meet_roger_dafremen
Dafremen I Freefall Me by Roger Dafremen

I took a ride inside to hide
perhaps unwind inside My mind
instead I find a precipice
and jumping see in front of Me
the darkest deepest widest hole
I plunge on through and soon the view expands
to open sky, antifreeze green
all around and in between
as I take in the scene
or the scene takes in Me
who KNOWS which it should be
I don't ask, so in awe
of the city I saw
from my vantage point high
in that hole in the sky
I fly out as if being reborn

Falling
floating
dropping
dreaming
beautiful, beauteous wonderful place
seems almost like coming home
where myriad nightmares feed alone
on aspirations thoughts and dreams
where hopelessness bursts at the seams
now tears stream down My soul

NOOOOOOOO!
I flail my arms to stop my fall
but pick up speed instead
My limbs float lifeless, dead
as I freefall inside My head
Spires of fears now jutting out
so sharp and clear
while drawing near
I fear, I fear this place
TAKE Me from this place!
SAVE Me from this place!
but NO, the journey must go on

Still on that ride inside My mind
I take a breath
My screams subside
but echo off the loneliness
that forms the valley down below
a place I've grown to know and love
that shelters Me
that harbors Me
from fear of plunging on

How many times did I play in that place?
in its empty embrace?
at a Self defined pace
seems that loneliness was My best friend
guess We all die alone at the end
they'll be lonely, I'm with an old friend
guess the last laugh is Mine in the end

I clear my head of
bitter thoughts and stare in dread
at fast approaching ground instead
all the other things shown to me
all so well known to me
Nightmares and Loneliness
Hopelessness, Dread
all so familiar
all here in My head
but this ground seems a stranger
as if unknown danger
lies waiting for Me at the end

Unfamiliar but, wait
"No not THAT!" it's too late
for the end of the journey has come
though the fall through My mind wasn't long
I slam into reality

Done.
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010522
...
Dafremen No Curtain Call by Roger Dafremen

Not once did I among the few
Call after you and hope to die
To tumbled echoes rattling
Along the ragged edge of sanity

No band played on for you and I
No credits rolled to our demise
No clever sense of irony
Did lend to our finality

Sweet, sweet and blissful calm
Whose waves wash to serenity
And vanity is pushed away
Instead deep insecurity

Grim fears of hope of saving fate
Of twisted once-upon-a-times
Which menace my dementia
This oft sought melancholy

Now off with you, I did not call
I do not wait, nor do we all
Begone, farewell go to what awaits
Fade into your happily-ever-after.
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010522
...
Dafremen Nevergreen by Roger Dafremen

Onward through the thickest fields
of bluest evergreen
choking back the loneliness
grasping at breath
inward to the darkest dreams
of blackest isolation
sucked deep into emptiness
gasping a sigh

Onward through the thickest fields
of truest nevergreen
reddened by the maddening
of terror striking soul
outward, ever gladdening
whitens paper smile
insistent ever saddening
reaching out to die.
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010522
...
Dafremen Juvenile Crime - My Thoughts On The Subject.

by Roger Dafremen

In my mental wanderings, I very often am suprised to find simple cause and effect relationships where others might see none. Similarities between apparently dissimilar situations or events. Patterns in seemingly unrelated, unconnected occurences and social trends.

Such is the case now with the "hot button" issue of juvenile crime. What strikes me as absurd is the notion that a young individual's tendency to violent anti-social behavior is in any way a product of easy access to guns. I also find absurd the notion that our society would be more secure should we take measures to ensure that these disturbed youngsters are left without means to act out their violent impulses and fantasies.

Should guns disappear from the face of the planet tomorrow, the disturbed mind would remain disturbed, the imagination left to devise other means and tools to obtain it's twisted objectives. A gun, or a well placed brick to the back of the skull? Dead is dead after all and violence is violence. Perhaps if anything we might only serve to deter bold action, instead replacing front page school shootings with more insidious and well hidden violent crimes which might go undetected for years ala Dahmer or Gacy.

Is it logical to assume that dangerous individuals are no longer a threat once dangerous methods are beyond their reach? Pehaps, but for as long as the ability to wrap one's fingers around another's throat remains within reach there can, by such logic, be no end to the threat of dangerous individuals.

A mind intent on violent action will find ample opportunity and abundant resources wherever they might be found.

Do we legislate every aspect of the daily lives of the many in order to remove all potential for violent abuse by the disturbed few? Do we deny matches and lighters to all in order to avoid the destruction left in the wake of a disturbed pyromaniacal few? If we are ALSO willing to give up our stoves, water heaters, toasters, batteries and the like; all potential sources of destructive power for those inclined to seek fire as a means of fulfilling their aberrant fantsies.

Such is also the case against the effectiveness of legislating the tools of the homicidal; it cannot hope to succeed and long after its dismal failures have become apparent, the average member of society will still live with the curtailed rights and diminished privileges(freedoms) that inevitably are the direct result of increased regulation.

As history has shown us time and again, freedoms once relinquished are seldom if ever restored, even though the legislation and its original causant factors may no longer exist or threaten society. More often than not, they are cited as precedence for further restrictive legislation; acting as links in a chain of curtailed liberties. Each subsequent generation born under such legislation does not miss the freedoms lost, having never enjoyed the benefits which such freedoms and privileges afforded their predecessors. In this manner each lost liberty is seen by subsequent generations as but a small sacrifice in the name of the common good when in fact, it is simply another step in the long journey away from the freedoms enjoyed by our forefathers.

Whenever we find ourselves giving up rights, liberties or privileges in the name of solving our contemporary dilemmas we must STOP! These liberties are not OURS to relinquish or regulate out of existence, they belong to all Americans, past, present AND future. We must turn our national heritage over to our children with all of the freedoms which were ours to enjoy and benefit from, intact. Secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves AND our posterity. This is the responsibility that is the cost of the privilege.

Instead we must solve our generations unique problems without resorting to restrictive regulation no matter HOW reasonable the law or how honorable its intent. This is our duty as Americans, to preserve and pass on every individual freedom enjoyed by our generation to the next.

The pattern, by the way that I have presented repeatedly now reveals itself as one which we find in the original subject of this letter, that of increasing juvenile crime.

What I see is nothing short of this same well intentioned dereliction of duty on the part of Americans as parents.

That no doubt seems harsh and extremely judgemental, it is both. I make that statement with a clean conscience however, since my understanding of the realities of raising and supporting a family is certainly peppered with moments of longing for the fulfillment of personal goals unachieved.

At some point in our history, a child was born into a home with parental role models, some good, some bad. When all other things were in doubt, the presence of a parental figure was all but assured. Discipline was the rulebook and parental behavior the example. Society's complex and often unnatural requirements were taught in the relative safety of parental example and discipline, if nothing else was assured. This then was a benefit enjoyed by the child (like it or not) and a responsibility assumed by the adult (know it or not). You didn't have to KILL for attention, it was there, good or bad.

Somewhere along the way American adults have stopped regarding home as that safe place for children to find security and guidance. Somewhere along the way it has become little more than a shelter from the elements. A combination phone booth, hotel and restaurant. It has stopped being the center of childhood memory and instead become a place to sleep and keep kids. Friends become family, sex becomes love and peer approval is acceptance. NO wait, peer approval becomes GUIDANCE.

Somewhere along the way we forgot our responsibility to our children in our zealous pursuit of the "RIGHTS" of personal fulfillment. Somehow along the way we allowed breadwinning to become glorious and privileged while childrearing as a career is seen as backward and embarrassing.

