peyton Rhin aka Alexander Regarding what you blathed on my page, I just want to say, you are so very welcome Peyton! I have thought of you every day, since reading your blathe. I wonder if you are just muddling through your days, or if maybe now, there is a light spring in your step. I always wonder if you will be back. You know, sometimes these pages can come back to haunt you, but for the most part, they are healing to one's soul. I think you will find that, at the times you need it the most, someone will hear you, and reach out to you. I think our Blather 'God' watches over me, even though I continually try to push him away. I love the fact that he doesn't listen, and keeps coming back at opportune moments, to let me know someone cares! He's not the only one, who has bestowed his heart upon me, and I really love all of them for it! Peyton, just always allow your soul a voice, when it wants to speak... We will 'listen', and even if you receive no response, you can rest assured, that what you blathe, will be felt! 010105 ... Sintina But of course! He brought me here and now I am here. And I like it here. And I will stay here. Because work is boring and I have no computer at home, so I write when I should be working. But I'm not a slacker, no not by any means. In fact, the boss considers me the best worker they have. And I am. I manage my time wisely. I do more work than any of the others in half the time and then I use the rest of the time to sit online and blathe and chat and search for things. I miss you Peyton. Only you could find a place like this and then tell me to come. But then again I'm perfectly happy and I don't need this place, except that I need to write and I love to write... and God I miss writing! I don't have time to create the stories I used to... school, work, school, work, sleep, school, work. **sigh** 010105 ... Sintina Shit... did I really blathe that I was "perfectly happy" ? What was I smoking?! I think I was in some sort of denial when I wrote that. Because life will never be perfect. And I'm not always happy. Peyton and I connected on a ground that was new for both of us. Life was sweet when we were together (well sometimes bittersweet for me). Philosopical and intellegent conversation reigned supreme. It's just so sad that our talks often turned to depressing subjects about the past... we both had fathers... fun-loving guys... Anyway, I do miss him. Life just isn't as interesting or (dare I say) emotional without Peyton around. Cause one thing's for sure I was always emotional when he was here. 010106 ... peyton Wow.. You love me.. you really love me.. ::snicker:: 010117 ... Rhin Here's a cyber hug, from me to you... ((((((((((((( Peyton )))))))))))))) * Rhin whispers* check your mail By the way, I play dominoes on yahoo sometimes...small world, huh? 010118 ... peyton_eating_chips I'm sittin here munching on Tortilla Chips. The round ones, of which I've emptied a whole jar of processed chesse spread. I feel nasty inside, like my stomach is going on strike due to the lack of care for its well being. ::munches on another chip:: But yet, these chips are so tasty.. So salty.. mmmm.. It's still my day off. Wished blather were real time so I could chat. I feel chatty. But, it's not. So I shall sit here and munch, until another post comes to play. 010119 ... Thyartshallshant Cheer up on this whole popualarity thing. It's not what this place is about anyway, so don't worry bout it. You seem like a pretty cool guy. 010119 ... peyton Thanks Thy. I've thought back a bit to my little popularity rant. I've wanted to recall it several times. The fact that I was so self-centered at that time to bitch about me not getting enough attention is well.. childish. The depression was caving in at that time. I wanted someone to help. So I lashed out at something that seemed happy. I hope my behavior will be excused. Man I wished I had more chips. 010119 ... Rhin Can I keep you? 010122 ... peyton wow.. it's dark in here.. My place has got this dark musty smell.. like no one has been in an a while.. Oh well.. I like it here.. 010227 ... *Ziima* Japanese Jerk. 010303 ... Rhinna First of all, Peyton please forgive me darling. I realize that you can 'fight your own battles', but I am in the position of beating you to the first punch, so I will be the first to defend your honor... Ziima, besides the fact that Peyton is not Japanese, your remark reeked of racism. What would him being Japanese, if he were in fact, have anything to do with your slanderous attack against his personality? Pray tell... So to start, let's agree that whatever ill-will you harbor against him, is against his character, and not his nationality. What is that saying... When you assume, you make an ass out of you! Having said that, I will continue on by saying that your amusing label - jerk - was just that...amusing. How did you happen to arrive at this conclusion? Are you referring to his blathering on the topic: 'slut'? I'm asking, because I would never assume. I would also like to say that you