisoning everything in my life. I don't recognize myself anymore. I am a disgusting pig fuck animal. 161103 ... flowerock. What I am is what I do, no one will notice anything else. That's what I am to you, my actions, to me... I am so many fluctuating things inside and out, actions can be a mask, good or bad. 161106 ... tail-devouring snake alive 161112 what's it to you? who go blather from