What FOOLS we have become. A nation of jackasses hypnotized by the empty promises of the almighty dollar and all that it might provide to our children, when in reality few of us have the guts or the noble traits of self sacrifice, patience and humility required to stay home and see to the social and emotional needs of our children.

Right to procreate, responsibility to rear. We demand the former and all but disregard the latter. Is this an unreasonable point of view? Perhaps it is, but tell me working families, don't you find the idea of universal access to daycare appealing? More appealing perhaps than staying home with your 3 year old? Need the money do you? How much are you paying for childcare? Transportation? Lunch out? Work clothes? Does it even out after taxes? Single parent are you? Who left? You? Him? Her? Divorce? Wasn't that fantasy marriage you thought it would be? How long were you together? Did your parents stay together for your sake? Did they divorce? WHY DID YOU HAVE CHILDREN ANYHOW? Me, Me, Me, Me and more ME. I wasn't fulfilled. I needed more. I wasn't happy. MY life was unrewarding.

On behalf of society I would like to thank you for providing a WONDERFUL example of irresponsible self gratification to your children. Thanks for leaving them to develop their OWN belief and value systems. Most of all thank you for refusing to accept YOUR part in the increase in juvenile crime, but after all, responsibilty isn't you strong suit...is it? You would blame it on anything that you could possibly direct a pointed finger at huh?

Music, movies, guns, drugs, gangs, schools...THEY'RE all to blame.

No they were just there when you weren't. Deal with that.
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010522
...
Dafremen Glimpses of Things by Roger Dafremen

You know it's almost unbelievable
So damn close to incredible that I
Can't seem to decipher the meaning.

Yet I can't help but think that it's so
Close to comprehendible that
I just might be swallowed by the feeling.

(Chorus)

It's dark and night is closing in
On light that here inside my brain
Would flicker on if I weren't dreaming

The starkly white glimpses of things
That choose to hide within my brain
Will drive me mad if I don't see them.

(End Chorus)

You know it's incomprehensible
So damn unintelligible that it
Numbs my mind and sends my senses reeling

Yet I can't help but feel that it's
So close to understandable that
I can't stop my brain from almost screaming.

(Chorus)

It's dark and light is closing in
Tonight right here inside my brain
It flickers on and I start dreaming

Then starkly white glimpses of things
That once hid deep inside my brain
Now drive me mad because I see them.

(End Chorus)

(Guitar Solo)


(Chorus Finale)

This part of me that's closing in
Is slowly eating at my brain
Until reality is dreaming

And these white glimpses of things
Seem to be one and they're the same
For now in madness I can see them.

(End Chorus Finale)
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010522
...
Dafremen The Mote That Would Be A Mountain
by Roger Dafremen

Where is the greatness for which I pay
So heavy a price, mortality?
For what is a man on his dying day
But what he's left posterity?

Born fast to wax, then slowly wane
An erratic moon in history
Time, a succubus kiss, does drain
My life away, yet leaves no glory.

How will they remember me
Who laurels never have adorned?
Perhaps it is my poetry
Which spares me from a death unmourned.
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010522
...
Dafremen Time To Be Amazed by Roger Dafremen

The TIME?
It's not the time,it's not the time
That's what I say
And you're amazed.

Not the TIME?!
And then you cry so many tears
You miss the years you've lost
by counting all the days.

What about the LOVE?
It's not the time, forget the time
Look at the years of love we gave,
We've kept the promises we made

But not the time
For I'm your man and as a man
I must have each and all the days
To make you proud and earn your praise

I look at you
And I'm suprised to find your eyes
Seem far away
They're filled with pain
And I'm amazed.

Amazed to find
I see your eyes and it's the time
To calm your fears and dry the tears
You cry alone each day
Not let you throw YOUR time away.

Yes it's the love
Not the time, but still the time
Is what we have to say
"I love you" each and every day
And be amazed.
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010522
...
Dafremen Peaceful Place by Roger Dafremen

Time and time again I see
A peaceful place that waits for me
Though far it seems in times of strife
This peaceful place brings to my life
A shining beacon of hope and when
I'm down it lifts me up again
Much like Pandora's straggling guide
A hope that stirs a smile inside
This is my peaceful place's part
My peaceful place within your heart.
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010522
...
Dafremen The Headache by Roger Dafremen

Milky silken soft caress of light cupped breast in wolfen hand
Runs the course of gentle curves til caution sighs its reprimand

Rounding rounded netherworld does stoke the flame of passions fire
To the tune of beating hearts now racing onward to desire

Then STOPPED. Accursed conscience pleas, it begs to stop the hot debate.
For heartstrings pluck fidelity then open eyes to sleeping mate.
010522
...
Dafremen My Name by Roger Dafremen

Come on in, it's been awhile
Noone's waiting here for you
Please excuse the bitter smile
That I pasted on for you

But what did you expect to find when you opened up my rage?
When you left me here to rot inside this cage.

(Chorus)

See
You don't know, you don't know
All the things that I have seen
Since you tried to understate me
Now you don't know my name

No
You don't know, you don't know
All the places I have been
Still you try to dominate me
But you don't know my name

(End Chorus)

Damn it's so hard to believe
I once looked up to you
At once so young and so naive
Hopeful and trusting too
But then came twisted revelry as you revelled in my misery
And left me with these wounds that will not heal.

(Chorus)

You don't know, you don't know
All the things that I have seen
Since you tried to understate me
Now you don't know my name

You don't know, you don't know
All the places I have been
Still you try to dominate me
But you don't know my name

(End Chorus)

Forget bout humanity
Just wallow in your vanity
Believing you're infallible again

Screw the childhood fantasy
Adults must learn hypocrisy
Replace that smile with anger and with pain

(Chorus)

Guess
You don't know, you don't know
All the things that I have seen
Since you tried to understate me
Now you don't know my name

You don't know, you don't know
All the places I have been
Still you try to dominate me
But you don't know my name

No
You don't know, you don't know
Feel the anger or the pain
When you underestimate me
Now you don't know my name
No you don't know my name
(End Chorus)
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010522
...
Dafremen I'm not sure what the textbook definition of a quest is, I guess I've never looked it up.

In my mind a quest is defined by two principle things: A goal and the quester(s). More than just the quester however, is how the pursuit of the goal changes the one pursuing it from the man he was before the quest, into the man he is after the quest. It doesn't have to be a dramatic change either, maybe a lesson learned or a new found perspective. Sometimes, it's just the wisdom gained during the course of the questing that helps to redefine the man as much as it defines the quest itself.

In any event, by my definition, my search for Professor A.F. Seward "The World's Foremost Astrologer" has become more than a search. It has taken on the status of quest.

Let me briefly recap what I HAVE learned about this amazing man.

During his lifetime Alfred F.(erdinand?) Seward traveled the globe in search of the earliest recorded information about astrology. His travels led him to the Himalayan mountain range where he encountered monks who had preserved what he believed were the oldest known scrolls recording astrological knowledge.

Whether before or after this I'm not sure, but in 1915 Professor Seward wrote a book which he called The Zodiac and Its Mysteries. He published it himself and priced it at $1. He wrote several other books.

He had 3 offices across the United States. These were located in Chicago, Atlantic City and Los Angeles.
He later retired to Miami Beach.

He appeared on the radio programs in the late 20's and early 30's on the same radio stations as such notables as "The Shadow" and Harry Houdini and was in fact a HUGE celebrity of his time.

He made recordings of sun sign information for Victor Records in 1932.

He was either named for, or IS a famous Scottish Seer of the late 19th century.