have had your moment in the spotlight, concerning that topic at hand. Are you one of those type of people that exhaust everyone around them, by not finding closure in a subject, and continually subject them to it, even when the topic has passed on, of it's own accord? ::sigh:: (If the question of this being any of my business, comes to light, then I will just say, that Peyton is my business!) Now, moving on to defend your labeling of him as a 'jerk'. Oh, where do I begin... I have met alot of jerks in my lifetime, and I must say that Peyton is not one of them. Only a jerk, would say something like that, about someone who is only guilty of posessing such a highly moral/virtuous character. Peyton is the most amazing man that I have ever met. His heart is gold, inside and out! If it's a character debate your craving, then your out of your league, as many people would be for that matter. Peyton is the definition of purity. Of course you might say that my opinion of Peyton is biased, because I am so in love with him. Well, you would be right about that, because I couldn't love anyone more, and that just makes everything that I have said, worth even more! To close...in the future, please keep your opinions to the topic at hand, and on the appropriate page for that matter. Thank You. (Peyton, I love you baby!) 010304 ... peyton lol.. I must offer a thank you to my newfound friend Zimma for prompting Rhinna to say such exquistite things about me.. Thank you thank you thank you! lol.. you funny people out there.. always helping us love each other even more.. I can't thank you enough.. (Love you too sweetie!) 010304 ... florescent light Being in love is a beautiful experience. And I only have good wishes for you. But you guys need to relax. You are being mean by 'ganging up' on people. Because you're being too uptight. You are taking this too seriously. Anytime anyone says anything that might('might' being the key word here) not have honorable intent you get upset. And when you are done reading this...you will logically disect, and overanalyze every flaw in every thought in every sentence I have written - Missing the point entirely. You need to lighten up a bit and not take every comment that is directed toward your honey so seriously. Some people aren't saying things to be malicious dear, but they have a different sense of humor than appearantly you are used to. Learn to laugh at yourself. And please try not to let things get to you as much. Please take a look at the situation from an obective point of view, maybe then you will be able to see what I'm explaining. 010304 ... florescent light Just because you're in love with each other doesn't mean that everyone else has to be too. 010304 ... florescent light They are as much entitled to express their feelings of dislike, as you are free to express your love. 010304 ... *Ziima* ...Jesus man. My opinion....is my opinion. As is yours. You dont like others opposing your views, so why oppose mine? Tit for tat. As for your little luv-fest under your own personal shrine within "Blather"...I agree with florecent. And I do not exhaust others because I cant find closure...that would be you. End of thread. 010304 ... peyton you people just don't get it.. You called me a name.. without any personal knowledge of myself at all.. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with you people's eyes.. I really don't know. 010304 ... florescent light Why do you let it bother you? What other people think? Especially if you know that the people who are saying them have no creditability? 010305 ... peyton None of you know me at all. Only Rhinna.. only she knows me at all. Yes.. I know they don't know me.. but I care.. I want to be loved.. I want to be liked.. and it hurts when I'm not. I like people.. and it hurts when they hate me. Either way, Zimma was abrasive to me, for no apparent reason. Rhinna defended me, as I would have her. I don't like Zimma. She (or he) jumps to conclusions, and is generally as bad as I am about judging people they know little about. I would choose, to not ever read anything that person ever writes again. I read the 'tori amos' hate blathe against her. I know that Aimee likes Zimma a lot, apparently. I apologized for my words to Aimee on blather, and in a personal email. I thought things were concluded involving my rantings. So, if you do forgive me Aimee, talk your friend into just leaving me alone. I have no interest in trying to change Zimma's opinions of me. I just want her to keep them off Rhin and I's pages to each other. We use blather as sort of a love letter to each other, and it's something beautiful that I'd rather not have to leave. I will be honest here and say that the blather population has enough power and sway over me to force me to leave. If the general populace hates me, and tries to flame me, I will go. I have no intentions of trying to fight a group so inspired to crusade against me. I would choose, however, that I would not have that decision made for me. I would miss hearing you people, and