maturity Samantha It is so hard when you wake up one morning and realize that you are no longer a child. It is harder when you are still too young to vote. College, careers, that in-between feeling. Maturity and age are not the same thing but don't ever tell your parents that. 000912 ... tourist Lather was thirty years old today they took away all of his toys. his mother sent newspaper clippings to him about his old friends who'd stopped being boys. there was Howard c. greene just turned thirty-three, his leather chair waits at the bank and sargent Dow Jones twenty-seven years old commanding his very own tank. But Lather still finds it a nice thing to do to lie about nude in the sand drawing pictures of mountains that look like bumps and thrashing the air with his hands. But wait oh Lather is productive you know, he produces the finest of sounds putting drumsticks on either side of his nose snortting the best licks in town. BUT THAT'S ALL OVER. Lather was thirty years old today and lather came foam from his tongue He looked at my eyes wide and plainly said, "Is it true that I'm no longer young?" and I should have told him "No you're not old." and I should have let him go on Smiling. Baby-Wise. partial lyrics of my favorite Jefferson Airplane song still good advice 001102 ... bethany i hate that my waaaaaay younger sister seems, and does act more mature than i do at times. it doesn't worry me coz i know that when i was less mature i acted just like her. then i grew up and realized there was a fine line between mature and matured. word. it's really late, all apologies accepted 020211 ... pete i seem to be attaining maturity through pain and depressing situations. learning and learning from being made invisible, being betrayed, failing at something that seemed so sure. 040318 ... z an excellent short story by Theodore Sturgeon. 040318 ... Lemon_Soda So... It happened again. Someone I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. Someone so awesome and cosmic and...just...your heart is properly FULL when you are with this person... And it didn't work out. To be honest, I didn't think I woud have these kind of feelings for soemone after My Love. I thought she would be the bar everyone else would be judged by. But in this wonderful relationship I learned that...everyone is their own bar. Its not a contest, its entirely different WORLDS. I"m not sure of anything other then the level of intensity, commitment, and...and...HAPPY. But it didn't work out. When I say that I mean...the dream is not going to be realized even after the universe signed the contract. I can't say I'm not disappointed on some level...but I don't...I''m not...its not that bad! Crazy, right? how can you feel so deeply about someone...NEED them so much...and yet...after certain...events...things are nolonger going to workk out the way you wanted, dreams are squashed, the future looks grey, the present isn't...but I'm okay. I cannot tell you how awesome it is that we are going to be even better friends because of over a year of being highschool-lovers, as it were. Mind you, we're both older than that, and we really believed we had found eachother in a mess of never finding your "other". I'll tell you something. There is someone I still love to this day that I learned one of the most valuable lessons I'have ever learned from. When we broke up(after a lengthy engagement) I was heartbroken. I begged her to stay...I cried...I coiuldn't handle it. I acted like an ass. I really thought my one shot at happiness was going up in smoke because someone else was acting selfishley....and in hindsight, I was so wrong its not even funny. BEcause of the way I acted...because I di9dn't understand that her life was hers, and mine was mine...because I felt betrayed, scorned, hurt...I expressed myself in all the wrong ways... And she wants nothing to do with me now. Utterly terrible. I've tried to make amends but she is not the type to forget or forgive...but she DID give me a incredibly valuable gift. Because of the way I acted and the consequence of it...I was able to end a marriage engagement and be CLOSER to the one I would've married because of it. I received confirmation today that friendship can grow stronger instead of turn sour, that such a love...such a DEEP, MAGNIFICENT lov can endure despite circumstance. We don't need to be tied to eachother anymore...we just ARE. Its wonderful... Think of all the previous lovers and friends you have had..think of all the ones that went sour when it became apparent the parties involved weren't THAT involved... Now imagine that THAT experience made things even BETTER instead of horrible wrong...that even to this day you were lovers and friends an family with every single one of them! That no harsh words were ever spoken! That undrstanding and space was free to give and noone felt the need to make it horrible. This is the bliss of the lesson you taught me. For that I thank you. Life is good, my friends. There is a way of things, if you chose it, that makes lovers and family of us all. We can't let paranoia or selfishness cloud our thoughts...there is too much love to be exprienced..to many friends to be had...to many GOOD THINGS... I hope your all having a wonderful night...and if your not...drink a sprite and think of me. I'm there with you now...hugging you, laughing with you...letting you know its going to be okay. We have a choice. Lets take it. 090320 what's it to you? who go blather from