He had an Astrology Center in Atlantic City, one of the most popular attractions on the boardwalk.

I think what I've learned the BEST about Professor Seward is this:
He LOVED what he did, and although he no doubt profited handsomely from his work, I honestly don't get the feeling that it was the money that motivated him to action. Professor Seward, I believe, wanted to help people, and he felt that this end would best be served by promoting astrology and helping it to achieve the status of a mainstream science. He, I believe, wanted EVERYONE to know what he knew, and these are not the actions of a profiteer.

As I said before, many of my beliefs have been redefined since I began this quest. I have learned that mass appeal and worldwide fame DO NOT assure anything even remotely resembling immortality and in fact, even the most successful of us will one day be all but forgotten.
For all of his success and celebrity, one has but to search in vain for something as simple as a piece of biographical data on Professor Seward to learn that he has all but vanished from the face of the planet.

I have learned that truth, in and of itself, is NOT enough to ensure posterity's acceptance. Without disparaging those who are patiently doing their part to keep the ancient arts of astrology alive, I have to say that I believe more damage has been done by focusing on astrology's weak suit: probability projection(predictive astrology) in the form of horoscopes (not that the science isn't still compelling in that area) than would have been done had modern day astrologers instead stuck with presenting sun sign information(humanistic astrology) to the masses as a tool that the common man could use in his daily life to help him in understanding himself and the people around him. This, I feel, is astrology's strong suit, at least as far as the general public goes.(I would highly recommend the book LOVE SIGNS as a perfect example of how compellingly accurate sun sign information can be, and how highly palatable it can be made to the astrologically uninitiated.)

Professor Seward seemed to know this and it was for this reason that the books he wrote and made available involved tried and true data that was less subject to interpretation, the whims of chance and/or the ever unpredictable actions of free spirits exercising free will. To be sure, Professor Seward himself provided horoscopes to the masses, but as he cautioned in his book, The Zodiac and Its Mysteries, canned horoscopes are far from reliable and an accurate horoscope was a very personalized thing.

However, what is done is done and we can only hope to undo the damage that has been done to the general public's perception of this ancient science of cause and effect observation. We can do this by providing people with astrology at its best and literally "blowing their minds" consistently with the irrefutable truths that have been known for millennia.

As for me, I must continue on my quest, for quest it is, and what type of man will come out on the other side of this quest, I cannot say for sure except to say, "a better man" and leave it at that.

I will continue to do my part to revive Professor Seward's dream one person at a "mind blowing" time, and as I do so, I will continue to pursue his story as well. I have to. I have a debt to repay, and each person introduced to the great truths of astrology is like a check made out to

A.F. Seward and Co. not Inc, 3620 Fremont Street(formerly Rokeby St.) Chicago Illinois.

Roger Dafremen
fremgreen@home.com


P.S. Does anyone have any information on one Professor A.F. Seward "The World's Foremost Astrologer"?

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010522
...
Dafremen This is a rerun from: HATE

I hate that as a parent, I have to be the BAD guy all the time. It sucks, I'd rather be having fun with the missus,or playing some Quake, but I have this stupid job to do called raising my kids and paying to keep a roof over their heads.

A perfect example of Daffy the "Bad Guy Asshole Parent"

My 15 year old tells me that she hates me and she wishes I would let her do what she wants to and leave her alone. I left, and came back with a suitcase and a 10 dollar bill. I said "Fine, get the fuck out." (I normally don't swear at my kids, but I had a point to make and I think it was well served by the expletive.)
"Here's a suitcase for your stuff, and some money to get started."

"Where will I go?"

"That's not my problem, you want to live your life, you hate me, here's your chance. Get the fuck out."

"But I don't know where I'm going to go and that's only 10 dollars."

"Hey, I came up from Mexico with only 10 bux in my pocket and a suitcase. You've got it easy. I had a pregnant wife and a child with me. Now get the fuck out."

"But I don't know where to go and I'm afraid."

"Tough shit, so was I. If you don't want to live by my rules, here's the alternative, leave. If you don't like me and want me gone, here's your chance. Get the fuck out if that's what you want to do. I'm not stopping you."

"I don't want to go, why are you doing this to me?"

"You said you wanted me gone. Well there are other people in this family who don't. The easiest way for me to be gone from your life is for you to leave. I love you and I'll miss you, but if you hate me that much and you can't live by my few EASY rules then get the FUCK out if that's what you're going to do. Cmon, get packing."

(Sobbing)"I don't want to go."

"Well, that's your choice, but if you're going to stay, you've got to live by my rules. This is MY house, this is your mother's house. It can be your home, but it can't be YOUR way. It's my way and your mother's way or you know where your suitcase is and I'll keep this 10 dollars in my pocket just in case."

"You hate me!"(Now THERE'S a twist. I hate HER! Sheesh F*cking teens!!)

"I don't hate you, I'm just not gunna put up with your shit. This is MY family, I built it NOT you. I'd rather watch you walk out that door than watch you tear this family apart with your selfish, immature, I-wanna-do-what-I-wanna-do bullshit."

"You would REALLY let me leave huh? Why are you so mean?"

"Mean? Mean? I'm not the one telling YOU how much I HATE you. That's you telling ME that. All I ever did was put a roof over your head and love you to death. Screw you, YOU'RE the mean one. All you think about is your friends. Your friends haven't given up a THING for you. What have your friends ever done for you? Name ONE thing that your friends have done to feed you, clothe you, protect you. I'm mean? No YOU'RE the mean one. I'm just some hard working sucker that fell for a cute little baby that started to HATE me when she turned 14."

"Would you REALLY make me leave?"

"No, and I wasn't making you leave, I was giving you the choice. If someday you decide you're ready to leave, don't look back because you WON'T be coming back. I'll still love you and I'll still worry about you, but you're a tough girl, you'll make it and I still have your brothers and sisters to think about too."

"I'm sorry I called you mean. I don't really hate you."

"Thank you. I'm sorry I yelled at you. You gunna be able to handle living by my rules or not?"

"Yea, I'll try."

"That's all I've ever asked."
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010522
...
Dafremen Rerun from: LULLABY

One Look At You by Roger Dafremen

Turned my head to look at you
Perhaps to pry a smile or two
From this oft-stoney heart

Turned my heart to look at you
And warm and longing through and through
Like passion's desire on Ritalin

Turned way, can't look at you
Tempting tempestuous love-shrouded torture
Lurking pain waiting to pounce and devour my dignity, my soul

Turned for one last look at you
Perhaps to pry a smile or two
From this oft-lonely heart.
010522
...
Dafremen Rerun from: BLEED

For You Bleed For Me by Roger Dafremen

Bleed
another day
not a soul
Bleeds
for you
Bleed
for me

Bleed
turn around
face the blade
Bleed
for you
Bleed
for me

Bleed
right away
got to go
Bleed
for you
Bleed
for me

Bleed
walk away
then betrayed
Bleed
for you.
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010522
...
Dafremen Plastic Plants...Rubber People?
by Roger Dafremen

Sitting at my favorite table, eating my favorite fast-food breakfast at my favorite fast food breakfast spot,
when the plastic plants caught my eye. Now my thoughts, like me, can be more than a bit eccentric, but they're
generally not delusional so I like to let them run their course just to see what sort of adventure they might
take me on, and this morning's was a pleasant one. The adventure those plastic plants took me on started with my
recalling why it was that some folks chose plastic ones over real plants. Natural plants have their flaws and they're
certainly higher maintenance than the faux variety. They die, they gotta have water, sunshine and generally just
require someone to pay attention to their needs. Plastic plants on the other hand don't ask a thing from you
and they give some people the "plant ambience" that they're looking for.