what you choose to say to each other. I would miss people like Unhinged and you_know_me, and what the darker parts of life have done to people. Fighting like this, and using blather as a message board is disgraceful, at best. You are making something with so much potential, like blather, become something so small. I wrote one time about that.. is_nothing_sacred . Blather, brought me Rhinna. I would not abandon blather until I have properly repaid it. But if I think that the blather I found months ago no longer exists, I will go. And I'm sure most of you would like to see that happen. But please don't make me go. But I will not change. I am a self-righteous son of a bitch. And if reading what I write makes the impurities in yourself shine, maybe you should listen to some of what my soul is trying to relate.. or perhaps not. But it's wrong to try and silence me, and make me shut up. And anything like 'Japanese Jerk'.. well that's just immature at best. If I'd went to Zimma's page (if one exists) and written 'American Bitch,' I'd been labeled as sexist and evil and all sorts of unpleasant adjectives. Please just show a small bit of restraint and maturity, and keep your feelings away from my plain sight, if you please. And it's a request.. not an order. I cannot force anything here. But I do hope you think enough of just individual people to grant just simple courtesy.. The choice.. however.. has always been yours. 010306 ... mikey some people say comments just simply for a reaction. and it works. 010306 ... Aimee Peyton, Ziima is just responding that way because she doesn't know you that well. I can't say I do either, but she's going off the defense she gave me when you were "attacking" me. I personally, don't feel that anyone should be attacking anyone on here. This is a place where people can put their thoughts down. I've done it many a time, and felt a sense of relief to let out the fact that I devoutly wish my life to end somedays. I'm insulted when people feel they can attack me for my feelings which I can not control. Rhin and Peyton's writing to each other on here is their business, if you don't want to read it, don't click on words with their names on it. Remember, this site is the epitome of our first amendment rights, and therefore no one has the power or the right to tell someone what they write is wrong because it makes them physically ill. I'm sorry if this offended anyone, but it is my opinion, and believe it or not, I'm trying to be the peace maker. 010306 ... Rhinna :-) Aimee 010307 ... kx21 My lastest finding:- Refer to Bill Clinton for any Moral issues, our Grand Master of Morality... 010307 ... peyton How many times have you been pushed around Was anybody there Did anybody care And how many times have your friends let you down Was anybody there Did anybody stare And how many times have you been pushed around Well open up your heart And open up your mind And how many times have your friends let you down Is anybody safe Does anybody pray Oh life, is waiting for you It's so messed up but we're alive Oh life, is waiting for you It's so messed up but we'll survive How many days have you just slept away Will everybody hide Is everyone afraid And how many times have your friends let you down Have they ever seen your heart Have they ever seen your pain Oh life, is waiting for you It's so messed but we're alive Oh life is waiting for you It's so messed up but we'll survive She gets mad She gets lost She gets drowned by the cost Twice a day Once a week Oh no.. life She gets mad She gets lost She gets drowned by the cost Twice a day Once a week Oh no.. life Life is waiting for you It's so messed up but we're alive Oh life is waiting for you It's so messed up but we'll survive Life is waiting for you It's so messed up but we're alive Oh life is waiting for you It's so messed up but we'll survive 010311 ... mikey a name i first saw about 2 being in love a name i laughed at and felt jealousy if only for wishing i could find the same. a name i kept finding entwined with another name a name i then saw being ugly and spiteful a name i associate with judging and one who is ugly. a name though that i respect as a person. "i agree to disagree" great phrase, but so often when we disagree it can be so negative. i guess everything is chance. you never get a second chance at a first impression. but i think if you never give a second chance for a second impression how can you then not like what you first saw? things that make you go HMMMMMMMMMM 010311 ... mikey see: venom 010311 ... mikey better to express in honesty then to not express at all. see: honesty 010311 ... peyton Yes I'm spiteful Yes I'm judgemental Yes I'm bitter If you prick me, will I not bleed? If you wrong me, shall I not retort? If you think me ugly, shall I not shatter your mirrors.. Through these eyes I've seen more pain inflicted by the hands of women, those that would call themselves sluts, whores, harlots.. I've seen them bleed, under them I've been tortured. It has been said, do not judge, or thyself shall be judged. I say unto you, before you judge the one who judges, know for why he screams, and know what scars he conceals under his robes.. My judgement today is that you have attachment for our person Aimee, and that, has made you think me ugly. I'm not ugly Mikey. I really like to love people.. I really want to be able to feel compassion.. and mercy. 