Enjoying the absurd and appreciating the ironic, I wasn't too suprised by the bizarre twist that my thoughts took next.

See I don't hug trees or squeeze bunnies, and as I've already mentioned I can appreciate a good fast food joint, but
wouldn't it be ironic if nature decided that we were more trouble than we were worth? Just up and replaced us
with rubber people? No dying, no water, food, muss or fuss; just perfect smiling rubber people. Maybe move
us around once in awhile to give the illusion of activity and keep the animals on their toes.

It started me thinking about how often we simply replace the people and things in our lives that get to need more
from us than we feel we're getting from them.

As I was finishing my breakfast and vowing not to own plastic plants(or rubber people!) I looked out the window
and saw that big shiny clown out in the courtyard just looking at me with the biggest grin on his face.

I couldn't help but smile back.
010522
...
Dafremen Man Oh Man Have I Got Some Brains For You
by Roger Dafremen

flaky brains
I got em
flaky brains
you want em
flaky cer-
ebellum
medulla ob-
longata
Just add WATER you say?

creamy brains
i got em
creamy brains
you want em
creamy cer-
ebral cortex
and corpus
callosum
Let em SIT FOR AWHILE you say?

stinky brains
i got em
stinky brains
who wants em?
stinky hy-
pothalamus
occipital
and frontal
GO AWAY you say?

Skiddely WOW!
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010523
...
Dafremen Too Hand to Hardle by Roger Dafremen

Just did that bitch again
With the gentle touch and familiar skin
Did her fast, did her hard did her just my way
Probably shouldn't but I went and did it anyway
Man I gotta shake her but I just can't stop
Cuz it's so hard to find a girl who'll always be on top
So I do her and I did her and I will some more
Pleasures me without complaint cuz that's what she is for
You'd think I'd quit this foolish shit and finally make my stand
It's HARD to quit a piece of ass that's also your right hand.
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010523
...
Dafremen There All Along by Roger Dafremen

Where did you go?
Hiding out from life has left me hunting high and low.
A consequence of mine or just a consequence of time?
Although the pain may seem the same
It's always worse if I'm to blame, but still I must know.

Why did you go?
Looking for escape I have lost track of you I know.
Did you cry when you got sent away or went away?
Although either way you're just as gone
I would feel worse if it hurt you, and so I must know.

When did you go?
Slipping in and out I've quite lost track of time you know.
Was it long ago or yesterday that you walked out the door?
From where I stand it happened now but
If you've had time to heal I won't hurt you again and so.

I turn around to go and..
"Oh! There you are!"
010524
...
Dafremen Remember When? by Roger Dafremen

Stop! Come play with me awhile
And laugh again with a child's smile
For a little while with your child smile.

Remember when? Remember then?
We swung our legs, so blissful
Now just wistful now, just wistful now.

Mature, you sternly reprimand
How tall you are, all grown and proud
So serious I laugh out loud with my child's smile
Laugh out loud with my child smile.

I laugh for you, smile for you
I cried for you, what DIED in you?
I cry and smile with a child's smile
Weep and wait for you awhile
With your child's smile, your child smile
I weep and wait for your child smile.
010529
...
Dafremen Forget To Let You Get Away
by Roger Dafremen

Burning with a craving to love you
Slap myself to keep it at bay
Terrified I just might forget to
Stop myself before I let through
Feelings...NO must run away!

Pining for a way to forget you
Close my eyes and wish you away
Satisfied I need to forget to
Yearn for you, learn to forget to
Think about you night and day

Seething with a longing to hurt you
Clench myself to keep it inside
Mortified to think I'll forget to
Control myself and not to forget to
Tear you limb from limb then cry.
010530
...
Dafremen Rerun from WISH:

I wish that there was SOMETHING, just some LITTLE thing that was REALLY wrong when someone decides to droool on about everything that's "wrong" with their life.

I mean I wish that it didn't always have to do with three things:

Attention
(How much you're not getting),

Relationships
(Their profound nature or lack thereof)

Self Indulgence
(What you want, what rocks about having it and why the rest of the world is f*cked in the head when you don't have it.)

Nyaaaah...Nyaaahhh...Nyaaahhh
On and on it goes like a broken record.

He, She, Them. Did, Didn't, Won't. Be with me, Understand me, Let me live MY life.
I love her, I really like her, I am DYING without him.
He hurt me, you don't love me anymore, what the hell does "be friends" mean?
My mom is a bitch, my dad is never around, my "ex" bestfriend is forgotten.

Yadda Yadda Yackety Yackety Yack Yack Huuurl!

I want to do this, I want to do that, I want her, why can't they let me have what I want? Why isn't my life the way I want it to be? Me me me, I I I, Me, I, Me I, Ay Ay skipper.

Oh we are so in love(Translated: I'm that much closer to getting laid!).

He is my best friend.(Translated: He's almost spent enough time with me for me to start going out with him, OR he's too ugly for me to even CONSIDER going out with, what would my friends think?)

He makes me feel special.(Translated: He actually pretends to listen to what I'm saying AND he tells me how beautiful/smart/funny/nice/fine/sexy/hot/not-like-the-other-girls-he's-met/SPECIAL I am. Plus he's cute and all my friends think he's cute and that we look good together. OR ALTERNATIVELY,
I don't KNOW anyone else that would go out with me and in a field of one it's not hard to take first place.)

Oh she means so much to me.(Translated: Hey beats hanging out with my parents again this weekend...PLUS I'm that much closer to getting laid.)

What am I EVER going to do without her?!(Translated: Damn she dumped me. This sucks. Hope folx don't think I'm some sort of anthropomorphic reject. I'm feeling so rejected now. Will I EVER get laid?!)

My parent's don't understand me.(Translation: For some reason those old people don't see how profound the lyrics to "Butterfly" by Crazy Town are and they're too busy doing their jobs and sh*t to even TRY to see how important MTV and related shows ARE to understanding the fate of our nation and the complex interplay of the interpersonal dynamic among its citizens. Plus why won't they just let me do what I want to do, have things MY way? Me dammit...ME!!! Umm bills? Not my problem...just let me live my f*cking life you old f*ckers!!!)

Yea...I really do wish kids would come up with something legitimate. Something pithy and REAL. It's like being a clockmaker and listening to cuckoo clocks go off all day long. Same song, different clock.

Yea I wish, but of course like Coolio said: "Wishing is for suckers"
010601
...
Dafremen Then you know it only rhymes
by Roger Dafremen

beautiful syllables in silky streams caress
my eyes as they bathe my mind
their butterscotch bittersweet tempting
then teasing then fooling my heart
emotions held back by a fist-hard clenching
throat
they reluctantly slide back into their place
and weep
-
-
delicate dewdrop kisses
verse whose liquid sunshine sends hearts
soaring
humbles me
with butterfly wings beckoning
Fly! Come play!”
not knowing my impotence
nor the nettle sharp
sting of ego
touched to humility
knowing only the joy of having
raised two cheeks
with two words
-
-
DARK DEEP COLD WORDS
slide a frosty terror smacked chill to
NUMB THE SOUL
from its self-satisfied smug little nest
poemsmith’s dreamy nightmare reality
pries the safety
the all-to-present security aside
to reveal the dusty thankfulness
behind calling
Fall down on your chubby self-love stained belly
and PRAISE the circumstances
which spare you from scrutiny
pray
your groveling beggar’s prayer
that you might not know it’s hard icy stare.”
while neck hair pledges
humble allegiance
in a unanimous standing ovation.
-
-
hands shaking
SOUL shaking
exhausted and full
of grateful disgust
for the folly of a pompous heart
for the silly delusional FANTASY
of a would-be poet
who now reverently closes the book
then faithfully executes
the burning of his paper mistakes

I cannot WRITE.
only rhyme
-
-
010601
...
Dafremen Perfect Paradise by Roger Dafremen

Did you ever:

Overlook the three leaf clovers while searching for one with four?

Forget how good the well water tastes when you haven't had a drink for hours?
How good a glass of soda tastes when you've been drinking water for months?

Have a better bowl of beans than those served with an empty stomach?
Have a better piece of steak than the one that came on the heels of a diet of beans?

Curse the sun on a hot day and bless the rain when it came?
Then find yourself waiting after weeks of rain for the sun to peek out of the clouds?

DID YOU EVER
Realize that now is what you have, good or bad, and that the pain and suffering of human existence is what makes the small pleasure great and the minor comforts heavenly?

Perfect paradise is all around you and you don't have to wait for it because it's already waiting for you.
010601
...
Dafremen So Long Old Friend
by Roger Dafremen


It seems so long ago, that time
When insecurity was an old friend of mine.
I can still see us, a couple of old war buddies
Walking off into that melancholy realm of the lonely.

Now can you see why that inner smile lights up my face
Everytime you take my hand?


He talks to me you know.
It is he that has you in the arms of another, not I.
No, I shake his thoughts and plots from my head
And send him packing.

Now can you see why my heart skips a beat
Everytime you say that you love me?


I've bid farewell to an old friend
For you.
I've taken my heart and soul and given them
To you.

Don't throw them away, they don't grow on trees you know.
010604
...
Dafremen So You by Roger Dafremen

Tossed around my head tonite
Ingrained hey hey yea that's you
All up on my mind
Like a black mask on a lone ranger
Shoots along through my thoughts
You burned up my straightaways long ago
You cashed in my chips while I hummed along
Smiling lady, devil baby wait oh wait yea that's you
Through the red light, off the cliff
Down the hatch and straight into my heart
Hey hey...yea...that's you.
010605
...
Dafremen Rerun from: RIDICULOUS_THOUGHTS (blather red)

In the absence of clothing, could human backhair grow long enough to be braided?

If everybody loves pizza and everybody loves ice cream...why wouldn't everyone love pizza flavored ice cream?

Do you think the guy that played Jason in the Friday the 13th movies gets recognized on the street ALL the time?

There should be a finger growing out of the back of our throats so that we can reach that one spot that always itches back there.

If I'm ever homeless, I'm saving up the first quarter that I mooch for an Aldi's shopping cart. They really ARE the Cadillac of carts and yet another tremendous Aldi's bargain at only a quarter.
010608
...
Dafremen EverPresence Of Mind
by Roger Dafremen


"Wake up!" my mind says.
"No, you sleep" I respond.
Then I drink and I drink
But the damned thing stays on.

"I feel sick" cries my stomach.
My brain: "Well, go on!"
So I heave and I hurl
And the damned thing stays on.

"We can't stand" moan my legs
While my mind writes a song.
As it sings I fall down
But the damned thing stays on.

Then a slur takes my tongue
And my brain KNOWS its gone
Still it stutters and stammers,
The damned thing stays on.

Then the booze like a pillow
To rest my head on
Brings the sleep and the dreams
Of a mind not still on.

As the night falls straight through
Golden cracks of the dawn
I awake. My brain speaks,
"While you slept, I thought on."
010608
...
Dafremen Into The River(of Life)
by Roger Dafremen


Into the river

Wake up, jump in
And live again
With us, your kin
Without, within
We've always been

Right here in view
For us, for you
Begin anew
Believe, it's true
This place you knew

When you were we
When you were free
When you could see
That you could be
A part of me

And I of you
Back then you knew
But with a few
In time you grew
To form into

Our joy, our pride
Eyes open wide
But shut inside
A truth that lied
Then tried to hide

You in a cage
Up on a stage
Filled you with rage
To die, to age
Your heritage

Then back again
With us, your kin
To see again
Be free again
Jump in, jump in.
-
-
010608
...
dB This is like a hole in your mind. Like one of those glass houses underwater, so you can look around and see all the aquatic life going about it's business.

Sorry to intrude, I'll leave you to it.


*Much Peace*
010609
...
Dafremen Just don't throw any stones in here and we're cool. 010609
...
Dafremen Blurry Days Ahead
by Roger Dafremen

Breaking into focus
They say it's easy
Here ya go
Cowboy Joe
Left the station
headed somewhere,
Anytown U.S.A.
Gotta get away
From the doldrum
Try to get away
From the tedium
Turn to, lean to
Hopped up
Taking me down
Paid the bill
Fuck the change
Mentally deranged
Preyed on, I played on
Walked on, sighed on
Get up, fall down
Backed up turned around
Notice I'm lost again
Breaking into focus
It's so easy they say
I pound my head
It's so damned easy
To pound begging
"Let me in!"
Give up and walk away.
010611
...
Dafremen On Happiness and Freedom
by Roger Dafremen

Here then is a manner in which you may determine the extent to which you are free.

Ask yourself if the things you will do today will be done in the pursuit of your happiness, or in order to avoid being miserable?
If you answer the latter, you are NOT truly free.

If you answer that you are pursuing your happiness, perhaps you are free, but then you must ask yourself, in what manner does what you are doing make you happier tomorrow than you were today?
If the answer is "It doesn't", then you are not pursuing happiness, you're masking misery in order to avoid it and once again, you are NOT truly free.

If the answer isn't obvious to you, then either you don't know what you want to be happy but desire to find happiness, in which case you WANT to be free but are not, or you are wandering aimlessly in a direction which avoids misery and you are NOT truly free.

If you are pursuing your happiness and you KNOW what you are after, you will one day be free, but at the moment, you are still NOT truly free.
-
-
010612
...
Dafremen I believe not in an afterlife as in some heavenly pearly cloudy thing, or some perfect Earth where everyone has been obliterated and the chosen few are now living pain free existences in the garden of Eden...no I believe in an afterlife as in, I will go back to whence I came, ashes to ashes etc. That which forms me will be born again, in some other form, and YEA part of my human nature would like to think that I'll come back as a human, that would be nice and we ARE the top of the food chain, so I guess its likely. But that is a belief that I lend to FAITH and describe as want, and I do not REQUIRE that the material which makes me comes back as human, I would play whatever part there is for me, perhaps that piece of rock that holds the mountainside back from falling on the village? A boring job, but someone has to do it.

I do not need to be the centerpiece on my Creator's table. Nor do I need to be MORE than what I already am. If you think about it, we're pretty lucky. Imagine that poor rock!
-
-
010612
...
Dafremen To the human race:

I think of taking you all back into my heart somedays.

To hold you all and let you know how "alright" it's going to be.

To spare you at least the sharp sting of my lectures and criticisms, the hurt and self-loathing you feel, if only for a moment.

To give liberally again in a sincerely heartfelt way, ignoring for a moment the pain of past betrayals and betrayers, knowing only the momentary joy of giving without expectation, and having that be enough.

To save you all the considerable inconvenience of finding your way through the pseudo-attitude that is my shield and my solace and to allow you free unrestricted access to what lies within.(They tell me it's quite nice, or at least they USED to.)