010311 ... mikey i agree and i disagree. for one your way wrong on why i blathered that. second. because youve been wronged you can then judge? i mean this is BLATHER. if i read this whole thread top to bottom it reminds me of the salem witch trials long ago. i THINK so and so MIGHT be a witch...POOF burned at the stake. blather-To talk nonsensically nonsensically-Lacking intelligible meaning: a nonsensical jumble of words. Foolish; absurd: nonsensical ideas. everything i say here is not always how it seems. its blathering. its words and random thoughts. the impression i get from you is someone who throws up a quote and anyone can copy and paste...or crucifies and judges everyone. if thats what you think Blathering is then i think its wrong. STRICTLY my own opinion. i respect you. to each his or her own. the way you worded your blather reply points to exactly what i was saying. whats aimee got to do with anything i said? i was simply randomly letting my thoughts come out from a word "peyton" which shows up on "recent". it caught my eye therefore i blathered about it. 2 wrongs dont make a right. if youve been hurt by someone long ago, it seems like its been girls based on your writing...was it Aimee? if not then why slander someone based on extreme prejudice? i first read blather and read about "peyton and rhin" and thought it was a beautiful thing. but when i read other things it seems like 2 different people. i love helping people. and i love being helped. but i hate when people are wronged or hurt and then always judge anyone else based on that. i made a mistake. i shouldnt have blathered here. i knew it yet i was foolish and did it anyway. in your reply you do exactly the ugly childish retort i knew i would see. and where my blathering came from in the first place. i wont blathere on this thread anymore. im going to leave off and apologize for even blathering here in the first place. i respect you 10 fold. but i do not like you at all. i do not judge, i do however think you could have used more tact or thought into what you were saying to some people. 010311 ... mikey the tough part is sadly i once said the same things. expressed myself the exact same way. in fact i might have said it the exact same way word for word. see: hugs im sorry Peyton. 010311 ... Aimee peyton, you've proven to me that you can be a decent person. But what you said about Mikey and I hurt me. Nothing is going on. It's just fun and games. How dare you stand in my way of making friends. When I want your help I'll ask for it. Judge not lest ye be judged and from what i've noticed, you HATE to be judged. Don't spit your venom in my direction, you've already hurt me enough. Stay out of my business 010311 ... peyton i cant step out of my glass house. 010311 ... Aimee and that's supposed to mean what peyton? That I'm supposed to pity you? peyton, if you're strong enough to have the convictions you have, then you're strong enough to not need pity "10,000 people don't care about your problems, they care about their own. Are you too blind to see that?" 010311 ... peyton I didn't write the thing about the glass house.. I don't need pity.. someone is also using my name without my consent Aimee, you are a girl with a few admirable traits, but I was wrong to think so highly of you. Being in your business, well I was trying to help you.. remember.. you are the one cutting yourself.. not me. Mikey, my friend I don't know you. I'm sorry you think so low of me, but hey, shit happens right? Both of you just leave me alone. I don't know anything about you, so I just want you to go away. That means you too Aimee. You were right. You are a slut. I can't help you, you're broken. Just leave me alone guys. 010312 ... mikey ahhh i see. tis ok for Peyton to dabble wickedly and harshly into the blathers of others but...:::gasp::: god forbid someone say something about HE who walks in the LIGHT!!! anyway. your own words show exactly what i stated previously. when i read this i pictured a 10 yr old little boy with his arms crossed and pouting. yet its the same little boy who would be first in line to stone someone who was labeled a slut or bad person. i did apologize. if you even read it. to each his or her own. you have the right to crucify someone on blather the same as i am allowed to try and help. and vice versa (im far from perfect myself) and no im not judging your own words are all over the screen for any to see. you can respond to this but it doesnt matter i wont be reading or blathering on this thread ever again. you can say whatever you desire same as any of us. of course there is the glass house thing. if that wasnt you...its LAME. and it sucks. and maybe