To set your mind at ease when nothing seems certain and the future seems less hopeful than it does frightening. To be your eyes when I can and your common sense when you need some and, no matter what, to support you in your decisions whether I agree with them or not.

To make you laugh when laughter seems unlikely, to make you smile when you're feeling down, and to help you feel appreciated when you're feeling quite the opposite.

To revel in your company, whatever your mood, and appreciate the you that you are, whoever that may turn out to be, simply because I adore you for your frailties and flaws, without which you ...wouldn't be YOU.

To bring it all into focus for you without making you feel inadequate, help it all make sense without making you feel stupid.

To let you know that you are NOT alone in this silly society with it's stupid rules and show you ways to tolerate the stupidity and have fun with the rules.

To be there for you, whatever your needs, for that truly is my heart's one desire...to help you.

Yes I think about you all a great deal and care for you very deeply, longing to let you see my mind's eye, my heart's desire.

But after all these years the scars of a thousand betrayals and betrayers have become a wall that protects and surrounds me.

Some days I'd love to take you ALL back into my heart, but they say that for every refuge there is a price to be paid, this one has cost me my very freedom.

For I can no more let you in, than let myself out and besides...

I only have to think about it somedays.
010622
...
Dafremen Rerun from: THERE_IS_NOTHING_HERE

Lobbing Stones by Roger Dafremen

Why is it that we look to the world for answers?
Lift sleepy eyelids just long enough to ask the question
Truth be told, the answer is just trivial enough to be ignored
Like a child lobbing stones at the silky surface of a pool
Perhaps it's just enough to know that we have the power
The power to lob the questions and start a reaction
Outside of our own sphere of influence and by so doing
Expand that sphere ever so slightly, so very slightly.

Half unspoken truths, half oft-spoken lies
The echoed answer soon belies
The futility of the asking for the sake of knowing,
Of learning for the sake of growing colder and more cynical
Every answer tears us away from the reality of fantasy
From the bliss of ignorance, from immunity to all preconception
And leaves so many more questions unanswered than were answered
Ask again? Inevitably you will, I won't. I'm done..I've had it.

Content in the lack of knowledge gained thus far, I succumb
To the unknowable nature of it all and by so doing come closer
Closer to knowing what I knew all along, before I started asking
Before I started digging, before I started wondering and lobbing
Lobbing stones like a child at that glassy pool, marring it's surface
With my own imperfection, my own desire, my own need to know
I had it all, knew it all but gave it up, like you I gave it all away
To lift sleepy eyelids just long enough to ask the question:
Why is it that we look to the world for answers?
010726
...
Dafremen Rerun from: TOTALLY_UNEXPLAINABLE

This next theory of mine, takes the shape of a bee, and lands right here on this freshly sprouting flower. The secrets of mystery are burried within as usual, but this time much closer to the surface.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

In the realm of infinity, there are endless possibilities. Even in a chaotic universe within a realm of entropy and energetic balance. The possibilities for an explaination are without number.

Limitless.
It's not "unknown" because we do know.
We know it is neverending.

So, what does that mean, what possibilities arise as a result of this?
Infinite possibilities arise out of each of the infinite possibilities . And in each of those possibilities ? Yes, infinity.

Infinity^infinity.
[Infinity to the infinite power]
That's reality? That's Existence? That's our Universe?

So, if all is chaos and anarchy, where does that lead us?

Well, one of the infinite possiblities is that this realm of infinity exists within a singular being.
Every dimension is connected to one realm.
All of inifinty is ONE

With the addition of this one sigle occurance out of infinity... everything changes.


All at once a certain order fills the universe, and random numbers make sense, purpose and destiny are predictable. and thus God is born...


Out of Chaos comes Order.




++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Now this bee will fly off and cross-pollenate other flowers with the seeds of these petals.

S e e d S o f L i g h t
----

Ohh BeE, if only your mission weren't so noble I would gladly take a crack atcha with my sarcasm-enhanced verbal stick. However your mission IS noble and your words ring true. Indeed it is only through oneness that the unknowable at last becomes knowable. It IS our quest for answers which has created our "unknowable" universe. We are one, we're all the same stuff and we will be again. In the context of infinity that makes everything one thing and nothing of particularly pressing concern. A place where all things are one and there are no pressing concerns. There I think is where you find the origin of heaven or paradise mythologys, mix in of course human perception of what is pleasurable and what is painful and the mythology takes on a shape of it's own, driven in part by the cultures that are it's caretakers. As fashions fads and rituals change, certain details of the stories are made more "contemporary" at sporadic intervals, adding to the distortion between each religious-myth based "paradise" and the reality that is limitless possibility for a countless number of lives and forms and oneness with everything with no worries.

I imagine when you're part of a rock or something like that it's like being unconscious; you just wake up one day and you're a conscious lump of stuff. It's gorgeous. Time has no meaning at all.

I imagine the life urge is this instinctual desire to keep one's DIRECT line of stuff from going back into the "stuff pool" (unconsciousness) and thus being "doomed" (consciousness is preferable to unconscious most of the time?) to an indeterminate amount of time before even some of their stuff would be sentient again. I dunno, I kinda think that since the universe and it's oneness are eternal I shouldn't concern myself too much with the LIFE urge. I mean by all means I should try to stay alive and keep my kids alive(it's a hell of a ride who wants to miss it?) but should I concern myself overly with all this worldy carnal bullsh*t when in the end it's nothing that means a damned thing?

I think it comes down to being grateful every day, enjoying every moment...even the painful and depressing ones. Realizing that this is a wonderful gift, even if it was given to you by random chance in the grand scheme of things.

On a more local level, I think it's only important to search for the unfindable "answers" if you truly enjoy it. Not because it is important or means a whole hell of a lot of anything. Simply chase science with all of your life and passion if you are passionate about science. By no means fill yourself full of arrogant pretenses about who's perspective is superior, because doing so makes you look less than equal to every other perspective. That's because it presumes to establish standards for unimportant nonsense that eventually will not matter.

Religions try to impose "truths" on humanity and are lashed out against by the establishment and the public.
Science imposes "truths" on humanity and we give scientists prizes for it. Well unless like Copernicus we meet those same ignorant savages of the empirical school who INSIST that something is balderdash unless it can be PROVEN(even if it can't be DISPROVEN either).

Also on a local level, realize that those around you might be part of what you are next time around. It's all one big pot and we happen to be in a side serving skillet called Earth. That means that the stuff that makes us isdefinitely going to mix with other stuff from Earth, which makes it more likely that at sometime in eternity you WILL be in the same entity with the stuff of the person that you hate the most right now. It's inevitable.

Make peace with that person. Make peace with yourself and the idea that while we have this little puppet show called human social life to attend, the reality of what we are should break down the formal protocol that society has built up in our hearts and replace it with formal social behavior tempered with an inner feeling of kinship with each other and everything around us.

Also while you are here, realize that knowing what a "God" might know will not make us gods. Not by a long shot. So be content to know what a human should know. Be content with knowing when the sun comes up and whether or not it's going to rain today. Content yoursef with sailing the seven seas or exploring the farthest reaches of space...because THAT's what it's here for..or should be anyhow huh? Just don't get stupid and fool yourself into making it anything more than a diversion, makework if you will. Something to do while your here to make you feel better about yourself and maybe help some of the folx that you'ss leave behind. Not anything that's worth getting all worked up about, but certainly an enjoyable way to spend a lifetime...and with so many lifetimes to choose from...why not?
010731
...
Dafremen Needles,
I do research in Artificial Intelligence, and let me assure you that we don't even have a good definition of what 'consciousness' is, much less a good understanding of how it works -- so your bold proclamation is nothing but wishful thinking.