just maybe you were angry after reading that and it made your words more harsh (yet again) then they needed to be. 010312 ... peyton okay.. ummm.. how many times are you going to say you aren't going to respond, until you actually mean it? lol.. I didn't label anyone. They are self-admitted. Why don't you actually read, instead of just waiting for your turn to respond? And look at you, you've tainted my page. That's about the extent of the meaning of your words. Jerk. 010312 ... mikey a simple apology oh what could it be something much more maybe that could possibly bandaid the wound i see laid before my eyes i can sympathize and avert my eyes and when i turn them back for a second time i realize my mistake in my own words again this time alas again im sorry and wish to make amends childishness all around lets think with clear heads sorry peyton. like you i got caught thinking to much on something. i made a mistake. heres something more pleasant to read so this thread isnt ending on ugliness. 010312 ... florescent light boys have such big ego's 010312 ... Rhinna ::sigh:: My turn Peyton... As a little girl, I would sometimes sneak into the woods, with my shiny little pail. I would head straight for Babbi's Blackberry patch, where I would sit (for what seemed like hours), eating two blackberries for every one that made it into the pail. Upon returning home, with my little pail barely full, I would present them to my mother - very proudly I might add. She would always ask me, with a smile on her face, "Did you eat any of Babbi's berries?", to which I would always respond, "Only two Mommy - one for me, and one for you." She never reprimanded me for fibbing to her, and always ignored the tell-tale berry stains on my lips and cheeks. She would just nod her head, and bake me my little pie, knowing full well that I would never have room for it, in my belly... 010313 ... peyton I have been childish. And yes, Mikey, I do care what you think. I apologize for coming across how I have. I really don't hold malice against you, but I cannot apologize for my feelings about immorality. I am sorry for being offensive. There. I said it. Let's all just be nice now. 010313 ... peyton ::wishes he could get a new page because this one looks like a bathroom wall:: A bathroom wall in the 1st graders hall, I might add. :) It's my fault though, drat the luck. I'm happy though, because its gots me wee Rhinna's name on it. So that makes it beautiful. :) 010730 ... Rhinna :-) 010730 ... ashes (adds to the bathroom wall) I have seen it all (gets sick in toilet) good thing we are in the bathroom 010802 ... mean (smells the putrid air... pukes as well) 010803 ... sarah +ive 010803 ... hahahahaha peyton SUCKS! he sucks he sucks he sucks. HE SHALL BE DAMNED! 010824 ... Dafremen I'm not sure who you are, but your pointless peyton bashing is making dog_boot_company look like a one-liner. I've kept my big piehole shut when it was anywhere else, because HEY! blather_IS_blather , even YOUR juvenile mantras, but geezus people, not EVEN on their own little blathers you can't leave them be? It's obvious that each of us gets something a little different out of this place. If your something is acting out or venting, there's plenty of space on blather for that. Again, I'm the last one to jump into the role of censor, I never would and it's not my intention to do so now. Blather SHOULD be free and unfettered. Anything should go. No I'm just trying to give folx something to think about. (Or at least be entertained by...it IS blather after all.) Once you've taken blather away from another human being because of your personal feelings toward them, you've become everything that blather SHOULDN'T be about. These two folx have what APPEARS to be an arrogant demeanor. I'd bet cash-money and a box or ring-dings that they AREN'T as arrogant as they are insecure. The "arrogance" is probably a simple defense mechanism for facing a hostile world. Then again they COULD just be arrogant pr*cks, it really doesn't matter, my point remains: hunting them off of blather is a pretty anti-blather thing to do. If it ever became obvious that my digs at Truth's stuff were hurting the man deeply enough for him to want to leave, I would definitely give the man some space. He's a character alright, as are we all. Blather needs his type as much as it needs anyone's. The same holds true for these two people...a movie is only as interesting as it's cast, the more diversity, the better. It is for this reason that I ask this one thing of would-be Peyton Rhin bashers: Leaving them in peace on their 3 blathers: RHIN PEYTON PEYTON_AND_RHIN Isn't too much to ask, and so I think that is what I'M going to do, I'm going to ask myself to give them that much space. Try to do the same, and you can HAVE that box of ring-dings, tax free. Rhin & Peyton - Don't misunderstand, I'm NOT on your side because I am in agreement with you. I'm on your side because I believe very strongly in the right to write. I also have a soft spot for the underdog and this situation played on BOTH. Whether or not I like anyone here on blather or not is irrelevant. I am sure that there are some cool folx that aren't going to like my blathering like this. To them I can only say, there are times when principle trumps preference. Although I would PREFER to keep my mouth shut for the sake of comradery, my nature compels me to forego silence in defense of what I believe to be right. 