The fact that you assume there is a purpose, means just that -- that you assume there is a purpose. There is no evidence whatsoever to indicate that -- hell, I even doubt you could coherently formulate what you mean by 'purpose' in this context! You simply wish there is a purpose, so you assume that there is -- wishful thinking at its finest.

You need to expand your knowledge, then maybe you would not end up looking like a fool who talks about things he does not understand. I suggest a quick intro into epistemology and philosophical semantics.

- Victor Danilchenko

...

First off, let me say WOW...this is as close as I've come to finding people who share my opinion on the nature of everything.

Secondly, although I agree with that Victor character on pages one and two about our tendency to anthropomorphize for no apparent reason other than habit, I couldn't help but notice that he was as guilty as anyone of the same faux-pas. He states:

"The fact that you assume there is a purpose, means just that -- that you assume there is a purpose. There is no evidence whatsoever to indicate that -- hell, I even doubt you could coherently formulate what you mean by 'purpose' in this context! You simply wish there is a purpose, so you assume that there is -- wishful thinking at its finest."

He skillfully avoids pointing out the fact that in his smug response to needles ASSUMPTIONS he himself resorts to assumptions. The fact that he assumes that there IS no purpose means just THAT...he ASSUMES it..nothing more. He then, rather than admitting that NOONE really knows for sure, whips out the everpresent LACK of evidence..a favorite tool of logical minds which is a valid point(if not an ignorant and short-sighted one) that creates (in his mind) an airtight open and shut case...well at this point in time anyhow. A scientist must approach the search for truth with an open mind and a touch of humility, for as Dr. Einstein himself said, "Those who would set themselves up as judges in the field of Truth and Knowledge are shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods." The fact that there is no evidence alone DOES NOT mean that a thing is not so. Take my thoughts at the moment. What evidence is there that I am currently thinking about those tasty grilled cheese sandwiches down at the Backyard Grill & Bar? Until I posted this reply there was no evidence. Does that make valid the ASSUMPTION that I wasn't thinking about anything? Or that I was thinking about C code? Of course it doesn't and this Victor character couldn't be any more certain that the universe is not conscious than he can be of my thoughts. It's really quite simple, poor intelligent, naive Victor has fallen into the trap that so many logical science-minded folx before him have. He's once again ASSUMING that a lack of evidence implies that something CERTAINLY isn't so, when in fact, a lack of evidence CANNOT prove or disprove anything with certainty WHAT-SO-EVER. Thank Gawd Einstein and Hawking, Maxwell and Boehr weren't so ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN about the falsity of things for which they had no evidence!! For without their investigations into that which had not been proven, we certainly would not have found the evidence required to prove them.

The only thing that can disprove an idea, theory or assumption is evidence to the contrary and I'm afraid THAT is one thing that our dear Mr. Victor the oh-so-much-more-intelligent-than-you--you-f***ing-morons overlooked when he began his long winded, overbearing...pompous ASSUMPTION.

My 2 cents worth? (Perhaps less..perhaps more?)

The universe may be conscious as may the Earth. If you're waiting for them to wave back at us or something I'm afraid you'll have a long wait. With a lifespan in the billions of years, I imagine one tends to wave AWWWWFFFUUULLLLYYYY slowly.

Of course the universe may NOT be conscious. That's also a very distinct possibility, one which does nothing to diminish my awe for it's magnificence.

MY own personal belief is that the "inanimate" things around us(not all...but some) will one day force us to reconsider whatever narrow definition of CONSCIOUS we have at the time. If and when that day comes, folx like Victor will look back sheepishly hoping that noone will bring up all of the stupid assumptions they made about what ISN'T in the name of science(which, by the way, I'm sure DOESN'T appreciate the favor).

As for God...I believe that a CREATOR of the universe remains a possibility, but not one that I require in my personal belief system. If there is a "god" I can't fathom the idea that he/she/it is lounging around watching the human race or ANY race for that matter. If there IS a creator...he's probably either long dead or back in a laboratory somewhere working on his next experiment.

Either way I owe my entire existence to this big beautiful creation machine, seems like the least I can do is stop staring at it like it's a bug or something, to view it with awe and wonder rather than incredulity.
(Yet another THING that folx like Victor do to puff up their own egos. (Being the only "intelligent beings" that can assign something a purpose or lack thereof at will. The assignors of truth and purpose they are.) They see this universe that created them, could destroy them in less than the blink of an eye(without purpose mind you) and shudder at the thought that it might be conscious. After all..THEY are the intelligent beings in this universe dammit...THEM.)

Anyhow, nice reading your stuff Victor...it was well written and entertaining...if not COMPLETELY logical and/or objective. (Something most folx can't say about my stuff.)
010804
...
Dafremen A Darker Shade of Me by Roger Dafremen

It occurred to me
As I tried to pull myself together
That perhaps I'm better off this way
A pile of jumbled pieces
With a thousand tears
Sincere regrets
To ward the next away
Just stay away.

In a bitter wrestle match
With all I am against all I was
Looks like I'm losing
(Hey now there's a big surprise).
Then with my eyes still open wide push you away
Just stay away...so far away...throw you away.

So much farther than I want to
So much harder than I want to
So much colder than I want to...be
Slips into a darker shade of me.

It occurs to me
As I look into behind your eyes
That perhaps I'm better off this way
Behind this wall that keeps me in to keep you out
With a thousand lonely tears
To wash sincere regrets away
Wish you away
Just stay away.
010807
...
Dafremen Rerun from:
HAPPIEST_I'VE_BEEN_IN_A_WHILE

You woke me up for THIS? by Roger Dafremen

Harrassed into pulling myself out of bed
With a head full of blur, eyelids full of lead
Slap my feet down on the cold hard floor
I awakened to more than I was waiting for

Comes creeping in, straight seeping in
The muffled din of the past again
Last night, ALL night blazed away
As I raced the day, did it all my way

Now stopped cuz I'm smacking down regret again
I did it yet again, that's what I get again
Evening's entertainment left me unentertained
With nothing to gain cept maybe rotting my brain

The emptiness looks like it's here to stay
Cuz though I party and play, it doesn't go away
Another goddamned drag to drag around inside
With my pounding head and the pain I hide

The pain of living, Dad sez I better hide it good
Try to be a man and take it like I should
Well it's hidden Dad, I hid it good and deep
But it hurts so bad unless I party and sleep

Then it stops for awhile, and I feel numb instead
Almost HAPPY instead, 'til I'm harrassed out of bed.
010808
...
Dafremen Rerun from: SILENTBOB_FREEWRITE

Sorry I'm so late getting here, but traffic was a bitch.

Normal DOES have a definition. It is a fairly simple, fairly consistent definition that can take forever to find if you're not looking for it because you figure there IS no definition of normal.

Normal is:
Whatever is accepted as the standard expectation by the CURRENT LOCAL MAJORITY at any given time.

This means that:
A) What is normal can change depending upon where you are. Cowboy hats in Oklahoma, Air Jordans in Chicago. But it is STILL normal even if it's not the same.

B) Normal can change depending upon how many people there are. If it's just you and you don't think it's particularly unexpected or strange...then it's normal...til two or more people show up who think it's not.

C) Normal can change depending upon the time of day, or the time of year or the time in history. We NORMALLY eat breakfast in the morning. Eating oatmeal for dinner is NOT normal.(But recall, that if you're alone...f*ck em...it's normal.)