010824 ... peyton We are who we are We don't change 011217 ... she by the way, the saying is "when you assume you make an ass out of you and me." ass+u+me i have nothing to do with this, just correcting your statement. :-) Rock on, fellow blatherers. 011222 ... peyton I shall be damned. I loved being. He lived with a fine heart. Weakness. Weakness. Kisses of the sun. Better Days Gone By. Alright. Rain. Liar. Admired. Empty. Important. Far away. Scared. Lazy. Broken. Broken down. In love with misery. Free. Everything. Emcompassing. Gone. 020327 ... peyton It's been six months. The war was.. stressful. If it's possible, I highly recommend avoiding the desert. I survived. I just thought you should know. 030508 ... stork daddy nihonjin desu ka? nihongo o hanasemasu ka? 030508 ... megan yay for peyton!! 030508 ... nomatter weirdos 030915 ... peyton and the moral of the story from a guy who knows I fell in love and my love still grows ask any fool that she ever knew he'll tell stay away from runaround sue 030926 ... peyton earth angel.. earth angel will you be mine my darling dear love you all the time I'm just a fool a fool in love with you earth angel.. earth angel the one I adore love you forever and evermore I'm just a fool a fool in love with you I fell for you and I knew The vision of your love.. loveliness I hope and I pray that someday I'll be the vision of your happiness Oh earth angel.. earth angel please be mine my darling dear love you all the time I'm just a fool a fool in love with you 031004 ... Piso Mojado you are the me i could be 10 years from now, if i let all my worst characteristics bloom and control my life. 040630 ... peyton Or the person you are now, lashing out with hurtful words at a stranger. Your words hurt me. 040713 ... newme i love your name peyton peyton peyton peyton peyton peyton peyton hmm yeah. 040714 ... peyton thank you. :) my name loves you back 040720 ... Piso Mojado peyton- i was speaking of a peyton i know, not a stranger (not you) im sorry my words hurt you- they werent about you at all 040825 ... Sintina wow... how recently stuff has been added to this age-old blathe... a name, a famous name to the elder blatherers. Way to go Tiberius... you've made a name for yourself. How dumb am I? How dumb are we? Let's talk again. 050417 ... peyton you look so fine i want to break your heart and give you mine you're taking me over it's so insane you've got me tethered and chained i hear your name i'm falling over i'm not like all the other girls i can't take it like the other girls i won't share it like the other girls that you used to know you look so fine knocked down cried out been down just to find out i'm through bleeding for you i'm open wide i want to take you home we're wasting time you're the only one for me you look so fine i'm like the desert tonight leave her behind if you want to show me i'm not like all the other girls i can't take it like the other girls i won't share it like the other girls that you used to know you're taking me over over and over i'm falling over over and over you're taking me over drown in me one more time hide inside me tonight do what you want to do just pretend a happy end let me know let it show ending with letting go welcome home 050420 ... peyton How many days have you just slept away? Is everybody high? Is everyone afraid? How many times have you wished you were strong? Have they ever seen your heart? Have they ever seen your pain? She gets high She gets lost She gets drowned by the cost Twice a day, every week, not a lie She gets high She gets lost She gets drowned by the cost Twice a day, every week, not a lie 050807 ... peyton it's a frosty 73 degrees and time for bed again another day i'm still splitting in half but i'm trying to get better domine deus aduiva me 050815 ... pete your blathes always catch my eye, if just because of your name.. weird how that works sometimes... 050816 ... unhinged *hug* 050819 ... on the list So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell blue skies from pain can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail? a smile from a veil? do you think you can tell? and did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts? hot ashes for trees? hot air for a cool breeze? cold comfort for change? and did you exchange a walk-on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? wow I wish, how I wish you were here we're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl year after year, running over the same old ground. What have you found? The same old fears. Wish you were here. Come back soon, peyton. 051005 ... j [[check.your.mailbox]] 051005 ... peyton I am tired. I am dark. I am shocked. I am chronically depressed. I am a perfect resort. I am a twisted connection. I am a cherished first kiss. I am twisted. I am so shocking twisted. I am a scourgestone. I am a random text message. I am cold in here. I am indignity. I am playing lots of games. I am torn shreds of a throat. I am days ago. I am brainwashed. I am mind boggling. I am reaching out for someone I don't want. I am shocked by your ineptitude. I am lazy and unproductive. I am angry I've been trapped in this situation. I am dirty and completely void of dignity. I am drunk way too often. I am happy to see you, in spite of myself. I am set-up. I am wishing you could get what you deserve. I am full. I am questioning mightily. I am full. I am at a point where I can't handle anymore. I am glad. I am really sorry that you can't touch me. I am on fire. I am untouchable. I am a fortress of cold black metal. I am a roadblock on your path to happiness. I am enjoying the attentions of many. I am feeling wanted. I am really enjoying toying with you. I am pages of false e-mail. I am waiting for you. I am a sore, sore throat. I am coughing in the middle of the night. I am really interested in you. I am still looking for you darling. I am in love with your raven hair. I am shimmering diamonds. I am blue. I am comfortable. I am in control of the situation. I am ready for this to end. I am tragically drawn to my own flame. I am waiting. I am half-hearted. I am a whirling downward spiral. I am uplifting and helpful. I am disillusioned. I am ready for bed. I am going to isolate myself from this situation. I am wondering if you realize my cell number has changed. I am tired. I am intensely musical. I am a discordant melody. I am put off by all this rampant sex. I am listening to you speak. I am wayward. I am stellar. I am mindless. I am in love with you. I am dark. I am the dripping pain of wax. I am an arched back. I am never coming back. I am hurt. I am a vampire. I am a wolf. I am in love with the taste of you. I am disturbed by your methods. I am too intense for you. I am really insane. I am in denial. I am gone. I am here. I am always missing you. I am in lust with you. I am wanting another piece of your body. I am in desperate need. I am the deep, deep, blue ocean. I am lost without you. I am a long lost heirloom. I am a horrible relection of self. 051017 ... peyton good_night because i am so drunk and i don't want to forget 051108 ... purplevelvetjacket been creepin around getting more obsessed eating purple flowers rain tastes nice off his skin do you think he will still laugh when I am covered in ants? 051109 ... j when i tried to call you i never thought you would never answer... i miss your letters 060227 ... peyton Gave in again The bastard Can't keep refusing rights So he'll loan the cash But the sin Is on the hands of you So to care or Plead silence Weak hands are calling There's close enough And there's too far It won't change an empty stare (stare, stare, stare) But I can't seem to end These images Hauntingly looks like hell (hell, hell, hell) So to care or Plead silence Weak hands are calling To care or Plead silence Weak hands are calling Come, enter the foreign Face, all that’s shameful Cheat, may the past find Out, separating To care or Plead silence Weak hands are calling To end this Catastrophic scene Awake and breathe in 060605 ... peyton What's coming through is alive. What's holding up is a mirror. But what's singing songs is a snake Looking to turn this piss to wine. They're both totally void of hate, But killing me just the same. The snake behind me hisses What my damage could have been. My blood before me begs me Open up my heart again. And I feel this coming over like a storm again. Considerately. Venomous voice, tempts me, Drains me, bleeds me, Leaves me cracked and empty. Drags me down like some sweet gravity. The snake behind me hisses What my damage could have been. My blood before me begs me Open up my heart again. And I feel this coming over like a storm again. I am too connected to you to Slip away, to fade away. Days away I still feel you Touching me, changing me, And considerately killing me. Without the skin, Beneath the storm, Under these tears The walls came down. And the snake is drowned and As I look in his eyes, My fear begins to fade Recalling all of those times. I could have cried then. I should have cried then. And as the walls come down and As I look in your eyes My fear begins to fade Recalling all of the times I have died and will die. It's all right. I don't mind. I don't mind. I don't mind. I am too connected to you to Slip away, to fade away. Days away I still feel you Touching me, changing me, And considerately killing me. 061212 ... pete a pretty name.. very very american sounding though. (the though hangs as if it holds negative intent when really it is a necessary part of a neutral observation) 061213 ... peyton thanks pete. it's very often people confuse my name for pete, when it's said over the phone 061213 ... peyton . 