D) Normal can be dependent on any number of things, but the majority STILL decides what is normal and what is not. Why? Because the majority of the stupid is INVINCIBLE and guaranteed for all time. So majority rules. Sto0pid rulez...worse things have happened I'm sure and if you annoy the majority too much they just might happen again.

Normal can be good, normal can be bad, normal can be aggravating, normal can be comforting. Normal can be many things, but one thing it definitely is not..is without a definition.
010817
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Dafremen Rerun from: WHAT_PLANTS_WANT

So the missus and I are walking along and I sez to her I sez:

"Hey baby, you seem to understand plants like noone I've ever met before, it's absolutely phenomenal.I've always been able to understand people, objects and fictional characters, but I've never understood plants. What do plants want?"

She sez to me..she sez:

"Plants are like babies. They want food and warmth. Most of all they want to be noticed."

"Noticed? As in looked at?" I sez to her.

She sez right back, "Yea something like that. They want you to be around them and see them, but not to touch them, they don't like that. It makes them nervous."

Wow I thunk at the time, that's insane.

Then I starts looking at all of the plants and for the first time I GETS 'em. Most of the 'lil squirts didn't have long to live before winter, and all they wants is to be noticed. Wow. I spends the rest of the walk with the missus squintin' REAL hard soze as to notice all of the little plants. I figgerd HEY...if I can make a little plant's life worthwhile and it's no skin off my tookus, what the hey!

So I sez to the missus:

"You know what baby? You are absolutely the most beautiful creature on the planet and I love you." then I gives her a big hug and goes back to squintin'...cuz that's what plants want.

Should be a warm winter.
010824
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Dafremen Hey there wonder why
You make me laugh
You make me cry
With your cold feet
And your silly way of making me numb

Hey there gotta know
Is there a reason
That you gotta go?
I'm all alone
And I thought we could get out of the cold...you know?

Take a short trip to anywhere
You get the coffee
I'll pay the fare
And we'll talk about
All the things we never thought we'd get out.

Then when they're closing up
When your toes are warm
You've drained your cup
And I've drained mine
Time has finally come for lonely folx to be off to bed.

We give our hugs say our goodbyes
I look into
Your lovely eyes
And I want to tell you something
But the things I say just get in the way...you know?

Hey there wonder why
As you turn to leave
I start to cry
Cuz I know I'm all alone
And I know that soon your feet will be cold.
010914
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Dafremen Green Leaves Fall R.Dafremen

With the fall of leaves,it seems
Comes the end of times for some
The end of summer for others
The end of innocence for us all.

The cold winds blow
Crisp leaves drop earthward
Their fallen remains mask the frantic pounding of fearful hearts
In the end, broken leaves and fearful hearts remain.

Returning from the beaches
Emerging from the bunkers
Thrown into mass hysteria
Awakened from our slumber

With the fall of leaves and dreams
The smell of burning fills the air
Strangles the air with the burning screams of 6,000 some-odd dying dreams
The desperate screams of leaves, about to fall.

Cold burning-stone sky falls
The screams drop earthward, our hearts in tow
As the dust settles, the fear settles and the cold chill hits
The reality hits, that we know all too well what must come:

The fall's end signals the start of winter
Whose rule is marked by the uncertainty of living, by want and by suffering
A time when the best prepared survive, the weak and foolish perish
It is a time after the leaves have fallen..when the cold winds blow.
011004
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Dafremen The folx that give you anything that you want don't really love you, they just want you to love them. 011004
...
Dafremen Ravaged Land, Ravaged Dreams -R.Dafremen

What to? To be born of a ragged people in a ravaged land?
Five years old, with your father's blood on your face and a decision on your hands
That no five year old should have to make: hate or fear?

To what? To be raised to defend the wholesale slaughter and subjugation of your mothers and sisters?
To see them, forced to cower like curs in the streets, constantly waiting and watching for the hand of power to lash out and take more?
Then to BE that hand, to feel no compassion, no remorse as they are struck down, having lost your mind and your soul in exchange for social respectability?

For what? To exist in such a place as this?
To be raised, a warring generation, with nowhere to run, nowhere to go, nothing else to be but THIS?
To know only one dream amongst the countless daily nightmares? Only one wish falls from the common lips of the masses here.

What for? For another wish that won't come true?
One more dream to frustrate and tantalize? One more..
Star light, star bright
First star I see tonight
I wish I may, I wish I might
Have the wish I wish tonight:

Let me survive the coming day or take me before I have to face it.

-
011008
...
Dafremen see SACRIFICIAL_LAMB 011021
...
kelli crane what's cookin' good-lookin'? 020113
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Dafremen Not much Chuckles the wonder bunny...howz trix? I'm glad you decided to pop in and stay high...oops...I mean say hi! You figure me out yet? I'm a pretty simple character really, but there's a trick to it dontcha know? I ain't telling though, that would be too easy and there's a show going on in our heads to think about. 020615
...
urban geography Once I had a girlfriend, she just loved green onions. Every time I saw her she'd run and hide. 021111
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Dafremen Perhaps she hadn´t had time to brush her teeth yet? Sounds like an interesting gal anyhow. 021111
...
krimilda I'll be reading slowly... I'll be slowly getting to know you and maybe one of these days you'll see something like:
"Roger Dafreman by Krimilda"

In the meantime, you know where to find me.
021111
...
Dafremen : )
Hopefully you'll spell my name right when that day comes. Heheh
021112
...
krimilda :P 021112
...
Gk There is a celestial war going on. We pale the comparisons of its strength and power. Anything one side can do to thwart the other and dupe or procure a human being will be done and has been done. All balences between atrocity and grace are paramount. Thus the world today and the obvious apathy and aversions taking place are accute. Quickened. Understood. One would be well advised to make a decision. The vehicle of life is only a decision. Good or Evil. Each one has a representative. 030815
...
oldephebe yep 030815
...
misstree but who decides where the line between the two is drawn? 030815
...
shoccolo ok then...

hello roger. nice to meet you.
030815
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oldephebe Daf haven't finished reading this blathe yet, but once again I gotta say nicely done - well that's kind of bland but you know the male ego-don't wanna sound gushing or fawning towards another male or peer figure, or whatever
Scrabble scrabble who wants to babble? I do!! I do!!

Daf How's your book coming along?
Gotta say I'm really impressed with the range of your cognitive reach. Depth and breadth and all that. Good stuff.

And mistree as usual interposes an interesting dilineation, and ah caution against absolutes and request for clarity and or qualification of that eloquently, if not ominously posed assertion - again unfortunately my legal writing has crept into my blather
sorry

later
...
030815
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oldephebe gotta say though i am anti-gun

and no not interested in making the same staid arguments or any of that, just making a simple declaration

I don't agree with everything you write but I don't mind being jostled by opinions I don't share if thier put down intelligently

OK that's enough...
030815
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Nukemall I've met roger dafremen and feel that he can be that father figure I've been looking for. Bong a bing for me. 031009
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Dafremen We will meet then, on the field of celestial battle. I will choose unity and brotherhood. What then is it then that the side opposite that of myself and my brothers has to offer? 031010
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Dafremen By the way phebe, Db...I was wrong...you are right.

There is a better way!!

I live by my decision to defend the 2nd Amendment. I have reversed my stance on guns as a deterrant however. I believe that we can take this back without them. Soldiers and policemen have family members too. Once they have joined us, the pressure will be all around the system's enforcers as well.

Eventually they will join us on our way back to sanity and freedom.

We must simply remember og_mandino and his words:

"I will practice patience, for nature does not respond to pressure.."
031011
what's it to you?
who go
blather
from