080517 ... florescent light how are you doing? 080517 ... peyton don't worry i'm not back and i won't intrude 090109 ... on your engagement congratulations . 090109 ... peyton i hope that if anyone out there still thinks of something that we shared or share that they remember that i always said and we always said you can't take those parts back so if you still have a shard of me please know that i have that shard of yours and i promise i will take care of it and never throw it away because no matter what happened or happens i will still think you are special 090509 ... peyton And the sky was made of amethyst And all the stars look just like little fish You should learn when to go You should learn how to say no Might last a day yeah Mine is forever Might last a day, yeah Well mine is forever When they get what they want they never want it again When they get what they want they never want it again Go on, take everything, take everything I want you to Go on, take everything take everything take everything I want you to And the sky was all violet I want it again, but more violet, more violet Hey, Im the one with no soul One above and one below Go on, take everything take everything I want you to Go on, take everything take everything I want you to I told you from the start just how this would end When I get what I want I never want it again Go on, take everything take everything I want you to Go on, take everything, take everything I want you to Go on, take everything, take everything I want you to Go on, take everything, take everything I want you to Go on take everything take everything take everything take everything 110712 ... thy hey man! its good to see you, i want you to know that i still remember you, even after all this time, and the kind words you sent me all that time ago still stick with me, so thank you :) i hope all is well with you. i would love to hear from you. im half asleap and i gotta go so im gonna make this quick, please forgive me. but i hope to hear more from you soon. my email is a working addy if youd prefer, so if you get the chance and urge, drop me one. id love to here from you man. love, thy 110712 ... peyton Now and then I think of when we were together Like when you said you felt so happy you could die Told myself that you were right for me But felt so lonely in your company But that was love and it's an ache I still remember You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness Like resignation to the end always the end So when we found that we could not make sense Well you said that we would still be friends But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over But you didn't have to cut me off Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing And I don't even need your love But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough No you didn't have to stoop so low Have your friends collect your records and then change your number I guess that I don't need that though Now you're just somebody that I used to know Now you're just somebody that I used to know Now you're just somebody that I used to know Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over But had me believing it was always something that I'd done And I don't wanna live that way Reading into every word you say You said that you could let it go And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know But you didn't have to cut me off Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing And I don't even need your love But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough And you didn't have to stoop so low Have your friends collect your records and then change your number I guess that I don't need that though Now you're just somebody that I used to know 120107 ... peyton so now we live beside the pool where everything is good shut my eyes to the song that plays sometimes this has a heartsweet taste but its so easy in this blue where everything is good and i'll never go home ahead place the call feel it start nothings wrong but nothings true where all the things we do for fun play along but I live in a hologram with you explosions on tv and all the girls with heads inside a dream so now we live beside the pool. where everything is good nothing's wrong. but nothing's true. 140729 ... unhinged (i love that song. it can be hard for me to listen to now; it reminds me of him. how true it turned out to be...the hologram of our relationship so much prettier than the reality) 140730 ... peyton If I never told you, unhinged, I so appreciate you are still here. 140813 ... unhinged thanks i so appreciate that we are all still here and so is blather 140814 ... peyton He said that he would heal me. Heal me. But he only gave me problems. Problems. 161119 ... unhinged (hey welcome back to our desolate corner of the internet) 161121 ... peyton four horsemen but they won't let me forget 170119 ... peyton I guess angst wasn't just a phase. 210720 ... peyton I want you so much. But I hate your guts. 241008 what's it to you? who go blather from